Am I alone ??

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2012 2:36 PM GMT
    Feel like every time I go on any site I'm the only person open about being HIV+. It is very lonely. I know there are a lot but so many hiding it for one reason or other. I'm not from the Midwest but it seems to be a taboo thing here still. I don't understand that mentality and don't know how to make people understand that I'm not contagious like they think. I'm undetectable. Also I've had false negatives in the past so no HIV test is 100 percent accurate. And there is still an incubation period. It upsets me so much when people avoid me because I'm honest about being poz but they'll be best friends with others who are lying about it. I know a guy who is married with kids who is whoring around all over with guys because they say they're negative (he will remain anonymous). The whole thing is so frustrating for me. So when these guys turn up poz and come to me for advice, can you blame me for wanting to just tell them to fuck off? I miss living in SF where it wasn't a big deal. I had poz friends there and I never treated them like less. Ok that's my rant. Hopefully I can make some other poz friends here who aren't afraid to open up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2012 2:43 PM GMT
    I hear lying about it and infecting someone is a crime.
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    Jul 11, 2012 2:49 PM GMT
    Im surpised there isnt a sub forum for positive guys
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    Jul 11, 2012 2:51 PM GMT
    I have some friends on this site who are open about it. But thats because they want someone with it too. Their headline is
    "If your infected and hot, call me maybe"
    Also you are one of the few great people with morals OP
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    Jul 11, 2012 3:01 PM GMT
    Dallasfan824 saidIm surpised there isnt a sub forum for positive guys


    I agree, it would be a good addition to the site.

    I'm sorry, OP. That sounds crappy, especially if people are avoiding you for friendship. That is not only ridiculous, it's horribly offensive.

    I do think that serosorting for sex is kind of a fact of life for our community. I know, I know, incubation period, undetectability, dishonesty, and all that. It kind of is what it is, though. It must be super rough on poz guys' ego.

    Hugs.
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    Jul 11, 2012 3:53 PM GMT
    pf008 said
    JR_RJ saidI hear lying about it and infecting someone is a crime.


    It is. Some guys just don't care. I couldn't live with myself if I did that.
    Good, you're level headed about this. There are several guys on this site you befriend who are POZ. I'm not one, but they're on my list. Good guys. I'm compelled to say I'm sorry for what you've going through; but I'm also inspired by your ability to do so. Life is so much more precious when you're facing losing it. You and other optimistic poz guys make that apparent to me every time you post as you do. Thank you. =')
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2012 3:54 PM GMT
    Dallasfan824 saidIm surpised there isnt a sub forum for positive guys
    AGREED* There should be something like that on almost every health and wellness site with Poz Members.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2012 5:59 PM GMT
    pf008, you're not alone! There are a fairly large number of HIV+ men here on RJ, some are buddies of ours.

    Stick around and you'll stumble across them posting merrily away. icon_wink.gif

    ...and welcome to RJ!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2012 6:05 PM GMT
    You can search this site for poz members. They aren't hiding on here.

    And while waiting for a Poz sub forum, you can always start your own thread and see what the interest is. I've not noticed that the poz members are much different from the neg members on RJ.
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    Jul 11, 2012 8:25 PM GMT
    pf008...I'm poz and pretty happy with myself. There and many great poz guys on here. But I get where you're coming from about finding people who look past you being poz. It seems easier here in the Northeast, but you're always afraid someone will judge you when you tell them you're poz.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2012 8:27 PM GMT
    medfordguy saidpf008...I'm poz and pretty happy with myself. There and many great poz guys on here. But I get where you're coming from about finding people who look past you being poz. It seems easier here in the Northeast, but you're always afraid someone will judge you when you tell them you're poz.


    Is it anything like the feeling one gets when one tells someone he is gay?
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    Jul 11, 2012 8:31 PM GMT
    I think there is even more stigma attached to it than just being gay, especially in some parts of the country where it isn't talked about.
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    Jul 11, 2012 8:49 PM GMT
    I understand both your point about being undetectable and fairly incontagious. At the same time, I understand other apprehension from a sexual standpoint. Personally, I see it as a limit. Some are cool with it, others are not, and some just need to get used to the idea first.

    Honestly, if people won't be your friend because you are HIV+, they're probably not worth having around as friends. I understand that it can feel lonely, but there are better people out there with whom to be friends and form relationships. Good luck man.
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    Jul 12, 2012 12:26 AM GMT
    I'm open about it. I'm also abstinent from sex so I could care less what people think. No need feeling alone. Remain confident about who you are because it's the one thing HIV really wants to take away from you... your individuality. Here's a video I made on the topic:

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    Jul 12, 2012 1:40 PM GMT
    viruses are mindless things....

    but diseases are relatively subjective to their time period

    example: 90 years ago, homosexuality was a disease and alcoholism was not, but both have been with humanity for ages.



    there's a hilariously insightful post in here with a video about DDF

    it's selective prosecution.....people will use that term while drinking (alcohol is both a drug and can lead to a disease).... it's a natural but unfortunate turn of events that an oppressed group will try to create another group to exclude to make themselves feel better than...some people are more comfortable living in the past than the present

    you've lost nothing by being excluded from them.

