wahoz

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    Jul 03, 2012 4:37 PM GMT
    I went out to this guys house for a cuddle/sleep over date. Yes, I know what you're thinking...that's bullshit, etc. Except I made myself 100% clear, multiple times, that I don't hookup and hate hooking up on the first time I hangout, and I'm uncomfortable with it...etc. He thought that was "cute." Unfortunately, one thing led to another and he ended up sleeping naked. I didn't. We didn't do anything sexual, either. I kept to my golden rule, I guess sorta.

    This guy tried SO unimaginably hard to get me to do something with him, but in a very innocent/cute way - so I wasn't going to walk out. I had control, it wasn't a big deal. He was a smartie pants.

    Anyways... He explained multiple times that he has never been fucked, had never been the bottom.

    Well...I called bullshit.

    He left to go downstairs for 10 minutes to do something..

    There was an essay on his desk, the only thing with writing on his desk, entitled "My Homosexual Journey" - the paper had an A on the top of it by a professor.


    I flipped to a random page, just to see if the kid had some writing skills (he did) - and the first thing I read is "and he came in me" ...

    o____o

    The whole page was about how he had unprotected (bottom) sex for an entire summer.

    I walked out politely, and texted him that he lied, and that his paper was well written. He was mortified and said he felt violated/vulnerable..etc.

    What I did may have been wrong but...I never expected to read that in an essay to a professor. I just assumed it would have some heartfelt stories about his coming out, etc. I was hoping to feel stronger about him. Idk, I didn't expect explicit details like that.

    Was I wrong to read it?
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    Jul 03, 2012 4:45 PM GMT
    neo.jpg
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    Jul 03, 2012 5:01 PM GMT
    I mean, he just had it laying out on his desk? I think that would be fair game.

    It would be a different story if you had rummaged through his desk drawers, found it, and then proceeded to read it, but since it was just chillen, I dont see why not.
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    Jul 03, 2012 5:02 PM GMT
    Yep, he's definitely girly. Girls pull the same shit with straight guys all the time.
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    Jul 03, 2012 5:05 PM GMT
    Did he bottom the entire summer for his professor?

    Anyways you don't need to be guilty about it, he obviously has some shady character and is not worth your time. Good thing you found out before you invest anything into him.
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    Jul 03, 2012 5:11 PM GMT
    JayP said
    paulflexes saidYep, he's definitely girly. Girls pull the same shit with straight guys all the time.



    ahahahahah. so true. sometimes i hate your posts, sometimes i love them. today's a <3
    My dark humor takes getting used to sometimes. icon_lol.gif <3
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    Jul 03, 2012 5:23 PM GMT
    That's what he gets for being a lying POS. I'm glad you read it because who knows if he's been tested and what his status is. Was it a violation that you read it? Yes, in many ways. But in many other ways, it was meant to be read.
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    Jul 03, 2012 5:30 PM GMT
    Wrong to read it? Yeah. What it said is irrelevant. In this case you learned something by invading his privacy. But why you would put yourself in the situation of a "cuddle/sleep over date" with a complete stranger and expect him to behave like a gentleman is probably worth examining.
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    Jul 03, 2012 5:32 PM GMT
    sorry, but I can't get past: naked cuddle sleep-over date; not, wrapping my mind around it.
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    Jul 03, 2012 5:34 PM GMT
    CrankySpice saidWhat if the paper was.........



    ,,,,fiction?



    cience fiction!!! D:!!!
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    Jul 03, 2012 5:35 PM GMT
    Everything i TOO wierd!! NEXT!! dont wast time!!
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    Jul 03, 2012 5:37 PM GMT
    JayP saidI went out to this guys house for a cuddle/sleep over date. Yes, I know what you're thinking...that's bullshit, etc. Except I made myself 100% clear, multiple times, that I don't hookup and hate hooking up on the first time I hangout, and I'm uncomfortable with it...etc.


    This reminds me of guys who go on Grindr and swear up and down they're not the least bit interested in sex there, or guys who go to a steakhouse and they're like I don't eat meat that's barbaric! There are just so many cases of people going to places and doing things where something is clearly and specifically done and they go there with the intention of doing the exact opposite then are shocked when the thing that is done there comes up to them.
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    Jul 03, 2012 5:38 PM GMT
    I don't think it was invasion of his privacy, it was a paper not his secret diary. Also am glad you found out, who knows what else he is lying about and how many STDs he has.
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    Jul 03, 2012 5:50 PM GMT
    sounds like you nearly got raped.
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    Jul 03, 2012 5:50 PM GMT
    JayP said
    WholeNewMan said
    dustin_K_tx saidsorry, but I can't get past: naked cuddle sleep-over date; not, wrapping my mind around it.

    This, too. ^^^^


    people that work 9-6 jobs don't have much time, so why not have pillow talk and cuddle? he got naked around like 2 am, and i didn't want to leave at that hour. i just rolled over and slept. what's so wrong with that?


