What Alternatives Are There to the Nightlife Scene if You Want to Meet New Gay People?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2008 5:24 PM GMT
    There are plenty of parties, clubs, and bars [like anything on 8th avenue in NYC] as well as websites like Adam4Adam, D-list and BGClive.com that are highly trafficked places to meet other gay people.

    However, what about the person that has no interest in grinding and sweating on the dance floor all night or the person that doesn't feel like deleting hundreds of "Can i have your [insert body part here] papi? messages on adam4adam.com?

    For the person under 21, it becomes even more of a task. Work shouldn't be a hookup spot. College/University isn't the best place unless you live on campus and the Gym is "more 'miss' than hit".
    Friends beget friends who beget friends who beget friends are nice, but you're assuming that the person in question already has gay friends. That's not always the case. Let's try to avoid making that assumption.
    Meeting friends anywhere is a suggestion but that lends itself to problems. Not everyone you assume to be gay will be a gay person. That's why this list is geared toward situations where we know the group is specifically gay themed

    What are some alternatives to the nightlife? The goal is to meet and make new gay friends on any level, whether it be strictly friendly, sexually or (eventually) romantically?

    ----- A List of Ideas [I'll edit the list as Ideas come in; The First person is credited]

    > Join the Family: Call your local Gay Community Center ask for some Group Activities or Discussion Groups and join in.
    > Bridge the Gap: Join or Create Gay Straight Alliance on your College Campus
    > Be a Friendly Homo-Helper: Join a Volunteer Effort (like MPower) [Thanks Maverick75]
    > Jump In and Play: Find Local Gay Sports Leagues (Base/Softball, Volleyball, Bowling, Running, etc.). Remember: Most Gay Sports Leagues have membership fees/dues. [Thanks Kinetic]
    > Start the Trend: Do you have an interest not covered? Start a group? Maybe you like Sci-Fi/Anime? - Start a Group. Love Romance Novels? - Start a Group. Be tactful about it and don't be afraid to publicly advertise at RealJock or on sites like Craigslist. Just remember to be smart and safe about the logistics of inviting people to your house. There's some crazy locas in the world. If anything, find a public place to do it. [Thanks lissenup]

    ----- And of course

    > Make Like Verizon and Join the Network: Reach Out to Other Friends and They Might Lead You to New Friends
    > Keep Your Eyes Open: There are gay people everywhere!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2008 5:59 PM GMT
    there's RealJock.com
    you are guys are gay, right? icon_biggrin.gif

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    Aug 05, 2008 6:36 PM GMT
    I know where you're coming from, as I'm not a big bar guy myself. I actually met my partner years ago through a college discussion group. The group itself wasn't great, but I did meet some cool guys through it, some of whom I remain friends with years later.

    What about trying to round up friends / acquaintances to go out to dinner as a group? Try to have everyone bring along a friend that you might not have met. It's a chance to have a conversation that doesn't involve shouting over music, and people can still go out afterwards if they're so inclined.
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    Aug 05, 2008 7:03 PM GMT
    I think friends are the best outlet to set you up if you dont wanna go out.
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    Aug 05, 2008 7:06 PM GMT
    In NYC you have so many different avenues I am sure. Try gay sports leagues, gay volunteer groups, gay outdoor clubs, etc.. There must be a gay information help line or website in NYC that lists all the gay organizations.

    Social networking sites like RJ, Facebook and MySpace are pretty good as well.

    I personally feel bars are second only to bathhouses for being lousy for meeting guys for a relationship or friendship (they are great for meeting guys for sex though).

  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Aug 05, 2008 7:30 PM GMT
    SurrealLife said
    I personally feel bars are second only to bathhouses for being lousy for meeting guys for a relationship or friendship (they are great for meeting guys for sex though).


    Bathhouses, IMHO are going the way of the dodo bird, for better or for worse. With the rise of the Internets, there are so many other ways to meet guys that don't involve paying money.

