Gay-on-Gay Bullying: The New Mean Girls

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2012 11:15 PM GMT
    This article is about apps like Grindr, but with the recent discussions in threads the last few days, does anyone think we here also are guilty? As suggested in the article that some apps and sites seem to encourage it, is it encouraged here?

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carl-sandler/gayongay-bullying-the-new_b_1547075.html

    "In the past two years mobile dating apps have transformed the lives of gay men worldwide. You can now be on a remote island, at Home Depot, at church, or even on another date and easily find someone nearby to meet (or, in some states, marry). Mobile dating apps are fun, easy to use, highly efficient, and here to stay.

    They can also be an emotional minefield, especially for anyone who feels too skinny, too fat, too ethnic, too hairy, too girly, or -- gasp! -- too old, which, in the gay-dating-app world, means anyone over 30. As gay men we may congratulate ourselves on having made progress in the past decade on such important issues as marriage, adoption, and bullying, but we've yet to make positive strides in the online and mobile arenas. The app culture that's emerged in recent years is often more intimidating, negative, and noninclusive than many of the online hookup sites that preceded them."
  • creature

    Posts: 5197

    Jul 08, 2012 11:20 PM GMT
    I think we can be guilty of it. It happens a lot here.
  • Jerebear

    Posts: 329

    Jul 08, 2012 11:33 PM GMT
    I dont know. I think back to the pre-internet gay bar, or pre-internet gay coffee shops, or pre-internet personals sections in gay publications, etc. I dont recall any of those being all that welcoming to men of the non-perfect variety.

    I find its the other way around. Social media has offered the ordinary gay guy much more oppurtunity to escape the isolation of their perceived inadequacies and connect.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 08, 2012 11:41 PM GMT
    ^^^
    This
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2012 11:41 PM GMT
    Jerebear saidI dont know. I think back to the pre-internet gay bar, or pre-internet gay coffee shops, or pre-internet personals sections in gay publications, etc. I dont recall any of those being all that welcoming to men of the non-perfect variety.

    I find its the other way around. Social media has offered the ordinary gay guy much more oppurtunity to escape the isolation of their perceived inadequacies and connect.



    But going to a gay bar and being ignored, is one thing. Being explicitly called out for looks, femininity, weight, etc. is another. I don't recall that happening at gay bars or coffee shops. I certainly don't recall rudeness being thought of as an admirable quality.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 08, 2012 11:48 PM GMT
    It's always been like that in certain crowds. The internet exposes it more.
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    Jul 08, 2012 11:58 PM GMT
    Reality shows didn't get popular from people being nice.

    Humanity has always gravitated to rudeness, bitchiness, and violence. It's just getting more noticed now.

    *goes back to watching gladiator movies*
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    Jul 09, 2012 12:00 AM GMT
    Meh, I've never ignored someone because of their age. However I have noticed older guys are a lot more forward about sex which is a turn off. Usually any mention of sex before I see someone's face or name is probably the biggest turn off.

    I think I have the lowest libido out of all the gay guys I've met though..so..idk.

    I have been guilty of making fun of super feminine guys..usually if they say something bitchy. The really sweet nice ones are to innocent lol.
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    Jul 09, 2012 12:42 AM GMT
    grindr is the mobile equivalent of the dark corner of the internet where the skeeziest of the skeeziest congregate.

    nothing but bigots, racists and self-loathing gays there.
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    Jul 09, 2012 12:49 AM GMT
    HottJoe saidIt's always been like that in certain crowds. The internet exposes it more.


    This. The "anonymity" of the internet, the lack of face-to-face encounter, seems to release the worst in all of us.
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    Jul 09, 2012 12:56 AM GMT
    GAMRican said
    HottJoe saidIt's always been like that in certain crowds. The internet exposes it more.


    This. The "anonymity" of the internet, the lack of face-to-face encounter, seems to release the worst in all of us.


    This^^

    I tried Grindr for about 5 mins when i got the new Ipad, Boring or what! I dont get the big deal with it.

    Also having worked with many a straight macho armed forces dudes, I can state that these guys are the biggest bitches ever. Way more than gay guys or women. Bitchiness is not a gay/ feminine trait.
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    Jul 09, 2012 1:00 AM GMT
    northoz said
    GAMRican said
    HottJoe saidIt's always been like that in certain crowds. The internet exposes it more.


    This. The "anonymity" of the internet, the lack of face-to-face encounter, seems to release the worst in all of us.


    This^^

    I tried Grindr for about 5 mins when i got the new Ipad, Boring or what! I dont get the big deal with it.

    Also having worked with many a straight macho armed forces dudes, I can state that these guys are the biggest bitches ever. Way more than gay guys or women. Bitchiness is not a gay/ feminine trait.

    But the difference is, the lgbt population has adopted bullying as a cause. So is it something different when we engage in the bullying?
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    Jul 09, 2012 1:03 AM GMT
    northoz said...

    Also having worked with many a straight macho armed forces dudes, I can state that these guys are the biggest bitches ever. Way more than gay guys or women. Bitchiness is not a gay/ feminine trait.


