if you're nice to people they just take advantage of you.

  • EricPrado

    Posts: 206

    Aug 02, 2008 5:02 AM GMT
    It seems like nowadays the only people you'll find are those greedy, selfish ones that we all dislike. Why are so many people mean? I've heard somewhere that it is because they are unhappy with themselves. I think we all deserve to be happy in our lives but if that means stepping over other people so that you could achieve your own happyness then... that's bull. Or maybe i'm just looking in all the wrong places? Either that or i'm just really bad at making friends... agh. Oh well, sometimes you just got to go at it alone in this life i guess...

    But i'm moving to Cali very soon so that's something to look forward to :]
    Anyone near the Sacramento area?
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Aug 02, 2008 5:08 AM GMT
    I take it there's a story behind this. Yep, lots of jerks out there, but never forget that there are more great people...they're just overshadowed by the idiots.
  • helium

    Posts: 378

    Aug 02, 2008 5:13 AM GMT
    I agree with you there Shawn... too many assholes out in the world that seem to suck the nice guys dry.
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    Aug 02, 2008 5:58 AM GMT
    Welcome to the world! jk

    Some people are just not happy with themselves. I don't worry about them. They have their own issues or demons or whatever.

    That does not stop me from being nice to everyone I meet. I always try to be nice to everyone, especially people I only meet once: cab drivers, waitresses, hotel bellmen, whoever. Mostly, it is a good experience for me and comes back.

    My dad always said to me, " you never know what that person is going through. Maybe their child is sick, or their spouse is sick, or they just lost a parent or just lost a job. They don't mean to be rude, but they are just not themselves. Cut them some slack" I took that to heart. I do that now. It takes allot for me to get upset with people.

    On here, I respond to forums and questions and whatever. Sometimes I get really harsh responses that attack me personally and not what I said or my position. I am OK with that. I do not know their personal situations and maybe I am wrong anyway. I also get lots of messages directly to me that say thank you for saying what you said. Either way, I am cool with it.

    I was just in a str8 bar on vacation with my sister. I was with a group of friends. A group of young str8 guys and gals started getting a bit over the line. Fag and gay jokes. The gals were cool, the guys not so much. So I started a conversation with them. Said, "Hey look, I am here dancing with friends, and I hear your comments, and you might not know it but I am gay, so if you want to discuss it I am happy too." My sister said, "Why would you even bother with those idiots?" I said, I do not need to talk to non-idiots, they are cool. These are exactly who I need to talk to. It went well. They apologized for the stupid remarks, and in the end we hung out for a while.

    It was just about education. A big buff masculine guy is gay? whoa. But maybe the little effeminate guy will not be hassled by them next time. Change the world one person at a time.
  • josephmovie

    Posts: 533

    Aug 02, 2008 10:52 AM GMT
    Sure, everyone gets done over from time to time and because you're young you haven't learnt how to spot the potential pricks. The one thing I would say don't keep going back for more. So many people seem to say they hate being done over but then can't seem to walk away.

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Aug 02, 2008 11:14 AM GMT
    Uh oh... sounds like someone's just got burned

    Yes ... there are a lot of jerks out there
    especially out in the gayworld
    But that doesn't mean that you don't keep trying
    there are alot of really awesome men out there too

    I see that you're only 20 Eric
    and this comes with experience... you have to build some defenses and boundaries that will protect you in these cases
    it sounds cynical but you can't go guns blazin' head long into any relationship without something more than a condom
    You have to protect yourself emotionally as well
    Like I said most of this will come with time and experience
    but some pointers

    ** Don't believe everything what people tell you
    ** Don't do things that go against your gut feelings
    ** No drugs or alcohol

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    Aug 02, 2008 4:32 PM GMT
    GQ is right in all he says and I cannot add to it!
  • UFJocknerd

    Posts: 392

    Aug 02, 2008 4:56 PM GMT
    It seems to me as though sometimes concern about things like this come from a place of "How can that guy do this to me (or my friend, or whatever)?" or "I'm trying to be a nice guy, so other people should treat me well in return."

