My bf of more than 11 years just announced that he's ending our relationship

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    Jul 14, 2012 4:13 AM GMT
    I'm usually a very happy go-lucky type of guy that likes to always see the positive side of things, but right now I'm having difficulty doing that after having lost the love of my life. My bf and I have been together for 11.5 years and even though the relationship hasn't been perfect, we love each other, or at least so I thought.

    During all this time we have shared some great moments together as well as some not so great ones. We have cared for each other, helped each other out and been there for each other through thick and thin. Our respective families love their sons-in-law and so do our respective siblings and friends. Things have been great for the most part except in the sex department.

    Our sex life was awesome the first four or so years of the relationship and then it took a rapid nosedive. I tried all types of things to rekindle the flame of passion, from making him go with me to see three separate couple's therapists (he went very unwillingly saying that shrinks don't know anything at all, etc.) to having a threesome with a random stranger we met online once, but nothing worked.

    Today, after his parents left at the end of their almost 2-month stay with us, he came to me to tell me that the relationship is over. I tried to reason with him on how we would be missing out on many more great (and probably greater) years together if he were to end the relationship, but he wouldn't budge. A few hours after that conversation, he got online, chatted with someone he had previously talked to on that website, then came to me to announce that he was going to join that guy at a party he was throwing at his house. He left me home with our five dogs while he went out to fool around with that new trick instead of making any effort to fix the relationship.

    Never mind that barely two weeks ago I was by his side in the emergency room when he was diagnosed with a possible serious heart condition. Luckily, his heart turned out to be ok after many medical tests and our numerous trips to the hospital and various doctors including a couple of cardiologists. Also never mind that just a week ago, we celebrated his 49th birthday with his parents and I told him, like I've always done, that I loved him.

    This hurts like hell, guys. I just hope, however, that this unbearable pain somehow goes away soon.
  • synestheticxs...

    Posts: 137

    Jul 14, 2012 4:29 AM GMT
    I don't even have words for how horrible that is. He's a fucking bastard. I'm so sorry about your loss, but I'm speechless.
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    Jul 14, 2012 4:30 AM GMT
    icon_cry.gif
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    Jul 14, 2012 4:55 AM GMT
    Well, I do tend to think... if he does not love you enough.. then you better let him feck off so you can be with somebody who does
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 14, 2012 4:58 AM GMT
    It sounds like the sex got stale, and that will ruin any relationship. But that can be fixed...

    My bf and I went through something similar (I too started a forum about all our drama lol), but we still have passion in the bedroom and both want to work it out. You have to both want it.

    Maybe you guys need a break, but I really think that unless he comes crawling back in tears on his hands and knees begging for you to love him sill, then it's probably over for good.

    It's really hard, but are an upbeat person and you can surely rely on family and friends and come out stronger. Good luckicon_smile.gif
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    Jul 14, 2012 5:00 AM GMT
    My heart broke reading your story bud :/ I feel the worst part is having him leave after telling you he was ending it.

    I can't imagine what your going through right now. Best advice I have is surround yourself with your friends and family.
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    Jul 14, 2012 5:01 AM GMT
    You sound like you deserve better anyways.
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    Jul 14, 2012 5:03 AM GMT
    Oh my. icon_sad.gif

    This sounds really sad. I'm so sorry! It's ok to feel horrible and sad and it is alright to cry. Just know that you will have to move on. This must be really tough icon_sad.gif

    edit: and, yes, you will be ok icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 14, 2012 5:06 AM GMT
    So sorry to hear that icon_neutral.gif we all fall for a jerk at some point of our lives.

    Stay strong
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    Jul 14, 2012 5:07 AM GMT
    sorry to hear buddy. the fact that it took over 11 years is mind-boggling. i cant imagine staying in such a long relationship and having it end so suddenly. For every horrible end starts a new beginning.
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    Jul 14, 2012 5:07 AM GMT
    You are not only one of the most handsome men on here but one of the kindest. I enjoyed your footage of the Alaskan trip with your friend and the footage of you trying to evade all those vicious ankle biters in the snow!

    You are going to be O.K.!!!
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    Jul 14, 2012 5:14 AM GMT
    I am so sorry. Hugs.
  • oh_noyeahhh

    Posts: 119

    Jul 14, 2012 5:19 AM GMT
    Love you like a love song. when the song ends, the space is back to silence. I hope you will get better.
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    Jul 14, 2012 5:22 AM GMT
    *hugs* nobody Should treated that way, especially after investing so much time with one another. Stay strong!
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    Jul 14, 2012 5:26 AM GMT
    *hugs* he's an ass for doing that but here's something that you may not have considered when wondering why. You mentioned his hospitalization. It sounds cruel (mainly cuz it is) but he may be hitting a midlife crisis hardcore. In any case what he did and how he did it are completely messed up and you should know that, going off the information you've given us, you did nothing wrong icon_smile.gificon_sad.gif
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jul 14, 2012 6:03 AM GMT
    Sorry to hear. I know there are 2 sides to every story, but it does sound like you loved him more. Next time you will be older wiser and find a life long relationship. Look on the bright side. He was so much older than you the new twink won't be pushing his wheel chair when he's an old geezer. You sound like the type that would have. He is having a mid life crisis. He should have just got a motocycle or new spors car. Don't be surprised if he wants to come back. Hang in there and as msuntx said surround youself with family and friends.icon_smile.gif

