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I'm gonna turn 47 this Friday.
Had this sweet note sent to me once:
"I notice mid 40 something guys who try to pretend that they are in their 20s. Is it a trend? It sure seems that way. Especially when they get defensive and bitter when somebody calls them on it. P*a*t*h*e*t*i*c"
I don't know what its suppose to mean?
Yesterday, I even spent time googling in an attempt to find out exactly how I'm suppose to "act" my age.
Is it my dress? Should I switch to Dockers? Is it because I like to go out on occasion and have a little fun? I'm athletic and active? Is it because I "look" younger than my age? Should I dye my hair gray?
I mean....I don't use "young guy" lingo....I never refer to people as "dude"....I don't have any idea what current trends are....I don't follow any....never say "sup" to start a conversation...Is it because most of my close friends are younger than I am? If someone asks me my age, I tell them. I certainly don't promote it, but I don't lie about it either. My on-line profiles state my correct age.
So help me out here....exactly how am I suppose to "act my age"? How should a 47 year old man "act"?
A close friend once, told me I suffer from "peter pan syndrome"....and I took it as a compliment...maybe it wasn't?

I'd completely ignore the comment, seriously. Whoever sent it to you has some serious issues of their own.

Be who you are, and no one else. I always tell people to act as old as they feel. Hell, sometimes I feel 40, sometimes 20. So acting your age is a stupid thing to say.

Again, ignore them.

hahah I get that as well.... several 20 something guys told me I should stop trying to hang on to youth.... referring to the fact I play competitive volleyball and don't wear a suit or something like that... THEY are the pathetic ones!

I have a saying, "You're never to big unless you cant fit" came up with it when someone told me and my friends to act our ages when we were playing tag in a playground when i was 17. I'm 23 and i dont even act that old. i still love cartoons and candy. Something i do notice is when people are often happy then people think they are trying to act younger so it looks like acting your age means be miserable. so like the others said, act how you want. as for me i'm a toys r us kid for life.

By the way Happy Birthday in advance

I've found that those who tell you to "act your age" are only jealous for the mere fact that you can be so free with yourself.

Break out the granny panties, depends, and marry someone half your age. I think being told that you suffer from Peter Pan Syndrome is a compliment, eventhough it's not meant as one. It means you're not all bitter and jaded about life and that you know you still have some usefullness (and possibly a high sex drive). In otherwords, they're likely jealous.

And happy birthday (in advance).

Fuck 'em! Be you man!!! GO WITH IT!!!


Enjoy YOUR life!

unsolicited criticism reveals more about the sender than the recipient.

smalltown,
Number one Happy Birthday in advance. Never listen when someone tells you to act your age or you’re too old for that, etc. I am 50 and loving it. I feel 30. I enjoy joking and being crazy with my friends. The guys that I work with are 20 years younger then me. It doesn't bother me at all. I love cutting up and joking with them. They are always telling me they can't believe I am 50. I am just as active if not more then they are. I love trying new things, and I love adventure. As the other guys have said if at my age I am supposed to be bitter and sitting around, it isn't going to happen. I love life and am going to live it to the fullest.

I say go with what you know.

I'll be 42 shortly, and have NO idea how a 42 year old is "supposed" to act. I, too, like to go out and have fun. I'm very active, and find my walker just gets in the way (OK, that was a joke).

People are always surprised when I tell them my age. And I find I'm not attracted to guys my age or older, generally. They're usually fuddy duddies. Sorry if that offends anyone.

I just feel like me. That's how I've always felt.

I would not sweat it. The guy probably thinks that anybody over 40 should be staying inside on a Saturday night watching re-runs of Star Trek with his partner, and drinking beer.

The only time a guy seems immature to me is when he cannot accept responsibility for his actions, or cannot hold down a job or pay his bills. What he wears, or what sports he plays are not really an indication of immaturity. I personally would much rather play an active sport like volleyball, soccer or tennis, no matter how badly, then play a round of golf.

I totally get where you are coming from. I recently had a 20-something ask if I'd be his "daddy." First of all, I'm nobody's daddy -- yet. And secondly, he looked older than me. LOL

An early Happy Birthday smalltownboy!

I turned 40 last week. I now realize I feel and act no differently than I did at 39 or 29. Infact, I think I feel and look better. I also believe "acting your age" is just plain-old (no pun) being yourself. If someone says it to you, remind them that they're not getting any younger either!

