What is intimacy for you??

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    Aug 02, 2008 4:42 AM GMT
    I read a post asking if you had to chose between love and sex in a relationship which would you chose?

    One of the replies said: "Sex is great, but I don't necessarily need a partner to satisfy that drive ;-) That being said, I can handle the sex being less than perfect, as long as the "intimacy" is still there. Without intimacy, you may as well be single."

    Wikipedia defines it as: Intimacy is both the ability and the choice to be close, loving, and vulnerable. Intimacy requires identity development. You have to know yourself and your inner self in order to share your self with another. Knowing yourself makes it possible to stand for yourself in an intimate relationship without taking over the other or losing yourself to the other. This ability to be separate and together in an intimate relationship and being okay with that is called self-differentiation. Lacking the ability to differentiate one self from the other is a form of symbiosis. This too is different from intimacy though to some that kind of dependent closeness may feel the same.

    To me intimacy can be holding hands, holding each other, definitely kissing, or even riding bikes and etc. together. But to me all of this leads to the ultimate intimacy which is making love to my partner...
    I would have a hard time feeling intimacy if I did not make love to my husband or if there was a problem in that area.

    What is intimacy for you??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 02, 2008 6:53 AM GMT
    For me, intimacy in a relationship involves any act, or form of expression, or emotional intensity that's beyond what I give to friends.

    It's where the love chemicals take me. icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 02, 2008 9:02 AM GMT
    For me intimacy is just kind of like it sounds:

    Into me you see.

    Intimacy is allowing your partner to see you, know you, and share all of you with that person, it encompasses all aspects.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Aug 02, 2008 9:40 AM GMT
    intimacy to me is tearing down walls and letting someone in to see the real you, flaws and all.
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    Aug 02, 2008 9:48 AM GMT
    The ideal form of intimacy is lowering your defenses, putting down all your weapons, taking off your mask and not holding anything back.
    If it is present in a relationship, you will feel it in any and all of your interactions with your significant other, no matter how trivial.
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    Aug 02, 2008 11:18 AM GMT
    This is a very interesting question and difficult to define. Intimacy comes in several shades. We have intimate conversation, sexual intimacy and many other forms of Intimacy. I interpret the word to merely mean you are reveling a private part of yourself. If you move in with a lover it will be hard not to be intimate.

    I am peculiar about one thing. I find anal sex to be far to intimate for me to have with someone I have just met. I have few hangups about vanilla sex with a stranger but I somehow feel like I have to be seeing someone regularly and have a strong connection to try anal.

    I feel intimacy and go hand in hand. I can have great sex with someone but if no emotional intimacy develops the sex will get old and tired. On the other hand if the sex starts out boring I can develop an intimate friendship but would find it hard to develop a romantic intimacy. I expect with some people boring sex becomes hot once a romantic intimacy blossoms. I have not been so fortunate in my similar experiences. Granted if you have been with someone for a very long time it is quite normal that the sex becomes a bit routine but at that point I would expect the intimacy you have developed would not be easily recreated with a stranger.
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    Aug 02, 2008 2:20 PM GMT
    Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, and trusting them not to.

    (^favorite quote of mine^).. To me, intimacy is saying all those really cheesy things to each other, and even though you know they sound kind of funny, you don't laugh, cause you mean it. icon_razz.gif
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    Aug 02, 2008 2:48 PM GMT
    Intimacy is "into me see," when someone can see through you, someone you feel comfortable showing all your insides to. This has all of it the good the bad the embarassing and the not so attractive parts of you. I think it comes in time but there is nothing more powerful than having that kind of trust in someone and its the most enjoyable part of a relationship for me. Hence why Im more of an LTR kind fo guy now.
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    Aug 02, 2008 3:37 PM GMT
    KentuckyTuss said Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, and trusting them not to.


    Oooooh, I just love this. icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 02, 2008 8:19 PM GMT
    In my opinion, intimacy can occur in different kinds of relationships: family, friends, boyfriends, pets. I think they all include being more yourself (which has multiple layers: physically, mentally, emotionally).

    The part in the Wiki definition that made me choke was where it said, "you have to know yourself, and your inner self, to . . ."

    In my perspective, knowing oneself, and any other selves in or within oneself, is a difficult to achieve goal. For example, do you know the "self" that's there during the third of your life you're asleep? Do you know the levels of your "self" that impact your conscious experience? Do you know how much of your conscious experience is conditioned?

    Other than that, the other stuff in the wiki definition looks fine.

    Charlie
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    Aug 02, 2008 9:03 PM GMT

    Intimacy is that certain knowledge of deep physical, mental, spiritual, romantic connection that exists even when we are ten thousand miles apart, and haven't seen each other for a month.

    It is VERY SCARY, even TERRIFYING.

    True intimacy involves the ultimate sacrifice, ultimate trust in the other person. Opening yourself up totally to the other person. It is something I have to work at, because trust does not come easily to me.

    I find myself more nakedly open to my partner than I have ever been with anyone else in my life, ever. Why? Because I know this is the real thing. This is my shot at happiness. I do not want to blow this one the way I have blown relationships in the past.

  • TallGWMvballe...

    Posts: 1925

    Aug 02, 2008 11:41 PM GMT
    WOW to ALL of you!

