I suck at flirting and first impressions.... Really like this guy but don't know how to show him/make the first move.... Help?

  • FearMealltach

    Posts: 2

    Jul 02, 2012 3:27 AM GMT
    I've always been a little bit shy around new people and take a long while to "warm up" to them and really be myself around them. I can't help it I just kind of freeze up. When I do get to know someone you can't shut me up though! icon_biggrin.gif

    Some of my friends and ex's have told me that when they first met me they thought I didn't like them. I did like them, I was just shy. Also some of my gay friends and ex said they didn't even think I was gay when they first met me. Apparently when we first met it wasn't obvious I liked my ex and he thought I was straight.

    This problem is multiplied by 100 when I'm around a hot guy. I find it really really hard to look them in the eye, go red, stutter a bit and tend to avoid approaching them first and never know what to say. Basically I turn into an awkward, aloof wreck.

    I have had 2 serious relationships so far (one fairly short the other 3 years), With both they approached me first and I was usually drinking when we got properly chatting which loosened things up a lot.

    Right now I don't drink for health reasons (plus it's not exactly an ideal solution! icon_wink.gif.)

    There's this guy I really like who's a friend and workmate of my cousin. I see him around casually if I'm hanging out at my cousin's place. We make general chit chat, play poker, video games etc but when it comes to one to one conversation I clam up.

    How can I make myself not so freaking awkward. According to my cousin he is definitely gay. I think he might like me too, he smiles at me and tries to make lots of eye contact and I have caught him checking me out etc.

    I realize that I probably sound like an silly schoolgirl but in my defense I haven't had much experience with dating, especially in the last few years.icon_redface.gif ......Help!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 02, 2012 3:51 AM GMT
    You don't sound silly at all.

    When you're feeling nervous or shy, you might tend to smile less, or purse your lips together. It could be read as "dislike" or "discomfort", perhaps "why do I have to be here?" That could be why you know. Doesn't make you any less of a person! Being shy can be hard, but it can also mean you're quite conscious of things.

    Have you tried body contact though? If you're finding eye contact hard, perhaps touch might work a little better. Have you tried touching his fingers or shoulder? I know it sounds silly, but humans generally like touching, it creates a bond - it's usually why parents cradle their child a lot. Don't overdo it though, that's just touchy-feely. Once or twice to break the ice might get the ball rolling!

    Good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 02, 2012 6:22 AM GMT
    Your hand in his pants
    Or his hand in your pants.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 02, 2012 12:22 PM GMT
    So.. do something physical - like offer to teach him squash.

    If he knows how to play, even better - ask him if he'd like to play next weekend. (Don't say sometime - as "sometime" may never happen.. you can find out how interested he may be by making plans soonish.

  • FearMealltach

    Posts: 2

    Jul 02, 2012 4:53 PM GMT
    MolaMola saidYour hand in his pants
    Or his hand in your pants.


    Lol I wish! icon_lol.gif

    Joking aside finding the excuse to talk to him alone is kind of difficult for me. We are usually in a largish group etc. Not to mention one including my big brother type cousin who finds it hilarious to see me being uncomfortable and making it worse! icon_smile.gif Any ideas?

    I like the idea of body contact and will make an effort to try it (not down his pants........yet icon_cool.gif. ), just don't want to come across as creepy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 02, 2012 5:12 PM GMT
    Have you tried the fainting trick??..You faint..he has to give you mouth to mouth!...icon_lol.gif
  • justin3289

    Posts: 3

    Jul 02, 2012 5:21 PM GMT
    Hey there!

    I'm also usually shy when it comes to guys (unless I've had a drink or two lol), but I've been breaking out of that.

    You say that y'all play video games and things like that together at your cousins right? Maybe next time y'all play together sit right next to him and smile a lot more. Its simple you don't have to talk so much which might fluster you and still sends signals that you're interested! Maybe he'll make the move after that.

    Like Dahlien said body contact is also very good! If your walking behind the couch while hes watching TV or something like that just put your hands on his shoulder and ask if he wants anything from the kitchen. Or if people aren't around do the same thing and say I'm tired of being inside want to go get some air? I usually find its easier to talk to someone you're interested in outside...... no clue why, but maybe the fresh air, open space, or that it becomes something the rest of the world doesn't see works wonders on letting you be yourself.

    Last little trick I like to use and I do it A LOT is "kinda" and "random" lol. I will say sooooo want to know something random..... usually people will either look at you funny which means you have their interest or will be really excited and want to hear what you have to say. And with random you literally can say pretty much anything cause they already know its going to be something unexpected which puts less pressure on you. You can say your hot, I like you, we should go out on a date, or I/Friend thinks your gay (if you're not sure about him yet but you are). With "kinda" its just a way to minimize something in your own head to make it easier to say, but still gets the meaning across. I kinda like you is a lot easier for a shy, flustered person to say than blurting out I like you! Also works for you're hot, funny, etc. lol. It also opens up easy playful conversation that doesn't require much thought or pressure, which is great for us shy folks. But I wouldn't suggest "kinda" for asking someone out, simply because it isn't concrete enough for that.

    Anyway I hope this helps you out!

    Good luck with your guy!!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 23, 2012 12:42 PM GMT
    Arrrrgh, i'm in the same boat as you. I've seen this guy already a couple of times (3 times to be exact), twice of those I was shaking on my legs and almost unable to address him in any way. It worked sometimes, but it still felt rather awkward. The only comforting thing I got ouf of that, is that it seems to be the other way around as well. I'm under the impression that I got some clear signals from him that he was also interested in me.

    However we both like playing videogames and so since a couple of weeks have been playing videogames through the internet, giving me a chance to get to know him better and fall even more in love.... I can't get the fucker out of my head icon_neutral.gif

    I tried giving him some clues, but they were probably misinterpreted from his side and not clear enough from my side (I hope). I don't want to force anything either, because that could potentially damage things.

