Am I expecting too much...or just crazy?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2012 2:55 AM GMT
    This may be the wrong forum but I'm gonna go with it anyways...

    Maybe it's me or maybe something all together different, but I everytime I seem to find anyone whom, once I get interested in or start to like, they just drift away or become completely disinterested.

    I haven't dated that much because of my situation and work, which I know is hard on relationships but it has worked before. I know the basics of dating and all that; I mean, I have helped out friends before who needed dating advice. However, I never seem to be the one to find the right guy, and when I do, I always seems to be on the losing end, which leads me to think it's me, and there is something wrong here.

    I don't have check boxes for guys that I meet; I am very open minded, but like everyone else, we know to what and whom we are attracted. And above all, I just become beyond frustrated when you think you meet this awesome guy, and they turn out to be straight or just a complete and utter d-b.

    Everytime I meet someone who I think could make a good boyfriend, or friend even, they just seems to wonder off out of my life. I definitely keep the lines of communication open and never overstep or become clingly. And it never involves sex either. I have only been with 2 guys and those were relationships. But maybe that's just it, I don't give out sex too easy.

    But I don't like to have sex early in a relationship, and I find that with most gay guys, that is what they want right away. I don't. I can wait. I want that guy who can wait with me and keep our love life between us. That guy who can be there or I can call when work sucks or if God forbid I lose a friend. I mean, I don't feel it's too much to ask. I don't know, maybe I am looking for something that doesn't exist, or I am the crazy one.

    I sometimes resign myself to saying it'll never happen, but I always keep the glass half full. What it essentially boils down to: Am I trying to fulfill an unrealistic vision of the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with?
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    Jul 02, 2012 3:00 AM GMT
    First off, you really sound like you have your shit together. That's so rare in these forums for new users in my opinion.

    I think you're really heading in the right direction. You're directly acknowledging the situations you are in but you're still wanting a bit more. I don't think it's necessarily anything with you. You sound like a great guy to me. But sometimes people will just do that without any rhyme or reason. Maybe you're just meeting that batch.

    Keep trying and don't give up. You really want someone that is going to treat you with respect because it sounds like you would like that in return. I wish I had some more advice from you but the only thing I can give you is encouragement and the advice to persevere.

    Much love,

    Josh
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    Jul 02, 2012 3:13 AM GMT
    The vast majority of guys who say "I can wait for sex" are actually saying "I already have enough fuck buddies that I don't need sex from you."

    Keep that in mind next time a guy tells you "I can wait." icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2012 3:14 AM GMT
    BTW, I won't even think about dating a guy who won't put out on the first night. If he's not that desperate, he's either got several fuck buddies, or he's brand new to the out-of-the-closet world.
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    Jul 02, 2012 3:15 AM GMT
    I swear when I read these threads this is all I see anymore


    "
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    Jul 02, 2012 4:40 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidI swear when I read these threads this is all I see anymore


    "
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic"


    I can't breathe!!!! icon_lol.gif
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    Jul 02, 2012 5:21 AM GMT
    GAMRican said
    Ariodante saidI swear when I read these threads this is all I see anymore


    "
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic"


    I can't breathe!!!! icon_lol.gif


    Pretty much it does go like that yes
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    Jul 02, 2012 5:34 AM GMT
    txarmyguy saidThis may be the wrong forum but I'm gonna go with it anyways...

    Maybe it's me or maybe something all together different, but I everytime I seem to find anyone whom, once I get interested in or start to like, they just drift away or become completely disinterested.

    I haven't dated that much because of my situation and work, which I know is hard on relationships but it has worked before. I know the basics of dating and all that; I mean, I have helped out friends before who needed dating advice. However, I never seem to be the one to find the right guy, and when I do, I always seems to be on the losing end, which leads me to think it's me, and there is something wrong here.

    I don't have check boxes for guys that I meet; I am very open minded, but like everyone else, we know to what and whom we are attracted. And above all, I just become beyond frustrated when you think you meet this awesome guy, and they turn out to be straight or just a complete and utter d-b.

    Everytime I meet someone who I think could make a good boyfriend, or friend even, they just seems to wonder off out of my life. I definitely keep the lines of communication open and never overstep or become clingly. And it never involves sex either. I have only been with 2 guys and those were relationships. But maybe that's just it, I don't give out sex too easy.

    But I don't like to have sex early in a relationship, and I find that with most gay guys, that is what they want right away. I don't. I can wait. I want that guy who can wait with me and keep our love life between us. That guy who can be there or I can call when work sucks or if God forbid I lose a friend. I mean, I don't feel it's too much to ask. I don't know, maybe I am looking for something that doesn't exist, or I am the crazy one.

