How did you come out?

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    Aug 04, 2008 2:03 AM GMT
    Just wondering how it was for different people.

    Coming out was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. I was 27.

    I was married (to a girl!!) for 3 years, before I decided I just couldn't do it anymore. I had been raised in a pretty strict Catholic family and was always taught "gay is wrong". So I was scared shitless.

    Anyway, my wife and I were drifting apart. One day she just said to me "I want a divorce." I jumped at the chance and said, "OK".

    We went through a very friendly divorce. Several months later I decided to drop the bomb. I started with my best friend. I was scared out of my mind.

    He looked me straight in the eye, and said, "I already figured that out....wanna catch a movie?" I was shocked and relieved at the same time. It was pretty awesome.

    I decided to tell my ex wife. She said, "Really? That's cool, I slept with Jimmy a while back, so I'm pregnant!" We both laughed and we've been great friends ever since. (14 years now!)

    2 years went by before I could get the courage tell my folks. They live 1300 miles away, so I didn't worry they'd find out. My mom just kept repeating, "Quentin!! Its ok, its ok its ok its ok" LOL. My dad looked at me and said "No shit??" I said, "No shit Dad." He said, "OK, we can handle that."

    We had a GREAT Thanksgiving that year!icon_lol.gif

    How was it for you?
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    Aug 04, 2008 2:41 AM GMT
    I was 21 and it was two years ago last month. I had enough with all the negative features of my life. After a brief courtship with an adorable, yet flaky, guy and a surgery on my tail bone (meaning I was on a lot of pain pills), I just up and called my mother. She was silent, cried, and I finally just said "What? Like you didn't know?" Her response, "Well, of course I had a feeling, just as the rest of the family did, but, I never thought you would actually admit it." icon_rolleyes.gificon_idea.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 04, 2008 2:46 AM GMT
    It was at some family dinner - one of those that everyone was there.
    I said,... " by the way, I'm gay...pass the mashed pototoes please "

    My sister about fell off her chair trying not to laugh, my brothers turned red with big grins on their faces, and my mother's jaw drawed to the table top. My father had already passed away then, but I'm sure he was laughing.
    Seems everyone already pretty much knew it and were just hoping I would come out...but my mother was still in some sort of denial even though she kind of knew.
    My sister loved it though...she thought it was fabulous.
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    Aug 04, 2008 2:58 AM GMT
    I haven't told my family yet and I've actually been struggling with that pretty hard core lately. I don't want to lose them, disappoint them, make them angry, whatever. I just can't judge what's going to happen because of so many conflicting signals I get from them.
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    Aug 04, 2008 3:34 AM GMT
    Haven't told my parents, I'm very sure they have an inkling/know but I figured i'd wait till after college so I don't have to see them/feel awkward around them for too long haha.

    I forgot who i told first, I think it was one of my friends Abby at school, and I just told her on the phone, some other friends saw me writing on it on a xanga, and since then it's been a combination of people telling other people, people finding stuff like this, and me just answering yes or having to explain to my roommates why some guy is going to spend the night in my bed.

    It's cool though, everyone at school knows, my best friends and most general friends at home know, and everyone in my frat knows (I think) which actually makes everything a lot more fun (gay jokes are a constant and they always ask me questions like why I always check out chicks and how im "straighter" than most of them)
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Aug 04, 2008 4:13 AM GMT
    The first person I came out to, I was 13, and I was at her house and I told her I had something to tell her but I couldn't say it. So she told me to write it down on a piece of paper and to hand it to her. So I wrote, "I'm gay," and passed the paper to her. And she wasn't the least bit surprised.

    And I did the same thing with my parents. I was 16, I was going to Hungary, and I figured that if I died in a planecrash or got killed somehow in Europe that I'd have wanted to tell them myself. So I wrote them letters and put them on their pillows, and then the next day we all talked about it and everything was great.

