What Do Gay Men Want More: Sex or Relationship?

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    Jul 09, 2012 4:02 AM GMT
    I ask this because for a few months now I've been feeling like what I'd truly want is someone to be really good friends with and make out and cuddle, and not really thinking about sex. As you guys should know, it's common knowledge that everyone wants sex but has anyone ever felt like sex is the after thought to everything else?
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    Jul 09, 2012 4:03 AM GMT
    Friends...with benefits optional but welcome. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 09, 2012 4:03 AM GMT
    I prefer relationships over sex. I just like connecting with people and I feel like sex is something extra.

    Plus cum is disgusting
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    Jul 09, 2012 4:06 AM GMT
    Yeah well maybe it's just that I want one so bad... need to find someone first lol. Anyway, glad I'm not alone. Gives me hope that if I ever do find a guy, he won't just be all over me because I'm a virgin.
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    Jul 09, 2012 11:41 AM GMT
    Josh1992 saidI prefer relationships over sex. I just like connecting with people and I feel like sex is something extra.

    Plus cum is disgusting


    I agree. I prefer to build a relationship and connect with someone on a more intimate level than just a random hook up or even a fwb. A connection should be first and foremost, then if it becomes sexual it will mean more to both people involved.

    -- I can think of many things that are more disguting than cum. I actually don't mind it all that much. Just don't let it dry on your favorite shirt:/
  • Shark100

    Posts: 234

    Jul 09, 2012 11:53 AM GMT
    Yeap. I agree with Justin, it would be nice to have a mate to have a good friendship, a close relationship and probably the sex would be awesome because there is a connection more than physical. Unfortunately....this is not common in the gay community. It seems that sex is the priority and then the rest.... icon_confused.gif
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    Jul 09, 2012 11:55 AM GMT
    People don't like relationships because they're difficult, unlike sex which is really easy.
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    Jul 09, 2012 12:11 PM GMT
    relationship. i'd rather have a guy who thinks i'm amazing, with the same in return; reciprocally having each other's backs no matter what, making each other better people... and if its an either/or question being posed (not realistic, but still) i honestly prefer intimacy/cuddling/massage to all-out buttsex any day.

    the best sex proceeds from intimacy and emotional connection, to me, even when its rough and full of power play icon_wink.gif
    hookups are awkward, hollow, and leave me feeling lonely, empty, a bit dirty, and knowing that I haven't accomplished anything but getting off; something I could have done with less effort on my own anyways.

    in the real world though, a healthy relationship needs a healthy sex life to be balanced. gotta have my cake and eat it too. Sex is just as consumingly important to me as to anyone else with balls, but it takes back seat to the totality of a relationship.
  • tigrisblue

    Posts: 113

    Jul 09, 2012 12:23 PM GMT
    czarodziej saidthe best sex proceeds from intimacy and emotional connection, to me, even when its rough and full of power play icon_wink.gif
    hookups are awkward, hollow, and leave me feeling lonely, empty, a bit dirty, and knowing that I haven't accomplished anything but getting off; something I could have done with less effort on my own anyways.


    This. I'll take an emotional connection over sex any day. (Not that I don't want to get off, but, priorities.)
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    Jul 09, 2012 12:38 PM GMT
    I want both, but I'd pick a good relationship with a more limited sexual menu over a full a sexual menu and getting my intimacy ad-hoc.
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    Jul 09, 2012 6:05 PM GMT
    czarodziej saidrelationship. i'd rather have a guy who thinks i'm amazing, with the same in return; reciprocally having each other's backs no matter what, making each other better people... and if its an either/or question being posed (not realistic, but still) i honestly prefer intimacy/cuddling/massage to all-out buttsex any day.

    the best sex proceeds from intimacy and emotional connection, to me, even when its rough and full of power play icon_wink.gif
    hookups are awkward, hollow, and leave me feeling lonely, empty, a bit dirty, and knowing that I haven't accomplished anything but getting off; something I could have done with less effort on my own anyways.

    in the real world though, a healthy relationship needs a healthy sex life to be balanced. gotta have my cake and eat it too. Sex is just as consumingly important to me as to anyone else with balls, but it takes back seat to the totality of a relationship.


    Love this.

    Just like everything in life a good balance is needed.

    Problem is it is so hard to find.

    Sex you can get from any creep on grindr and manhunt but love is hard to find.