I get that sort of thing every now and then and it always seems to come from people that are:

1) Really out of shape
2) In their late twenties and concerned that the big 3-0 is coming

You are in great shape, and not just for your age, but for any age. I think this comes from the misconception that there is something almost undignified about middle aged men going to the gym and keeping themselves looking good. It's also a strange comment coming from someone who doesn't know what you do or what your interests are, which makes me fairly certain they're from one of the two categories I mentioned above.

smalltownboy saidI'm gonna turn 47 this Friday.
Had this sweet note sent to me once:
"I notice mid 40 something guys who try to pretend that they are in their 20s. Is it a trend? It sure seems that way. Especially when they get defensive and bitter when somebody calls them on it. P*a*t*h*e*t*i*c"
I don't know what its suppose to mean?
Yesterday, I even spent time googling in an attempt to find out exactly how I'm suppose to "act" my age.
Is it my dress? Should I switch to Dockers? Is it because I like to go out on occasion and have a little fun? I'm athletic and active? Is it because I "look" younger than my age? Should I dye my hair gray?
I mean....I don't use "young guy" lingo....I never refer to people as "dude"....I don't have any idea what current trends are....I don't follow any....never say "sup" to start a conversation...Is it because most of my close friends are younger than I am? If someone asks me my age, I tell them. I certainly don't promote it, but I don't lie about it either. My on-line profiles state my correct age.
So help me out here....exactly how am I suppose to "act my age"? How should a 47 year old man "act"?
A close friend once, told me I suffer from "peter pan syndrome"....and I took it as a compliment...maybe it wasn't?

Hard to imagine why you give a shit what some sad case twink thinks of you.

And happy birthday, sweet guy.

Well the saying down here at the moment is: today's 50, is 40, and today's 40 is 30, not sure if today's 20, makes em 10?

I think having to look your age, is something that begin to women. Saying: mutton dressed up as lamb.

I have some friends that they have turned 50, and are already acting like old people. So age is nothing more than a state of mind. I care for some truly old people, and some of them are still young in mind.

Begin 101, I'm always told i don't look my age, and look great for it too.

If I go shopping now days for cloths, I buy what I like, and never get it because it's trendy.

I don't do clubs anymore, I do restaurants.

I don't chase young guys too help me feel young either. Yet I still have young guys whom chat me up.

I remember when I turned 30. at a party I had for the people I worked with. I worked in Childcare at that stage, so a lot of the people I worked with, where only 20 something. I got gees you don't look 30, nor act it. One was left thinking, and how is a 30 year old meant to act?

Don't act anything be yourself. remember 40 something in gay years is old. for this some people may still want to be 20.

SilverBird said...i still love cartoons and candy. Something i do notice is when people are often happy then people think they are trying to act younger so it looks like acting your age means be miserable. ...By the way Happy Birthday in advance

I still love cartoons too and candy...I'm the oldest in my "Inner Circle" of Friends, but they will all tell you I'm the guy most likely to be doing something daredevilish or "crazy"...and it's not because I feel like I have something to prove...its more like I've just never felt the need to stop doing what I've always done. Perhaps when I fall and break my hip...
To Everyone here that's posted (so far!) Thanks for the feedback and kind words and early birthday wishes!
I'll do my best to respond to alot of the comments I've read so far, but you know, us old guy's move slowly....speaking of.....time for me to hit the Trail for my run, so I'll touch back in later and respond some more....I already feel better!
I know I shouldn't care what people think of me, but its always got me to think I've irritated someone to the point where they feel the need to jab me simply because they see something in me (whether its there is another story) missing in their own life.

Happy Birthday! Forget about the e-mail - that's what the "delete" button is for.

I pay my own way and don't depend on anyone else. I pay my taxes and vote, and I figure that gives me the right to live my life the way I want. I also live my life by the George Eliot quote - "It's never too late to be what you might have been."

The day I stop growing, learning, and exploring is the day they close the lid on my casket.

Happy Birthday!

Age is a state of mind.

I'm off to go eat a fruit roll-up and watch some cartoons.

I say you're as old as you feel. Just make sure you are OK with yourself. Happy Bday! 47 is still young, isnt Anderson Cooper 52 or something?

Chuy2010 saidI say you're as old as you feel. Just make sure you are OK with yourself. Happy Bday! 47 is still young, isnt Anderson Cooper 52 or something?

Anderson Cooper is 41. He was born in '67. Which makes him 3 years younger than I am.

lissenup said

Chuy2010 saidI say you're as old as you feel. Just make sure you are OK with yourself. Happy Bday! 47 is still young, isnt Anderson Cooper 52 or something?

Anderson Cooper is 41. He was born in '67. Which makes him 3 years younger than I am.

Happy Birthday!

Age is a number really. I'm a 22-year old with a 3-year old mind. It helps me stay young.

smalltownboy saidI'm gonna turn 47 this Friday.

That makes two of us turning 47 on Friday. That's, like, OMG Teh Kewl! Happy Birthday, dude!

Sedative saidHappy Birthday!

Age is a number really. I'm a 22-year old with a 3-year old mind. It helps me stay young.

