Confused by the guys Im interested in.

  • lifeat84

    Posts: 54

    Jul 05, 2012 11:31 PM GMT
    So maybe I have the wrong outlook on how men behave. Over the last few months I've talked to several guys of varying age and maturity levels. All goes well for a few weeks maybe months, but inevitably it seems as if they all of a sudden start ignoring my texts or e-mails. No explanations offered, or if one is. he says "just busy, but i still really like you and want to hang out". Im inclined to take people at their word, but the increased frequency of its occurance makes it hard to stay thinking positive. An ex who has talked to some of the same guys has told me that I am pretty direct and move too fast which is either intimidating or just a turn off. So Im wondering, do I change my habits to appease men, or stay true to myself until I find a guy who is on track with me?
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    Jul 05, 2012 11:38 PM GMT
    You wouldn't happen to be saying "I love you" to them after sex, would you?
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    Jul 06, 2012 12:14 AM GMT
    Learned from hard experience: guys are flaky assholes. Both guys I dated were this way exactly. Though truthfully, I do cling a bit and try to move too fast. But still - 21 years old. If you aren't interested - I CAN TAKE IT! Now I'm talking to another man who does text me every so often himself ask how I am. Calls me cute and handsome. But he just wants friends and casual dating. Just now I told him I had come down with mono and asked if it was a turn off or if I was reading his signals wrong. He recounted he was looking for friends/casual dating and didn't have expectations. I'm reading this as I want to take it SLOW. But the point is that he was honest: those two other guys would have been "Oh I'm still interested! Don't worry! Your so ridiculous! XP"

    But what I've learned is if it goes on for week where they aren't texting/calling you a single time - it's a blow off. They lost interest. You know when a guy is interested and isn't. As a guy whose interested in them, you wanna talk to them when you can. Take 5 minutes to ask "Yo what up?". Honestly, you don't have to change your habits. You can change the way you execute your habits. I'm not sure how "direct" you are. But if you're direct like me, it could stand to use less aggressive wording.

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    Jul 06, 2012 12:36 AM GMT
    You could be doing something wrong..or you should be doing things / something.. differently..Please understand..i am not trying to be rude or obnoxious in any way..just the truth..Are you needy??..clingy..??..Obsessive..??..Are you too direct to the point where it is offensive..??..Are you constantly choosing the same TYPE of people to hang with..??Sometimes you have to take a step back and take a good look at yourself..before you conclude if the problem is you..everyone else...or a combination of both...(which is usually the case)..i really have to pee...Hugzicon_biggrin.gif
  • lifeat84

    Posts: 54

    Jul 06, 2012 2:28 AM GMT
    Im not one to say I love you quickly. I am direct in the sense that I don't play games with peoples emotions. I attempt to say what i want and how i feel, honesty is the best policy after all. Im not saying i don't play coy or flirt but i try to keep things fun and enjoyable.
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    Jul 06, 2012 4:19 AM GMT
    IceBucket saidLearned from hard experience: guys are flaky assholes.


    Thread over.

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    Jul 06, 2012 4:40 AM GMT
    lifeat84 saidIm not one to say I love you quickly. I am direct in the sense that I don't play games with peoples emotions. I attempt to say what i want and how i feel, honesty is the best policy after all. Im not saying i don't play coy or flirt but i try to keep things fun and enjoyable.


    Whatever you do, don't say it on the second date!!!! icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 06, 2012 4:44 AM GMT
    do you actually meet these guys or do you just talk to them for weeks/months? because unless a guy (living nearby) was hot as hell and interesting being my wildest dreams, I would probably get bored if we just "chatted" rather than meeting up, going on a date, whatever, for weeks or months!

    with guys who are further away.. it's a different story. but I'm wondering what you mean by "chatting."
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    Jul 06, 2012 4:47 AM GMT
    lifeat84 saidSo Im wondering, do I change my habits to appease men, or stay true to myself until I find a guy who is on track with me?


    Keep doing what you've been doing and expect the same results.
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    Jul 06, 2012 4:54 AM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidYou wouldn't happen to be saying "I love you" to them after sex, would you?


    LOL

    I love you

    icon_razz.gif
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    Jul 06, 2012 4:56 AM GMT
    lifeat84 saidSo maybe I have the wrong outlook on how men behave. Over the last few months I've talked to several guys of varying age and maturity levels. All goes well for a few weeks maybe months, but inevitably it seems as if they all of a sudden start ignoring my texts or e-mails. No explanations offered, or if one is. he says "just busy, but i still really like you and want to hang out". Im inclined to take people at their word, but the increased frequency of its occurance makes it hard to stay thinking positive. An ex who has talked to some of the same guys has told me that I am pretty direct and move too fast which is either intimidating or just a turn off. So Im wondering, do I change my habits to appease men, or stay true to myself until I find a guy who is on track with me?


    Hmm, being direct and moving too fast really arent the same thing in my book...

    You can be direct and move slow... or be indirect and move fast...
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    Jul 06, 2012 4:59 AM GMT
    people get bored and move on, especially if your contact is only online or through text
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    Jul 06, 2012 5:06 AM GMT
    "An ex who has talked to some of the same guys has told me that I am pretty direct and move too fast which is either intimidating or just a turn off."

    seems to me you're very clingy needy. no tea, no shade, but desperation reeks from miles away and is not a good look.

    perhaps you should tone it down.
  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1509

    Jul 06, 2012 5:10 AM GMT
    Larkin said
    IceBucket saidLearned from hard experience: guys are flaky assholes.

    Thread over.

