Numerous Sexual Partners: Turn Off or Non Factor.

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    Jul 05, 2012 1:01 AM GMT
    Men, especially gay men are notorious for being sexualized whores. Rather true or just stereotyped it does seem like sex is a big deal, that cannot be denied.

    Anyway, my question is this.

    Is there a such thing as having too many sexual partners? Is it a turn off and or would you find it hard to date someone who has been with so many people.

    What is the cut off number for you.

    I was talking to this guy who seemed so good, but then he said he had 19 partners, and for him to be 22... just made me feel...kind of turned off. Even though he said it was protected it just seemed...dirty to me. I just could not be intimate with someone who has had so many other partners.

    I don't judge him for it, he is still a great guy, but I just can't go there with him. I would have to be seriously in love to overlook something like that.

    Has that ever happened to you?

    Or is everyone slutty and happy icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 05, 2012 1:08 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidIs There A Such Thing As Too Many Sexual Partners
    It depends on how many show up at once.
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    Jul 05, 2012 1:48 AM GMT
    The number of previous partners is a blessing.
    How else would they have found you if they did not have the (# of previous sexual partners + 1)?

    This number would be an indicator of just how hard they looked for you.
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    Jul 05, 2012 2:17 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidThe number of previous partners is a blessing.
    How else would they have found you if they did not have the (# of previous sexual partners + 1)?

    This number would be an indicator of just how hard they looked for you.


    hmm... I have to say I never thought of it that way.
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    Jul 05, 2012 2:24 AM GMT
    Abstinence for many years now has taught me so much about myself and my morals... I've had to make many corrections.

    I don't believe there is too much sex or even too little. It is a danger to indulge in almost anything; you can wind up dead or with a really bad head ache.

    Having sex is healthy and not having sex is healthy. We are not strangers anymore to the consequences of either!
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    Jul 05, 2012 2:27 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA said
    GAMRican saidThe number of previous partners is a blessing.
    How else would they have found you if they did not have the (# of previous sexual partners + 1)?

    This number would be an indicator of just how hard they looked for you.


    hmm... I have to say I never thought of it that way.


    I want my men to look really hard when they meet me.

    Rock hard. icon_lol.gif
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Jul 05, 2012 2:31 AM GMT
    I mean to be honest I am not a big fan fan of promiscuity, but I am not going to judge anyone if they are. I feel a lot of people are looking for love and we sometimes equate sex with love.
  • araphael

    Posts: 1148

    Jul 05, 2012 2:39 AM GMT
    You ask a good question. Actually my only frame of reference for this question, really, is girls (because I'm not too good at picking up guys yet, although I'm trying to figure it out) and if a girl told me that she had a lot of guys I was kinda in the middle in my mind. I knew I shouldn't care about how many guys before me, but the problem is that if she gave herself up to so many guys then I felt like there was nothing special about me. I know that sounds kinda jerk-like, but I'm answering your question honestly. I recently hooked up with a guy who told me he had just ended a three year relationship and my dick got as hard as hell. I think it was because I immediately figured that he hadn't had sex with anyone but that one guy for three years. For some reason that turned me on. And what's more fucked up is that my fantasy and dream gay life is to have sex with like a lot of guys. I guess when I have sex with guys I like the idea that they are "clean" (whatever that means) like me because I've been selective with my partners. I don't know, but this a good question. I hate to be a hater in any way like the dreggs of every society which is what haters are.
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    Jul 05, 2012 3:00 AM GMT
    NyRuinz saidI mean to be honest I am not a big fan fan of promiscuity, but I am not going to judge anyone if they are. I feel a lot of people are looking for love and we sometimes equate sex with love.


    "Promiscuous" - anybody who is having more sex than the person making the judgement.
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    Jul 05, 2012 3:41 PM GMT
    GAMRican said
    NyRuinz saidI mean to be honest I am not a big fan fan of promiscuity, but I am not going to judge anyone if they are. I feel a lot of people are looking for love and we sometimes equate sex with love.


    "Promiscuous" - anybody who is having more sex than the person making the judgement.


    but judging someone and being turned off are not the same.

    I can still love you as a person but just not be into you. That doesn't make it wrong.
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    Jul 05, 2012 4:14 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidThe number of previous partners is a blessing.
    How else would they have found you if they did not have the (# of previous sexual partners + 1)?