    Now I just tell people!
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    Aug 04, 2008 4:16 AM GMT
    standing in line with best friend rachael (who i swear likes me) at paradise bakery:

    me: so i have a new crush at work

    rachael: omg, sweetie that's great. what's she like?

    me: his name is kyle and he's *insert kyle's (rather amazing) attributes here*

    rachael: oh, well what are you getting for------WHAT THE FUCK!?! when did this happen!?!

    ...we had a 3 hour lunch icon_smile.gif

    after that i just dropped it in casual conversation with friends to great acclaim.

    fam didn't go over so well. put on my serious face and told mom one evening, all hell broke loose and that is where i reside for the next two weeks then it's off to COLLEGE BOY! woot!
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    Aug 04, 2008 4:32 AM GMT
    Picture it, (in memory of Estelle Getty), Edmonton 1997, I just celebrated my 25th birthday alone. The best birthday present was set to unknowingly commence. My mother was harping on me for not having any friends and spending my time alone which turned into a very heated, poignant argument. There were many painful assessments of each other and our lives exchanged.

    I moved out two days later, after not exchanging so much as a glance with her. Prior to leaving I wrote two letters of apology, one coming out to her and the other staying in the closet. As I began to walk out the door, she slowly came out of her room tears running down her face begging me not to leave. WE both knew once I left I would not be back. Standing there hugging her for the first time in about 15yrs, we just sobbed uncontrollably saying nothing.

    I finally pulled out the letter,(the one staying in the closet), and handed it to her stating it was important she had this so she would have no regrets after I left.

    Arriving at my apartment, I ripped open the remaining letter,( the one coming out of the closet), and realised I had given her the "wrong"one. My tears stopped, my stomach sank, and my heart raced.

    That moment was the beginning of no return. Over the course of the next year, I slowly came out to my best friend and four old ladies I worked with, that noticed something was horribly wrong.

    Earlier in the year, one of them took my hand in hers as I just randomly began crying and said,"I don't know what is wrong and you don't have to tell me. However, believe me it does get better! Maybe later than sooner but it will...trust me. Look me in the eye and promise me you will not kill yourself!". Stunned that she could read my mind I offered my word. Things after about 9months slowly began improving, and my life started to begin.

    Many thanks to the perpetual friendship of four old ladies, I'm so happy I'm here today.

    It seems so trivial now as I sit here typing this but at the time the most traumatic event and hurdle to overcome. The tears are surprisingly still flowing down my face.

    I always think it is important for others to openly voice their acceptance of homosexuals because those of us in the closet, will migrate to to those people first, I did.

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    Aug 04, 2008 4:36 AM GMT
    I pretty much grew up a born again Christian. So while I realized I might be gay around 9th grade, I suppressed it and fought it until the summer between my freshman & sophomore years at Penn State.

    I went to Myrtle Beach with my college Christian Fellowship for the summer and stayed in a beach house with 15 other guys from all over the country. We were there for a Christian Leadership Training program where we'd learn about Christ, help run programs for kids on the beach, and then do beach evangelism, while working full-time summer jobs. Near the end of the summer, sitting on the dunes by the beach I told one of the guys, who was quickly becoming my best friend, "If I wasn't a Christian, I know I'd be gay." We talked for HOURS about our faith, sex, and a host of other things, and then prayed for a while.

    I slowly told others about it in the same way, including my parents while we were on a grocery trip and waiting for my grandmother to come out of the store... I don't recommend doing that...

    Five years of struggling to not be gay went by, including nearly a year of "reparative therapy." And after a very ominous night of struggling, crying, and being very very low, I heard God say quietly "Stop trying to change and just love me."

    About eight years later here I am, still a Christian, still strong in faith, and openly gay. I'm fortunate that no one along my path disowned me for being gay, threatened me with damnation, cursed me, or told me God hated me. My parents are gradually coming around, though Dad still points out attractive waitresses when we go out to eat, as though that one pretty girl might change me... I usually point out one of the male servers and just let it go.
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    Aug 04, 2008 4:44 AM GMT
    priscila.jpg ... I just decide which outfit I want to wear and tell 'em.
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    Aug 04, 2008 4:58 AM GMT
    Caslon5000 saidpriscila.jpg ... I just decide which outfit I want to wear and tell 'em.


