Which lies can you forgive and which are deal breakers?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2012 5:50 AM GMT
    Many guys lie about their age, career, weight, cock size, etc?
    Some of those lies I dont mind, but some are deal breakers, which one would you let fly and which ones are deal breakers when
    dating guys?


    Personally I started this thread from a guy I met, he exchanged numbers, he said his name was James the first time i met him, so everytime he texted me that's the name I saw.
    I lost my phone and my contacts, got a new one with the same number.
    When he texted me again, I responded: "who is this? lost my number and all contacts" He responded back with "I am kris" and some info about the first time we talked.
    I knew who he was, but was surprised about the new name, I acted like i didn't know any Kris and finally told him he gave me a different name, he said he didnt and that his name was Kris but I started doubting everything he texted me. We started talking again but I decided to give up cause I couldnt believe a lot of what he said and couldnt trust him after he lied with something as basic as his name.
    Long story short, I later saw him at a restaurant he work at and his name was not Kris either according to his nametag.icon_rolleyes.gif

    So if you didn't read my block of text, what lies would you call deal breakers and which ones would you get pass because you like the guy?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2012 4:39 PM GMT
    A lie is a lie, and it will always be a lie.
    Some people justify lies with 'I want to protect myself'.
    I prefer to say 'I'd rather not answer that right now, unless you want me to lie to you' and people usually understand.

    If someone tells you let's go eat and instead they have a surprise for you, well that's innocent enough. Someone who lies about the name, age or HIV status, then do a U-turn and leave!!
    icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 09, 2012 4:46 PM GMT
    Vanderhagast saidA lie is a lie, and it will always be a lie.
    Some people justify lies with 'I want to protect myself'.
    I prefer to say 'I'd rather not answer that right now, unless you want me to lie to you' and people usually understand.

    If someone tells you let's go eat and instead they have a surprise for you, well that's innocent enough. Someone who lies about the name, age or HIV status, then do a U-turn and leave!!
    icon_smile.gif


    It's not that simple. If I were in Nazi Germany and hiding Jews in my house someplace. I wouldn't hesitate to lie if asked if I knew where any Jews were hiding in order to save lives. and I don't think the Nazis would accept the response, "...I would rather not answer that question..."

    If I lived in the south (US) 150 year ago, I would think nothing of lying to conceal the underground railroad.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2012 4:50 PM GMT
    Lying shows a character flaw to me.

    White lies seem trivial to me- why tell them? All you are doing is hurting other people, all you are doing is showing that even in circumstances that DON'T matter, you would lie.

    I have dealt with lying before and it really irks me. Little lies turn into BIG BIG BIG lies and BIG BIG BIG lies turn into everybody getting hurt.

    I don't tolerate lies. Lying shows a complete disrespect for people, and a complete lack of moral accountability.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2012 4:57 PM GMT
    I remember reading years ago On Bullshit and Bullshit and Philosophy, both of which elaborately explain the differences between lying and bullshitting and why lying isn't nearly as harmful as bullshitting. Very interesting reads both of those.
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    Jul 09, 2012 5:01 PM GMT
    pocketnico saidI remember reading years ago On Bullshit and Bullshit and Philosophy, both of which elaborately explain the differences between lying and bullshitting and why lying isn't nearly as harmful as bullshitting. Very interesting reads both of those.


    I definitely will wanna read those. Thanks icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 09, 2012 5:06 PM GMT
    running11 said
    pocketnico saidI remember reading years ago On Bullshit and Bullshit and Philosophy, both of which elaborately explain the differences between lying and bullshitting and why lying isn't nearly as harmful as bullshitting. Very interesting reads both of those.


    I definitely will wanna read those. Thanks icon_smile.gif


    Both definitely put an interesting perspective on things! In short, it basically boils down to one's attitude towards the truth and how it matters to the one who is doing the deceiving. You also get some interesting examples of where lying is actually beneficial for everyone and not just for covering one's ass. Being completely, brutally honest in some situations does have its drawbacks.
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    Jul 09, 2012 5:08 PM GMT
    I dont really mind lying ... hell, I lie all the time to make people feel better.. I think everyone does... its just being nice sometimes...

