Happiness Is Not Always Guaranteed.

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    Jul 09, 2012 1:01 AM GMT
    I feel really bad saying this, but I just feel like when it comes to advice that people give on here that it is more "Dream Worldish" than realistic.

    Truth is there are many "Good" people or seemingly good people( whatever good means to you) who die alone, and have a miserable life or are murdered.
    The more I live the more I wonder why we as people choose to always tell people that things will end up ok, when truth is that may not. In the end death is the final solution. Even when you are married eventually it will end. Nothing is forever, neither happiness nor sadness but there is a great chance of experiencing one more than the other.
    No i am not saying people should feel bad for themselves, and No I am not saying suicide is the answer, but i think people should just be REAL. Let others know, that life OFTEN sucks, but it can be good and to just never give up,
    but all this crap about, your life will be happy in the end, or everything is going to work out ok..is not true. You can't say that.
    I am not trying to be bitter or mean, but basically this is what I went through. I got saved and I thought that once I started being good and doing my best and being nice that everything would work out for it, and it is not true. Things seem like they come harder at you when you are trying to be right or trying to do right, going for your dreams, or living the way you think you should.
    I just feel when people on here are constantly seeking advice, the sugary sweet answers don't help in my book. I feel like when you tell someone things will get better, and they see it doesn't they feel even worse, which can lead to depression and suicide.
    I just think we should be more Real and logical rather than just telling someone something they want to hear or because our hearts show sympathy.

    To me life is a tossup, you can either let it kick your ass, or you can stand up and fight. Whether it still sucks, you can keep fighting till it doesn't it may not work out but at least you are trying. Your not letting life make you its bitch.

    Am I wrong in thinking this?

    I rather have someone tell me what I NEED to hear rather what I WANT to hear.

    Is this wrong?
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    Jul 09, 2012 1:10 AM GMT

    Hmmmm....well,

    "I got saved and I thought that once I started being good and doing my best and being nice that everything would work out for it, and it is not true. Things seem like they come harder at you when you are trying to be right or trying to do right, going for your dreams, or living the way you think you should"

    Explain 'saved'.

    What are you trying to be right about, or trying to do right?

    Is it an unrealistic dream or a realistic one? Living the way way you think you should is always the best way to live, depending on what it is you've decided is the way you should live.

    icon_question.gif

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    Jul 09, 2012 1:16 AM GMT
    I agree with that, but the church as well as people tend to make it seem that if you do good, than life will be good and that just is not always the case.

    I always think you should strive to do and be the best, but I still think we should acknowledge that life still may go sour sometimes.

    and by Saved..I meant religious wise.
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    Jul 09, 2012 1:35 AM GMT


    OK, briefly touching on religion (and so this should really be in the spirituality forum), there are a fair number of saved (ugh, that term) christians that are perfectly vile people and get away with all kinds of conniving, vicious, manipulative behaviour.

    A certain pastor proclaiming gays should be rounded up and put behind fences is an illustration of that.

    Now putting religion aside,

    "I always think you should strive to do and be the best, but I still think we should acknowledge that life still may go sour sometimes."

    Do and be the best at what?

    Happiness is a state of mind, and no one can guarantee it but yourself. Others can only be signposts.

    Others can only suggest directions, suggest optimism, sympathize (which can also be 'yeah the world sucks, it's horrible' etc) or speak based on a lifetime of experiences and observations, which is why old people have a great value overlooked often.

    Hey! Here's a song:




    What goes up must come down
    spinning wheel got to go round
    Talking about your troubles it's a crying sin
    Ride a painted pony
    Let the spinning wheel spin

    You got no money, and you, you got no home
    Spinning wheel, spinning all alone
    Talking about your troubles and you, you never learn
    Ride a painted pony
    let the spinning wheel turn

    If you find a directing sign
    on the straight and narrow highway?
    Would you mind a reflecting sign
    Just let it shine within your mind
    And show you the colours that are real

    Someone is waiting just for you
    spinning wheel is spinning true
    Drop all your troubles, by the river side
    Catch a painted pony
    On the spinning wheel ride

    Someone is waiting just for you
    spinning wheel is spinning true
    Drop all your troubles, by the river side
    Ride a painted pony
    Let the spinning wheel fly


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    Jul 09, 2012 2:37 AM GMT
    At best, life is a gamble, and the odds of it working out are not on your side. It's really all about luck, and most cases of "success" really amount to emerging from the right vagina.
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    Jul 09, 2012 2:40 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidI feel really bad saying this, but I just feel like when it comes to advice that people give on here that it is more "Dream Worldish" than realistic.