    I don't know what to do...

    I'm guessing i'm going to wait until we meet again, but that may take a couple of more months and I don't know if I can wait that long...

    Any advice?

    thanks

    BTW: Just to be clear, he's gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 23, 2012 3:44 PM GMT
    Trupp,,this is what you do...
    Set up a one on one....

    Youl will need a kilt..
    No underwear...
    2 bottles of wine...
    The right lighting ..
    And a sad story...

    He comes over..you are in your kilt..i's a "Scottish Holiday"..You have to make something up...
    Sit directly across from him..While feeding him the wine..spread your legs randomly...

    Keep the converdation going...he's looking at your crotch..(And make shure you are groomed)..
    Then BOOM !!..Drop the sad story..you'll need the lighting..dimm..to add that element of euphoria that goes with wine...
    Cry..And keeep giving those crotch shots...Keep crying...
    He'll come over he'll hug you...long hug..take his hands...lift your kilt...
    TADAAAHHH !!!

    icon_biggrin.gif (Let me know how it goes)..hugz
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 23, 2012 7:04 PM GMT
    @anocxu : thanks. ill give this a try. only come up with a sad story now icon_biggrin.gif

    keep you posted...

    other tips are still welcome
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 23, 2012 7:09 PM GMT
    I always get nervous if I see I am particularly attracted to. Does me no good...However when it comes to my friends, I'm always approaching the fella and telling that my friend digs you!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 23, 2012 8:52 PM GMT
    FearMealltach saidI've always been a little bit shy around new people and take a long while to "warm up" to them and really be myself around them. I can't help it I just kind of freeze up. When I do get to know someone you can't shut me up though! icon_biggrin.gif

    Some of my friends and ex's have told me that when they first met me they thought I didn't like them. I did like them, I was just shy. Also some of my gay friends and ex said they didn't even think I was gay when they first met me. Apparently when we first met it wasn't obvious I liked my ex and he thought I was straight.

    This problem is multiplied by 100 when I'm around a hot guy. I find it really really hard to look them in the eye, go red, stutter a bit and tend to avoid approaching them first and never know what to say. Basically I turn into an awkward, aloof wreck.

    I have had 2 serious relationships so far (one fairly short the other 3 years), With both they approached me first and I was usually drinking when we got properly chatting which loosened things up a lot.

    Right now I don't drink for health reasons (plus it's not exactly an ideal solution! icon_wink.gif.)

    There's this guy I really like who's a friend and workmate of my cousin. I see him around casually if I'm hanging out at my cousin's place. We make general chit chat, play poker, video games etc but when it comes to one to one conversation I clam up.

    How can I make myself not so freaking awkward. According to my cousin he is definitely gay. I think he might like me too, he smiles at me and tries to make lots of eye contact and I have caught him checking me out etc.

    I realize that I probably sound like an silly schoolgirl but in my defense I haven't had much experience with dating, especially in the last few years.icon_redface.gif ......Help!

    tell your cousin. good/potentially embarrassing news travels fast icon_smile.gif
  • mindblank

    Posts: 275

    Jul 23, 2012 11:21 PM GMT
    FearMealltach saidI've always been a little bit shy around new people and take a long while to "warm up" to them and really be myself around them. I can't help it I just kind of freeze up. When I do get to know someone you can't shut me up though! icon_biggrin.gif

    I find it really really hard to look them in the eye, go red, stutter a bit and tend to avoid approaching them first and never know what to say.

    turn into an awkward, aloof wreck.

    when it comes to one to one conversation I clam up.

    he smiles at me and tries to make lots of eye contact and I have caught him checking me out etc.

    I realize that I probably sound like an silly schoolgirl


    I have the same problem dude so I'm putting myself way out there to answer this. First I am going to suggest you replace negative, self-deprecating thoughts with kinder ones (see above, schoolgirl etc, there is no need for that). Shift of perspective changes your whole world. For example, I think you sound like an understandably nervous person standing at the edge of an exciting part of your life in which you have opportunities to really overcome past hurts, and learn fulfilling new things. Hardly a silly schoolgirl.

    2nd. I think you could try taking baby steps to show more interest in him. Always remember tiny steps at a time: Rome wasn't built in a day. Just ask a simple question and comment (nicely) on his answer. Have you ever heard two people talking? 99.9% of what is said in friendly conversation is utter, inconsequential, bullshit. The content of your talking is of little imprtance. What matters is that you both are keen to establish a connection. You could make eye contact from a distance. Difficult? Yes it is, so you might not be able to do this until you've gained some good ground. Place yourself on a journey, we all journey through life in order to learn things. The difficulties assigned to you have been given to you, to aid your journey of discovery and learning in your time being alive. Embrace these obstacles....their very existance suggests they were created for you to overcome. Keep slowly chipping away at your boundaries/abilities/barriers. There is no map for life, but if you keep stabbing in the rough direction of your goal you will get there.

    As stated above, you might want to remove words like "always", "never" from your vocabulary when talking about yourself. Like, have you REALLY, NEVER known what to say? Not even one time? Stop telling yourself these things and replace them with wishful thoughts like "I sometimes/often say interesting things - such as the time when...." Anyway the guy seems to like you by the sound of things. Oh and don't put much emphasis on YOU speakng and saying all this amazing, cool, mythically impressive stuff. You are free to talk about any subject. Listeners make friends. Take each situation easy you will be safe. Anyone can speak "stuff" but it takes effort to listen and this is what connects/impresses people.

    Hope this is not as jumbled up as it seems. Hope it helsp in some way or other icon_wink.gif

    I have some fcuking head-wreckingly similar situation going on too.