    2wqaiyd.gif

    I wouldn't flake on you Larkin! icon_cry.gif
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    Jul 06, 2012 5:10 AM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidYou wouldn't happen to be saying "I love you" to them after sex, would you?


    icon_eek.gif Whats going on here!??! It's an epidemic!!!!
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    Jul 06, 2012 5:30 AM GMT
    jmusmc85 said
    SkinnyBitch saidYou wouldn't happen to be saying "I love you" to them after sex, would you?


    icon_eek.gif Whats going on here!??! It's an epidemic!!!!

    I love you..tube icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 06, 2012 5:35 AM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidYou wouldn't happen to be saying "I love you" to them after sex, would you?
    You read my mind. icon_lol.gif
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    Jul 06, 2012 5:46 AM GMT
    sanjose470 said
    jmusmc85 said
    SkinnyBitch saidYou wouldn't happen to be saying "I love you" to them after sex, would you?


    icon_eek.gif Whats going on here!??! It's an epidemic!!!!

    I love you..tube icon_smile.gif
    What a coincidence! I love my tube, too!
  • lifeat84

    Posts: 54

    Jul 06, 2012 8:32 AM GMT
    No, we've met and hung out several times, one went to my little sisters wedding with me and we had a great time.

    By chatting I mean anything from a hi, how are you doing once or twice a week to discussing the latest developments in global affairs and the us Olympic teams chances in London. sometimes three or four days pass without a reply, other times its instantaneous.

    Im not talking about one or two instances of this confusing behaviour, its a trend over the last 8 years that I've been out and encompasses dozens of guys in varying degrees of relationship status. Friends suddenly stop replying to messages or phone calls, guys who have specifically stated that we are dating but not exclusively so just stop talking. Being obviously desperate has been brought up, but what constitutes desperation? I work third shift and have a fairly unstable schedule so when I do have a night off its always filled with friends or family. So is it desperate of me to ask a guy over on a date a week or two in advance? Is it weird/desperate to be asked on a date on a Wednesday night when that is the only night in a month that both parties are available?
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    Jul 06, 2012 10:14 AM GMT
    lifeat84 saidI work third shift and have a fairly unstable schedule so when I do have a night off its always filled with friends or family.


    This might be a clue. You have a full and busy life. Perhaps you are sending a signal that there isn't room for someone else. People lose interest when they feel like they aren't a priority.

    It isn't desperation to plan in advance. However, hearing that you are too busy until weeks in the future would probably make someone wonder how they will ever have more than just a passing acquaintance with you.
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    Jul 06, 2012 4:08 PM GMT
    yeahim40 said
    lifeat84 saidI work third shift and have a fairly unstable schedule so when I do have a night off its always filled with friends or family.


    This might be a clue. You have a full and busy life. Perhaps you are sending a signal that there isn't room for someone else. People lose interest when they feel like they aren't a priority.

    It isn't desperation to plan in advance. However, hearing that you are too busy until weeks in the future would probably make someone wonder how they will ever have more than just a passing acquaintance with you.
    This^^

    Making time to someone is committing to a relationship, whatever the relationship to that person maybe. If I get the 'busy' signal once too often it tells me that I'm not a priority to that person and/or that person does not have time in his life for me. No one wants to be a friend of convenience.

    lifeat84 said..do I change my habits to appease men, or stay true to myself until I find a guy who is on track with me?
    I've learned that 'when in Rome....'

    IceBucket saidLearned from hard experience: guys are flaky assholes.

    Agree with this as well! ^^
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    Jul 06, 2012 4:26 PM GMT
    lifeat84 saidSo maybe I have the wrong outlook on how men behave. Over the last few months I've talked to several guys of varying age and maturity levels. All goes well for a few weeks maybe months, but inevitably it seems as if they all of a sudden start ignoring my texts or e-mails. No explanations offered, or if one is. he says "just busy, but i still really like you and want to hang out". Im inclined to take people at their word, but the increased frequency of its occurance makes it hard to stay thinking positive. An ex who has talked to some of the same guys has told me that I am pretty direct and move too fast which is either intimidating or just a turn off. So Im wondering, do I change my habits to appease men, or stay true to myself until I find a guy who is on track with me?



    Are you a solicitous person by nature? Because, judging from the way guys are just dropping out for no apparent reason, I would bet you are.
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    Jul 06, 2012 4:41 PM GMT
    yeahim40 said
    lifeat84 saidI work third shift and have a fairly unstable schedule so when I do have a night off its always filled with friends or family.


    This might be a clue. You have a full and busy life. Perhaps you are sending a signal that there isn't room for someone else. People lose interest when they feel like they aren't a priority.

    It isn't desperation to plan in advance. However, hearing that you are too busy until weeks in the future would probably make someone wonder how they will ever have more than just a passing acquaintance with you.

    But they also lose interest if you are too available. Relationships suck. icon_sad.gif
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    Jul 07, 2012 12:20 AM GMT
    IceBucket saidLearned from hard experience: guys are flaky assholes. Both guys I dated were this way exactly. Though truthfully, I do cling a bit and try to move too fast. But still - 21 years old. If you aren't interested - I CAN TAKE IT!



    You're calling guys "flaky assholes" while in the same breath admitting you're "clingy". Seriously? Eventually you'll put those two things together and realize clinginess CAUSES guys to lose interest. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jul 07, 2012 12:28 AM GMT
    Guys lose interest in guys they are uninterested in.

    Period.

    If you base your life on BOTH the guys you have dated - you need to get out more often.

    NOT all guys are flakes.

    It is Human nature to cling if you feel alone and un-loved.

    It is no sin.

    It ain't Hot or attractive.

    But...it's kinda understandable.

    It ain't the end of the world either.

    Lighten up boys.

    There is someone for everyone.

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