    Truth is there are many "Good" people or seemingly good people( whatever good means to you) who die alone, and have a miserable life or are murdered.
    The more I live the more I wonder why we as people choose to always tell people that things will end up ok, when truth is that may not. In the end death is the final solution. Even when you are married eventually it will end. Nothing is forever, neither happiness nor sadness but there is a great chance of experiencing one more than the other.
    No i am not saying people should feel bad for themselves, and No I am not saying suicide is the answer, but i think people should just be REAL. Let others know, that life OFTEN sucks, but it can be good and to just never give up,
    but all this crap about, your life will be happy in the end, or everything is going to work out ok..is not true. You can't say that.
    I am not trying to be bitter or mean, but basically this is what I went through. I got saved and I thought that once I started being good and doing my best and being nice that everything would work out for it, and it is not true. Things seem like they come harder at you when you are trying to be right or trying to do right, going for your dreams, or living the way you think you should.
    I just feel when people on here are constantly seeking advice, the sugary sweet answers don't help in my book. I feel like when you tell someone things will get better, and they see it doesn't they feel even worse, which can lead to depression and suicide.
    I just think we should be more Real and logical rather than just telling someone something they want to hear or because our hearts show sympathy.

    To me life is a tossup, you can either let it kick your ass, or you can stand up and fight. Whether it still sucks, you can keep fighting till it doesn't it may not work out but at least you are trying. Your not letting life make you its bitch.

    Am I wrong in thinking this?

    I rather have someone tell me what I NEED to hear rather what I WANT to hear.

    Is this wrong?

    we tell people things will be OK, to give them some fucking hope. To carry-on, to push through, to survive.

    Life isn't a "toss-up" it's what u make it.

    If u sit around, dwelling on every little misfortune that comes your way, than yes, u deserve to be a miserable, pessimistic ugly piece of shit who no one will want to be around. . .

    Just because you're "being nice" and "trying to achieve ur dreams" doesn't mean ur life is gonna fall into place. There's more to life than that, hunni. .

    U gotta push for what u want. U gotta just fucking take it, grab it, without permission or validation from someone else.

    u gotta do you. do yo own daaamn thang, naaaah mean?

    damn, ur a negative fucking nancy sometimes dude.
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    Jul 09, 2012 2:43 AM GMT
    I do agree with you.. me and many of my friends have said this before that if we are talking about the shitty state of the world.. poverty, disaster, war etc.. that we really hate it most when people come by and start sugar coating things.... When I was depressed, I absolutely detested hearing that, because things do not look up.. the world is not better off when Im depressed as when i am not, and I am no better off either..

    The difference I found is rather finding a way to deal with the bad stuff, a way to deal with the rain... I know its not always going to rain, at times there will be sun, but I also know that after that, it will rain again... and that its not a bad thing, because without rain, crops dont grow... without the bitter, I dont know how to discern the sweet, without the pain I will not learn, and without bad times, i will not appreciate the joy.....

    So in a sense, if things get really bad, I do know better times are ahead.. and when things are good, I know bad times are ahead... so in a way they are right, but where I think they are wrong to sugar coat the bad is where I feel that gets "denied" and I dont want to deny the bad stuff that happens all the time.. I dont want to ignore the fact that there is war going on, that human society is at the brink of collapse, that the planet is getting poisoned, or numerous other things, and I certainly don't want to deny the fact that someday, I will be dead. nor deny the fact that nothing is permanent..

    So how do I deal with it? When I get too far down now, I take the time to do something that will lift my spirits, and then i will get back to the dirty business of being alive on this planet.... Like after digging in the mud, you take a shower, but you do have to get out of the mud to do so haha
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    Jul 09, 2012 2:45 AM GMT
    I found that I have to learn to be happy with all the bull in my life: the stupid people I don't know, do know and others I make room for in my life and love. Not only that, but I learned that in having less of all the stuff I wanted and needed, the more gratitude I had once I had what I wanted and needed again; but losing it all isn't a guarantee to gratitude later... like happiness it's as much a realization about the Truth In YOUR Own Life. What purpose I have in my life is different from whatever purpose you have in your life, though we may share some commonalities in our Purpose As Human Sentient Beings on this benign orbiting molten rock we call home.

