Is he friend zoning me?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 03, 2012 10:30 AM GMT
    I just came out recently, I never wanted to but I met this guy, hes a friend of a friend, hes like the first gay guy that I know of and I feel really connected to. He went through the same challenges that Im going through now, difficult parents, accepting myself bla bla. Ive been talking to him a lot about my problems and one day I decided to come out because he made me feel safe and hopeful.

    Weve been out couple times, clubbing, weve had lunch twice. Every time we go out we usually just get it down on the dance floor and have heaps of fun. I feel as if I can talk to him about everything, we connect so well, and hes really open about his life he talks about everything including his ex boyfriend whom he just broke up with.

    But it seems like Im always the one making the effort texting him to meet up or go out. And whenever we chill, he doesnt seem like hes flirting, but he teases me a lot (mainly because i tease him too). And recently hes really open about his personal life as well without me asking. I really really like him, ive never felt so connected to anyone before, as if when we talk all cards are on the table theres no secrets or anything.

    But yes, he does hook up with randoms when we go out. but random hook ups are meaningless huh? actually i just realized now, after 3 paragraphs that im actually answering my own question. he is friend zoning me.

    icon_sad.gif

    i really like him sigh
  • Dominican_Gen...

    Posts: 379

    Jul 03, 2012 11:16 AM GMT
    LOL... Glad you are self aware enough !
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    Jul 03, 2012 12:36 PM GMT
    Sorry dude - on the bright side - he may just be on the rebound from his last relationship...

    Hang in there - you may find he'll make the next move when he's ready... in the meantime enjoy your freindship icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 03, 2012 1:38 PM GMT

    well he did say he wants to be a single gay man for at least 6 monnths, cuz ever since he came out hes never been single.

    yea well if im friends with him for 6 months or so, thats definitly friendzoning huh
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    Jul 03, 2012 2:12 PM GMT
    Is there anything wrong with having a deep friendship with another man who happens to be gay? no. I'd say take it as it is, gay friends are nice to have.

    Or... you could try telling him directly that you'd like to try having sex with him, and that you'd still want to be friends after. You've made it this far so even if it's bad the friendship should still be ok.
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    Jul 04, 2012 3:14 AM GMT
    Uh no, I don't really wanna just have sex with him. I mean yea at first I was just drooling over his physicality, even thought of making him drunk spiking his drunk or something and sleep with him

    But we had coffee for the first time and we talked and it was then I think I fell for him. He's just genuinely a really nice guy, charismatic and admirable. When I talk to him I feel like I can talk about anything and he'd always know all the right things to say to make me feel better and happy.

    Id always get nervous before I see him but once we start talking I feel very at ease and I just wanna see him every single day if I could

    I mean I dont really fantasize him, yes I do, but like in romantic kind of way. I dont just wanna sleep with him.

    :/

    Ugh life is so complicated. Oh I've never had a bf before :/ so I really don't know how to make him like me (if that's even possible)

    But I've never felt so strongly like this before
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2012 3:16 AM GMT
    Maybe he doesn't want to have his first real gay friendship to turn into a relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2012 8:53 AM GMT
    Nah he has a lot of great gay friends. He's like really nice and sociable
  • songhan499

    Posts: 2

    Jul 04, 2012 9:21 AM GMT
    no. I'd say take it as it is, gay friends are nice to have.
    kv.gif
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Jul 04, 2012 9:55 AM GMT
    What he gives to you he does not give to hook ups.
    There's a reason for that.
    What he shares with hook ups he's not sharing with you. That's not about what you fear, it's about what he fears. When (if) he sees value in what he gives away in a hookup, he MIGHT give to you as well. Or not.
    Either way, be smart enough to recognize which has greater value and whom he trusts more. Do not ever trade that emotional intimacy in the friendship - its shelflife is far, far greater than sex.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2012 9:37 PM GMT
    Why don't you just have a one night stand with him? Good chance he won't pass it up.
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    Jul 04, 2012 9:50 PM GMT
    hunkintruble saidWhy don't you just have a one night stand with him? Good chance he won't pass it up.
    Good chance he will pass it up, if they've already hung out a few times and he's hooking up with other guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2012 9:59 PM GMT
    This is why so many gay friendships die before they have a chance to grow. With straight men you don't even entertain the idea of becoming sexual so the friendship remains beautifully uncomplicated. But with gay men if one desires the other in a way the other does not then it has a much tougher time lasting.

    Just accept the boundaries he wants and be happy you have a friend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2012 10:03 PM GMT
    Yeah, if he's partying with you, but hooking up with someone else at the end of the night, that's just a friendship
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    Jul 04, 2012 10:26 PM GMT
    oh damm... that sucks
    the friend zone is pretty hard to get out of once you're in it icon_confused.gif
    if you don't wanna be friend zoned you may want to pull away from him for a while... I really don't see another way to get out of that situation and into a relationship?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 04, 2012 10:30 PM GMT
    sounds like a bromance to me. sorry to hear that

    feel better man
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    Jul 05, 2012 1:18 AM GMT
    well that sucks

    well his birthdays coming up i thought of gettin something but i think whatever im thinking of giving would totally give it away the fact that i like him. and since hes already friendzoned me, it would be awkward huh.


    like seriously, friendzoning in the gay world is so much more complicated than in the straight world.

    well every time we go out wed usually look after each other. and the days hed hook up with randoms, he would totally disappear off the radar, actually i think hes just embarrassed of me cuz i dont do hook ups and shit.

    my bad tho, i was totally giving the im judging you look one time he hooked up haha

    sigh this is depressing but i guess itll get better
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    Jul 05, 2012 1:30 AM GMT
    arzr saidwell that sucks

    well his birthdays coming up i thought of gettin something but i think whatever im thinking of giving would totally give it away the fact that i like him. and since hes already friendzoned me, it would be awkward huh.


    like seriously, friendzoning in the gay world is so much more complicated than in the straight world.

    well every time we go out wed usually look after each other. and the days hed hook up with randoms, he would totally disappear off the radar, actually i think hes just embarrassed of me cuz i dont do hook ups and shit.

    my bad tho, i was totally giving the im judging you look one time he hooked up haha

    sigh this is depressing but i guess itll get better


    ya I would actually rather a guy I'm crushing on big time to reject me than friend zone me... that would suck to watch him hooking up with other guys. If you try and stay friends with him your feelings won't disappear and you'll end up broken hearted. You need to steer clear of him - just start hanging out with him less and stop texting/calling him as often. Try doing it once a week or something.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 05, 2012 2:09 AM GMT
    I'd suggest thinking to yourself the following:

    "Do I really like him, or am I latching onto the first gay guy to pay attention to me?"
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    Jul 05, 2012 4:47 AM GMT
    That's not it. He's not the first. He's just the only one that's different. Somehow.

    It's crazy he's all I think of and its depressing cuz there's a constant battle in my head.

    One part is hopeful

    The other is telling me shut the fuck up, he's never gonna like u just be cool and get over it

    Oh yea he's like totally super hot and likable everyone's after him. That sounds really immature but no I am not into him just cuz of his great looks.

    And it's really hard to not contact him, cuz he's always keen for drinks or chilling and he lives near by as well.

    Sigh!