    One thing is for sure, they are not nearly as popular as they once were. Neither are bars.
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    Aug 05, 2008 7:33 PM GMT
    What are some of your interests? Do you have any hobbies? If so, you could easily organize a group around your interests or hobby.

    For example, my boyfriend had a book discussion group for gay men at his apartment. He had a large number turn out for the first session and then it narrowed down to a manageable number. I believe he advertised online.

    One thing you can also do is just do things on your own. I do lots of stuff alone here and see gay men everywhere I go. I visited the Cloisters last week and saw quite a few gay men there. I went with my boyfriend and a friend to Playing the Building (http://www.davidbyrne.com/art/art_projects/playing_the_building/) and again saw gay men. Last week I went to a free concert in Central Park with a friend and guess what - single gay men!

    In fact, everywhere I go I see gay men alone or with friends. I'm not looking for friends or someone to date, but these guys always appear more approachable to me than guys in the bars have. I actually quit going out because I was getting a very jaded opinion of men and it's now much better.
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    Aug 05, 2008 7:35 PM GMT
    swimbikerun said
    Bathhouses, IMHO are going the way of the dodo bird......


    I need to slow down when I read....I thought you wrote "Bathhouses, IMHO are going the way of the dildo...."
  • kinetic

    Posts: 1125

    Aug 05, 2008 7:43 PM GMT
    Gay Softball!
    I've done gay softball in Boston and this past year in Houston and I know that NYC has a league because I played against one of their teams at a tournament in Montreal last summer..

    I originally got into it because I wanted an alternative way of meeting other gay people that didn't involve getting fuct up or going home w/ somebody.
    The coolest part about it is that once I was on a team, I almost instantly had a whole new set of friends. Through these people I met more people and continue to, to this day.
    Gay guys sometimes think its kinda hot too, which can help my game off the ball-field..
    As with anything gay there is an element of sex to it; I mean after all it is GAY softball. But mostly its light-hearted joking around w/ friends and the rest is off the field.
    And don't worry about if you suck or not, there are different divisions and its really just about having fun (unless you are in the A division, then its a blood-sport! -just kidding...kinda...).
    I sucked so bad when I started, well not as bad as I thought I would, but still not so hot. I did pick up a lot though from playing a few seasons and I don't consider myself so bad anymore..

    I have to say, I joined the league here in Houston just after arriving and it was one of the best decisions I made as a noobie in town. I went from knowing no one to knowing lots of people almost overnight.
    Also, if you still want the whole bar scene, usually teams go out and hold social events, so there is that too.

    I would recommend that every gay person give it a go, its totally worth it!
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    Aug 05, 2008 7:51 PM GMT
    Yes softball is great Kinetic. I bet you are better than I am. I still can't hit consistently. My defence, catching and running is good though. But boy can softball players drink! icon_eek.gif
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    Aug 05, 2008 7:53 PM GMT
    Volleyball leagues are fun, too. As long as you keep the drama queens off of them!
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    Aug 05, 2008 8:41 PM GMT
    Although I'm not gonna knock bars as a place to meet people, after all, I met the two loves of my life in bars, since moving to Dallas, I can't think of one of my inner-circle I met at a bar...
    I've met alot of nice guys from websites like Myspace...and I recently met my first RJ member after he saw my profile and realized I was a runner. He'd just moved here and was looking for another like minded guy to befriend....so, you can meet guys on websites...I just avoid the "manhunt" type sites. Even on the non-sexual sites, I make it very clear I'm not looking for a boyfriend or sex, but simply a friend or two...if a guy doesnt take the hint, I just drop them and stop communicating.
    I've met people from my gym. I've met people out on the Katy Trail and White Rock Lake where I run. But, you have to be patient...once you become seen as a "regular" in such places, people start to warm up to you and next thing you know, you're "part of the gang".
    I joined the local GLBT Chamber of Commerce (since I'm self-employed) and I've met a ton of people through the Chamber...which in-turn, helps me grow my business ops.
    I've met people here in my building where I live. Simply by sitting out in the courtyard in the evening and chatting with neighbors and people that simply walk by the building.
    And, all of these people I've met have invited me to parties and dinners and pool gatherings and picnics and the next thing I knew, I knew more people than I really have time for.....which leaves me no time for bars anyway.icon_biggrin.gif
  • reload16

