Straight Guy: I had a gay brother...

  • Zoichtel

    Posts: 4

    Jun 29, 2012 6:51 PM GMT
    Gender: Male
    Sexuality: Heterosexual


    I once had a little brother (there was a 3 year gap between us) who I was very closed to. Problem was I was extremely ignorant and homophobic. When my little brother came out to me when he was 14 years old; our relationship suffered and our bond had broken. I said some of the nastiest things and most homophobic things I could think of during that time frame but I genuinely still loved him. I was scared for him and didn’t understand homosexuality.

    When he turned 16 years old he went missing, long story short he became a victim of a homicide crime. I lost the most precious gift god has given me…a brother. I never got to say goodbye or repair our bond and I became extremely violent; unresponsive and was forced into therapy. I am 21 years old now and I’m still struggling to move on with life without looking back at my brother’s tragedy. I want to give back to the Gay community in his memory but I don’t even know how to give back or if I should even attempt to; I don’t know what I can do to rest his memory in peace?
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    Jun 29, 2012 7:23 PM GMT
    you just did.............
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    Jun 29, 2012 7:47 PM GMT
    Zoichtel saidGender: Male
    Sexuality: Heterosexual


    I once had a little brother (there was a 3 year gap between us) who I was very closed to. Problem was I was extremely ignorant and homophobic. When my little brother came out to me when he was 14 years old; our relationship suffered and our bond had broken. I said some of the nastiest things and most homophobic things I could think of during that time frame but I genuinely still loved him. I was scared for him and didn’t understand homosexuality.

    When he turned 16 years old he went missing, long story short he became a victim of a homicide crime. I lost the most precious gift god has given me…a brother. I never got to say goodbye or repair our bond and I became extremely violent; unresponsive and was forced into therapy. I am 21 years old now and I’m still struggling to move on with life without looking back at my brother’s tragedy. I want to give back to the Gay community in his memory but I don’t even know how to give back or if I should even attempt to; I don’t know what I can do to rest his memory in peace?


    Motivation, dedication, and trust are probably basics for honoring your late brother's memory.
    Contacting the LGBT Center (208 W. 13th Street, Manhattan) about their youth program is probably what you seem to be looking for.
    http://www.gaycenter.org/youth

    BTW, Why do you write here that you're 21, and on your RJ profile, opened today, you're 19?
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    Jun 29, 2012 7:50 PM GMT
    do something for him....
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    Jun 29, 2012 7:50 PM GMT
    BuddyinNYC said
    Zoichtel saidGender: Male
    Sexuality: Heterosexual


    I once had a little brother (there was a 3 year gap between us) who I was very closed to. Problem was I was extremely ignorant and homophobic. When my little brother came out to me when he was 14 years old; our relationship suffered and our bond had broken. I said some of the nastiest things and most homophobic things I could think of during that time frame but I genuinely still loved him. I was scared for him and didn’t understand homosexuality.

    When he turned 16 years old he went missing, long story short he became a victim of a homicide crime. I lost the most precious gift god has given me…a brother. I never got to say goodbye or repair our bond and I became extremely violent; unresponsive and was forced into therapy. I am 21 years old now and I’m still struggling to move on with life without looking back at my brother’s tragedy. I want to give back to the Gay community in his memory but I don’t even know how to give back or if I should even attempt to; I don’t know what I can do to rest his memory in peace?


    Motivation, dedication, and trust are probably basics for honoring your late brother's memory.
    Contacting the LGBT Center about their youth program is probably what you seem to be looking for.
    http://www.gaycenter.org/youth

    BTW, Why do you write here that you're 21, and on your RJ profile, opened today, you're 19?


    He prob. wanted to be very discreet or something



    I am sure your brother sees the redemption in you and forgives you btw!
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Jun 29, 2012 7:53 PM GMT
    Shouldn't have been such an ignorant homophobe.

    Now, he's dead and u want to change ur ways? Oh, how very noble of you.
  • Zoichtel

    Posts: 4

    Jun 29, 2012 7:54 PM GMT
    BuddyinNYC said
    Zoichtel saidGender: Male
    Sexuality: Heterosexual


    I once had a little brother (there was a 3 year gap between us) who I was very closed to. Problem was I was extremely ignorant and homophobic. When my little brother came out to me when he was 14 years old; our relationship suffered and our bond had broken. I said some of the nastiest things and most homophobic things I could think of during that time frame but I genuinely still loved him. I was scared for him and didn’t understand homosexuality.

    When he turned 16 years old he went missing, long story short he became a victim of a homicide crime. I lost the most precious gift god has given me…a brother. I never got to say goodbye or repair our bond and I became extremely violent; unresponsive and was forced into therapy. I am 21 years old now and I’m still struggling to move on with life without looking back at my brother’s tragedy. I want to give back to the Gay community in his memory but I don’t even know how to give back or if I should even attempt to; I don’t know what I can do to rest his memory in peace?


    Motivation, dedication, and trust are probably basics for honoring your late brother's memory.
    Contacting the LGBT Center (208 W. 13th Street, Manhattan) about their youth program is probably what you seem to be looking for.
    http://www.gaycenter.org/youth

    BTW, Why do you write here that you're 21, and on your RJ profile, opened today, you're 19?