Well I think that is better than being a 3 year old with a 22 year old brain!

Happy birthday Smalltown Boy. You young whippersnapper you!

Happy Birthday! Don't listen to the insecure ones who tell you how to match your behavior to something arbitrary like the number of days you've been out of your mommy's womb. Please...as if all of our individual life's experiences have been the same and in lockstep.

Around here (Austin) age is about as relevant as Jimmy Fallon. And being myself would be more difficult back in Boston.

I wonder how I will feel about my mohawk, penchant for attention grabbing stunts, and delusion that I might be able to make a difference in the world, in ten years when I turn 48.

Squarejaw saidunsolicited criticism reveals more about the sender than the recipient.

SJ just nailed it, Fuck 'em, fight'em and dynamite ' em.

Really I thought Anderson Cooper was 52...hes not holding up as well as I thought then LOL.

Chuy2010 saidReally I thought Anderson Cooper was 52...hes not holding up as well as I thought then LOL.

Heh. Who the hell knows how old Cooper the Friendly Ghost is. It's like every fabric of his being has been bleached, sanitized, waxed, buffed, and clear-coated.

The only person more shiny and silvery than him is this guy:



(really I just wanted the opportunity to use my Cooper the Friendly Ghost line again)

A co-worker of mine talking about her husband once said "men don't have to grow up, they just get more expensive toys"...I think that means about as much as that comment you got. Pretty much nothing. Be yourself, enjoy life - it's short enough as it is.

Well, it could be that you look nowhere NEAR 47.

I agree. Be yourself and ignore the others. Happy birthday!

Whenever someone is gratuitously rude toward you. . .
it's highly likely that they're envious.

This year at Houston Pride, I was out at South Beach (gay club) and had a bunch of twinks come up to me throughout the evening.

The conversation went like this: "Hey man, wow, you've got an awesome body," they said. "Thanks." "How old are you?," they asked. "If you think I've got an awesome body, what does it matter how old I am?"

Even when I was 15 and fucking around with guys who were thirty or forty, I have never understood why age matters. If you're attracted to someone, who cares if they are 20 or 60 or better.

All of this goes back to all that bullshit that gay men are taught by Madison Avenue marketing that unless you are young and cute, wear Abercrombie, and drive the right car, you are not worth existing. Look through the pages of Out or Instinct. Check out the ads.

Sorry... but I'm not buying any of that and anyone who does is a fucking idiot. Are you listening impressionable twinks? Don't be that way.

Auryn saidIt means you're not all bitter and jaded about life and that you know you still have some usefullness (and possibly a high sex drive). In otherwords, they're likely jealous.

The funny thing is, I see myself as "bitter and jaded" about alot of things, but not myself, if that makes any sense...I like myself, I'm just not a big fan of the rest of the world! And, I have hardly no sex drive....next week will be my one year anniversary of celibacy...self imposed...but its probably something I should see a doctor about...totally off subject, but I'm suspecting I'm lacking testosterone...though I still have a hair trigger temper and can be super aggressive....I'm bordering on being asexual it seems these days. I'm starting to view men as I do women...I'll think..."he's attractive, but I have no interest in having sex with him"....

Well since the comment was made by an annoynomous person it;'s really hard to take it personally so I wouldn't worry about it if I was you.

How do you act considering you age? I don't completely agree with comment since it's obvious made to piss someone off but at the same time there is somewhat of a valid point.

When I see a 50 year old partying like he's in his early 20's I wouldn't call that a "free act" but rather a plea to never get older. I canunderstand that most people don't look forward to getting older, especially in the gay community who assume that after the age 30 things go downhill (Personally, I feel that myth is only true if you let it be but back to the original question).

Basically all comes down to what aman acts like and what aboy acts like. I can't take someone serious who refers to themself as "boy" and spends time trying to act younger then what they really are. There is a difference between having fun putting a facade with the attempt to attract attention. What kind of attention it I can only imagine but needless to say I doubt it the kind most want.

Again if I was you I wouldn't take it personally. Take it with agrain of salt and just press on. Besides you don't look 47. You look more like a young to mid 30's kind of guy. Congrats

HAPPY BIRTHDAY "Smalltownboy"!!!!!!

In my twenties I spent soooo much time trying new things in order to discover who I was. Many of my likes were due to someone I was currently dating, wanted to emulate, or tried to impress. All very superficial, but necessary in development. During that time a friend in his thirties told me, "Just wait it gets better after thirty!"

The thirties came and went and I was able to weed thru and decipher what was right for me. Concentrating on those characteristics and desires I molded, shaped, and defined myself. No longer an amorphous blob! The same friend mentioned above said, "Just wait until forty!"