    Of course some lies are obviously inacceptable... but it depends on the intent of the lie for me
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    Jul 09, 2012 5:21 PM GMT
    blkbodybdr said
    Vanderhagast saidA lie is a lie, and it will always be a lie.
    Some people justify lies with 'I want to protect myself'.
    I prefer to say 'I'd rather not answer that right now, unless you want me to lie to you' and people usually understand.

    If someone tells you let's go eat and instead they have a surprise for you, well that's innocent enough. Someone who lies about the name, age or HIV status, then do a U-turn and leave!!
    icon_smile.gif


    It's not that simple. If I were in Nazi Germany and hiding Jews in my house someplace. I wouldn't hesitate to lie if asked if I knew where any Jews were hiding in order to save lives. and I don't think the Nazis would accept the response, "...I would rather not answer that question..."

    If I lived in the south (US) 150 year ago, I would think nothing of lying to conceal the underground railroad.



    Excellent examples. Whether we are enjoying a child's innocence, telling them about the toothfairy, or telling a white lie (sorry, couldn't resist) to conceal the underground railroad, our intent has more to do with integrity than any facts we might fabricate.

    Some people might even be completely honest but might be living a lie. The religiously righteous casting judgment, for instance. Or even someone with body dysmorphic disorder. Or those with inflated egos. Etc. So if the reality we live does not match observable reality, then aren't we living a lie yet we think we are being honest about it. Then where is the lie?
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    Jul 09, 2012 5:58 PM GMT
    Well, to those of you who assume you will never lie for any reason, please tell the truth, no matter what the cost... I'm sure you will feel better even if people are severely harmed or die as a result.

    ...sure Officer, there are three Jews hiding in my basement,

    ...of course, there are 5 slaves leaving tonight down by the river on the underground rail road...let me give you the time and exact place

    ...yes, do I know who all of our agents are, or course, I will get you a list right away

    ... yes dear you aren't the smartest person in your class nor the prettiest..

    The bottom line is this, we sometimes have to consider the greater good particularly when dealing with people who have evil intent. Again, I use the Nazis or KKK as examples... and there are many others.

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    Jul 09, 2012 6:01 PM GMT
    Some people choose to keep their names privlidged, others choose to do the same thing with their faces. icon_wink.gif
    Everyone has their own reasons. Maybe you should have gently tried to find out what his motivations were.

    There is of course the other possibility, that you simply miss heard him or got the person confused with someone else, it happens.
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Jul 09, 2012 6:10 PM GMT
    blkbodybdr saidWell, to those of you who assume you will never lie for any reason, please tell the truth, no matter what the cost... I'm sure you will feel better even if people are severely harmed or die as a result.

    ...sure Officer, there are three Jews hiding in my basement,

    ...of course, there are 5 slaves leaving tonight down by the river on the underground rail road...let me give you the time and exact place

    ...yes, do I know who all of our agents are, or course, I will get you a list right away

    ... yes dear you aren't the smartest person in your class nor the prettiest..

    The bottom line is this, we sometimes have to consider the greater good particularly when dealing with people who have evil intent. Again, I use the Nazis or KKK as examples... and there are many others.



    Well, you have a point, but the difference is all about character. If one lies to protect Jews or slaves escaping to safety, that says alot about the strength of one's character. If one lies about one's age, HIV status, relationship status, etc--to me that's a sign of a weak character.
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    Jul 09, 2012 7:28 PM GMT
    I agree, intent is everything
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    Jul 09, 2012 8:20 PM GMT
    Lying is a big'un.
    Lying to protect privacy, or someone else's... not so bad. But some lie about every little thing. Elective lies I guess you could call them. It's a sign that anything growing there will have damage from the start.

    And if it's a friendship/relationship that WOULD HAVE actually turned out to be incredible, an early lie could cost you the best of it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2012 8:32 PM GMT
    I feel like I could forgive all lies. Though it depends on context. If you lie about your HIV status and we have sex - then I won't forgive. If you lie about your HIV status and then come clean before that then I'd forgive.

