FORUMS > Dating & Relationships Forum Rules

Ok, so here's the situation. I have this gay friend let's called him Z (I wanted him to have anonymity) whom I recently reconnected since I moved back to SoCal. We talked and caught up in each other lives. We talked about our previous love life experiences I found out that:

1/ He's currently dating a very much older guy (58 to be exact, let's called him M) and my friend Z is 30. They are about almost 2 years strong. They're living together in a gorgeous home in south Pasadena.

2/ M makes about $200,000 / year and has several homes/investment properties from all over the country.

3/ Z doesn't make that much, (my guess would be his salary around $35k/40k/year, he works in Admin/University setting). He gotten used to the *lifestyle and being *pampered by his current bf. He made 2 statements that kind of made me feel sad and a little sick in my stomach!

*I am staying with my boyfriend because he's wealthy, rich and I love the lifestyle. Dude, I'm not going to date someone my age, younger or a guy who has student loan! Or someone who don't make enough money for me!!! ***

4/ According to Z, M has *Erectile Dysfunction and they don't even have sex anymore. So Z cheats sometimes! God, what a set up right? !!

I haven't really given him my *opinions* on this yet, just taken in all in strive but I will probably soon in the future if he keep bringing this up! I think it's sad for a man to fall in love with another man for his money and convenience. So, give me some of your inputs. I want to hear from guys who are younger, middle-age, older or anyone who had been in this situation before.

It's not really your business, to be honest. If "M" is smart enough to have that much financial stability in California, he is probably smart enough to know that he's not giving "Z" enough attention in the bedroom. They are probably comfortable having each other.

If they aren't both aware of "Z" finding sex elsewhere, "Z" should tell "M". But, it's not your job to pressure your friend into opening that type of communication with his partner. He probably already knows his actions are selfish.

Just my opinion.

CrankySpice said

Le gag.

xsocalguy8x saidOk, so here's the situation. I have this gay friend let's called him Z (I wanted him to have anonymity) whom I recently reconnected since I moved back to SoCal. We talked and caught up in each other lives. We talked about our previous love life experiences I found out that:

1/ He's currently dating a very much older guy (58 to be exact, let's called him M) and my friend Z is 30. They are about almost 2 years strong. They're living together in a gorgeous home in south Pasadena.

2/ M makes about $200,000 / year and has several homes/investment properties from all over the country.

3/ Z doesn't make that much, (my guess would be his salary around $35k/40k/year, he works in Admin/University setting). He gotten used to the *lifestyle and being *pampered by his current bf. He made 2 statements that kind of made me feel sad and a little sick in my stomach!

*I am staying with my boyfriend because he's wealthy, rich and I love the lifestyle. Dude, I'm not going to date someone my age, younger or a guy who has student loan! Or someone who don't make enough money for me!!! ***

4/ According to Z, M has *Erectile Dysfunction and they don't even have sex anymore. So Z cheats sometimes! God, what a set up right? !!

I haven't really given him my *opinions* on this yet, just taken in all in strive but I will probably soon in the future if he keep bringing this up! I think it's sad for a man to fall in love with another man for his money and convenience. So, give me some of your inputs. I want to hear from guys who are younger, middle-age, older or anyone who had been in this situation before.

It happens - if M doesn't know that Z is getting his meat elsewhere, I'd be surprised.

M may decide that Z's arrangement suits him as much as it suits Z; sex doesn't last forever in a relationship, however companionship and intimacy can. I hope those are the defining parameters in the relationship.

for gay relationship:
love first and everything follows this is before..
now, every gay prefer to be in a relationship that both of them is earning.

my advice to your friend is just be honest with your partner tell him everything about yourself and be transparent to him because your relationship is just fair hes old and your young his reach but your not poor so just be honest.

Honesty can set you free.

Gay men who date and sleep with men over 30 make me sick.

Chainers saidGay men who date and sleep with men over 30 make me sick.

Lol, I love you, Chainers. Where have you been?

And what about those of us well north of thirty? Do we have to fuck guys UNDER thirty not to make you sick?

