Info on Risks of Infection.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2008 4:49 PM GMT
    Hey there.

    I am a regular member of this site but I have some sensitive personal questions to ask so I've temporarily signed up with a new name. Hope you don't mind. It's not something I like to blab about openly.

    I'm eager to know about risks of HIV infection under two circumstances.

    1. My ex-boyfriend and I last had sex in February. In two years of dating we never once had sex using a condom—it was always unprotected because we trusted one another. I was always top/active and he was always bottom/passive. I am aware that in the last six months of our relationship, while we were living very far apart but still having occasional sex, he was having sex with someone else. I don't know for sure if that sex was unprotected, but knowing his proclivities it may well have been. So, for the sake of argument, let's say my ex-boyfriend was HIV positive the last time we had sex. I was on top.

    2. In the past few months (May 21 and again July 8 ) I have had two occasions (with two different people) in which the condom broke while I was the insertive (active) partner. I wasn't aware and came inside the men. Yikes. They seemed nonplussed, but it scared the living shit out of me.

    I had an HIV test today but will have to wait a week for the results. Meanwhile, does anyone have any fundamental knowledge of the odds of infection in the above two scenarios? Again, I was always the active partner in these circumstances.

    Thanks.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2008 8:32 PM GMT
    It doesn't matter if you are the insertive partner or the receiving partner if either of you is positive, there is a high risk of transmission (you exchanged bodily fluids). Wait for your test to come back and if you are negative, test again in about three weeks. If both tests are negative, count yourself lucky and BE MORE CAREFUL next time. I know using condoms is a personal choice and you have the right to have unprotected sex if both partners consent but you do not have the right to put someone at risk without their knowledge. I don't know why in a casual sex environment you'd want to take the chance anyway. In a long term committed monogamous relationship, OK I can see that, but a shag isn't worth risking changing your whole life for even if it's not a death sentence anymore.
  • Squarejaw

    Posts: 1035

    Aug 04, 2008 10:05 PM GMT
    You might also want to look into why your condoms break so easily. Are they too small? Are you accidentally leaving air in the tip? Are you using oil-based lubricants or moisturizer that degrades the latex?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2008 10:06 PM GMT
    Squarejaw saidYou might also want to look into why your condoms break so easily. Are they too small? Are you accidentally leaving air in the tip? Are you using oil-based lubricants or moisturizer that degrades the latex?


    Seriously, that frequency of breakage is highly unlucky.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2008 10:58 PM GMT
    You can also check the San Francisco City Clinic's website.

    http://www.dph.sf.ca.us/sfcityclinic/

    Or go to the Gay Men's Health Crisis website.


    http://www.gmhc.org/

    Good luck to you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2008 11:59 PM GMT
    The two scenarios you described are risky, but not as risky as being the bottom. You really need to make sure you use a condom in the future if you think your bf is having sex with someone else. This is your health you are dealing with, and while your ex seemed to be a bit cavalier, that does not mean you should be.

    Also I don't understand why your condom broke twice. You may want to review the proper use of condoms. Are you using the right lubricant? Are you using enough lubricant? Is the condom too small? Is the condom expired?

    Hopefully the HIV test will come back negative (btw that was a wise thing to do, not everyone gets tested when they should), hopefully these lessons will increase your knowledge and prevent you from getting infected in the future.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2008 12:38 AM GMT
    Buy American Condoms not some knock off brand from China icon_twisted.gificon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2008 8:19 AM GMT
    Thanks for the thoughtful replies.

    Truly, I thought my relationship with my boyfriend would last for a long while, hence our unprotected sex. During our last sexual activity, I wasn't aware that he'd been having sex with anyone but me, and (as I said) I don't know if his sex was unprotected, but that's neither here nor there at this juncture. I think I've learned a lesson about trust, however, and about human fallibility. Oh, and about the fallibility of contraceptive technology.

    As for the shredded condoms, I suspect a lack of lube was the problem. They were a decent brand (Durex) and were nowhere near the expiration date. They seemed to fit just fine. I think they were extra large, as I had been having some discomfort/tightness with regular sized condoms.

    Again, thanks for the help.




  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2008 11:15 AM GMT
    Theoretically, you can catch a viral disease from a single virus particle. The likelihood however is next to zilch. Personally, I wouldnt worry about this since you were the top.

    The easiest way for the HIV virus to enter the body is to be left sitting in the rectum. The virus is highly sensitive to exposure to air and degrades very quickly. However, the rectum is not only enclosed but is swarming with white blood cells trying to contain the pathogens that are naturally in the rectum. So the virus can quickly infect a white blood before it is destroyed itself.

    The HIV virus is actually kinda hard to catch. It's not like the flu or Hepatitis. Remember if it were easy to spread, there wouldnt be a gay alive from the late 70s and early 80s when we were having unprotected sex like drunken sailors on shore leave.

    Relax. You are going to be fine.
  • Mikeylikesit

    Posts: 1021

    Aug 05, 2008 12:22 PM GMT
    Uhm!.....Like if your that worried. You can get the test results in like an hour. A week is abserd!. Dunno where you get tested...Find a new clinic/lab.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2008 1:05 PM GMT
    Even if you are following protocol, it's wise to check the condom now and then during sex.

    Generally, condoms work quite well and your story is exactly why I advocate their use by "monogamous" couples. Making your health dependent on the behavior of your partner is taking an unnecessary risk -- and one that is much higher than lovestruck people seem typically able to comprehend.

    If you absolutely have to abandon use of condoms, it seems extremely risky to do so from the start of dating.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2008 2:32 PM GMT
    hotversguynnj saidUhm!.....Like if your that worried. You can get the test results in like an hour. A week is abserd!. Dunno where you get tested...Find a new clinic/lab.


    Yes, in abserd atonement for my sins I subjected myself to an excruciating week confronting the dark unknown, even though I could have gotten test results in 20 All-American minutes. Why have it any other way? icon_lol.gif

    I'm not in the US and testing in other parts of the world isn't so expedient. A week was the fastest I could obtain the results.

    As for consistent condom use in monogamous relationships, I have certainly learned from this. It's too bad such precautions need to be taken, but things are as they are.

    Thanks again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2008 4:56 PM GMT
    namelessforthis said

    ...

    They seemed to fit just fine. I think they were extra large, as I had been having some discomfort/tightness with regular sized condoms.

    ...



    ...if you do say so yourself. ;-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2008 5:06 PM GMT
    What I want to know is, why do you have to wait a week for an hiv test result when you can get them back in 20 mins these days?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2008 5:21 PM GMT
    dumdedum saidWhat I want to know is, why do you have to wait a week for an hiv test result when you can get them back in 20 mins these days?


    Not all countries have the new test. I believe the new test is not 100% conclusive so if you test positive they will run a more extensive test (at least that is what my partner told me).
  • musclexxx

    Posts: 6

    Aug 05, 2008 7:22 PM GMT
    there is the tendency for uncut men to have a higher chance of getting infected than cut men. hopefully you are cut!