Ambivalent relationships

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 05, 2012 8:10 PM GMT
    How would you respond to a guy who you have been seeing on and off for six months , you are getting closer in every way. Feel comfortable with each other, care about each other and yet he seems to hold off the idea of you being in a relationship by saying " it's in between friends and a bf" or " just enjoy the moment ?".

    Limbo ain't fun
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    Jul 05, 2012 8:14 PM GMT
    That's called a closet polygamist. He's seeing other people, too.
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    Jul 05, 2012 8:15 PM GMT
    you know...i've thought about this

    it would have bothered me when i was younger

    but my longest and most durable relationship was with someone i was friends with for a long time prior. so the chemistry wasn't the prime thing. we cared for each other. we dated. it didn't work. we still care for each other. once we decided to date, he decided to "act like my boyfriend"...rather than just be himself

    i'd rather know someone as they are, rather than how they are when they decide to fill the role of "boyfriend"

    because...how they are is how they will be after they get tired of wearing that mask


    who people are when they don't think you are watching is who they really are...


  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Jul 05, 2012 8:18 PM GMT
    blactor saidLimbo ain't fun


    It is if you relax and enjoy it.
    If you're just in it for the future then move on. If you can appreciate the present (and past) then you're a lucky man with a good guy.
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    Jul 05, 2012 8:26 PM GMT
    Bambino_Rex said i'd rather know someone as they are, rather than how they are when they decide to fill the role of "boyfriend"

    Do you really think most people are playing a role when entering into a relationship?
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    Jul 05, 2012 8:34 PM GMT
    Sounds like it means he isn't into you the way you're into him. You want a relationship and he doesn't. You've got to decide if that's a deal breaker for you or not. It is for me but isn't for others. Your call.
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    Jul 05, 2012 8:40 PM GMT
    For me there is no on/off. Either it is on or it is off. If it is off, he is either getting friend-zoned or it is goodbye.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jul 05, 2012 9:55 PM GMT
    What limbo you said yourself you've been seeing him on and off.?..I believe some gay guys like the idea of a committed relationship but reality becomes a hard pill to swallow when truth and honestly seem like deception..Enjoy the here and now...If you can't deal with that..I pity ya.
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    Jul 05, 2012 11:58 PM GMT
    blactor saidHow would you respond to a guy who you have been seeing on and off for six months , you are getting closer in every way. Feel comfortable with each other, care about each other and yet he seems to hold off the idea of you being in a relationship by saying " it's in between friends and a bf" or " just enjoy the moment ?".

    Limbo ain't fun


    No, it's not. I was in a similar situation with a guy until recently. We talked every day for six months about everything imaginable. We were/are incredibly close. In some ways, closer than we've ever allowed each other to be with anyone else. It was hello first thing every morning, and good night at the end of every day. We were very much stuck in the in gray area. He was apprehensive because I was recently out of a relationship. Eventually, he met someone else, and started seeing that guy instead. It totally sucked, but I took a break for a while and learned to accept it. Now, we're best friends, but with defined boundaries. I'm not thrilled with the situation, but I'm still pretty happy.

    As paulflexes said, "That's called a closet polygamist. He's seeing other people too." I have a feeling you're in the same situation. Good luck man.
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    Jul 06, 2012 12:44 AM GMT
    SkinnyBitch said
    Bambino_Rex said i'd rather know someone as they are, rather than how they are when they decide to fill the role of "boyfriend"

    Do you really think most people are playing a role when entering into a relationship?



    i can't say anything about MOST. i was thinking of a specific example. he basically had a different set of expectations that were inconsistent with the person i already knew him to be.

    ex: if you've never been faithful to any of your boyfriends and i know this, it creates a weird bullshit effect that you'd suddenly want a closed relationship with me...because magic happens.....

    nah, you're the same as before. people who don't like to be OCD will have trouble living an OCD person.....just because you're infatuated doesn't mean your core self is gonna change forever...

    that's what i was thinking about....it was not a generalization....a tangent


    back to the original question

    sometimes when you try to force a shape on something and it resists, there's a reason.....and its' better left shapeless....

    but other times it's like jello and that's how it's gonna stay....