    I think from the above story that masc stud shared is why I believe open relationships work best. Just my opinion-this topic has been covered and I don't want this thread to do anything but share stories, support and advice for Mascstud.
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Jul 14, 2012 6:13 AM GMT
    I am sorry icon_sad.gif I don't know what else to say because in all honesty, I would be completely crushed. No words from anyone would make me feel better after what you just described.
  • metta

    Posts: 39107

    Jul 14, 2012 6:13 AM GMT
    1. be kind to yourself.
    2. give yourself time to deal with this stressful time.


    It sounds like he is having a midlife crisis...turning 49 and seeing 50 coming in another year. It may have made him look at his life and realize that he wanted to make a change.I think the way he ended it, at least from the way you describe...is awful...especially after 11 1/2 years.

    I hope that you have some close friends nearby who can help give you emotional support. Do you?
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    Jul 14, 2012 6:15 AM GMT
    ohboy saidSo sorry to hear that icon_neutral.gif we all fall for a jerk at some point of our lives.

    Stay strong


    dude, what a ridiculous comment to make. they were together for ELEVEN years! I think its a little more complicated than "we all fall for a jerk at some point of our lives"

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    Jul 14, 2012 6:17 AM GMT
    As said before, it sounds like he might be having a mid-life crisis precipitated by his heart scare.

    The important thing is that his behavior still isn't justified. He was really unnecessarily cruel in the face of ending an 11.5 year long relationship, and you should ask yourself whether you really want to be in a relationship with someone who can demonstrate that sort of callousness. I would hope that whomever I date would, in the face of the difficulty presented by breaking up, be gentle with me.

    My advice, as someone who has recently broken up after a two year relationship, is to pack your day with activities. Surround yourself with family and your close friends, as mentioned previously. And finally, recognize that time you had and remember it fondly, but accept that you are in a new and exciting chapter of life. Look forward to your future, and think of how you want your life to look now that you have the independence to completely reshape it.

    Don't put your life on hold while waiting for everything to feel better.
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    Jul 14, 2012 6:17 AM GMT
    MikemikeMike saidSorry to hear. I know there are 2 sides to every story, but it does sound like you loved him more. Next time you will be older wiser and find a life long relationship. Look on the bright side. He was so much older than you the new twink won't be pushing his wheel chair when he's an old geezer. You sound like the type that would have. He is having a mid life crisis. He should have just got a motocycle or new spors car. Don't be surprised if he wants to come back. Hang in there and as msuntx said surround youself with family and friends.icon_smile.gif

    I think from the above story that masc stud shared is why I believe open relationships work best. Just my opinion-this topic has been covered and I don't want this thread to do anything but share stories, support and advice for Mascstud.



    Oh, so if he's "older and wiser" this wouldn't have happened, and "older and wiser" people have life long relationships. Shame on him.

    You guys are such a bunch of idiots, though well intended I'm sure.

    I gotta stop reading these posts.
  • oh_noyeahhh

    Posts: 119

    Jul 14, 2012 6:22 AM GMT
    We are here not for argument but giving advices.
    calm down!!!
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Jul 14, 2012 6:29 AM GMT
    healthy_me saidWe are here not for argument but giving advices.
    calm down!!!


    His screen name says it all. Some people are born with a chip on their shoulders, and they will die with a chip on their shoulders, and there's nothing anyone can do about it in the between time except ignore and avoid. *shrug*

    @MascStud, I can't imagine the pain you're going through. I'm going to be hoping hoping hoping you have friends to wrap you up with love and wishing for you the resilience to get through this.

    So sad. icon_sad.gif
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    Jul 14, 2012 6:32 AM GMT
    UglyAmerican said
    ohboy saidSo sorry to hear that icon_neutral.gif we all fall for a jerk at some point of our lives.

    Stay strong


    dude, what a ridiculous comment to make. they were together for ELEVEN years! I think its a little more complicated than "we all fall for a jerk at some point of our lives"




    If its eleven damn years you dont walk out and go party like nothing ever happened! but that sounds like your type.

    move along
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    Jul 14, 2012 6:36 AM GMT
    ohboy said
    UglyAmerican said
    ohboy saidSo sorry to hear that icon_neutral.gif we all fall for a jerk at some point of our lives.

    Stay strong


    dude, what a ridiculous comment to make. they were together for ELEVEN years! I think its a little more complicated than "we all fall for a jerk at some point of our lives"




    If its eleven damn years you dont walk out and go party like nothing ever happened! but that sounds like your type.

    move along



    Dude, a jerk is someone who blows you off on the fourth date, or someone who cheats on you in the third month, or someone who lies to you about his feelings after 9 months.

    A "jerk" is not someone who you share eleven years of your life with. I think the problem is a bit more complicated than that. Stick to Seventeen Magazine editorials, where that kind of comment belongs .