how do you move out of your parent's house?

  • cromi

    Posts: 489

    Jul 02, 2012 4:18 PM GMT
    well first of all, im from the Philippines, different culture diffrent ways of living etc. etc. so i want you to keep an open mind...



    So here it goes

    it has been floating in my mind for a year now to finally move out of the house, problem is, it would mean that i can no longer support my parent financially since i only make just above the minimum wage as a teacher. Now in our culture, it's a responsibility of the child that after graduation, he will help his parents financially when he gets a job, regardless of if the parent still has a job or not. I agree to that principle but(ugh! why is there always a but) as i've said i can barely make ends meet so i have to choose whether to stay and be a good son for a little longer or just go and be an ingrate :s. By the way i have been helping my mom for more than a year now so was it enough help already?

    To give you an idea i make 10,000 pesos a month then i give 4000 to my mom. The remaining 6k is for my food, transportation, miscellaneous and a little bit of savings. That 4k would cover for a room, utility bills if i decided to live on my own.

    Another thing, i think my mom doesn't like me being a teacher for obvious reasons(the pay), as a matter of fact i think i'm certain she doesn't like my job because of it. That just give me a reason to just leave and just do what i love without any side comments from my mom. O well.

    Guys, i'm kinda torn. Should i get another job so i can help and also live independently? Should i wait a few more years? Anything? Any advise...
  • Dominican_Gen...

    Posts: 379

    Jul 02, 2012 5:36 PM GMT
    Are you moving because you are gay? Are they OK with you been gay? Would they be ok with moving somewhere somehow larger so that you don't bump into each other?
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Jul 02, 2012 5:37 PM GMT
    In an individualistic western society, it's not really expected that the children get out of school and take care of their parents....as it's expected that the parents can already take care of themselves... I mean...how can your parents take care of children if they cant take care of themselves?

    I could never take care of my parents. I could never support their 3 properties, 4 cars, I could never support their lifestyle.

    All they want from me is to support myself. icon_lol.gif
    Which I do, so we're al happy. icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 02, 2012 5:42 PM GMT
    Import saidIn an individualistic western society, it's not really expected that the children get out of school and take care of their parents....as it's expected that the parents can already take care of themselves... I mean...how can your parents take care of children if they cant take care of themselves?

    I could never take care of my parents. I could never support their 3 properties, 4 cars, I could never support their lifestyle.

    All they want from me is to support myself. icon_lol.gif
    Which I do, so we're al happy. icon_smile.gif


    *sigh*

    As you can see the OP is not in Western society that has XYZ amount of retirement plans and things like that which insures a comfortable late-life. In most asian societies if you do no produce you starve

    ignorant
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Jul 02, 2012 5:44 PM GMT
    Hapuna said
    Import saidIn an individualistic western society, it's not really expected that the children get out of school and take care of their parents....as it's expected that the parents can already take care of themselves... I mean...how can your parents take care of children if they cant take care of themselves?

    I could never take care of my parents. I could never support their 3 properties, 4 cars, I could never support their lifestyle.

    All they want from me is to support myself. icon_lol.gif
    Which I do, so we're al happy. icon_smile.gif


    *sigh*

    As you can see the OP is not in Western society that has XYZ amount of retirement plans and things like that which insures a comfortable late-life. In most asian societies if you do no produce you starve

    ignorant


    Well, perhaps somethings are due for change. icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 02, 2012 5:49 PM GMT
    Import said
    Hapuna said
    Import saidIn an individualistic western society, it's not really expected that the children get out of school and take care of their parents....as it's expected that the parents can already take care of themselves... I mean...how can your parents take care of children if they cant take care of themselves?

    I could never take care of my parents. I could never support their 3 properties, 4 cars, I could never support their lifestyle.

    All they want from me is to support myself. icon_lol.gif
    Which I do, so we're al happy. icon_smile.gif


    *sigh*

    As you can see the OP is not in Western society that has XYZ amount of retirement plans and things like that which insures a comfortable late-life. In most asian societies if you do no produce you starve

    ignorant


    Well, perhaps somethings are due for change. icon_smile.gif


    Not sure if the "wonderful" retirement plans in Western society is the best answer. Why do you think Europe is in the shithole it is today? There are too many unfunded liabilities.
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    Jul 02, 2012 5:51 PM GMT
    Anyways my advise for the OP is to get another job that pays better. OP is only 23 years of age, and he can think of other ways to make more money and have other jobs that will support him.

    Also look at where there are a lot of wasted money in the general expense at home. That's the most important thing.
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    Jul 02, 2012 5:54 PM GMT
    How about taking a year or two to move out so you can save up more money but also let them know of your intentions now so that it doesn't come as such a shock. It will show them that you respect them and they will respect you for taking your time making such a big decision. All parents want their kids to be able to take care of themselves and if you show them how much thought you're putting into your decision to live independently, it will still be hard for them but they'll probably respect it. They moved out their own parents' houses to build their own lives, I'm sure they expect you to do the same.

    Are there other ways you can support your family than financially? Maybe you can come over and cook dinner for them a few nights a week or help out with yardwork? I'm not sure what is common where you are.