    I agree with Wikipedia and all that have posted.... intimacy is the single most important part of a relationship after you establish physical and emotional attraction.

    I have just dumped someone after 6 months because of a lack of intimacy.... I knew it was over when in his own words he said, "Sorry but I am not a romantic guy"
    BTW, the sex was always great!.... but when there is little or no love on from both sides there is no intimacy and no romance.
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    Aug 03, 2008 12:31 AM GMT
    ITJock said
    Intimacy is that certain knowledge of deep physical, mental, spiritual, romantic connection that exists even when we are ten thousand miles apart, and haven't seen each other for a month.

    It is VERY SCARY, even TERRIFYING.

    True intimacy involves the ultimate sacrifice, ultimate trust in the other person. Opening yourself up totally to the other person. It is something I have to work at, because trust does not come easily to me.

    I find myself more nakedly open to my partner than I have ever been with anyone else in my life, ever. Why? Because I know this is the real thing. This is my shot at happiness. I do not want to blow this one the way I have blown relationships in the past.



    hey man, your not alone...I feel the exact same way with my partner. I have worked at this relationship more than I ever have with any other because of how special he is to me, but I get scared as hell sometimes because of the vulnerability also.
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    Aug 03, 2008 1:55 AM GMT
    My opinion:
    I think that the aspects of being open and honest and completely vulnerable (emotionally, as well as physically, and spiritually if your so inclined) are required to achieve intimacy but that doesn't constitute intimacy. It's like infatuation and love.
    Intimacy happens when both are fully open and honest and vulnerable at the same time. At the same time is crucial here. Otherwise you can leave yourself open to being 'kicked while your down.' This had once happened to me and I ended the relationship. Once it was over, the attempt was made to 'kick me while I was down' again, and since I was clearly not in an state where I was open and vulnerable to this individual, it was totally ineffective. What's almost ironic here, is that it was my ex-husband who I'd been angry with for a long time that was the greatest help (however unknowingly) in supporting me so that the individual in question was powerless to hurt me.

    Now, I do feel that I can be in a truly intimate relationship again at some point. I learned much about myself in this.

    I don't mean to make intimacy sound clinical, it's just that I think it's a state that's reached between two people. It cannot be a one sided thing.

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    Aug 03, 2008 2:53 AM GMT
    I'm liking the Wikipedia definition. Wiki explains it just the way I see it. I need intimacy to have sex with someone. I find it difficult to even get aroused by someone I don't feel intimate with. Pun coming...if a guy isn't able to open himself up to me, I cant open myself up for him. ;)

    I think finding intimacy in sex is risky. I've been hurt way to much by leaving it up to sex. Any man having a desire for me can be confused as intimacy, when in fact it's just a guy with a boner. This is a personal issue though, not a generalization. I just think intimacy is all about sharing one's self with another. Intimacy is only physical if someone is opening himself up to physical acts that he wouldn't have acted on before with another partner.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 03, 2008 11:50 AM GMT
    I LOVE INTIMACY!!!

    Photobucket
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    Aug 03, 2008 2:25 PM GMT
    Intimacy is when you see him at his ugliest and his most vulnerable moments and still love him with all your heart... and vice versa. icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 03, 2008 7:34 PM GMT
    Sedative saidIntimacy is when you see him at his ugliest and his most vulnerable moments and still love him with all your heart... and vice versa. icon_wink.gif

    I thought it was sharing the same bowl of queso dip.
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    Aug 04, 2008 4:32 PM GMT
    JustJohn said
    Sedative saidIntimacy is when you see him at his ugliest and his most vulnerable moments and still love him with all your heart... and vice versa. icon_wink.gif

    I thought it was sharing the same bowl of queso dip.


    Oh that's not intimacy. That's gossip. icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2008 4:53 PM GMT
    It is...

    All of the above as well as what YOU and your partner add/bring.

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    Aug 04, 2008 7:40 PM GMT
    I agree that it's all the above but also those moments when the conversation may fall silent and it's just you and him and there is this incredible level of comfort in that silence. Where you know nothing needs to be said. I call those forehead moments. Where your foreheads are pressed together and you are looking into each others eyes and not a word is spoken. There isn't much space between you but you just know.
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    Aug 05, 2008 11:54 PM GMT
    - Talking about your hopes, fears and dreams;
    - snuggling in front of the TV watching a movie;
    - giving him a back massage (which I do nearly daily);
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    Aug 06, 2008 5:22 AM GMT
    looknrnd saidI'm liking the Wikipedia definition. Wiki explains it just the way I see it. I need intimacy to have sex with someone. I find it difficult to even get aroused by someone I don't feel intimate with. Pun coming...if a guy isn't able to open himself up to me, I cant open myself up for him. ;)

    I think finding intimacy in sex is risky. I've been hurt way to much by leaving it up to sex. Any man having a desire for me can be confused as intimacy, when in fact it's just a guy with a boner. This is a personal issue though, not a generalization. I just think intimacy is all about sharing one's self with another. Intimacy is only physical if someone is opening himself up to physical acts that he wouldn't have acted on before with another partner.


    Very well said.
  • Nautical

    Posts: 204

    Aug 06, 2008 5:41 AM GMT



    I want this right here.
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    Aug 06, 2008 5:43 AM GMT
    Love always trumps sex! In my book, anyway.