    Posts: 267

    Aug 05, 2008 8:58 PM GMT
    smalltownboy saidAlthough I'm not gonna knock bars as a place to meet people, after all, I met the two loves of my life in bars, since moving to Dallas, I can't think of one of my inner-circle I met at a bar...
    I've met alot of nice guys from websites like Myspace...and I recently met my first RJ member after he saw my profile and realized I was a runner. He'd just moved here and was looking for another like minded guy to befriend....so, you can meet guys on websites...I just avoid the "manhunt" type sites. Even on the non-sexual sites, I make it very clear I'm not looking for a boyfriend or sex, but simply a friend or two...if a guy doesnt take the hint, I just drop them and stop communicating.
    I've met people from my gym. I've met people out on the Katy Trail and White Rock Lake where I run. But, you have to be patient...once you become seen as a "regular" in such places, people start to warm up to you and next thing you know, you're "part of the gang".
    I joined the local GLBT Chamber of Commerce (since I'm self-employed) and I've met a ton of people through the Chamber...which in-turn, helps me grow my business ops.
    I've met people here in my building where I live. Simply by sitting out in the courtyard in the evening and chatting with neighbors and people that simply walk by the building.
    And, all of these people I've met have invited me to parties and dinners and pool gatherings and picnics and the next thing I knew, I knew more people than I really have time for.....which leaves me no time for bars anyway.icon_biggrin.gif



    what is a GLBT Chamber of Commerce??


    thanks for posting this OP, gives me ideas to get out more. I often have trouble getting out coz I don't drink or do any drugs and avoid bars and parties. I suck at sports but I enjoy doing them coz its something activeicon_cool.gif
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    Aug 05, 2008 9:10 PM GMT
    dancedd said what is a GLBT Chamber of Commerce??

    thanks for posting this OP, gives me ideas to get out more.


    You're welcome!

    Here is a link to the local GLBT Chamber site...it will give you an idea of it's purpose....I think most large cities have one.

    http://www.northtexasglbtchamber.org/

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    Aug 05, 2008 9:12 PM GMT
    Talk to a friend, and he'll talk to two friends, and they'll talk to two friends, and so on, and so on, and so on. People's apartments are the best places to meet guys.
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    Aug 05, 2008 9:15 PM GMT
    lissenup saidVolleyball leagues are fun, too. As long as you keep the drama queens off of them!


    Yep volleyball is great, and will always hold a special place in my heart since that is where I met my partner. Good luck though getting the drama out of the bump and spike queens! Hell hath no fury like a hissy fit queen whose smash is blocked!
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    Aug 05, 2008 9:20 PM GMT
    I wish we had more gay sports leagues here. We have volleyball...that's it. There are some other sports leagues, but nothing gay specific.

    You can meet people anywhere! Just do the things you love to do and enjoy life. It's the best way to meet people you have things in common with!

    icon_smile.gif

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    Aug 05, 2008 9:30 PM GMT
    SurrealLife said
    lissenup saidVolleyball leagues are fun, too. As long as you keep the drama queens off of them!


    Yep volleyball is great, and will always hold a special place in my heart since that is where I met my partner. Good luck though getting the drama out of the bump and spike queens! Hell hath no fury like a hissy fit queen whose smash is blocked!



    Do you happen to know of any leagues in New York City? im in a similar situation and im trying to find a hobby for myself at the same time and volleyball is something i enjoy
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    Aug 05, 2008 9:35 PM GMT
    The opportunities are really endless. If you like sports, join a gay sports league, or at least attend the games to just watch. Joining the league costs a fee, but normally the games are free, at least here in Omaha they are.

