My brother is homophobic

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    Jul 04, 2012 11:52 PM GMT
    In the past week on two different occasions my brother has said ugly words about gays. I am not out but it makes me furious to hear him talk this way. I might explode on him one day very soon. icon_twisted.gif
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    Jul 04, 2012 11:59 PM GMT
    I know it can be difficult, but try to remain calm and offer a different view than his. If you are angry when you confront him about his views, he will remember the anger and not your message. It's real life, so don't treat it like bickering in online forums. He might still not agree, but it will at least give him something to think about. There is a shift in attitudes going on in this country, maybe he will be a part of it.
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    Jul 05, 2012 12:00 AM GMT
    singles saidMy brother is homophobic
    Welcome to the club.
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    Jul 05, 2012 12:03 AM GMT
    BTW, don't explode on him. Just ignore him.

    Y'all grew up together. Brothers always fight. Hell I took taekwondo just so I learn to whip my brother's ass (before I came out - he was always an ass). It worked. icon_cool.gif

    One day yours will call to say he's sorry. Well, hopefully. Mine is still homophobic and we still don't talk; but when we do see each other around family he always treats me kinda nice and doesn't fuck with me too much cause he knows I'll fucking put his ass in the hospital.

    Again. icon_twisted.gif
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    Jul 05, 2012 12:09 AM GMT
    To me prejudice is prejudice, race, creed, culture, sex orientation. I was brought up in family that believes in the elimination of all kinds of prejudice, but him and my parents still have problems with this.

    It makes me so angry, this and also how heterosexuals can be perverted and talk sex but when it is about gay sex or love they think it is all wrong. I will try to calm down but all of this makes me want to reject them more and more, no wonder I decided not to come out, it would make my life miserable cause I know their capacity.
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    Jul 05, 2012 12:11 AM GMT
    oh and also on the weekend I went out with a guy friend and he told me about his friends who came out to him, and now he is telling me how he thinks that gay guys are mentally ill. It has been a bad few days for me, surrounded with idiots.
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    Jul 05, 2012 1:34 AM GMT
    singles saidTo me prejudice is prejudice, race, creed, culture, sex orientation. I was brought up in family that believes in the elimination of all kinds of prejudice, but him and my parents still have problems with this.

    It makes me so angry, this and also how heterosexuals can be perverted and talk sex but when it is about gay sex or love they think it is all wrong. I will try to calm down but all of this makes me want to reject them more and more, no wonder I decided not to come out, it would make my life miserable cause I know their capacity.
    Grow some balls and stop being a pussy. Stand up to your brother.

    Who cares if you hurt him? That's what he wants to do to you. This isn't about eye for an eye. This is about eye BEFORE an eye. AKA: Self Defense.

    Passiveness only wins in chess and golf.
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    Jul 05, 2012 1:36 AM GMT
    Your brother loves you, right?

    Because if he does, you coming out to him could be what makes him change his opinions on gays, and realize that not all stereotypes are true.
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    Jul 05, 2012 1:45 AM GMT
    Cfin saidYour brother loves you, right?

    Because if he does, you coming out to him could be what makes him change his opinions on gays, and realize that not all stereotypes are true.
    Put away your rose colored glasses. They're kinda cool, but they don't show reality.

    While what you say "could" be true, that's not the most important part. The most important part is to be prepared for a family feud...and not a game show.

    If he's prepared for a family feud, he can handle it gracefully. If not, it could turn into a clusterfuck. This is just a fact of life.
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    Jul 05, 2012 1:51 AM GMT
    it will have disastrous outcome, one that will ruin my peace of mind and life.
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    Jul 05, 2012 1:54 AM GMT
    Cfin saidYour brother loves you, right?

    Because if he does, you coming out to him could be what makes him change his opinions on gays, and realize that not all stereotypes are true.


    This.
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    Jul 05, 2012 1:54 AM GMT
    singles saidit will have disastrous outcome, one that will ruin my peace of mind and life.
    Only temporarily. Life has ups and downs. Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes it's awesome.

    If you try to hard to make awesome all the time, it'll always suck (but won't swallow and make it enjoyable).
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    Jul 05, 2012 1:56 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Cfin saidYour brother loves you, right?

    Because if he does, you coming out to him could be what makes him change his opinions on gays, and realize that not all stereotypes are true.
    Put away your rose colored glasses. They're kinda cool, but they don't show reality.

    While what you say "could" be true, that's not the most important part. The most important part is to be prepared for a family feud...and not a game show.

    If he's prepared for a family feud, he can handle it gracefully. If not, it could turn into a clusterfuck. This is just a fact of life.

    I gave my opinion. If you don't like it, that's fine.
    Obviously, the advice I give is advice I give because of my life experience.

    In my life, my family and I have always been very close and supportive to one another. So to me, family is a bond that can not be broken.

    Yes, he should be prepared for the worst, but that doesn't mean he should expect the worst or accept that the worst will happen. There are positive possible outcomes and to not even bring them up would be silly.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jul 05, 2012 2:37 AM GMT
    Some people think they don't know any gay people, so they tend to speak out of ignorance, relying on all of the wrong information that they've heard throughout their lives.

    Unless you speak up, you will suffer from your brother's negative comments for as long as you both are alive.