    This number would be an indicator of just how hard they looked for you.

    If he has X number of partners that means he had X number of chances to be with any one of them. But he decided on you. Interesting way of looking at it.

    Personally It doesn't matter to me how many guys he did in the past. On the contrary when I find that he hasn't/doesn't hook up or has had very few partners (assuming he isn't very young), It tends to make me feel a bit uncomfortable.
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    Jul 05, 2012 6:13 PM GMT
    TellMeMoar said
    GAMRican saidThe number of previous partners is a blessing.
    How else would they have found you if they did not have the (# of previous sexual partners + 1)?

    This number would be an indicator of just how hard they looked for you.

    If he has X number of partners that means he had X number of chances to be with any one of them. But he decided on you. Interesting way of looking at it.

    Personally It doesn't matter to me how many guys he did in the past. On the contrary when I find that he hasn't/doesn't hook up or has had very few partners (assuming he isn't very young), It tends to make me feel a bit uncomfortable.


    REALLY!?!?!?

    I find that such a turn on. I know for me I would want someone who thinks of intimacy as highly as I do and is willing to wait, because of cherishing the person you are with and putting time and truly investing in the relationship.

    Why would you be uncomfortable by it?
    Are you more on the casual sex side, rather than the dating to settle down side?
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    Jul 05, 2012 6:27 PM GMT
    i'd be more likely to judge someone by having never had a stable relationship (open or otherwise) than having been very sexually active at any point in their life.

    the former is a red flag for emotional issues

    the latter is just indication of a healthy sex drive
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    Jul 05, 2012 6:47 PM GMT
    Pro: lots of experience, sexual persona more defined
    Con: more likely to have caught something, fucking me is less special to them
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    Jul 05, 2012 7:32 PM GMT
    Bambino_Rex saidi'd be more likely to judge someone by having never had a stable relationship (open or otherwise) than having been very sexually active at any point in their life.

    the former is a red flag for emotional issues

    the latter is just indication of a healthy sex drive


    How is that a red flag.

    I mean is there anyone out there who thinks of sex as something important.

    I mean even as humans, we are taught that marriage and waiting is good, and that virginity is precious.

    Since when did not having alot of sex with different people mean you have emotional issues O_O.

    I know your not the first to say that, and I am not mad, but I am just in awe.

    It's crazy to me.

    A guy waits patiently for someone he truly cares for, and wants a real bond or connection and some would think of that as a red flag, while going around being..."frisky" is normal.

    sigh...

    I am so confused.
    Well I have to like SkinnyB's answer.

    I wouldnt feel special or even appreciated if the person Im with has been with everyone else.

    I guess I just have such a high reguard when it comes to being with someone on that level.

    Not judging, but I just totally disagree.
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    Jul 05, 2012 8:14 PM GMT
    I do agree though that a lack of relationship for a long time has a likelihood of emotional issues. Like a plant kept in a dark damn place can mold, become weak due to lack of motion and sunlight, when it is moved out into the light. OH DAT PLANT IS DEAAAAD.
    By that plant, I'm talking about myself because I'm 30 years old without relationships. And I'm not even datable now.

    As a 30 year old virgin, I can say that the only person I've encountered who has thought my virginity is precious is myself. In men, it's not really a cherished trait... that's more of a straight female thing. Although some might find it endearing or they'd feel safer doing bareback or something. I could see the neatness of being someone's first, but would require time. A whole lot of precious time. It's gonna take patience and time. To do it. To do it. To do it. To do it. To do it. To do it ri-iiiight.

    I think that guy above me was saying the lack of relationship is the red flag, not lack of sex.
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    Jul 05, 2012 8:29 PM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA said
    I find that such a turn on. I know for me I would want someone who thinks of intimacy as highly as I do and is willing to wait, because of cherishing the person you are with and putting time and truly investing in the relationship.

    I can separate sexual intimacy from emotional intimacy. For me a relationship requires both parts to work well. Nothing less is acceptable.

    I've always thought of myself as monogamous but reading all the various opinions on RJ has made me rethink. And no that does not border on 'watching BB pron makes people wanna BB' thing.
    JamieJfromtheA said
    Why would you be uncomfortable by it?

