Nobody is perfect. Don't expect them to be.

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    Jun 29, 2012 1:44 AM GMT
    Something that really irks me is how many people wonder how relationships don't work or how they can never find "Prince Charming." Well, I'm certainly no expert, but I would like to share my opinion and speak my peace.

    There is always something wrong with someone when it comes to dating.. It may be they are too tall, too short, too fat, too skinny, not dark enough, too dark, doesn't like this, doesn't like that, ect, ect. It seems like most people have this idea formed in their mind of how their significant other is supposed to behave without actually remembering that the other person is an actual human being with feelings and emotions. It all comes down to statements like this "I really like this guy but ___ is wrong with him."

    After that it seems people have their sights set on picking every single negative aspect of the person they're dating. They feel it doesn't work out because of the others shortcomings. Seriously, how shallow can you be? Open up your eyes and realize what you're doing to people when you are constantly set on the negative and never looking at the positive.

    I'm not asking you to step out of your comfort zone or find a different type of person to be attracted to, but I am saying to give people a chance and realize we all have our shortcomings and things people won't like. You will never find Prince Charming, the "perfect man", or anyone who is going to completely meet your expectations. Nobody is perfect. Don't expect them to be.

    So instead of thinking "I really like this guy but ___ is wrong with him."
    think
    "I don't really like ___ but I do like ___ about him."

    Life is perspective. Perspective is everything.
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    Jun 29, 2012 1:48 AM GMT
    Josh1992 said Nobody is perfect. Don't expect them to be.

    pearlclutching.jpg
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    Jun 29, 2012 1:50 AM GMT
    Caslon19000 said
    Josh1992 said Nobody is perfect. Don't expect them to be.

    pearlclutching.jpg


    Except Caslon. What was I thinking? icon_lol.gif
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    Jun 29, 2012 1:55 AM GMT
    Josh1992 said
    Caslon19000 said
    Josh1992 said Nobody is perfect. Don't expect them to be.

    pearlclutching.jpg


    Except Caslon. What was I thinking? icon_lol.gif

    That's better.
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    Jun 29, 2012 2:00 AM GMT
    Yap.
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    Jun 29, 2012 2:05 AM GMT
    And fixed! Thanks SkinnyBeeyatch icon_lol.gif
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    Jun 29, 2012 2:29 AM GMT
    I would have to agree. We mostly look at their one physical or emotional shortcoming and manage to dismiss the rest of their great attributes. I had already come to the conclusion that I needed to be more open when it came to relationships. Life will never be perfect, it just wasn't made to be that way!
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    Jun 29, 2012 3:01 AM GMT
    So freak's adorable...just want to hug the stuffing out of you.

    Never change; don't let time and experience change that wonderful perspective you have.

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    Jun 29, 2012 3:30 AM GMT
    world24 saidI would have to agree. We mostly look at their one physical or emotional shortcoming and manage to dismiss the rest of their great attributes. I had already come to the conclusion that I needed to be more open when it came to relationships. Life will never be perfect, it just wasn't made to be that way!


    Exactly! Thanks for understanding, man!

    dustin_K_tx saidSo freak's adorable...just want to hug the stuffing out of you.

    Never change; don't let time and experience change that wonderful perspective you have.



    Aww thanks, Dustin icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 29, 2012 3:35 AM GMT
    Josh1992 said


    dustin_K_tx saidSo freak's adorable...just want to hug the stuffing out of you.

    Never change; don't let time and experience change that wonderful perspective you have.

    Aww thanks, Dustin icon_biggrin.gif


    You're welcome McLoven
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    Jun 29, 2012 3:54 AM GMT
    Wise words Josh. I know this is true and try my best to not count guys out too quick, but it's a process. Luckily for me, I'm still playing the field so I'm not really ready to settle down, but when I do I hope he won't be perfect, just perect for me....icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 29, 2012 4:02 AM GMT
    Josh1992 saidNobody is perfect. Don't expect them to be.
    You are a wise man. It's about time to realize I'm perfect.

    Ya see, the majority of people who've known me have always called me a nobody, but I've always purported to be perfect. You have just substantiated my claim. Thank you. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 29, 2012 4:09 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Josh1992 saidNobody is perfect. Don't expect them to be.
    You are a wise man. It's about time to realize I'm perfect.

    Ya see, the majority of people who've known me have always called me a nobody, but I've always purported to be perfect. You have just substantiated my claim. Thank you. icon_biggrin.gif


    Well you must have missed the really, really, small print. Is said nobody is perfect except Paulflexes and Caslon. My mistake again.
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    Jun 29, 2012 4:13 AM GMT
    Josh1992 said
    paulflexes said
    Josh1992 saidNobody is perfect. Don't expect them to be.
    You are a wise man. It's about time to realize I'm perfect.

    Ya see, the majority of people who've known me have always called me a nobody, but I've always purported to be perfect. You have just substantiated my claim. Thank you. icon_biggrin.gif


    Well you must have missed the really, really, small print. Is said nobody is perfect except Paulflexes and Caslon. My mistake again.
    This means I'm not really perfect and your small print is a lie.