    I am 21, I was just in a rush to make this profile but thank you so much for your suggestion, this is something I will definitively look into.
  • Zoichtel

    Posts: 4

    Jun 29, 2012 7:55 PM GMT
    Import saidShouldn't have been such an ignorant homophobe.

    Now, he's dead and u want to change ur ways? Oh, how very noble of you.


    Yes I was ignorant and now he's gone and I'll never get the chance to apologize to him. Thanks for the moral support bra.
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    Jun 29, 2012 8:09 PM GMT
    Import saidShouldn't have been such an ignorant homophobe.

    Now, he's dead and u want to change ur ways? Oh, how very noble of you.


    It's never too late for someone to change his/her ways of thinking..
    If I died I wouldn't want a family member to think "he got what he deserved"

    The way I see it is you're reaction now is no better than his reaction back then..
    That's ignorance too..
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Jun 29, 2012 8:20 PM GMT
    HawkEyez said
    Import saidShouldn't have been such an ignorant homophobe.

    Now, he's dead and u want to change ur ways? Oh, how very noble of you.


    It's never too late for someone to change his/her ways of thinking..
    If I died I wouldn't want a family member to think "he got what he deserved"

    The way I see it is you're reaction now is no better than his reaction back then..
    That's ignorance too..


    Oh well.
    I honestly feel sorry for his little bro....and that the older bro is such a numb skull that it took a death for him to realize he's wrong. sorry, but im a little upset that the OP joins this site just to be all "yeah, i made a boo boo now he's dead and I wanna help" .....that's good and all, but his bro could have used his help while he was struggling with this as a teenager....

  • Zoichtel

    Posts: 4

    Jun 29, 2012 8:41 PM GMT
    @Import: I never asked for sympathy all I asked for where suggestions of how I could help the LGBT community in his memory.
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    Jun 29, 2012 8:43 PM GMT
    In Jewish tradition, the Bar Mitzvah at the age of 13 is said to be when we become an adult because by then our parents and life had opportunity to teach us right from wrong; and so when a Jewish child is declared a man, it doesn't mean that he's not going to still fuck up. It doesn't mean that he's going to only act responsibly. And that is not expected because that is not real. All it means is that his parents are no longer responsible for when he fails to recognize spiritual right from wrong.

    The Bar Mitzvah is when we become responsible for knowing right from wrong all on our own without anyone else having to tell us. It doesn't mean we only do right. It means we know when we do wrong and then we take action to correct that.

    We still screw up but we own up. There is no way to do this life right the first time around. That is not what life is about. Everybody fucks up. Life is about learning and growing from mistakes and from the corrections of our misconceptions, from our trespasses upon others and from upon our own selves.

    My older brother was a son of a btch growing up. He was great to his friends, so I knew he had it in him, but terrible to me and my friends and our family. Even as adults, at my mother's funeral, friends of mine told me they were afraid to go to my brother to offer him condolence,remembering how awful he had been to them 30 years prior. He was that bad, the impression that indelible.

    He's a really good guy today. He made a conscious effort to be a better person and it worked. He even has trouble seeing himself as the douchebag he used to be, so sometimes for appropriately placed grins, I remind him.

    Okay, you're not going to have that. All your reprieve will have to come from within you. As a little brother who was treated like shit by his big brother, I certainly offer you, based upon what you have shared here and for whatever it is worth, my figurative blessings that you might become the wonderful person you know you can be.

    There is another Jewish tradition. It is the performing, the fulfilling of a Mitzvah, an act of human kindness. And so you live your life as a Mitzvah, not just for your little brother. You do it for you. And it doesn't have to be every day. And you're still going to fuck up. Just be as kind to others as they allow you to be, be as kind to yourself as you would be now to your little brother. Give yourself some time. Peace man.
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    Jun 29, 2012 8:44 PM GMT
    As a bonafied homosexual, I can recall the days of the dark ages just like yesterday. Sweet child, those days were when even full blown homosexuals would turn their back against their brothers, let alone the half-brothers and breeders. We were all deemed to be unacceptable by society and I lost many mates through the GAY plague. It seems nowadays everyone wants to fit under the gay umbrella, even the bonafied HETEROsexuals. This is a sad time indeed, not because I look down upon the hetero lifestyle but because I want the work of the Gold Card Gays to remain separate and private from meddling heterosexuals
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    Jun 29, 2012 8:51 PM GMT
    Zoichtel saidI don’t know what I can do to rest his memory in peace?

    There are many things you can do in NYC. I am personal friends with the VP for Development (donations) of a major LGBT charity in NYC that includes HIV/AIDS assistance. Contact me directly via RJ e-mail, I can get you in touch with him.

    You can volunteer, you can contribute money, you can establish a memorial fund in his name, if you have the resources. Or if you prefer, you can do the same in other parts of the US. Outside of NYC I only know south Florida, from Orlando to Key West. Please let me know. Bob
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    Jun 29, 2012 9:00 PM GMT
    Zoichtel said@Import: I never asked for sympathy all I asked for where suggestions of how I could help the LGBT community in his memory.
    You get your ass out there and FIGHT homophobia and ignorance. And you dont stop until you are 6 feet under..

    Understood?icon_wink.gif