    But, neither of those things are true, and people set themselves up to make themselves feel badly if they believe them. The answer to "How can (whoever) do something so mean?" is usually "pretty easily." And it doesn't follow that because you're nice other people will be nice back to you. It doesn't make a person an asshole if they treat someone poorly; it just means that they behaved in an asshole-ish way at that particular time to a particular person.
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    Aug 02, 2008 4:58 PM GMT
    GQjock saidUh oh... sounds like someone's just got burned

    Yes ... there are a lot of jerks out there
    especially out in the gayworld
    But that doesn't mean that you don't keep trying
    there are alot of really awesome men out there too

    I see that you're only 20 Eric
    and this comes with experience... you have to build some defenses and boundaries that will protect you in these cases
    it sounds cynical but you can't go guns blazin' head long into any relationship without something more than a condom
    You have to protect yourself emotionally as well
    Like I said most of this will come with time and experience
    but some pointers

    ** Don't believe everything what people tell you
    ** Don't do things that go against your gut feelings
    ** No drugs or alcohol



    Well, I'm much more optimistic but GQ is correct. I'm 23 and am still building those defenses. I was told recently, by a number of people, that age 25 is a very important point in someone's life. People seem to grow into who they are meant to be and have figured out how to navigate through all the trash to find the treasure. I hope it's true and I cant wait.
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    Aug 02, 2008 5:18 PM GMT
    EricPrado saidIt seems like nowadays the only people you'll find are those greedy, selfish ones that we all dislike. Why are so many people mean? I've heard somewhere that it is because they are unhappy with themselves. I think we all deserve to be happy in our lives but if that means stepping over other people so that you could achieve your own happyness then... that's bull. Or maybe i'm just looking in all the wrong places? Either that or i'm just really bad at making friends... agh. Oh well, sometimes you just got to go at it alone in this life i guess...

    But i'm moving to Cali very soon so that's something to look forward to :]
    Anyone near the Sacramento area?


    Sorry to hear about people being mean to you. I struggle with the same problem.

    I ain't no Mother Teresa. I get grouchy and pissed sometimes. But I sincerely believe the good Lord gave me a very strong "kindness gene"....something that has given me a lot of happiness in life but also makes me sad sometimes.

    Even at my age, I am still learnig that there are actually people out there who will lie, cheat and take the time to PLAN to be dishonest and vile.

    It leaves me feeling unprotected and vulnerable and often feeling stupid for being so trusting.

    My freinds say I have to develop a thicker skin. I don't know how to.

    I'm not a wimp....can kick anones ass and I can be the biggest self promoter on the planet...(it helps to have a killer body and smile).

    But GEEZ......sometimes I get burned.
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    Aug 02, 2008 5:26 PM GMT
    Excuse me, but in your profile you say this about yourself. Do you think you could have anything to do with whatever is going on with you? I suspect this is just a lot of self-inflicted drama of a 20 yo.

    EricPradoSome people say I’m mean til’ they talk to me and realize I’m just joking or only halfway serious. I have a wicked sense of humor and laugh at pretty much anything so don’t get offended if I say or do something to you as I’m probably just messing around. I can be really sharp and whitty but usually when I show this side of my personality I always get in trouble haha. I didn’t really grow up “being cute” or very popular either. I had bad hair, glasses, and to top it off braces. Which is why I [try] to treat everyone by the golden rule of life. I’m pretty easy going and I usually only get uptight when I’m stressed and even now, I don’t give into stress nearly as hard as anyone else. My friends say I complain a lot when I’m bored so usually I try to keep myself busy.
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    Aug 02, 2008 6:29 PM GMT
    There are jerks in life. Try coming out of the closet at 21 at 260 lbs with bad skin. Unfortunately it's the a holes that stand out, so rather than developing a cynical attitude try to remember the nice people who've come into your life. We've all been the "a hole" to someone in one way or another.
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    Aug 02, 2008 6:32 PM GMT
    Runninchlt saidThere are jerks in life. Try coming out of the closet at 21 at 260 lbs with bad skin. Unfortunately it's the a holes that stand out, so rather than developing a cynical attitude try to remember the nice people who've come into your life. We've all been the "a hole" to someone in one way or another.