    Actually, I'm guessing it was an lolcat cat in drag.
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    Aug 04, 2008 11:28 AM GMT
    Was still living at home, told mum I would tape the Sunday night movie (I think it was ET) on the TV / video in my room because she wanted to watch something else. Needless to say when I went to bed I replaced the tape with 'Leo and Lance' for a bit of late night entertainment. Whoops, forgot to hide that again afterwards, Mum was in for a shock the next morning. icon_redface.gif
  • vindog

    Posts: 1440

    Aug 04, 2008 12:49 PM GMT
    Never talked much about any kind of sex with parents, but always been pretty close. I decided I love them too much to not be real with them anymore, and I want them to know me as ME. Plus I did not want to play the pronoun game anymore NOR do I want them to find out during a traumatic family situation where I said, "I'm really sad about............ Oh and by the way this is my boyfriend. Didn't I tell you?"


    Growing up Catholic/military my parents were conservative but cool. At 30 years old (almost 3 years ago from now) when I told them they were like "We thought so but never talked about it between each other." My dad was super cool..."Well, you need to do what you need to do to be happy and fuck everyone else." My mom was just a little more inquisitive after my dad went to bed. "What about this girlfriend?" or "Are you sure girls are out?" Funny that my older straight sister has less of chance of having a kid than me, since I would like one in the next 6 years.

    My parents, at their age, would rather be my friend then fight at this point. I've always done what I wanted without their consent, usually with good results.

    Amazing, really....painless...but we still, as before, never talk about sex, dating, etc. So its almost as if nothing has changed, but I have no underlying stress.
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    Aug 04, 2008 2:21 PM GMT
    My Mother outed me to the family. She was ill with cancer and I went to live with her and take care of her for a few months in Florida.
    Mom enjoyed watching the televangelists on television and insisted I watch too. Televangelists are pretty comical if you watch them long enough.
    One night, my BF calls me and we have an intimate conversation and Mom picks up the other phone and listens in long enough to know. The next thing I know Mom treats me different and my Aunt travels across Florida to lecture me on the evils of homosexuality.
    That was four years ago, I am accepted by the family now and the issue doesn't come up much anymore.

    I think they realize now that most families have a rainbow sheep, or two, or more.

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    Aug 04, 2008 2:39 PM GMT
    Mne was uneventful, but my best friends was a classic.

    He was in the hospital and his parents came to see him. He was sitting ont eh deck smoking, when they arrived, and the first words from his mother...
    " Oh My God, you Smoke"
    Quit whitted Brian...
    " yes, and Im gay"

    They left shortly afterwards.......... After a few weeks, things clamed down, and he things went back to normal for them.. They now laugh about it!
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    Aug 04, 2008 2:45 PM GMT
    Only one person under my belt here. You can find the details of my first time coming out (to my bestfriend) here:

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/198962/
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    Aug 04, 2008 2:54 PM GMT
    It all started early in the morning when my Mom started having contractions...

    Oh! That coming out story...the cliff notes:

    Told Mom, she told Dad, both sat me down, Dad thought it was because I didn't play football in High School, cut to two weeks later, everything is fine, parents start asking about Folsom and Pride Parades, parents meet the BF at Easter, BF goes to Arnold with myself and family for a vacation...alls well that ends well.
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    Aug 04, 2008 3:11 PM GMT
    OMF!

    I knew, in my heart of hearts that I was gay from about age 7, because I always wanted to play with the other little boys (and not in the good way).

    My high school years were hell, needless to say (the '70s), and I joined the Mormon Church to keep myself "reigned in". Fucking stupid mistake (on the one hand), but have 5 beautiful children and 7 beautiful grandchildren, with one on the way (on the other hand). 27 years with my wife, who I still love, but not like a husband should love his wife.

    Kept lying to myself, denying that I was gay, and last year it all came to a head. I got really sick from the internal conflict and nearly died, and then after I was out of the hospital, I kept planning ways to kill myself, because I couldn't face the truth.