    If you like bowling, check out what they have for gay bowling leagues. I'd think there would be a lot gay guys and a lot opportunities in NYC.

    Like sci-fi? There's at least one maybe two gay sci-fi websites and organizations.

    Or look for volunteer opportunities for things like helping with HIV. Maybe there's an MPower organization in your area. They help spread the word about HIV and safer-sex.

    And even if you don't meet your type, you can still network and make friends.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Aug 05, 2008 9:39 PM GMT
    You're asking about meeting gay people and you're in College? icon_confused.gif

    College's all over have gay or gay friendly clubs and organizations going on all the time
    There's political organizations
    local gay outreaches
    contact your city's gay community center and see what kind of groups there are for you to join
    also if there's a gay part of town just hanging out in a coffee shop or going to a grocery store will likely have you meeting gay guys
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    Aug 05, 2008 9:41 PM GMT
    For those of you interested in volleyball leagues, let me warn you in advance....Queens take their volleyball very seriously! Those are some mean bitches!icon_eek.gif

    (it is fun though....just be sure you know what you're doing or they'll eat you alive)icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 05, 2008 10:31 PM GMT
    GQjock saidYou're asking about meeting gay people and you're in College? icon_confused.gif
    Why yes, I am lol. It turns out the gayness on my campus is non existent. Nobody wants to step up and do something about governing the GSA there; while I've been reluctant to (because I'm tired of leading, I'd like to enjoy a program for once), I decided to pick it up and make something happen this year. Also, if you don't live on campus (and thus forced to get to know people because you virtually have no choice); it's not easy to make friends in college. Commuter college social dynamics are much different. People go class on time and leave on time because they have other commitments like work or children. So there isn't much socializing time because people jet right after class and people barely join clubs because they don't have they'd rather be doing other things.

    GQjock saidCollege's all over have gay or gay friendly clubs and organizations going on all the time. contact your city's gay community center and see what kind of groups there are for you to join
    I already mentioned that icon_biggrin.gif

    GQjock saidThere's political organizations
    Like whom or what? I know a few Politi-gays that would enjoy fighting city hall.

    GQjock saidlocal gay outreaches
    How would you find them?

    GQjock saidalso if there's a gay part of town just hanging out in a coffee shop or going to a grocery store will likely have you meeting gay guys
    Doesn't that qualify as borderline stalker status? And I say that with all the love in the world. icon_razz.gif
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    Aug 05, 2008 10:42 PM GMT
    joescorpio1970 saidYou can meet people anywhere! Just do the things you love to do and enjoy life. It's the best way to meet people you have things in common with!
    Yes you can meet people everywhere, but you're looking for a specific commonality - your orientation. So where do you find people that have things in common with you and are also gay.

    For example: I'm a math major. I love math with an undying passion. I'd rather read my math textbook than watch TV. I'd get excited on the newest hardcore TI-calculator or CAS software faster than I'd get into pop culture lol. It's HARD to find gay people, let alone any people, that have a serious interest in MATH. We're not talking about physics or biology or english, but MATH. So. Trust me. It's not "that simple".

    I'd give for a boyfriend that was a math major, a fitness freak, and an attractive artist... oh and don't forget tall icon_biggrin.gif (I'm 6'3" yah know)
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    Aug 05, 2008 10:44 PM GMT
    have you considered the church? There are gay friendly churches in nyc... my best friend goes to one i think in chelsea or west village i forget...
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    Aug 05, 2008 10:46 PM GMT
    yomamali saidhave you considered the church? There are gay friendly churches in nyc... my best friend goes to one i think in chelsea or west village i forget...
    hehe I heard about it, Maybe as far as meeting people and socializing sure... but as far as spiritual purposes, I heard most gay churches are quite lacking.