    I know. I was sitting in the back seat of a car when a straight friend climbed in. He said, "Don't get too close. I don't want to catch gay."
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    Jul 09, 2012 1:18 AM GMT
    northoz said
    GAMRican said
    HottJoe saidIt's always been like that in certain crowds. The internet exposes it more.


    This. The "anonymity" of the internet, the lack of face-to-face encounter, seems to release the worst in all of us.


    This^^

    I tried Grindr for about 5 mins when i got the new Ipad, Boring or what! I dont get the big deal with it.

    Also having worked with many a straight macho armed forces dudes, I can state that these guys are the biggest bitches ever. Way more than gay guys or women. Bitchiness is not a gay/ feminine trait.


    That's true. That's military in general though. the outserve group in Hawaii is probably the most clicky obnoxious group of people I've ever met in the gay community. Granted, they're mostly pretty feminine. Most gay guys that call themselves "masculine" would still be considered feminine to a lot of straight people imo.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2012 1:55 AM GMT
    Yes they would. I love it when those guys say they're "straight-acting" and yet any simple person walking on the street can pick them out as being gay.

    Yeah, you look reeeaallll masculine walking like you got a pringle in your ass that you're not trying to break.


    lupsided said
    northoz said
    GAMRican said
    HottJoe saidIt's always been like that in certain crowds. The internet exposes it more.


    This. The "anonymity" of the internet, the lack of face-to-face encounter, seems to release the worst in all of us.


    This^^

    I tried Grindr for about 5 mins when i got the new Ipad, Boring or what! I dont get the big deal with it.

    Also having worked with many a straight macho armed forces dudes, I can state that these guys are the biggest bitches ever. Way more than gay guys or women. Bitchiness is not a gay/ feminine trait.


    That's true. That's military in general though. the outserve group in Hawaii is probably the most clicky obnoxious group of people I've ever met in the gay community. Granted, they're mostly pretty feminine. Most gay guys that call themselves "masculine" would still be considered feminine to a lot of straight people imo.

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    Jul 09, 2012 2:22 AM GMT
    Iceblink said
    I certainly don't recall rudeness being thought of as an admirable quality.



    QFT,
  • turtleneckjoc...

    Posts: 4685

    Jul 09, 2012 2:42 AM GMT
    Iceblink said
    Jerebear saidI dont know. I think back to the pre-internet gay bar, or pre-internet gay coffee shops, or pre-internet personals sections in gay publications, etc. I dont recall any of those being all that welcoming to men of the non-perfect variety.

    I find its the other way around. Social media has offered the ordinary gay guy much more oppurtunity to escape the isolation of their perceived inadequacies and connect.



    But going to a gay bar and being ignored, is one thing. Being explicitly called out for looks, femininity, weight, etc. is another. I don't recall that happening at gay bars or coffee shops. I certainly don't recall rudeness being thought of as an admirable quality.


    My feelings exactly....
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    Jul 09, 2012 2:44 AM GMT
    There are some certifiable monsters on this very board.
  • Jerebear

    Posts: 329

    Jul 09, 2012 3:02 AM GMT
    turtleneckjock said
    Iceblink said
    Jerebear saidI dont know. I think back to the pre-internet gay bar, or pre-internet gay coffee shops, or pre-internet personals sections in gay publications, etc. I dont recall any of those being all that welcoming to men of the non-perfect variety.

    I find its the other way around. Social media has offered the ordinary gay guy much more oppurtunity to escape the isolation of their perceived inadequacies and connect.



    But going to a gay bar and being ignored, is one thing. Being explicitly called out for looks, femininity, weight, etc. is another. I don't recall that happening at gay bars or coffee shops. I certainly don't recall rudeness being thought of as an admirable quality.


    My feelings exactly....


    Hmm...maybe its my age

    The older I get the less of a fuck I give about what people think of me. When I was younger, I was much more sensitive.

    I dont feel it when Im seperated by distance. There's something about people snubbing you with their body language and tone in person that is so much more powerful than whatever whirls around in the internet's tower of babel.
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    Jul 09, 2012 3:03 AM GMT
    Elusium saidThere are some certifiable monsters on this very board.


    This ^ speaks volumes about RJ.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2012 3:06 AM GMT
    Don't people and apps have filters? Some people tune into that shit cause it brings them down, unfortunately some of those people feel they deserve that treatment on a level, so they invite it in to their lives... tune out of the hate, and tune in to your own goodness! If others around you can see it in your, than you can most definitely be it!
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    Jul 09, 2012 3:07 AM GMT
    Jerebear said...There's something about people snubbing you with their body language and tone in person that is so much more powerful than whatever whirls around in the internet's tower of babel.


    Oh yes, THIS! It's amazing how just a look (or no look) can evoke an insult.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2012 3:26 AM GMT
    I think people just need to get over themselves and chill, not everyone is out to fuck you, or for fucking, there is nothing wrong with making solid friendships with people you don't find attractive.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2012 6:29 AM GMT
    Yeah. this is sad about the gay community. That is why I never approach or text someone. I wait for them to make the move. I've been put off by guys saying "No asians and blacks need apply." That is just wrong as a human race. You don't see straight people doing that. They keep it to themselves.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2012 6:30 AM GMT
    I deleted all the apps. I have but one dating site I use, and I heavily rely on fate these days, I am a true believer in let life take the reins