Boyfriend not trying to patch things up after fight

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 03, 2012 1:26 AM GMT
    We had a fight about two weeks ago and it was his mistake. Later he texted me "I am sorry, but you have to understand". I was furious and did not feel like that was enough to forgive him. Besides he chose to text me instead of calling. He did not offer to make it up to me in some other way.

    A few days go by and he texts "are you still angry?" I said "yes", to which he replied with "Umm OK".

    He hasnt tried to explain and apologize to me again since then. It's like "I said it to you once, I dont care if that wasnt enough."

    I know I can be a stubborn psycho bitch, but is this how he should be handling this? Should I pretend like nothing happened, be cool, and move on? icon_sad.gif
  • oyoung

    Posts: 97

    Jul 03, 2012 2:06 AM GMT
    I guess it depends on how often these kinds of situations happen.

    In my mind, he has already tried, I know it was not that much. But at least he tried. How about you? did you do anything to make something up? Maybe you could ask him out for a drink or walk to talk about it.

    Although it is his mistakes, the relationship in my mind is two person's business. Both sides have to work hard to make it work.

    Just my thought, don't take it serious~ icon_cool.gif
    and Good luck!
  • mybud

    Posts: 11821

    Jul 03, 2012 4:00 AM GMT
    Sounds like your casting a lot of the blame on him...Both of you fought..Both are to blame..If you care for the guy swallow your pride..man up and get past it
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    Jul 03, 2012 4:30 AM GMT
    It sounds like you have specifics on what his apology should be!..Remember an apology is the gateway to solve the initial problem..Are you the type that's gonna make him beg??..cause this guy sounds like he's not gonna be begging anytime soon..The give away was when he called to ask.."Are you still angry??"..Calm down killer and give this guy a break..Your'e lucky you have a BF to fight with..Hmm..Maybe i should start a fight with my T.V. remote,,or my car..or that one frog that hangs out by the lake every night!!..You have a guy that cares..make the best of it!!!..Hugz..Work it out..life is too short..SMOOOOOCH!...icon_razz.gif
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jul 03, 2012 4:50 AM GMT
    well, is this a case of he hit your grandma with his car and killed her, in which case you need to let it go... or he ate all the cookies, and you need to eviscerate the bastard
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    Jul 03, 2012 4:52 AM GMT
    calibro saidwell, is this a case of he hit your grandma with his car and killed her, in which case you need to let it go... or he ate all the cookies, and you need to eviscerate the bastard


    Pretty much this.. it depends on how grievous the offence may have been... considering his constant reaching out and gauging your reaction, I would say he is sorry enough.... you may just be overreacting... maybe! I dont know your situation at all and dont pretend to, but you might want to consider that
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 03, 2012 4:56 AM GMT
    If you can't learn to forgive someone you are never going to have a successful relationship
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    Jul 03, 2012 5:02 AM GMT
    Sometimes you have to be the bigger man and make the first move to patch things up. That confuses the other person and they feel horrible that the person whos not at faulty is approaching first.
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    Jul 03, 2012 5:53 AM GMT
    The ball is in your court. He apologized, albeit not in the manner you may have hoped. Stop being the "stubborn psycho bitch" and either let him off the hook or have a heart-to-heart talk and resolve the matter once and for all. Give up the need to "be right" and "he better know it".
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    Jul 03, 2012 6:16 AM GMT
    Advaya saidWe had a fight about two weeks ago and it was his mistake. Later he texted me "I am sorry, but you have to understand". I was furious and did not feel like that was enough to forgive him. Besides he chose to text me instead of calling. He did not offer to make it up to me in some other way.

    A few days go by and he texts "are you still angry?" I said "yes", to which he replied with "Umm OK".

    He hasnt tried to explain and apologize to me again since then. It's like "I said it to you once, I dont care if that wasnt enough."

