Is it easier/better to come out to a group or an individual person?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 06, 2012 5:24 AM GMT
    I'm about ready to come out to everyone in my life. And I've been thinking should I just do it with all of them together so it's faster and less awkward or individually so it's more personal.


    What do you guys think?
    Have you ever tried both different ways/which do you prefer?

    I know it might sound like a silly question but it would help me a great deal.
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    Jul 06, 2012 5:28 AM GMT
    For me it was a group, but only because the dude I started seeing (coworker at the time) was already locally known as a gay man.
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    Jul 06, 2012 5:44 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidFor me it was a group, but only because the dude I started seeing (coworker at the time) was already locally known as a gay man.

    That could work. Now if only I knew a guy who would pretend to be my bf.
    But did you tell your family all together as well or individually?
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    Jul 06, 2012 6:49 AM GMT
    With me it had to be individually...mum downwards.

    Couldn't have gone better! Some tears...lots of laughter....huge relief!

    Just do it when and how it's right for you....you will anyway mate.

  • Jul 06, 2012 10:17 AM GMT
    I did both - I felt it was easier to talk to a group than a single person. However, I guess special persons (parents, ..) 'deserve' a personal atmosphere.
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    Jul 06, 2012 2:01 PM GMT
    WestCoastGuy said
    paulflexes saidFor me it was a group, but only because the dude I started seeing (coworker at the time) was already locally known as a gay man.

    That could work. Now if only I knew a guy who would pretend to be my bf.
    But did you tell your family all together as well or individually?
    Family didn't find out till two years later, when my dad walked in on me and the bf and caught us in the act. By then I'd already become comfortable with being out to others, so his anger/rage didn't bode well for him. I stood my ground well. icon_cool.gif
  • CuriousJockAZ

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    Jul 06, 2012 2:03 PM GMT
    Do whatever is within your comfort zone. You will probably find once you come out that it was a way bigger deal to YOU than it is to anyone else.
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    Jul 06, 2012 2:05 PM GMT
    It depends on how you feel most comfortable.

    Remember though, that people you're coming out to may want to express emotions that they might not be able to in a group setting.

    You never have to stop coming out, by the way—it's a whole life process.
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    Jul 06, 2012 2:22 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidDo whatever is within your comfort zone. You will probably find once you come out that it was a way bigger deal to YOU than it is to anyone else.

    This! Everyone is different in their approach to coming out. I came out very quietly and it was a very personal journey so I've never shared it with people outside my friends and family. I have a good friend who came out about the same time and he couldn't find a mountain high enough to shout it from. It was interesting to see the two opposite approaches. Our day to day lives also reflect the same type of style and we're both totally comfortable with how we approached it.
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    Jul 06, 2012 4:14 PM GMT
    WestCoastGuy
    That could work. Now if only I knew a guy who would pretend to be my bf.
    But did you tell your family all together as well or individually?


    I would jump on that grenade! I'm only compulsively lie about stupid shit all the time. That I am your boyfriend would be pleasurable.

    On a more serious note, I came out in a more haphazard way. By that, I mean I never really told anyone, but I just started bringing men to events. My friends shrugged. My mother had been phrasing things as "I know you're not gay but, what do you think of (clothing/colour/cooking thing)." since I was twelve, so... I kinda didn't really come out to anything at home.
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    Jul 06, 2012 7:52 PM GMT
    Olandew said
    WestCoastGuy
    That could work. Now if only I knew a guy who would pretend to be my bf.
    But did you tell your family all together as well or individually?


    I would jump on that grenade! I'm only compulsively lie about stupid shit all the time. That I am your boyfriend would be pleasurable.

    On a more serious note, I came out in a more haphazard way. By that, I mean I never really told anyone, but I just started bringing men to events. My friends shrugged. My mother had been phrasing things as "I know you're not gay but, what do you think of (clothing/colour/cooking thing)." since I was twelve, so... I kinda didn't really come out to anything at home.


    Alright boyfriend. I'll start bringing you to functions with me. Hey if it works in straight romantic comedies it can surely work for us too lol.

    But yeah that's good that you just let it happen naturally and integrated being gay into who you were.