    Good luck!
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jul 02, 2012 6:08 PM GMT
    i graduated high school and said c-ya suckas!
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jul 02, 2012 6:11 PM GMT
    calibro saidi graduated high school and said c-ya suckas!


    Yeah, but as handsome as you are - you probably had a line of guys waiting to provide for you. icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 02, 2012 6:17 PM GMT
    cromi saidWell first of all, I'm from the Philippines....



    GURRRL I GOT YOU!
    MOVE OUT.
    I'm sorry but, you're adult now. It's Your Life too.

    I think This is the big issue with our Asian culture is that we are too dependent on our families. How are we going to learn to be independent?
    Your Mom needs to figure something out, because you've helped enough. I know it's tough because of the economy( believe me, I KNOW), but she can't expect you to live there forever. You can only do so much for your family.
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    Jul 02, 2012 6:19 PM GMT
    Just so you know.. most Westerners aren't going to understand your situation and you can tell by the responses they are thinking like Westerners.

    Anyway..

    Can you get a better job? It seems like that would help you preserve your family ties and be a little happier.

    You seem to enjoy teaching, but if that comes at the cost of happiness in the rest of your life I"m not sure that's fair to you.
  • cromi

    Posts: 489

    Jul 02, 2012 7:52 PM GMT
    Dominican_Gent saidAre you moving because you are gay? Are they OK with you been gay? Would they be ok with moving somewhere somehow larger so that you don't bump into each other?


    no, the gay thing is fine by them, i haven't really said im gay but its like an elephant in the room situation...
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    Jul 02, 2012 7:58 PM GMT
    Find a sugar daddy who'll move in with you and your parents. icon_razz.gif
  • cromi

    Posts: 489

    Jul 02, 2012 8:05 PM GMT
    Import saidIn an individualistic western society, it's not really expected that the children get out of school and take care of their parents....as it's expected that the parents can already take care of themselves... I mean...how can your parents take care of children if they cant take care of themselves?

    I could never take care of my parents. I could never support their 3 properties, 4 cars, I could never support their lifestyle.

    All they want from me is to support myself. icon_lol.gif
    Which I do, so we're al happy. icon_smile.gif


    I envy you in a way. Just a clarification though, i give some of my money to my mom not because i have to but because she basically supported me since birth until my first paycheck so i guess it's just right to give back. Does not mean i'll support all her needs, i'm just helping pay some of the bills.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jul 02, 2012 8:09 PM GMT
    malefeet said
    calibro saidi graduated high school and said c-ya suckas!


    Yeah, but as handsome as you are - you probably had a line of guys waiting to provide for you. icon_wink.gif


    is provide a euphemism for...
  • Karl

    Posts: 5787

    Jul 02, 2012 8:10 PM GMT
    I still live with my parents icon_redface.gif
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    Jul 02, 2012 8:15 PM GMT
    cromi said
    Import saidIn an individualistic western society, it's not really expected that the children get out of school and take care of their parents....as it's expected that the parents can already take care of themselves... I mean...how can your parents take care of children if they cant take care of themselves?

    I could never take care of my parents. I could never support their 3 properties, 4 cars, I could never support their lifestyle.

    All they want from me is to support myself. icon_lol.gif
    Which I do, so we're al happy. icon_smile.gif


    I envy you in a way. Just a clarification though, i give some of my money to my mom not because i have to but because she basically supported me since birth until my first paycheck so i guess it's just right to give back. Does not mean i'll support all her needs, i'm just helping pay some of the bills.


    Too many contradictions, confused. obligated, not obligated culturally. Tied to her apron strings not tied to her apron strings.

    You either need to leave to grow as a man or you are happy being the perpetual child.

    You as an adult need to make this choice on your own. Your mother will love you either way. Sounds like you need to start loving yourself. Now is as good as anytime. Make your decision and stop blaming your mother for your indecision.
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    Jul 02, 2012 8:17 PM GMT
    cromi saidwell first of all, im from the Philippines, different culture diffrent ways of living etc. etc. so i want you to keep an open mind...



    So here it goes

    it has been floating in my mind for a year now to finally move out of the house, problem is, it would mean that i can no longer support my parent financially since i only make just above the minimum wage as a teacher. Now in our culture, it's a responsibility of the child that after graduation, he will help his parents financially when he gets a job, regardless of if the parent still has a job or not. I agree to that principle but(ugh! why is there always a but) as i've said i can barely make ends meet so i have to choose whether to stay and be a good son for a little longer or just go and be an ingrate :s. By the way i have been helping my mom for more than a year now so was it enough help already?

    To give you an idea i make 10,000 pesos a month then i give 4000 to my mom. The remaining 6k is for my food, transportation, miscellaneous and a little bit of savings. That 4k would cover for a room, utility bills if i decided to live on my own.

    Another thing, i think my mom doesn't like me being a teacher for obvious reasons(the pay), as a matter of fact i think i'm certain she doesn't like my job because of it. That just give me a reason to just leave and just do what i love without any side comments from my mom. O well.

    Guys, i'm kinda torn. Should i get another job so i can help and also live independently? Should i wait a few more years? Anything? Any advise...