    I guess I prefer someone with more experience who knows what he wants and what he does. Thats something that comes with experience. I don't want to be the source of someones discomfort.
    JamieJfromtheA said
    Are you more on the casual sex side, rather than the dating to settle down side?
    I have no problem with casual sex. Though I prefer a regulars over one offs. Also I prefer single guys over those attached. I'm not closed to an LTR but I know what I want and not willing to settle for less.

    To me no relationship is better than a bad/uncomfortable relationship. And yes, I do get the 'better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all' but I prefer not to have loved than live with bad memories/experiences. maybe it's a defense mechanism of mine... idk..
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    Jul 05, 2012 8:35 PM GMT
    19 partners at 22 turns you off? Dude are you high, or just fucking clueless?

    Only 19 partners and single means he's still a wittle gayby!

    Around here, guys have, well, significantly more than that if they aren't involved with someone.
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    Jul 05, 2012 9:06 PM GMT
    Firebrand said19 partners at 22 turns you off? Dude are you high, or just fucking clueless?

    Only 19 partners and single means he's still a wittle gayby!

    Around here, guys have, well, significantly more than that if they aren't involved with someone.


    maybe to you firebrand, but considering that most people dont become sexually active till around the ages of 15 (give or take a few years younger or older) to be 22, and have had that many partners is to much to me...

    but like i said, some(maybe not many) think of sex as more than just a physical action to get off.


    but I am curious Firebrand, how many do you think is ok for such a young age? Since 19 is nothing.


    on a side not @ SkinnyB

    Just because you are a virgin, doesnt mean you havent had good relationships. i mean since when are virgins/ those who don't engage in alot of sexual activity synonymous with emotional issues.

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    Jul 05, 2012 9:20 PM GMT
    Firebrand said19 partners at 22 turns you off? Dude are you high, or just fucking clueless?

    Only 19 partners and single means he's still a wittle gayby!

    Around here, guys have, well, significantly more than that if they aren't involved with someone.


    Agreed... I find the self righteousness that this prudishness betrays a far more significant turn off than how many sexual partners a guy has had....

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    Jul 05, 2012 9:27 PM GMT
    GonzoTheGreat said
    Firebrand said19 partners at 22 turns you off? Dude are you high, or just fucking clueless?

    Only 19 partners and single means he's still a wittle gayby!

    Around here, guys have, well, significantly more than that if they aren't involved with someone.


    Agreed... I find the self righteousness that this prudishness betrays a far more significant turn off than how many sexual partners a guy has had....



    Considering the fact I am not trying to turn you on, I could care less. I just asked if someone has ever felt like that.

    I never said someone was a whore or anything.

    Prude- A person who is or claims to be easily shocked by matters relating to sex or nudity

    That's not me.

    I never insulting one for that either, it is okay to be turn off by something isnt it. Sounds like your the self righteous one. Not me.
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    Jul 05, 2012 9:29 PM GMT
    I'm mad you didn't call me a whore. If I was a person who sexed, I would be the biggest of whores.
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    Jul 05, 2012 9:32 PM GMT
    I actually don't like the word whore, and/or slut.
    I feel like people should be free to do what they want, which is why i said I don't judge them for it.
    Still..what they want is not always sympatico to what I want, and vice versa, which can be a turn off.
    Sleeping around does not make some one a "bad" person, whatever bad means, but it is just something I don't care for.
    I have three sisters all have 2 or more children, all by the age of 16. I have known many people die or have Aids.
    When it comes to sex, I honestly don't even think of it as sex. I know for me it will always be love.
    I feel like you are giving your body to another human being. I may sound hella snobby but I just don't think many people are worth that. Maybe I live in a fantasy world, but I like the idea of people waiting to be married and experiencing first times together.
    yeah I would like to just give in, because let's face it, I get "horny" but I think of my past, present and future, and others. I think i want more.

    I don't want to be number #33.
    I want to be at least in the top 5. heh.
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    Jul 06, 2012 2:22 AM GMT
    Ya mean like..you are the one...till i find the next one..???..Or...Really good at getting guys into bed..but suck at getting them to stay..??..icon_confused.gif..i don't wan't to be that guy..icon_cool.gif
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    Jul 06, 2012 11:26 AM GMT
    Sexual partners!? - Does that include former clients, or just people I had sex with that didn't pay - like my ex bfs?