    I know I can be a stubborn psycho bitch, but is this how he should be handling this? Should I pretend like nothing happened, be cool, and move on? icon_sad.gif


    what would be enough? two apologies? three? a million? why do you want to rub his nose in it?

    i dont know what he did, but at the end of the day, you have to decide if you believe he's sorry or not. if you do, accept it, and move forward, together.

    if you dont...you have to ask yourself why.

    it sounds like you dont.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 03, 2012 6:45 AM GMT
    You have to tell us what he did so we can further analyze this scenario. II cheating is involved, dump his ass faster than you can snap your fingers.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 03, 2012 6:46 AM GMT
    You can be right or you can be in a relationship. Your choice.
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    Jul 03, 2012 1:23 PM GMT
    I think the first thing you -- and anyone else in a situation like this -- need to do is PICK UP THE PHONE & CALL HIM! I realize we're in the era of social media and limited human interaction, but I don't understand why people are afraid to talk directly to each other. I seriously doubt that you are both so busy that you can't take the time to make a genuinely personal attempt to salvage your relationship voice-to-voice or (dare I even be old school enough to suggest) face to face! It takes less time than tapping out a badly spelled/grammatically incorrect message. If nothing else, it shows you're able to go the "extra mile"...especially since you complained about him apologizing by text in the first place!icon_eek.gif
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    Jul 03, 2012 1:28 PM GMT
    xanadude saidI think the first thing you -- and anyone else in a situation like this -- need to do is PICK UP THE PHONE & CALL HIM! I realize we're in the era of social media and limited human interaction, but I don't understand why people are afraid to talk directly to each other. I seriously doubt that you are both so busy that you can't take the time to make a genuinely personal attempt to salvage your relationship voice-to-voice or (dare I even be old school enough to suggest) face to face! It takes less time than tapping out a badly spelled/grammatically incorrect message. If nothing else, it shows you're able to go the "extra mile"...especially since you complained about him apologizing by text in the first place!icon_eek.gif


    THIS!

    I get tired of people pretending text has the same texture and nuance as voice and live interaction.

    I'd advise you to suck it up, let go of your ego-trap of thinking of yourself as being a stubborn psycho bitch and meet him halfway. He did apologize. Accept it and enjoy the moments you can have.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 03, 2012 1:55 PM GMT
    i think many of us have been on either side of a similar situation before, and its hard to comment without the details, but this is what i know about relationships and arguments:

    you can't dictate the terms of an apology. txting might have been the norm in your relationship. if he's following the established norm of communication in your relationship, then an apology by text is to be expected. you can't all of a sudden change your value system because now you are in an argument.

    you could've easily replied in a softer manner: "yes i'm still angry but i want us to be together, to talk about it in person, and to clear it up" instead of a curt one-word answer.

    he's probably freaked out by your fury - no one would want to walk into a storm like that, let alone open a blast door.

    you are a self-confessed "stubborn psycho bitch" and that doesn't make it any easier for people to like you, or want to be with you. yes, he made a mistake and yes he apologized, but he could be on the fence about whether he wants to continue in this relationship if the arguments are so destructive. perhaps this is why the apology feels like the bare minimum.

    remember - all relationships take work and compromise. and even within conflict, there is communication. how you do it, determines the outcome. good luck!


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2012 12:36 PM GMT
    Wow, so many great advices.

    I did take a step forward and tried to clear things up. He apologized again but did not give me an explanation on why it took him two weeks to do so. I am going to let it slide this time but I'll make sure that the basterd knows he owes me one for this. icon_evil.gif (kidding)

    I agree with the "texting" comment. I am getting sick of it too.

    Thanks for your commets, guys. They helped a lot.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2012 1:20 PM GMT
    Texting and email are just newer ways for cowards to expose themselves by hiding behind a keyboard. If you love him, just move past this, but also let him know how it made you feel.
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    Jul 04, 2012 1:30 PM GMT
    I would've done the same thing if I was him. After the 2nd mean text from a dude, I move on. You owe him an apology at this point, and you'd better hope he's more forgiving than you.