    Move out, do what you want, and live your own life. Even under cultural pressure to support your parents, that doesn't mean you can't be independent. When my parents were around my age in the Philippines, they each went out and did their own thing (which happened to include coming to the US) and got themselves financially stable before sending money back to their families. If moving out of your parents' house means you'll eventually be better equipped to support yourself and your mom, then do it. She'll thank you later just like my grandparents thanked my parents later. =D

    Just don't let anyone shame you into thinking otherwise. If there's one thing Filipinos are good at (especially Filipino mothers), it's piling on the shame. (Partly the reason why the Catholic Church has the country by the balls, but that's whole 'nother kettle of fish.)
  • cromi

    Posts: 489

    Jul 02, 2012 8:21 PM GMT
    dcblue saidHow about taking a year or two to move out so you can save up more money but also let them know of your intentions now so that it doesn't come as such a shock. It will show them that you respect them and they will respect you for taking your time making such a big decision. All parents want their kids to be able to take care of themselves and if you show them how much thought you're putting into your decision to live independently, it will still be hard for them but they'll probably respect it. They moved out their own parents' houses to build their own lives, I'm sure they expect you to do the same.

    Are there other ways you can support your family than financially? Maybe you can come over and cook dinner for them a few nights a week or help out with yardwork? I'm not sure what is common where you are.

    Good luck!


    Thanks. The thing is i'm such a passive person. I rarely talk, even with family members, it not that i'm shy or something lol. I'm just waiting for the right moment to say it because i only have one chance to really talk it down with my mom. Thanks for the goodluck.
  • cromi

    Posts: 489

    Jul 02, 2012 8:28 PM GMT
    GigoloAssassin said
    cromi saidWell first of all, I'm from the Philippines....



    GURRRL I GOT YOU!
    MOVE OUT.
    I'm sorry but, you're adult now. It's Your Life too.

    I think This is the big issue with our Asian culture is that we are too dependent on our families. How are we going to learn to be independent?
    Your Mom needs to figure something out, because you've helped enough. I know it's tough because of the economy( believe me, I KNOW), but she can't expect you to live there forever. You can only do so much for your family.


    hi kababayan... salamat.
  • cromi

    Posts: 489

    Jul 02, 2012 8:37 PM GMT
    Adam228 saidJust so you know.. most Westerners aren't going to understand your situation and you can tell by the responses they are thinking like Westerners.

    Anyway..

    Can you get a better job? It seems like that would help you preserve your family ties and be a little happier.

    You seem to enjoy teaching, but if that comes at the cost of happiness in the rest of your life I"m not sure that's fair to you.


    Well my first work was an IT job, it pays VERY well but i did not love it, stupid to some but i feel miserable there, i thought money is happiness i was mistaken. i LOVE teaching. its been my dream since i was a kid so changing career is not an option. I just need my mom's approval then i'll be more happy.
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    Jul 02, 2012 8:42 PM GMT
    cromi said
    dcblue saidHow about taking a year or two to move out so you can save up more money but also let them know of your intentions now so that it doesn't come as such a shock. It will show them that you respect them and they will respect you for taking your time making such a big decision. All parents want their kids to be able to take care of themselves and if you show them how much thought you're putting into your decision to live independently, it will still be hard for them but they'll probably respect it. They moved out their own parents' houses to build their own lives, I'm sure they expect you to do the same.

    Are there other ways you can support your family than financially? Maybe you can come over and cook dinner for them a few nights a week or help out with yardwork? I'm not sure what is common where you are.

    Good luck!


    Thanks. The thing is i'm such a passive person. I rarely talk, even with family members, it not that i'm shy or something lol. I'm just waiting for the right moment to say it because i only have one chance to really talk it down with my mom. Thanks for the goodluck.


    Unfortunately for some things, there is no right time, only "better" times. However that can also be an excuse to avoid the situation all together.

    I agree with Cromi -- set a date and let your mother know you will be moving out by this date, and as such you will no longer be able to contribute financially. You could also slowly decrease the amount you are contributing per interval -- that way you can save more, and your mother will get accustomed to receiving less.

    Admittedly, this may cause stress on your relationship with her, at least initially. However, given the stress you feel you are under contributing 40% of your income to your mother simply because of cultural expectations -- which in turn prevent you from establishing your own life as an adult -- it is likely that the potential stress with your mother is the lesser of two "evils".

    Best of luck icon_smile.gif
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jul 02, 2012 8:45 PM GMT
    calibro said
    malefeet said
    calibro saidi graduated high school and said c-ya suckas!


    Yeah, but as handsome as you are - you probably had a line of guys waiting to provide for you. icon_wink.gif


    is provide a euphemism for...


    You are so silly.....but that's just one of the things I like about you... icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 02, 2012 8:46 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]cromi said[/cite]
    .... i can barely make ends meet so i have to choose whether to stay and be a good son for a little longer or just go and be an ingrate :s. By the way i have been helping my mom for more than a year now so was it enough help already?
    ...
    quote]

    Looks like you've already made your decission.
    But if you're unsure whether you already did what your parents expect you to do or not, why don't you ask them? After all they're your parents and they would probably want you to be happy.