    Oh. Ok. so pretty much what guys that have been together for 10 years do....so cool being your generation...going to investigate this type of dating further.

    as for snooping: It is my thought/experience that papers such as these are published through the University (abscohost or plagiarism servers) and a good search would have found it. Plus why the hell was it just laying out? Sounds like some subconscious or deliberate thing going on.

    plus, plus, news flash: Men will lie their asses off to get in your pants.
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    Jul 03, 2012 5:50 PM GMT
    JayP said
    WholeNewMan said
    dustin_K_tx saidsorry, but I can't get past: naked cuddle sleep-over date; not, wrapping my mind around it.

    This, too. ^^^^


    people that work 9-6 jobs don't have much time, so why not have pillow talk and cuddle? he got naked around like 2 am, and i didn't want to leave at that hour. i just rolled over and slept. what's so wrong with that?


    It's a little weird to me, the notion of a 'cuddle date'.
    I don't know about you but I find cuddling and to a lesser extent pillow talk to be extremely intimate emotionally, seems weird to want to do it with someone you dont know.
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    Jul 03, 2012 5:59 PM GMT
    sorry, I guess i'll dissent. I don't think you should have read it. completely an invasion of privacy. even if he lied about never having had sex, that was HIS bad karma, his lie, his negative decision. by reading that paper, you have made an unfortunate decision as well (to invade the privacy of someone you don't know), so your hands aren't really clean in this.

    I guess I just really really value respecting privacy and I don't respect this at all.
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    Jul 03, 2012 6:36 PM GMT
    He means he nearly had sex with you without your consent because you would have consented to have sex with a fake person, not the real him.

    Also, did no one see what I did there with Neo and the bullets?
  • DCguy2001

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    Jul 03, 2012 6:54 PM GMT
    Should you have read the paper? I'm ambivalent. I understand arguments that you invaded his privacy, but...since it was lying out in the open so I'm not that bothered by it. I'm more bothered by the contents of the paper. The guy sounds like a liar who regularly engages in unsafe sex - and then tried to pressure you into having sex with him even after agreeing to your request that you just cuddle. I certainly wouldn't beat myself up under those circumstances. Even if your conduct wasn't perfect, in this scenario he's the bad guy.
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    Jul 03, 2012 7:14 PM GMT
    I'm with homastj. Privacy is important. While I don't condone lying by any means, I think there's a stark difference between looking at pictures/titles of books/cds someone has at their place to picking up a school paper and reading from it.

    That being said, I'm glad you found out before you allowed yourself to be duped into something fake!
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    Jul 03, 2012 7:40 PM GMT
    Frankly, I feel anyone who'd agree to your..unusual arrangement ("I'm going to come over, get in your bed and cuddle/talk intimately, but nothing more than that can happen", wtf are we twelve?) is not of soundest mind. It'd be one thing if you knew him somewhat, but a stranger? The only strangers I can envision would go along with this on a first meeting are shady men who believe they can sway you into a different outcome...and those types are in fact more likely to behave as his paper revealed.

    Neither of your were guilty or innocent of anything. It reads like all around poor judgement/critical thinking. Meaning, as an answer to the OP's question, you were not factually or contextually wrong to read the paper. You should've never let yourself into that situation in the first place.
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    Jul 03, 2012 7:51 PM GMT
    RunintheCity saidFrankly, I feel anyone who'd agree to your..unusual arrangement ("I'm going to come over, get in your bed and cuddle/talk intimately, but nothing more than that can happen", wtf are we twelve?) is not of soundest mind. It'd be one thing if you knew him somewhat, but a stranger? The only strangers I can envision would go along with this on a first meeting are shady men who believe they can sway you into a different outcome...and those types are in fact more likely to behave as his paper revealed.

    Neither of your were guilty or innocent of anything. It reads like all around poor judgement/critical thinking. Meaning, as an answer to the OP's question, you were not factually or contextually wrong to read the paper. You should've never let yourself into that situation in the first place.


    Yup, yup, what he said. It needs repeating!!!!!
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    Jul 03, 2012 7:57 PM GMT
    See, that changes the context of your original story. I'd actually now say you should not have read the paper and I'd still say you shouldn't have been trying to have a sleep over until you knew him better.

  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Jul 03, 2012 8:03 PM GMT
    I would say that you should not have read the paper. Granted, it was laying out, not hidden - but, I have a desk in my bedroom, on it are bills, personal letters and cards, etc. I would not expect a "guest" to pick up personal items and start reading them, just because they were out in the open.

    I'm not surprised that you did, we're all curious about such things. You knew he was giving you a line of bull, and the paper confirmed it.
    I'd advise not going the "cuddle" route and avoiding this type of thing if you want to get to know someone prior to sleeping with them. It's seems like it puts you in a position of making it very difficult to resist having sex if you're not ready.
  • DCguy2001

    Posts: 314

    Jul 03, 2012 9:26 PM GMT
    For the record, I don't think the idea of a cuddling-only sleepover is so bad when you've established that as the ground rules ahead of time. Especially in this case where it sounds like the OP was bigger than the other guy so he wasn't putting himself in any real physical jeopardy of being overpowered. But it sounds like I might be in the minority on that point...