    Where is my cake?
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    Jun 29, 2012 6:00 AM GMT
    There's a flip side to this and that is ignoring serious problems. Many people accept imperfections even past the point of no return. You have to find a balance and it can be tough. Nobody is perfect, true, but at what point is it just not working?

    I do agree though, that many people give up on a guy waaaaaay too easily. You're right that there's something to be said for *really* trying to make it work despite each others flaws. It irks me too when people give in over the minor stuff on their Perfect Guy list.
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    Jun 29, 2012 1:51 PM GMT
    Amen. Unfortunately a lot of people will realize this too late and some never.
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    Jun 29, 2012 2:01 PM GMT

    Well, it's been said some of the most successful and happy relationships are when two people have compatible dysfunctions.

    Unfortunately I can't remember where I read that.

    ...and there's this:



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    Jun 29, 2012 7:14 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Well, it's been said some of the most successful and happy relationships are when two people have compatible dysfunctions.

    Unfortunately I can't remember where I read that.


    That's a really healthy way to look at it, please do tell if you remember.

    And it really sucks and goes downhill fast when your mutual dysfunctions are incompatible, and worsen each other's worst traits.
  • jim_sf

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    Jun 29, 2012 8:00 PM GMT
    Dan Savage often talks about imperfections as the "price of admission" for a relationship. I don't often see movies in the theater any more, but when I do, it's because I've decided that whatever is playing is worth the money I'd spend on its ticket. Similarly, when I'm in a relationship with somebody, it's because I've decided that the good things they bring to my life are well worth the not-so-good things they bring to my life.

    Another nice thing about that metaphor is that it reminds me to consider the whole, instead of just details. I can think of plenty of movies that I'd see again and again in the theater, but which could have found a better actor for a particular role, or which could have handled a particular scene better, or whatever. Similarly, I can think of plenty of guys who I'd call "catch" even though they might not have the hottest body, or the highest-paying job, or whatever.

    Finally, I have to make myself worth my own "price of admission" for someone else. I know my housekeeping habits leave a lot to be desired, for example, but I have to be my best so that a future boyfriend thinks I'm worth the occasional messy bedroom.
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    Jun 29, 2012 8:00 PM GMT
    No Price Charming? I'll just go shoot myself now.
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    Jun 29, 2012 8:25 PM GMT
    I see the OP was also reading the "Does his living city turn you off?" thread.

    What you say is true, but it is a balancing act. There are certain reasonable conditions that you should be asking for in a relationship - that 'price of admission' as said above.

    I think I've found a few helpful tricks to keep me grounded during the dating process, based on not paying attention to these features and suffering the consequences in the past.

    I first have learned that it is exceptionally hard to not be lead by emotion in dating, so I like to set out a certain baseline for whom I want to meet. Those criteria, for me, are that I find him attractive enough to be on the date in the first place, that I enjoy our conversation, that he have a career that financially sustains him, that he is polite/treats service people well, and that he displays some flexibility for differences of interests. I always like to go on more than one date because we all have our off days, and to keep excess physicality out of the picture.

    When a temporary shadow of doubt passes my mind on some thing I didn't like, I tend to review it in the context of those criteria, and usually dismiss it as not being important.
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    Jun 29, 2012 8:32 PM GMT
    Amen. The trick is to find someone whose imperfections mesh with yours ;)
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    Jun 29, 2012 8:39 PM GMT
    Thats was well said josh, literally this early morning after going and dancing, i ended up going to a diner and all i could hear was OMG that guy is ugly and this and that, i was saddened by that that thought, its like degrading someone else to make yourself feel better, so i turned around and managed to tell them off about it, just because you're not into someone or there is no chemistry, there is no need for name calling, we're all human in our unique ways, the world can be a better place if we didn't treat each other shitty and i managed to say all that whilst tipsy, i left the diner and had tears all the way home. Very sad!!

    But thanks josh for writing this!
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    Jun 29, 2012 8:40 PM GMT
    CrankySpice said
    principal0 saidI see the OP was also reading the "Does his living city turn you off?" thread.

    What you say is true, but it is a balancing act. There are certain reasonable conditions that you should be asking for in a relationship - that 'price of admission' as said above.

    I think I've found a few helpful tricks to keep me grounded during the dating process, based on not paying attention to these features and suffering the consequences in the past.

    I first have learned that it is exceptionally hard to not be lead by emotion in dating, so I like to set out a certain baseline for whom I want to meet. Those criteria, for me, are that I find him attractive enough to be on the date in the first place, that I enjoy our conversation, that he have a career that financially sustains him, that he is polite/treats service people well, and that he displays some flexibility for differences of interests. I always like to go on more than one date because we all have our off days, and to keep excess physicality out of the picture.

    When a temporary shadow of doubt passes my mind on some thing I didn't like, I tend to review it in the context of those criteria, and usually dismiss it as not being important.

    Then you are going to find, if not Mr. Right, then Mr. Right Enough.
    Very sensible.


    Thank you. I feel like one day I am going to write a book called "The Corporate Finance Guide to Dating".
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    Jun 29, 2012 8:44 PM GMT
    Josh - thanks for always contributing interesting and insightful things to the threads. As has been mentioned by others, you are truly wise beyond your years.