    Finally, I broke down in tears to my middle son and told him that I was gay. That burst the dam, and I've been through a year of hell that is finally coming to a close. Everyone I told just looked at me and said, "I've always known that -- I was just waiting for you to figure it out on your own." Everyone, that is, except for my wife, who swears up and down that she had no clue (even after her friends had talks with her about how they believed that I was gay).

    So take note, those of you who are not yet out -- chances are, everyone already knows, but are waiting for you to figure it out and come out on your own.
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    Aug 04, 2008 3:49 PM GMT
    My best friend found out from her brother. Now she tells people for me. Haven't had any problems with that.
    Haven't told the fam yet, though I bet my brothers have a pretty good idea about it. I should just tell my 'rents, I have not been dependant on them in ten years, and I'm pretty sure my extended family would mostly take it pretty well. My 'rents and grand'rents will probably be upset mostly about not having any grand kids/great grands from me. But if my brothers are waiting for me to make that first step into a family, they are going to be waiting for a while. lol.
  • MattyC0709

    Posts: 1199

    Aug 04, 2008 4:44 PM GMT
    Ok, instead of coming out to my (supposedly) lesbian cousin, I'm thinking of coming out to my (supposedly according to his pictures on hi5) gay friend. icon_razz.gif

    I was actually about to send him an email so that I tell him I have something 'important' to tell him.

    He'll probably guess anyway, 'cause I haven't spoken to him in ages. icon_confused.gif
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    Aug 04, 2008 4:59 PM GMT
    Wanted to tell my parents while I was home this past Easter (sorry Jesus icon_wink.gif ), but couldn't work up the nerve while I was there. Whenever I was back in Toronto though, I couldn't take it, so I phone up my mom and told her. I don't think she believed me. Told her she could tell whoever because I'm not hiding anymore. Haven't spoken about it since, so I don't even know if my father knows too.

    I now remember that when I was little she told me that homosexuality was a choice. I badly need to sit down with her next I see her and make sure she doesn't still believe that.

    A couple days after that "bleh" phone call, I came out to my best friends. Three of us were just hanging out in one's bedroom, everyone was starting to get drousy, and conversation was ebbing. So I just out and told them. The two girls in the room bolted upright with exclamations of "Omg! Really? That is so awesome!" They called our other friend who was there (straight guy) into the room and we stayed up for another 3 hours talking. One of the best nights ever.

    I haven't had to actually "tell" many people since. It all just sort of flowed out from those three people. I almost always get the "I had nooo idea", which shocks me a little everytime.
  • mynyun

    Posts: 1346

    Jan 07, 2009 1:39 PM GMT

    I actually knew I was gay when I was pretty young. Don't know how young but I just didn't know the way to phrase it or describe it and then came the time when I tried to deny it to myself.
    My family kinda suspected but didn't really know.

    But anywho at the time I was sort of seeing someone just to see where it would go and what not. It was after a Christmas when I stopped by my mom's house (father passed early on) and I can't remember why I stopped but I was heading to the car and we had stopped outside to chit chat and she mentioned a present she had gotten for me which was a nice picture frame and hoped I liked it and stuff and I told her yeah I liked it and that I was already using it. And of course that I had it in the back of my car so I quickly grabbed it and showed it to her.
    In the frame was a pic of the guy I was sort of seeing at the time. So she said does this mean what I think it does and I said yes and the only thing she said to me was just be careful. I said I was and we don't really talk about it anymore.
    But I think she has an underlining prob with it because a few years later I moved back to TN and moved in with her and her worthless bf to get back on my feet again (I was single) but getting to know someone at that time and she told me I can't have any guys over there because she was worried about people taking off with her stuff and what not. But the guy she lives with has cousins that walked passed the house and stopped in all the time and were known thieves and were in and out of jail.
    So when I did invite someone over for just a casual visit and conversation shite hit the fan.
    I quickly moved out and it was atleast 9 months before I talked to her again and it was her that broke the ice.
    Now I talk to her maybe once a month and I call her by her first name.

    My sister on the other hand claims she will turn all my gay friends str8 somehow. LoL.