  • musicdude

    Posts: 734

    Jul 12, 2012 1:46 PM GMT
    You're not alone ;)
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    Jul 20, 2012 3:40 PM GMT
    you're def not alone. Some of us just don't have the courage to come out to the public. Exactly for that reason of rejection.. but then I ask myself, is the rejection later on really that much better?

    I too wish that this community could see that we aren't walking viruses. I hate when people look at me first as a person with HIV and not a Person. One.. No, THE main reason I try to disclose my status until we meet in person is b/c I want someone to know that I'm me, who happens to have this, not the reverse. I don't have any poz friends and find it hard to go through a few things without anyone to really talk to. I am also undetectable, take care of myself and keep myself healthy. I made a promise to myself that my virus would end with me and that no one else will contract it from me. What people should realize, or at least think about, is that a poz person will be even more careful. With that on the table, i dunno, maybe they are safer in a way. Im not sure. just ranting.

    just know your not alone, and I am ready and willing to be a pen pal for people.

    J
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2012 11:06 PM GMT
    JR_RJ saidI hear lying about it and infecting someone is a crime.

    Yeah, Canada, where I live, still has it in the criminal code.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2012 11:16 PM GMT
    i have got to admit, i have and will always have safe sex, and get tested and i am in a monogamous relationship going on 3 yrs.

    i think something that is a)contagious and b) only deterred via scare tactics will always remain taboo/scary.rather embarrassingly i really do not know the facts about infection, but i would need to know before having a close friendship/relationship wit someone who is positive. at the end of the day though education is the key to end spreading and fear of pos guys. imo
  • MidwestPozGuy

    Posts: 3

    Jul 30, 2012 8:56 AM GMT
    I am so glad I found this forum! I am positive now and undetectable, but I too find it hard to find other openly positive guys to talk with. I too would like to make a few friends in the same boat as I.
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    Jul 30, 2012 9:47 AM GMT
    Congrats on your health status, been there! Your profile is pretty focused on HIV and if that is any reflection of your interaction with people you meet, then maybe it's time for a new focus. You are in a Monogamous Relationship, you're undetectable, there is no reason to put yourself in a situation where HIV is even a topic. You made it!! You're healthy, you're strong! It's time to move on to the next challenge!! Go for it!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 30, 2012 9:41 PM GMT
    Dallasfan824 saidIm surpised there isnt a sub forum for positive guys
    With some of the crap I have seen posted here by some members about poz guys, I am GLAD there isnt one!
  • FireDoor211

    Posts: 1030

    Jul 30, 2012 9:48 PM GMT
    When I was younger I was with a guy who had it and he didn't tell me til after we'd already had sex a few times. I broke up with him after that. He accused me of breaking up with him because he was poz. I told him its not at all the case, it would have been much different had he told me prior. Then I could have taken the necessary precautions. Sadly, there are many out there who see nothing wrong with putting others in danger. I admire the strength of anyone who is brave enough to be forthright with it. It's the most responsible thing you can do, and garners the most respect.
  • omgazn

    Posts: 342

    Jul 30, 2012 9:52 PM GMT
    pf008 saidFeel like every time I go on any site I'm the only person open about being HIV+. It is very lonely. I know there are a lot but so many hiding it for one reason or other. I'm not from the Midwest but it seems to be a taboo thing here still. I don't understand that mentality and don't know how to make people understand that I'm not contagious like they think. I'm undetectable. Also I've had false negatives in the past so no HIV test is 100 percent accurate. And there is still an incubation period. It upsets me so much when people avoid me because I'm honest about being poz but they'll be best friends with others who are lying about it. I know a guy who is married with kids who is whoring around all over with guys because they say they're negative (he will remain anonymous). The whole thing is so frustrating for me. So when these guys turn up poz and come to me for advice, can you blame me for wanting to just tell them to fuck off? I miss living in SF where it wasn't a big deal. I had poz friends there and I never treated them like less. Ok that's my rant. Hopefully I can make some other poz friends here who aren't afraid to open up.


    Well If you ever need a friend I'm here. My ears are open for venting.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 30, 2012 10:03 PM GMT
    Well, if it makes you feel better, I don't look or think of you any different for being pos. In fact, I admire your honesty. It's super refreshing. *Hugs