    I can understand that having it would easily scare alot of guys off prematurely and can't really blame anyone for lying about it. But once clothes start coming off - DEAL BREAKER.

    tumblrm4yfc9b00g1rwg5qi.gif

    Age is another one I can easily forgive. I cannot forgive on the other hand if it's a 16 year old claiming to be older. The law in no way protects me if I get caught - even if I thought he was older. He's 16 but said he was 19? Too bad for me!
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    Jul 09, 2012 9:10 PM GMT
    NC3athlete said
    blkbodybdr saidWell, to those of you who assume you will never lie for any reason, please tell the truth, no matter what the cost... I'm sure you will feel better even if people are severely harmed or die as a result.

    ...sure Officer, there are three Jews hiding in my basement,

    ...of course, there are 5 slaves leaving tonight down by the river on the underground rail road...let me give you the time and exact place

    ...yes, do I know who all of our agents are, or course, I will get you a list right away

    ... yes dear you aren't the smartest person in your class nor the prettiest..

    The bottom line is this, we sometimes have to consider the greater good particularly when dealing with people who have evil intent. Again, I use the Nazis or KKK as examples... and there are many others.



    Well, you have a point, but the difference is all about character. If one lies to protect Jews or slaves escaping to safety, that says alot about the strength of one's character. If one lies about one's age, HIV status, relationship status, etc--to me that's a sign of a weak character.


    Truth is not always honest. Rather, it can be dishonest, used to hurt people. Just because a person says what might be true, does not mean the person is honorable by saying it.

    Truth & honesty are contexual.

    If you do not lie to protect those you try to save, then you are not being honest to your good cause. If truth betrays, as betrayal is not honest, then we lie so as not to betray. In that context, lying is required for the honor of that endeavor.

    When people are rude to each other, they claim truth as justification for being hurtful. If truth hurts, then is the truth always good? And if the truth is not always good, then are lies always bad?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2012 9:49 PM GMT
    It all depends on the context. The context of how long and intimately I've known them; how often they lie; the severity of the lie; the reason for the lie, and last but certainly not least, what harm, if any has come of the lie (or what good).

    I decide on a case by case scenario, having weighed all the facts, and my intuition on the matter.

    There is no moral absolute regarding all lies per se, in my eyes, prima facie.
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    Jul 09, 2012 9:55 PM GMT
    Stuttershock saidSome people choose to keep their names privlidged, others choose to do the same thing with their faces. icon_wink.gif
    Everyone has their own reasons. Maybe you should have gently tried to find out what his motivations were.

    There is of course the other possibility, that you simply miss heard him or got the person confused with someone else, it happens.


    Lol, I see what you did there, but one thing is omitting information and another is right out lying about it. I'm pretty sure I don't misheard him the irat time and I'm sure about the second name because he made sure I knew it correctly cause I called him out on the first one, yet the second name turned out to be fake too. Besides the first time we talked I thought he was lying about a lot of his life, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. After his other lies, I thought my instincts were correct.
    About his motivations I dot know I asked him why he lied about his name the first time but according to him he didn't, I just misheard him. I stopped talking to him by te time I found out the second one was fake too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2012 10:33 PM GMT
    Lying is no big deal, unless it's done under oath.
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    Jul 09, 2012 11:48 PM GMT
    I forgive no lies.
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    Jul 09, 2012 11:55 PM GMT
    pocketnico saidI remember reading years ago On Bullshit and Bullshit and Philosophy, both of which elaborately explain the differences between lying and bullshitting and why lying isn't nearly as harmful as bullshitting. Very interesting reads both of those.


    On Bullshit sits on my coffee table and has for years. I highly recommend it.
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    Jul 09, 2012 11:57 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidLying is no big deal, unless it's done under oath.


    Just ask Clinton.
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    Jul 10, 2012 1:16 AM GMT
    I can forgive a lie, like "No. There isn't going to be a surprise party"...and then there is a surprise party.


  • unicoman1

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    Jul 10, 2012 1:18 AM GMT
    Id allow oh you look fine in that shirt.. lol.... but agreed a lie is a lie is a lie.. .no tolerance for that!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 10, 2012 1:36 AM GMT
    So not one person posting here has ever told a lie..??..i'm shure if i dig around in my past i have told lies at one point or another ..and ones that might have really hurt someone..BTW..Omitting critical pieces of information to a friend, family.. or lover etc.. in order to pacify, rectify or appease circumstances..is lying..Some of us here are closeted...thats lying.. most of us are really toughening up and getting better at telling the truth !!.. We all lie !!..Some more than others !!.icon_neutral.gif