Shed a little light

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2012 10:53 AM GMT
    Apologies for the book - but a little unsure of what I've gotten myself into.

    Met a guy online - we've been out for drinks, grabbed food and have fooled around a few times. I'm not "out" yet

    I asked him to come out for drinks when a friend from work and he declined saying it was sort of a "BF thing" that it was a bit of a tease for him. That what we've got going is a good thing and he doesnt want to push the boundaries and want more. He was under the impression that this was completely casual which he said he's okay with.

    Was a little thrown off at first, but decided to go for broke yesterday and ask whether or not he had any interest in taking this further...quite simply because I couldnt gauge his interest. He said his main roadblock is that I'm not out yet - and when I asked if that wasnt really an issue he said he'd hates leaving me hanging but he doesnt know. Said he was really flattered as he hadnt been asked out by a guy in years and didnt want to complicate things....didnt know how to respond to that so I simply said "wing it?" to which he replied "play it by ear. baby steps."

    So..is he actually interested? Worth putting in the time or letting it be?
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    Jul 11, 2012 11:38 AM GMT
    Up until a few weeks ago I didn't really think I'd ever have anything to be out about...was just testing the waters. At the end of the day I'd be fine with being out there
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    Jul 11, 2012 2:07 PM GMT
    howitisdone saiddecided to go for broke yesterday and ask whether or not he had any interest in taking this further...quite simply because I couldnt gauge his interest.


    The reason for the ambiguity is that whatever you think you are "offering" him - short of more frequent sex - probably isn't yours to give.

    In your mind, what exactly do you feel you are offering him when you suggest "taking this further"?


  • twentyfourhou...

    Posts: 243

    Jul 11, 2012 5:13 PM GMT
    If i read your post correctly, something is wrong here. His rationale does not make sense to you and me. There is more to this than he is telling you. I would move forward cautiously and slowly. It may be trivial or not but it is worth putting up your defenses over.
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Jul 11, 2012 5:22 PM GMT
    Comrade_Cranky saidThis is 2012. Just fucking come out already.


    Well la-di-da. Who knew it was just that simple and easy? All this time, all closeted guys had to do was come out. This bombshell advice was sitting right in front our faces all this time, and nobody knew it. Just fucking come out already -- of course! What measured, thoughtful, helpful advice. Totally not reactionary and glib, at all.

    Anyway, to the OP, take this dude at his word. He said he wants to take it slow and feel you out and he probably means it. Although if he has issues with you being not out, just note those probably are not going away. When you find the right guy, you'll have to ease your way out if you want it to work.
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    Jul 11, 2012 7:48 PM GMT
    I have no concerns with the coming out thing -- its not a shame thing or anything of the such, just not something that I had ever thought of pursuing before! And I can understand his point - I've been in a relationship with "restrictions" and I couldnt impose stuff on another person.

    Just having a hard time reading him and seeing how interested he is. I'm going to make a move like that, I just want to be worth it!
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    Jul 11, 2012 8:22 PM GMT
    I understand exactly where your coming from. I was in the same situation last week. I wanted something but I couldn't gage his interest despite him saying he wants to play it by ear and him calling me cute and handsome. In the end, I pushed too hard and lost it forever.

    Don't make a move. It's all a bunch of silly games and nonsense.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2012 8:24 PM GMT
    he's just not that into you.
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    Jul 13, 2012 2:59 AM GMT
    ^ probably a textbook example lol

    when we first started talking, i was in the position of receiving initial messages, having the conversations started...and its seem to be reversed now. i seem to be the one initiating conversations - we both have busy schedules so we havent really gotten to see a lot of eachother...but it seems like theres a bit of distance now.

    i decided to give it a break for the day and not initiate a conversation today and i've heard nothing from him at all. its becoming tiring figuring out if this is a "hard to get" tactic or if he's genuinely losing interest.

    not sure what to do at this stage - other than to just let it be. But again, I'm new to this whole thing so I dont want to what to make of any of it. gunna sit tight and not worry about it.
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    Jul 13, 2012 3:09 AM GMT
    howitisdone said^ probably a textbook example lol

    when we first started talking, i was in the position of receiving initial messages, having the conversations started...and its seem to be reversed now. i seem to be the one initiating conversations - we both have busy schedules so we havent really gotten to see a lot of eachother...but it seems like theres a bit of distance now.

    i decided to give it a break for the day and not initiate a conversation today and i've heard nothing from him at all. its becoming tiring figuring out if this is a "hard to get" tactic or if he's genuinely losing interest.

    not sure what to do at this stage - other than to just let it be. But again, I'm new to this whole thing so I dont want to what to make of any of it. gunna sit tight and not worry about it.

    Taking away something he wants makes them chase for it. If he doesn't want it, he won't chase. It's VERY frustrating not knowing if he's interested or not when your not talking. WHen you are talking, you feel like he is but it might just him being nice but it makes you feel better about it. I'd say let him make the next move. Showcase your independence. Otherwise your clingy mess like...like me! If he doesn't talk within two weeks then he's not interested. Then you can chat him up as a friend and nothing more - a friend whose bored and wants to see what his friends are up to.

    In the meanwhile...find something to occupy your attention. Usually other people giving me attention works. But then I'm an attention starved moron.
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    Jul 13, 2012 3:20 AM GMT
    Just come out already..!!! Tell your parents ."MOM DAD..I'M GAY"..They'll flip out..then say.."That's not all.".."I LOVE REALLY HUNG BLACK GUYS"..Then' they'll Flip even more..Someone might have to be hospitalized...Then say.."I'll make you a deal".."i'll stay gay".."and i'll stop dating hung black guys"..immediate acceptance,..relief...everyone is happy!!..
    Lesson.. if you are pre diabetic..stay away from redbulls !!icon_eek.gif
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    Jul 15, 2012 11:11 PM GMT
    Anocxu saidJust come out already..!!! Tell your parents ."MOM DAD..I'M GAY"..They'll flip out..then say.."That's not all.".."I LOVE REALLY HUNG BLACK GUYS"..Then' they'll Flip even more..Someone might have to be hospitalized...Then say.."I'll make you a deal".."i'll stay gay".."and i'll stop dating hung black guys"..immediate acceptance,..relief...everyone is happy!!..
    Lesson.. if you are pre diabetic..stay away from redbulls !!icon_eek.gif


    LMAO

    6P9iK.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 15, 2012 11:21 PM GMT
    Anocxu saidJust come out already..!!! Tell your parents ."MOM DAD..I'M GAY"..They'll flip out..then say.."That's not all.".."I LOVE REALLY HUNG BLACK GUYS"..Then' they'll Flip even more..Someone might have to be hospitalized...Then say.."I'll make you a deal".."i'll stay gay".."and i'll stop dating hung black guys"..immediate acceptance,..relief...everyone is happy!!..
    Lesson.. if you are pre diabetic..stay away from redbulls !!icon_eek.gif


    WAIT, wait. Let's not get crazy here. I AM NOT giving up hung black guys.
  • riamu79

    Posts: 42

    Jul 16, 2012 1:04 AM GMT
    WhyWhySee saidHow did this become a racial issue?

    OP, You didn't say how you feel about him, which is what really dictates whether he's worth putting time in for. Come out, get comfortable with yourself and then go for it.


    ^ This.

    From your brief description, it certainly sounds like he's willing to give it a go.

    Tell him you're coming out of the closet and then just do it icon_smile.gif

    If you do do it, please let us know how it goes.