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    Jul 09, 2012 3:07 AM GMT
    That's brilliant JR_RJ, one of my fave artists.

    ...here's another (with lyrics):

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    Jul 09, 2012 3:08 AM GMT
    Life like anything else takes work..the same way we go to the gym and work on our glutes for an hour..if we view life as work in progress..we will pull through...If your goal is to be happy..prepare to do the work..if its health..prepare to do the work..Also...some of us are really reaping what we sew..!! Some of us do awful things to others and when the walls start closing we cry wolf..!!..and even if that's the case..if you want to make things right..Prepare To Do The Work !!..AMEN!!
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    Jul 09, 2012 3:09 AM GMT
    Yeah....not exactly the thing I should be reading right now. icon_mad.gif

    I've tried everything to be good and do what I'm supposed to do. I don't pressure people, don't try to make people feel bad about themselves or anything. Still in the end, people who do all of these things in addition to mooching off of others still manage to find happiness and other people who want to know them and be with them.
    (I'm sorry - just wanted to vent a little - ignore this)
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    Jul 09, 2012 3:21 AM GMT
    Congrats on achieving Emo-ism! icon_biggrin.gif

    See? Things DO get better.

    Now you know to scrutinize (and/or research) everything you hear before actually believing it. icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 09, 2012 3:22 AM GMT
    People say things to cheer others up when they are feeling like what they do or say doesn't matter. I really think people who post their problems, issues, and troubles online are looking for others who feel the same way or for others to tell them it is ok. You, for instance, are using this to vent a little because you probably didn't hear what you wanted to hear otherwise why ask? That's just what I get out of it.
    You can't get mad because someone was trying to give you hope where all you want to see is darkness.
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    Jul 09, 2012 3:27 AM GMT
    "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so" - Shakespeare


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    Jul 09, 2012 3:38 AM GMT
    Import said
    JamieJfromtheA saidI feel really bad saying this, but I just feel like when it comes to advice that people give on here that it is more "Dream Worldish" than realistic.

    Truth is there are many "Good" people or seemingly good people( whatever good means to you) who die alone, and have a miserable life or are murdered.
    The more I live the more I wonder why we as people choose to always tell people that things will end up ok, when truth is that may not. In the end death is the final solution. Even when you are married eventually it will end. Nothing is forever, neither happiness nor sadness but there is a great chance of experiencing one more than the other.
    No i am not saying people should feel bad for themselves, and No I am not saying suicide is the answer, but i think people should just be REAL. Let others know, that life OFTEN sucks, but it can be good and to just never give up,
    but all this crap about, your life will be happy in the end, or everything is going to work out ok..is not true. You can't say that.
    I am not trying to be bitter or mean, but basically this is what I went through. I got saved and I thought that once I started being good and doing my best and being nice that everything would work out for it, and it is not true. Things seem like they come harder at you when you are trying to be right or trying to do right, going for your dreams, or living the way you think you should.
    I just feel when people on here are constantly seeking advice, the sugary sweet answers don't help in my book. I feel like when you tell someone things will get better, and they see it doesn't they feel even worse, which can lead to depression and suicide.
    I just think we should be more Real and logical rather than just telling someone something they want to hear or because our hearts show sympathy.

    To me life is a tossup, you can either let it kick your ass, or you can stand up and fight. Whether it still sucks, you can keep fighting till it doesn't it may not work out but at least you are trying. Your not letting life make you its bitch.

    Am I wrong in thinking this?

    I rather have someone tell me what I NEED to hear rather what I WANT to hear.

    Is this wrong?

    we tell people things will be OK, to give them some fucking hope. To carry-on, to push through, to survive.

    Life isn't a "toss-up" it's what u make it.

    If u sit around, dwelling on every little misfortune that comes your way, than yes, u deserve to be a miserable, pessimistic ugly piece of shit who no one will want to be around. . .

    Just because you're "being nice" and "trying to achieve ur dreams" doesn't mean ur life is gonna fall into place. There's more to life than that, hunni. .

    U gotta push for what u want. U gotta just fucking take it, grab it, without permission or validation from someone else.

    u gotta do you. do yo own daaamn thang, naaaah mean?

    damn, ur a negative fucking nancy sometimes dude.


    But thats exactly what I am saying...

    it's not about being negative. It's about being real.

    If your doing bad, saying life is gonna be perfect soon is not realistic

    there is a difference between being negative, than being real.

