I just dont get it. What is going on with him, hot then cold?

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    Aug 11, 2007 11:18 PM GMT
    So, this guy and I have been flirting for a while now. We finally got together casually and had a great time. The chemistry seemed amazing.
    Well, now, he has gone cold on me, just shut me off.
    I know some would say he is not interested, but the way he still looks at me when I see him.. it is like he wants me, but can’t or won’t go there.
    Sometimes when we look at each other, it is so intense, lingering stares, and what seem like caresses with our eyes. The last time this happened, he made sure noone was looking and did this. Of course it got a big cheesy grin from me. I am connected to him so strongly on an emotional level.

    I guess I have to go the route of leaving him be and see what happens.

    Any other advice for me?
  • Partclman

    Posts: 20

    Aug 11, 2007 11:26 PM GMT
    Probably the best route to go would be to ask him what he thinks about the two of you and weather or not he's as jazzed about this rendez-vous as you are.
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    Aug 12, 2007 3:16 AM GMT

    Uh, so when you say "casual", does that mean you two had sex? If so, it kind of sounds like he was just playing you for some action, but now you're left with an infatuation. A little more info. would be helpful, there could be all kinds of reasons for his sudden disinterest.

    Partcl is right on, you should talk to him and go from there. The sooner the better, good luck!

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    Aug 12, 2007 3:20 AM GMT
    No, no sex. Which is funny that you mention it. The one guy I know locally I can talk to.. he said sometimes people get pissed if you don't.
    Unfortunately, neither one of us are out.. I would say I am bi.. him not positive, but I am 99.9999% sure he was or is interested in me.

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    Aug 12, 2007 3:57 AM GMT

    Haha, well you just never know what some guys consider "casual". And guys who get pissed if you don't put out right away aren't worth your time, be careful and safe.

    Sexuality is very confusing, it sounds like you two are still exploring yours. Just talk to him about what's up, then you'll know where you stand and can take action from there. If he's a decent person then he'll be honest with you.

    Be well.

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    Aug 12, 2007 8:36 AM GMT
    I have the same problem wth my aquarian guy. Not sure what it is but it goes from hot to cold. Id say just ask him and make it easier on yourself. No point it hurting yourself. I say that now only after watching an Ugly Betty re-run and hearing the speech from Mrs. Meed. (Can't wait for the new searson to start)
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    Aug 13, 2007 2:31 AM GMT
    Yeah some times you have to just ask someone what is going on or how they feel.

    It is hard for other people to tell you what to do that don' know you or the other person. Maybe you should ask people you know. But better off to ask this person directly.

    If a person is just toying with you, buy them a thermostat and send them on the way!
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    Oct 20, 2007 5:00 PM GMT
    Well.. I have learned alot more about him. Been talking to a couple of guys on here ect too.

    I can summarize and say these things.

    1. I know he cares about me and like me.. not sure how much but it is there.

    2. He, like me, had a conservative Christian upbringing.. yeah we are both scared.

    3. He did admit to me that he was bi about a month ago.. he slurred it out like it pained him to say it. He also only said it after I made sure he knew I liked him.

    4. He is so sweet, but seems so scared to do anything. I guess I am too in alot of ways. I feel weird calling him sweet even. But he is so nice and considerate. He still goes out of his way to make me feel cared about.. just the way he looks at me.. that caring look ect..

    5. He may be getting braver.. he seems better at showing me attention/looks in front of other people.

    Ah well, I guess only time will tell.
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    Oct 20, 2007 5:09 PM GMT
    I have to say.... maybe it's because I've been "out" for a lot longer, but I have very, very little patience for these sorts of things.

    In general, when someone seems interested one moment and not interested the next, there are a million possible explanations:
    1. he is barely out of the closet and scared of his own feelings
    2. he secretly already has a boyfriend that he hasn't told you about
    3. he is intimidated by you
    4. he never really liked you to begin with, he just wanted to see if he "could have you"
    5. he heard some horrible rumors about you that people have been spreading behind your back
    6. he actually loves you more than anything in the world, he's just an emotional clutz and doesn't know how to express it
    7. he actually doesn't give a shit about you but is using you to boost his own self-esteem
    8. him flirting with you was a way of getting back at someone
    9. he is actually on hardcore drugs most of the time, leading to incosnistent behavior
    10. and so on and so forth

    I used to tear myself up, mentally, trying to figure out which explanation was "right" in any given situation.

    Then I stopped caring about what the explanation was. You know why? Because it doesn't matter. The final outcome is the same: when someone doesn't show you the affection that you need to feel loved and happy, not matter WHAT THE REASON, then that is not the right person for you.

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    Oct 20, 2007 5:36 PM GMT
    Thanks Greg. He seems to have gotten a lot better about being consitent with how he acts since I flat out told him how much I liked him.

    I would have thought he could have perceived this since my pupils were like dinner plates around him. icon_smile.gif

    Plus all the flirting we had done.

    I really do care about him. I thought about what you and the other guy said in the other post. I care about him a lot.

    So I haven't given up yet.

  • TallGWMvballe...

    Posts: 1925

    Oct 20, 2007 5:46 PM GMT
    Kylez, How did he respond to you when you told him how much you like him?

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    Oct 20, 2007 6:04 PM GMT
    Tall, let me rehash a bit to tell you how it played out

    I had been pressing him to tell me whether he liked me or not. He kept playing dumb ( i guess) and saying I don't understand what you are getting at ect.. I don't understnad your question.

    I finally kept on and said do you really like me. He said I am not gay (way before he admitted to being bi)

    I said, well, I didn't think I was really either until I met you. He got quiet for a second, then says really sweet and soft , have you had .. feelings like this before..

    I answered him, conversation went on. He altenated between being defensive and really sweet. Conversation ends with him not wanting to let me off the phone and him being sweet. Right at the end he slurs it out. Kyle.. I'm.. bisexual.

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    Oct 20, 2007 7:14 PM GMT
    Hi Kyle,
    I'm guessing you haven't been in many relationships with guys? I'm just thinking back to how I got the courage and found the right time to find out a classmate was gay and then later, to ask him out and start my first real relationship.

    Well, the way that story ends is pretty much my mind getting the better of me wanting to be with him all the time, getting paranoid that he didn't like me. Eventually, he let me go as was pretty predictable by anyone who knew the situation, and I experienced my first heartbreak.

    Anyhow, the point of the story is that if this guy continues to have trouble opening up, it is likely that there will be trouble, no matter how sweet and well-meaning he is. It's just something to be on the watch for. Wish you the best of luck!