    If you tell him that you're gay, it's possible that he could hate you.
    It's also possible that it could completely change his mind about what he thinks of gay people.

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    Jul 05, 2012 2:46 AM GMT
    I appreciate all your comments, time to ponder and act.
  • araphael

    Posts: 1148

    Jul 05, 2012 3:00 AM GMT
    singles saidIn the past week on two different occasions my brother has said ugly words about gays. I am not out but it makes me furious to hear him talk this way. I might explode on him one day very soon. icon_twisted.gif


    He's your brother dude. Remember that. Brothers give each other hell no matter what. If you were perfect and not gay, he would give you hell for being perfect. But no one else's love runs deeper for you than your brother's. Even though brothers, we tend to be retarded in how we express our love for each other because It makes us feel all "weird and funny" inside, lol.
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    Jul 05, 2012 3:05 AM GMT
    Trust me, I know what it's like. I think it's one thing to have parents who are against it because they may actually have a change of heart for their kid, but siblings especially brothers will most likely have a hard time.

    I'm really close to my brothers, but my older one is extremely conservative and is totally against gays. So I have no idea how to tell him... but I know his reaction will be horrible (he's very dramatic and loves to make a huge scene out of things).

    Goodluck man.
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    Jul 05, 2012 4:05 AM GMT
    Cfin said
    paulflexes said
    Cfin saidYour brother loves you, right?

    Because if he does, you coming out to him could be what makes him change his opinions on gays, and realize that not all stereotypes are true.
    Put away your rose colored glasses. They're kinda cool, but they don't show reality.

    While what you say "could" be true, that's not the most important part. The most important part is to be prepared for a family feud...and not a game show.

    If he's prepared for a family feud, he can handle it gracefully. If not, it could turn into a clusterfuck. This is just a fact of life.

    I gave my opinion. If you don't like it, that's fine.
    Obviously, the advice I give is advice I give because of my life experience.

    In my life, my family and I have always been very close and supportive to one another. So to me, family is a bond that can not be broken.

    Yes, he should be prepared for the worst, but that doesn't mean he should expect the worst or accept that the worst will happen. There are positive possible outcomes and to not even bring them up would be silly.
    My life's mantra is "expect the worst and hope for the best."

    Any attitude other than that can make life miserable when the worst actually happens. icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 05, 2012 4:09 AM GMT
    Well all my brothers are either gay or bisexual, it is not guaranteed bliss.
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    Jul 05, 2012 4:49 AM GMT
    tru_blu_auzzie saidWell all my brothers are either gay or bisexual, it is not guaranteed bliss.
    OMG you didn't say half-brothers! Are you going soft on us...so to speak? icon_razz.gificon_biggrin.gif
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Jul 05, 2012 5:57 AM GMT
    Webster's response is right on. Why not tell your brother you are gay? If he loves you, it won't make any difference to him, and if not, what have you lost? A brother who does not appreciate you for who you are, and who might possibly come around in time.

    At your age, why do you need to keep your gay identity a secret from your family? Are you a politician who will be thrown out of office if people learn you are gay? Are you dependent on parents for support, and they will cut you off? Are your relatives going to disinherit you from millions of bucks if they learn you are gay?
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Jul 05, 2012 6:04 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    singles saidTo me prejudice is prejudice, race, creed, culture, sex orientation. I was brought up in family that believes in the elimination of all kinds of prejudice, but him and my parents still have problems with this.

    It makes me so angry, this and also how heterosexuals can be perverted and talk sex but when it is about gay sex or love they think it is all wrong. I will try to calm down but all of this makes me want to reject them more and more, no wonder I decided not to come out, it would make my life miserable cause I know their capacity.
    Grow some balls and stop being a pussy. Stand up to your brother.

    Who cares if you hurt him? That's what he wants to do to you. This isn't about eye for an eye. This is about eye BEFORE an eye. AKA: Self Defense.

    Passiveness only wins in chess and golf.


    This is the second time I've agreed with Paul in a week. Is Venus and Uranus in alignment or something?
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    Jul 05, 2012 8:41 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    tru_blu_auzzie saidWell all my brothers are either gay or bisexual, it is not guaranteed bliss.
    OMG you didn't say half-brothers! Are you going soft on us...so to speak? icon_razz.gificon_biggrin.gif


    Our dear g0y, it's not that one is going soft, or even been hard. You overlook the many, many years one has had to endure the heartless brutality of RJ members such as yourself, and a few others you hang with; all because I behold a security and self love none of you do.

    No as they are my fathers children, did not need to be stated; other wise my married breeding bisexual brother would be a half bother as he is both straight and gay, yet neither or either. No he will never ever be a Bona Fide Homosexual; and if he ever comes out to stand under the banner of gay latter in his life, oh boy am I going to have fun.icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 05, 2012 8:42 PM GMT
    Beat his ass then fuck it. lol
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    Jul 05, 2012 8:59 PM GMT
    singles saidIn the past week on two different occasions my brother has said ugly words about gays. I am not out but it makes me furious to hear him talk this way. I might explode on him one day very soon. icon_twisted.gif


    Dude you are 40 and the family STILL thinks you are hetero? Who gave them that impression??

    Just lay it out there............the world will not end.