Need advice. My friend is spreading disease.

  • RonnieL

    Posts: 1

    Jul 12, 2012 11:46 AM GMT
    I need advice on what to do. A good friend was diagnosed with Hep C about five years ago. At that time, he told me he was always practicing safer sex.

    Lately, he's been visiting me from out of state and staying at a local gay hotel. Now, his stories of his hookups indicate that he's no longer practicing safe sex. In some cases, he's introducing me to the guys he has come over and I always say something like 'play safe' before they leave, but I'm really torn. If a friend of mine was going to be potentially exposed to an illness, I'd warn him. I know these guys should expect that hooking up is dangerous, but part of me thinks 'what if this guy catches something' and 'wouldn't I want to be warned if I was in their place' and 'could I prevent these guys some heartache down the road just by speaking up'.

    I've talked to my friend who visits and he's not going to change his activities.

    Do I:
    A). Just butt out and accept that they are consenting adults and know the risks?
    B). Somehow warn the guys he introduces me to that there's more risk present than usual and to be extra careful?
    C). Approach it some other way?

    I just feel that doing nothing could allow the spread of the disease in my area and could effect even more people down the line. But, am I being prudish? Is it none of my business?

    This is a sock account to ask this anonymously, but the situation is real. Advice is appreciated.
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    Jul 12, 2012 11:57 AM GMT
    I would tell the guy he's a fucking horrible person if he's spreading his shit but that probably won't get a helpful reaction.
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    Jul 12, 2012 1:12 PM GMT
    RonnieL said

    This is a sock account to ask this anonymously, but the situation is real. Advice is appreciated.
    No balls, no comment.icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jul 12, 2012 1:14 PM GMT
    RonnieL saidI just feel that doing nothing could allow the spread of the disease in my area and could effect even more people down the line. But, am I being prudish? Is it none of my business?

    This is a sock account to ask this anonymously, but the situation is real. Advice is appreciated.

    In Florida this may also be a legal issue, not only an ethical one. Since I'm not trained in law you might consider getting a legal opinion. My concern would be whether you incur any liability by not telling the authorities about this guy.

    Other issues are whether he's been successfully treated and cured. Do you know one way or the other? If he's not been treated then he may suffer permanent liver damage, with a transplant the only option, and then disease recurrence is not uncommon. You therefore should also be telling him to undergo treatment if he hasn't already.

    I would not, however, start your own campaign of notifying your circle of contacts about him. For one thing you don't actually know he has active hep C, and you could be found liable for slander. Again, getting competent legal advice is best here before doing anything.

    On a personal note, back in the 1990s I stayed with a guy in Miami. We had sex, slept together, took showers together. After about a week or so he finally told me he had active hep C. I went ballistic!

    Now hep C is actually not that easy to transmit, as I later learned, mostly through intravenous drug use. Since he & I practiced safe sex IAW HIV protocols, my chance of infection wasn't high. But I didn't know that at the time, equating C to the more contagious hep B.

    I spent some anxious months waiting to see if I'd test positive, since like HIV, hep C is difficult to detect during the initial phases of the infection. Now some 15 years later I still have no hepatitis, my doctor testing me regularly because of my being a sexually active gay man. But I never saw that Miami guy again, because he denied having any diseases when I first asked him, and I won't reward deception regarding such a serious health issue.
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    Jul 12, 2012 2:28 PM GMT
    Grow some balls and tell him you'll report him to authorities, tell his tricks and chop his head off with an axe. Your friend is a STUPID SHIT.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 12, 2012 3:19 PM GMT
    I've been this situation. It's somewhat of lose-lose because you have to get into other peoples' business, but you should do what you obviously already know is the right thing to do and warn people you know are being mislead. It's not always easy to do the right thing, but if you handle it gracefully you'll feel better about the whole thing... If they tell you to Fuck off and myob then they're probably selfish and you should look for better friends.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jul 12, 2012 3:31 PM GMT
    It's mostly a matter of ethics. I would dump him as a friend and tell him why. You could try to report him to the CDC but it is like any other possible crime, unless you are visually witness it is all hearsay.
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    Jul 12, 2012 4:20 PM GMT
    Ask your friend nicely first.

    If it doesn't work then tell his hookups
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    Jul 12, 2012 4:21 PM GMT
    TropicalMark said
    RonnieL said

    This is a sock account to ask this anonymously, but the situation is real. Advice is appreciated.
    No balls, no comment.icon_rolleyes.gif


    I can understand why he'd ask people via a sock account.

    What if his friend sees this post? Like, this is public info.