Should I help him out?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 12, 2012 9:35 PM GMT
    I'm am upcoming senior in high school and of right now in the closet icon_neutral.gif Well a week ago one of the most popular juniors came out of the closet today. Like someone you would never expect at all, he said he didn't care what people thought so he just wanted to get it over with. Of course, being friends with some of the most narrow minded kids, a good amount of his friends abandoned him and won't talk to him, but some (Including one of his best friends who he was always with at school) have taken it to the next level and have written some nasty stuff and have done horrible things to his car and house. One of my friends told me that he's probably transferring high schools now and he has deactivated all social networks he has. It made me very sad so I thought about it, should I come out to help him? He has it very rough right now and I thought it is no better time than now. Not to sound cocky or anything, but I do consider myself higher up on the social chain so I was thinking if another popular guy came out, it would help realize it's okay to be gay to these kids. Most kids in my grade honestly don't care who's gay or not, so what do you guys think? Should I do it?
  • Just_Tim

    Posts: 1723

    Jul 12, 2012 11:47 PM GMT
    I think if you have it in your power to help this guy out during a rough time you should definitely go for it. BUT only if you honestly think it will help. More importantly, be sure that YOU'RE ready to come out to everyone you know (and even people you don't know) and feel comfortable with it, even if it doesn't end up helping this guy out at all. There's something to be said for selflessness, for sure, but don't compromise your own comfort to do it. Which, since you're considering it already, then now is probably as good a time as any.

    There's also nothing wrong with just going to this guy privately, offering your support and try to help him that way.
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    Jul 13, 2012 12:04 AM GMT
    Just_Tim saidI think if you have it in your power to help this guy out during a rough time you should definitely go for it. BUT only if you honestly think it will help. More importantly, be sure that YOU'RE ready to come out to everyone you know (and even people you don't know) and feel comfortable with it, even if it doesn't end up helping this guy out at all. There's something to be said for selflessness, for sure, but don't compromise your own comfort to do it. Which, since you're considering it already, then now is probably as good a time as any.

    There's also nothing wrong with just going to this guy privately, offering your support and try to help him that way.


    ^ Good advice
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    Jul 13, 2012 12:15 AM GMT
    So many incongruities in OP; however...

    I wish I could give you all my experience/self-loathing/regret, the wait of witch would give the strength of ten men, to come out and smack them all down.
    Sadly, doubt you'll do anything except what most of us did: hide/cover maybe even take the head cheerleader out, to affirm your 'straight act'.
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    Jul 13, 2012 12:28 AM GMT
    Very nice you'd want to help but for now, no.

    If you are not out to your parents, that might be a better first step. But only do that if they will accept and support you. If you suspect for a moment that they will have trouble dealing with your sexual orientation, then don't tell them until after they've paid your way through college and bought you your first car and put it in your name. In fact, if they're not going to like it, then go first for a college education, a car and then push for the downpayment on a house before you tell them. They'll owe you at least that much for the pain they will cause.

    If your parents will have no issues with your sexuality, if they will love you and continue being good, supportive parents, then you should be getting advice from them about coming out to support another person in school, not getting that advice from the internet for two reasons. One, they are your parents who should have your very best interests at heart and in mind. Two, if things don't go so well, they will be the ones still there to pick up the pieces.

    If you can not face your family first (and, again, do this only if you are certain they will support you. If there is any reasonable doubt, keep it in the closet until you are independent) then probably you are not ready to face the world so bravely at your young age.

    Love that you would want to do this. But again, family first. Get your advice from your mom (assuming you've got a cool, nonfundamentalist mom) who loves you, not from strangers who don't even know you.