It's none of your business who or why he's dating!

Frankly, it's not your relationship. Why are you bothered by their arrangement and trying to convince him otherwise? Let them be. If you truly want to be a friend, you'd keep your opinions to yourself. Why break them up?

showme said

Chainers saidGay men who date and sleep with men over 30 make me sick.

Lol, I love you, Chainers. Where have you been?

And what about those of us well north of thirty? Do we have to fuck guys UNDER thirty not to make you sick?

Yes, someone older than 30 can only have sex with someone under 30 otherwise it is an abomination.

If someone under 30 has sex with someone over 30 I totally judge him as a hoochie mamma.


As to where I have been, I had computer problems for a while...(and am studying for the GMAT like mad)

One man's meat is another man's potatoes....myob.......

Or is it poison? lol

turbobilly saidOne man's meat is another man's potatoes....myob.......

Or is it poison? lol

That's right! And the grass is always greener or, in this case maybe, grayer AND greener on the...wait, where was I going with this again?

CrankySpice said

Interesting analogy. She lived on Easy Street for a few years, then he died and her life increasingly became a train wreck, finally derailing forever in a casino hotel room. She never did see the bulk of his fortune, still tied up in litigation even now for all I know.

If there are parallels here, then Z better be planning for a rainy day. Because when your life depends upon another person for almost everything, you are truly a dependent, your future tied to the life of another over which you don't have a lot of control, especially when they're much older.

$200,000 in Los Angeles is not that much money. With high taxes, cost of living, etc. It is a great living, but they aren't exactly balling out of control.

Hmm. I always make an effort to resist judging how others choose to live their lives (or at least try).

I never really thought about dating someone quite older than me. But maybe I wouldn't mind that type of situation if I had something to contribute to the relationship that had value other than just being a trophy bf. Also, after seeing a recent video intensity69 posted in another thread, I might not be so opposed to dating an older man? (would you listen to the silliness I just wrote...lol)

You said you "think it's sad for a man to fall in love with another man for his money and convenience". 1) who are you to judge him? 2) from what you told us he said to you it is obvious he is not in love with the older guy.

You are a judgemental cunt.

Sorry can't really support you in this issue. People do things that make them happy; you can expect people to always be in a relationship for the exact same reasons you are in one.

Like sc69 said - I'd also be very suprised if M didn't know Z was sleeping around. A part of me thinks that he said something about having sex with other people, maybe even that it was okay, but that you automatically equated that as being unfaithful. I say this because you seem like a very, very judgmental person.

monstapex said

^

Why do you feel the need to tell him your opinion of his relationship mentality? It's his relationship, not yours. What do you hope to gain? Do you think he'll change and say, "Omg you're totally right, I'm going to tell him the truth and start looking for true love"? Good luck with that...

While his intentions aren't the exactly noble, it's hardly a surprise. I couldn't do it, but that's just me. The same thing happens in straight relationships too.

RunRunJ saidIf "M" is smart enough to have that much financial stability in California, he is probably smart enough to know that he's not giving "Z" enough attention in the bedroom. They are probably comfortable having each other.

This.

Lol, I know plenty of 28-30 year olds that are making bank. Your friend is stupid.

Ehm, if I recall, most traditional marriages were set up by parents and families of the couples specifically with other families who were well-off enough to provide for any grandchildren, and to cement political alliances.

It was the whole basis of the "wedding ring" in Europe, which was given as part of a dowry, not as some spiritual symbol of love.

So I don't see how there's anything wrong with being a gold-digger.... in fact, it is the traditional norm.. it is "love marriages" as they call them in India, which are outside the norm...

That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with love marriages either, but what Im saying is theres really no moral standard one can place, nor prerequisites one can put on a marriage....

Chainers said

showme said

Chainers saidGay men who date and sleep with men over 30 make me sick.

Lol, I love you, Chainers. Where have you been?

And what about those of us well north of thirty? Do we have to fuck guys UNDER thirty not to make you sick?

Yes, someone older than 30 can only have sex with someone under 30 otherwise it is an abomination.

Lol hahahah <3