    I sometimes resign myself to saying it'll never happen, but I always keep the glass half full. What it essentially boils down to: Am I trying to fulfill an unrealistic vision of the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with?


    man it sucks but we got time.. were still relatively young. Im in the same boat as you. I guess im not in the best position to give out too much advice being that im in the same situation but honestly i believe that looking for it will usually end up poorly. To me, it seemed like the harder I looked for a relationship the lower my standers became and I ended up in a relationship with someone that wasn't right for me. Im currently serving too so I know how it can put a strain on a relationship. Just take your time and stay true to yourself...it will come with time.
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Jul 02, 2012 8:11 AM GMT
    txarmyguy said Am I trying to fulfill an unrealistic vision of the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with?


    I don't think you are unrealistic. The problem is you are looking for someone that is very difficult to find.

  • Jul 02, 2012 9:24 AM GMT
    I totally hear and agree with you buddy. I experience the same challenges, but we must live in hope!

    I don't like to put out either on the first date. I don't agree with the point that one is too good for sex and have a army of guys waiting to bend to your every need. No pun intended.

    Its more enjoyable and does not leave you empty if there's commitment.

    And I respect the difference of opinion that others have.
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    Jul 02, 2012 9:59 AM GMT
    What are you gonna do when gays and lesbians are only 10% of the population? Subtract the lesbians and you're down to a smaller amount of available partners. Subtract those who are not taken and a match and you're down to an even smaller amount. Then subtract those who are not taken, a match, and open to a long term thing...you see where this is going. And then after you find The One (the hard part), THEN you have to actually make the relationship work (the harder part). Good times.

    My straight friends are getting married, having babies and combining income with their wives to buy houses. Some of these are the same dudes I set up and/or gave dating and courtship advice. Yay for me. But why whine about it? Just keep looking. icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 02, 2012 10:28 AM GMT
    TroyAthlete saidWhat are you gonna do when gays and lesbians are only 10% of the population? Subtract the lesbians and you're down to a smaller amount of available partners. Subtract those who are not taken and a match and you're down to an even smaller amount. Then subtract those who are not taken, a match, and open to a long term thing...you see where this is going. And then after you find The One (the hard part), THEN you have to actually make the relationship work (the harder part). Good times.

    My straight friends are getting married, having babies and combining income with their wives to buy houses. Some of these are the same dudes I set up and/or gave dating and courtship advice. Yay for me. But why whine about it? Just keep looking. icon_smile.gif


    And more than half will end up unhappy and divorced within 10 years. Being in a straight relationship isn't a guarantee for easy success either.

    To the OP: It seems like you have made a full and active life for yourself, but that you are starting to feel like you want to settle down. It will take a commitment to changing your lifestyle to get into a relationship at this point. The guys you are interested in may not see you as the marrying type, or you may not give off enough gay vibes to let them know that you are interested.
  • pointA

    Posts: 9

    Jul 02, 2012 10:29 AM GMT
    He is out there, probably waiting in the lines or been looking for you.
    Don't be worried icon_smile.gif
  • Dominican_Gen...

    Posts: 379

    Jul 02, 2012 11:41 AM GMT
    @ OP: Interesting dylema you got, here is my pov.

    Looks wise, you seem to be the jock dream: "all American", muscled, ripped, lean, and let's asume also with a nice face. You have proper grammar (such an asset this days), are goal oriented and well traveled.

    Now, here are your demerits:
    * In the closet without any desire to come out... In this day and age?
    * Career oriented who travels A LOT and wants his significant other to also be goal oriented but willing to follow YOU around the world... I guess someone looking to be a kept boy and whose goal is to travel for free would fit that mold, otherwise you should consider dropping one of those two requirements.
    * In no rush for sex. Would you mind if your date sleeps around while long-distace dating you? A guy got to get his fix somewhere!

    I guess that's for now.

    P.s. I can see guys corresponding with you for a while and then loosing interest once they notice you got not immediate plans of getting roots somewhere. People get into relationships to we WITH someone, not to be apart from said one.
  • Dominican_Gen...

    Posts: 379

    Jul 02, 2012 11:49 AM GMT
    [quote]

    To the OP: It seems like you have made a full and active life for yourself, but that you are starting to feel like you want to settle down. It will take a commitment to changing your lifestyle to get into a relationship at this point. The guys you are interested in may not see you as the marrying type, or you may not give off enough gay vibes to let them know that you are interested.[/quote]
    + 1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2012 12:02 PM GMT
    txarmyguy saidThis may be the wrong forum but I'm gonna go with it anyways...