    You know....what you say is very wise. I guess the aholes are the ones that stand out, but when I think about it, there are 10 good ones for each bad apple.

    Keeping things in perspective.
  • joeindallas

    Posts: 484

    Aug 06, 2008 6:58 PM GMT
    Karma will get these guys. Some day you will see them on TV doing the perp walk and you will have fulfilment
    YOGI JOEY
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    Aug 06, 2008 6:59 PM GMT
    Yes, most people are like that. What you have to do is find someone who isn't. Hard job, I know. But once you find those people who are real, you will never doubt them and can depend on them for anything. There are great people out there, you just have to weed out the many bad ones.
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    Aug 06, 2008 7:19 PM GMT
    ShawnTX saidI take it there's a story behind this. Yep, lots of jerks out there, but never forget that there are more great people...they're just overshadowed by the idiots.


    It perhaps has something to do with trauma/bad experiences and the imprint they leave on our brains.

    Do you find you remember the traumatic or life-endangering events of life more than the good times? The reason is it triggers our survival mechanisms. I think the same could be true of encountering jerks in our lives. We remember them a lot longer then all the decent people we encounter. Those who provide us small comforts or make our day a little brighter. Nice people don't threaten us so they do not leave a lasting imprint on our brains. Just a theory.
  • kinetic

    Posts: 1125

    Aug 06, 2008 7:40 PM GMT
    Triggerman said Change the world one person at a time.


    Words to live by!
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    Aug 06, 2008 7:47 PM GMT
    Hey, I always find this inspirational when I feel like everyone in the world sucks...



    The Paradoxical Commandments

    by Dr. Kent M. Keith

    1. People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.
    2. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.
    3. If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
    4. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
    5. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.
    6. The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.
    7. People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
    8. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
    9. People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.
    10. Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.

    Mother Teresa had another version (Do It Anyway) but this is version is credited to Kent M. Keith. What do you think?

    I'm moving to LA soon so I'll be semi close. Good luck with your move!!!
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    Aug 06, 2008 7:48 PM GMT
    Triggerman said Change the world one person at a time.


    By brainwashing! icon_biggrin.gif

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    Aug 06, 2008 8:06 PM GMT
    Sedative said
    Triggerman said Change the world one person at a time.


    By brainwashing! icon_biggrin.gif



    Sedative, you can brainwash me anyday!
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    Aug 06, 2008 8:11 PM GMT

    Hey mjime003,


    "The Paradoxical Commandments

    by Dr. Kent M. Keith"


    I read that guy's little book and was trying to remember it.

    Too cool.

    -Doug

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    Aug 06, 2008 8:16 PM GMT
    Whenever I am losing my faith in humanity, I read Viktor Frankl's book, Man's Search for Meaning: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man's_Search_for_Meaning.

    QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HERE"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."
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    Aug 06, 2008 8:53 PM GMT
    No, you can be nice to most people, but the key is to be in tune with the energy they give off/back (this includes actions, their vibe, what they want from you?your gut feelings, etc). Do they want something from you, are they really interested in getting know the real you and all your issues? (I not picking on you, we all have issues and likes that will repel or attract someone).

    If ever you sense an uneasiness or something not quite right, then be careful or avoid them. I feel so many poeple dont use their basic, biological instincts when encoutering or meeting people. Plus, a true friendship that you can really trust can take a long time to develope and people go through "friends" nowadays really quickly.
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    Aug 06, 2008 9:15 PM GMT
    hahaha, well meninlove, great minds think alike!