    If i said everything will be good soon, thats not a ture statement, but if I say just try to work harder and stay encouraged and hopefully things will work out. That is a better statement to me.

    You can support someone, with out telling them everything they want to hear. I think just saying all nice things is a bit irresponsible. I feel like you should be honest and real.You can still be supportive and kind and compassionate, but I think the sugar coating, and enabling does not help alot of times.

    Realist FTW.


    I am bold enough to say I was brainwashed by religion and people etc, that people always said if you do this ,that and the other you would be happy. Then when I did, did happiness come..NO, because there is more to it than that. I feel like it is up to me to be happy. I cant depend or what others, say or do ..it starts with me, and I just feel like

    alot of other people are brainwashed into thinking certain actions and stuff will make life better and easier and that just is not the case.

    It really is not negative, it may sound that way but it is real.

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    Jul 09, 2012 3:42 AM GMT
    I agree with you OP. When I hear the whole anti-bullying campaign where they promise "it gets better", it makes me cringe because I know it doesn't always get better. But sometimes you just have to focus on people's motives and in this case I think their motives are good.
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    Jul 09, 2012 3:45 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA said
    Import said
    JamieJfromtheA said...
    damn, ur a negative fucking nancy sometimes dude.


    But thats exactly what I am saying...

    it's not about being negative. It's about being real.
    Being real is like being a subatomic particle. You're either gonna be real negative, neutral and don't give a fuck, or real positive.

    When shit happens, be glad there's toilet paper...and if you're lucky, a bidet.
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    Jul 09, 2012 3:46 AM GMT
    Scruffypup saidI agree with you OP. When I hear the whole anti-bullying campaign where they promise "it gets better", it makes me cringe because I know it doesn't always get better. But sometimes you just have to focus on people's motives and in this case I think their motives are good.


    Agreed.

    and @ Paul, I love you.
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    Jul 09, 2012 3:59 AM GMT
    meninlove said That's brilliant JR_RJ, one of my fave artists.

    ...here's another (with lyrics):

    Thanks M.I.L.! I still got internet after midnight... so far so good!
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    Jul 09, 2012 3:59 AM GMT
    You can do all the right things like exercise, eat right, and get regular checkups but still get cancer and die. You can prepare for your future, go to the right school, get a good education and die in a car accident on your way to the graduation ceremony. You could get a good job, make great money, invest in your 401k, and die before you get to collect a penny of it.

    By and large life is a crap shoot. Nothing is guaranteed.

    In case your mommy didn't tell you, I will:

    LIFE IS NOT FAIR.
    NEVER WAS.
    NEVER WILL BE.


    It's how you conduct yourself and the attitude you maintain during the travails of life that will determine how happy you will be.
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    Jul 09, 2012 7:14 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidYou can do all the right things like exercise, eat right, and get regular checkups but still get cancer and die. You can prepare for your future, go to the right school, get a good education and tie in a car accident on your way to the graduation ceremony. You could get a good job, make great money, invest in your 401k, and die before you get to collect a penny of it.

    By and large life is a crap shoot. Nothing is guaranteed.

    In case your mommy didn't tell you, I will:

    LIFE IS NOT FAIR.
    NEVER WAS.
    NEVER WILL BE.


    It's how you conduct yourself and the attitude you maintain during the travails of life that will determine how happy you will be.


    Let me just say you hit the jackpot!

    Thank you
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    Jul 09, 2012 7:41 AM GMT
    Another type of advice I see is the 'do what you want to do, who cares what other people think' type of response. E.g.

    OP: I want to quit school and pursue a career as a fairy godmother but my parents think I'm nuts.
    Response: Who cares what your parents think, do what you want to do.

    I've seen this kind of advice given and sometimes it makes me cringe. It presumes that other people don't have any wisdom to offer to you. It assumes you automatically know what's right for you.
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    Jul 09, 2012 8:01 AM GMT
    Okay, here's the thing I don't understand, which is how doing "the right thing" isn't its own reward. You shouldn't feel like anyone is "coming at you harder" when you're doing the right thing, because doing the right thing should feel good.

    I have to wake up and look at myself in the morning, and think, "You know, you're an okay person." I don't understand how it is people can constantly do things they know they should regret. It's a matter of dignity and empathy.

    So maybe it doesn't make you the richest guy alive, or give you the most attractive spouse. But it makes life livable.