    Maybe it's me or maybe something all together different, but I everytime I seem to find anyone whom, once I get interested in or start to like, they just drift away or become completely disinterested.

    I haven't dated that much because of my situation and work, which I know is hard on relationships but it has worked before. I know the basics of dating and all that; I mean, I have helped out friends before who needed dating advice. However, I never seem to be the one to find the right guy, and when I do, I always seems to be on the losing end, which leads me to think it's me, and there is something wrong here.

    I don't have check boxes for guys that I meet; I am very open minded, but like everyone else, we know to what and whom we are attracted. And above all, I just become beyond frustrated when you think you meet this awesome guy, and they turn out to be straight or just a complete and utter d-b.

    Everytime I meet someone who I think could make a good boyfriend, or friend even, they just seems to wonder off out of my life. I definitely keep the lines of communication open and never overstep or become clingly. And it never involves sex either. I have only been with 2 guys and those were relationships. But maybe that's just it, I don't give out sex too easy.

    But I don't like to have sex early in a relationship, and I find that with most gay guys, that is what they want right away. I don't. I can wait. I want that guy who can wait with me and keep our love life between us. That guy who can be there or I can call when work sucks or if God forbid I lose a friend. I mean, I don't feel it's too much to ask. I don't know, maybe I am looking for something that doesn't exist, or I am the crazy one.

    I sometimes resign myself to saying it'll never happen, but I always keep the glass half full. What it essentially boils down to: Am I trying to fulfill an unrealistic vision of the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with?




    Wow OP, you seem al lot like me. We believe in the same things and have similar views on dating. I can say that it is not you and it will happen you just need to wait for it. Live your life, smile, and he will come. I know this because it has happend to me recently. There I was just living life and smiling and then he popped up out of nowhere and hit me like a train wreck. IT turns out he is one of the nicest persons I have ever met so i definitely think I hit the jackpot. And now I see other sexy guys and I think ,"Eh whatever", hehe!!

  • WhoDey

    Posts: 561

    Jul 02, 2012 12:17 PM GMT
    My advice:

    If you're not looking for sex, why are all your photos shirtless? Maybe show some face pics?
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 02, 2012 12:19 PM GMT
    You'd attract more guys if you were out and included a face pic in your bio. No one thinks a serious relationship is possible with a closeted guy. Think about it from a potential boyfriend's pov. He's not going to accept the "my sexuality is no ones business" excuse. You can't expect the guy you love to take a secretive position in your life. Your ideas of romance, like waiting to have sex are in conflict with the closeted lifestyle... jmho
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    Jul 02, 2012 12:20 PM GMT
    txarmyguy saidI sometimes resign myself to saying it'll never happen, but I always keep the glass half full. What it essentially boils down to: Am I trying to fulfill an unrealistic vision of the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with?

    Are you currently serving in the US Army? For how much longer?

    That's both sexy to some guys (it is to me!), but also a stumbling block to others. Until you're discharged you're just a temporary visitor to any community where you're stationed. You may get orders at any time - here today, gone tomorrow.

    And even if the other guy were free to follow along with you, there still isn't Army family housing for him there yet, I believe, regardless of being married because of DOMA (and no civilian can live with you in a barracks or BOQ), and there are overseas assignments where even recognized female spouses can't follow you at all.

    To the Army your guy doesn't exist: no housing, no medical care, no commissary privileges, no PX, no dependent ID card, no PCS travel allowance, no household goods shipping allowance, no extra family allowances for you - nothing. He's on his own dime, finds housing on the local economy (unless you can with enough rank and non-availability), tries to get a job in some of the poor trailer-trash, red-neck rat holes where the Army puts its installations.

    That may leave you with just temporary fuck buddies, which you seem not to want. But it might be all you can get at present. You may need to become more realistic regarding what's really possible for you under your present circumstances. Or wait until DOMA is gone, when having a serving Army man won't be so much of a hardship, if he's willing to marry you.
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    Jul 02, 2012 3:42 PM GMT
    GreenHopper said
    GAMRican said
    Ariodante saidI swear when I read these threads this is all I see anymore


    "
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic"


    I can't breathe!!!! icon_lol.gif


    Pretty much it does go like that yes


    Good heavens, men, focus! (or get glasses, lol) icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2012 3:52 PM GMT
    I'd say the lack of sex, or making them wait for it, is playing a part in the drifting away. Are you telling them you like to wait to have sex?
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    Jul 02, 2012 3:56 PM GMT
    tl;dr

    can we get a synopsis please?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2012 3:56 PM GMT
    make him wait at least 3 months.