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    Jul 09, 2012 6:08 PM GMT
    Anduru saidPeople don't like relationships because they're difficult, unlike sex which is really easy.


    If it's easy, you're not trying hard enough.
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    Jul 09, 2012 6:09 PM GMT
    Do I have to choose? I'm a relationship person, but I'm not going to deny that I have more basic needs too. I'd like to find someone who fulfills me in both ways. I don't think that's too much to ask.
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    Jul 09, 2012 6:13 PM GMT
    Relationship. Sex isn't just an afterthought - it is important - but it's much easier to find.
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Jul 09, 2012 6:22 PM GMT
    Relationship for me.
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    Jul 09, 2012 6:26 PM GMT
    czarodziej saidrelationship. i'd rather have a guy who thinks i'm amazing, with the same in return; reciprocally having each other's backs no matter what, making each other better people... and if its an either/or question being posed (not realistic, but still) i honestly prefer intimacy/cuddling/massage to all-out buttsex any day.

    the best sex proceeds from intimacy and emotional connection, to me, even when its rough and full of power play icon_wink.gif
    hookups are awkward, hollow, and leave me feeling lonely, empty, a bit dirty, and knowing that I haven't accomplished anything but getting off; something I could have done with less effort on my own anyways.

    in the real world though, a healthy relationship needs a healthy sex life to be balanced. gotta have my cake and eat it too. Sex is just as consumingly important to me as to anyone else with balls, but it takes back seat to the totality of a relationship.


    What he said!
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    Jul 09, 2012 6:26 PM GMT
    i want sex with a guy with whom i am in a relationship icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 09, 2012 6:35 PM GMT
    "What Do Gay Men Want More: Sex or Relationship? "

    Usually when they have one, they crave the other more.

    Finding a good regular FWB takes work.
    Getting into and maintaining a relationship is a lot more work.

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    Jul 09, 2012 8:07 PM GMT
    czarodziej saidrelationship. i'd rather have a guy who thinks i'm amazing, with the same in return; reciprocally having each other's backs no matter what, making each other better people... and if its an either/or question being posed (not realistic, but still) i honestly prefer intimacy/cuddling/massage to all-out buttsex any day.

    the best sex proceeds from intimacy and emotional connection, to me, even when its rough and full of power play icon_wink.gif
    hookups are awkward, hollow, and leave me feeling lonely, empty, a bit dirty, and knowing that I haven't accomplished anything but getting off; something I could have done with less effort on my own anyways.

    in the real world though, a healthy relationship needs a healthy sex life to be balanced. gotta have my cake and eat it too. Sex is just as consumingly important to me as to anyone else with balls, but it takes back seat to the totality of a relationship.


    I also agree wholeheartedly but think that it's all too common for people to be unwilling to actually put in the work and compromise to have a healthy, balanced relationship. I think this is why there are so many forums on here of people complaining about dating/gay scene. It's easy to say you want a balanced relationship but hard in real life unless what you mean is that you want everything your way. It'd be nice if more people were willing to actually do the work in a relationship so we'd have more happy gays running around.
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    Jul 09, 2012 8:16 PM GMT
    You lazy ass men who don't want to invest the time in getting to know someone on a deep level, only want your dick soothed or your ass pounded. Taught to hide your damn emotions all the time, using folks.. sigh. The quality man is a dieing breed in an insanely sex driven community. I know this because I am dieing slowly.
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    Jul 09, 2012 8:26 PM GMT
    Relationship. Sex is really easy to come by, and a good relationship is way more special. Plus if you've ever been in a relationship, you know why it's so great. Those warm fuzzy feelings you get when you talk to them, that smile that just pops up with out even trying. As opposed to sex. If it's a fling, afterwards is a lot of work.
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    Jul 09, 2012 8:32 PM GMT
    as i observed!
    18-25 plain sex
    25-30 open relationship
    30-40 plan to have kids
    40-55 satisfied
    55-70 so happy i could die
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    Jul 09, 2012 8:44 PM GMT
    Definitely a relationship. If I wanted sex more I would have by this age! I've only had two sex partners and both were long term relationships.
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    Jul 09, 2012 8:46 PM GMT
    You need both. Sex and a relationship complement each other. It's the whole package that makes life good.icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 10, 2012 3:05 AM GMT
    I'd rather have a Tesla.