I think part of the joy of your "forties" is being able to march to your own drum, regardless of other opinions. You know who, what, where, when and how for yourself and now have the opportunity to enact it to the fullest! I dare someone to try to place me in any type of "box" that they percieve to be fitting or standard!

You are the producer, director and leading star of your own show! If someone dosen't like it they don't have to watch! From what I can see, your show is QUITE entertaining!

By the way, my friend just turned fifty and you can probably guess what he said!!!

BTW Cooper's age is correct, he was one class behind me in college.

Happy Birthday! Remember it is how you feel on the inside that counts.

"Perhaps my best years are gone,
but I wouldn't want them back,
not with the fire in me now"

Samuel Beckett

BigSETXjock saidThis year at Houston Pride, I was out at South Beach (gay club) and had a bunch of twinks come up to me throughout the evening.

The conversation went like this: "Hey man, wow, you've got an awesome body," they said. "Thanks." "How old are you?," they asked. "If you think I've got an awesome body, what does it matter how old I am?"

I wouldn't take it to heart when it comes to guys asking you your age. You have a good look. You're not only well built but you have a youthful looking face with silvery blondish hair. I'm sure they were just asking because they were enamored fans.

I get asked my age all the time and when I tell them I'm 37 they are shocked and think I'm in my late 20's. So they actually assume I am younger then I actually am.

I don't believe age matters either. I would only ask because I'm genuinely interested in knowing all that I can about a person. That is - if I am drawn to the person for some special reason.

This issue is one that is far more often a projection of the person stating it than the person it's aimed at.

I was shopping in P-town last fall with about 7 friends who's age range was about 26-54. While trying clothes on, the statement frequently came up of (from the 40+ side of the group) 'is this age appropriate?' Which lead to a discussion about this. We sort of realized a feew things.
Some people believe that there are fairly specific things that are associated with how you should dress and act for a specific age. They tend to be conservative in their general approach to life and often try to pressure those around them to fit that mold. Then there is the 'free thinker' type who will do whatever they want regardless of age. They tend to have more fun and enjoy life the most because they simply don't care what others think of them. My ex used to tell me to dress more appropriately for my age when I was 32. This was coming from a guy who wore Armani suits in his early 20's (which he looked great in) but never wore anything 'fun'. This what came out of it: If the clothes were designed for someone who's older than 21 (i.e. not designed for a teenager), and you can physically carry it off (build and attitude), then go ahead and wear it!
I listen to opera and dance music (amongst other things). I did when I was 20. At 20, opera was considered 'music for old people' and dance music was 'perfectly normal'. Now at 51, there's an aspect that says 'opera is normal' for someone my age and 'dance music' is inappropriate for my age.

When someone (regardless of age) has my respect due to thier knowledge, skill, attitude and experience, then their opinion will have some weight with me. Otherwise, it's just chatter.

Otherwise, another year older, another year better. Happy birthday (in advance) smalltownboy! I wish I looked as good.

I'm about to turn 41 and I still go to metal concerts. The funny thing is going to an Iron Maiden or a Judas Priest show and being one of the younger people in the crowd. It's not that way with some of the newer bands I go see, but anyway, I'm not about to stop doing things I love because of my age. As long as you're comfortable in your own skin and you live a life you don't have to apologize for, then that's really all that should matter. A wiser man than me once said "what other people think of me is none of my business". Happy birthday.

I think it's good to be young at heart. Things I consider to be childish or imply a lack of maturity is when a person flakes on you a lot. A good man who is mature values integrity. As long as you pay your bills, keep up your end of the bargain in situations you find yourself in then by all means...be Peter Pan and have fun.

as far as i am concerned i am STILL 18, so if anyone has a problem with that, they can kiss my rosey red, goldentanned ass

The guy probably thinks that anybody over 40 should be staying inside on a Saturday night watching re-runs of Star Trek with his partner, and drinking beer.

Or trolling RealJock.

I'm pretty confident that "Act your age!" is an exhortation teenagers and twenty-somethings tell one another when they're acting like 5 year olds. After about that point in time, it becomes irrelevant, and people should stop applying it. Really, I can only see a use for it being said to people who have recently ceased to be small children but haven't quite managed to overcome some of the habitual childish mannerisms that accompany that stage of life.

I really don't think anyone should be telling an adult that, even one who acts childish (because if you're an adult who still acts like a child, odds are it's not just you forgetting yourself and needing a peer to remind you but rather a life habit).

I turn 29 this december. I have 4 friends who are in there late 40s and early 50s who act more immature than me and my other friends my age.

3 of these friends were once married and have kids in there late teens and early 20s. One was a priest. I think that there is something wrong with hanging out with people your kids age all the time. Its gotten so bad that my group of friends wont have anything to do with 2 of our friends because all they do is hangout with really young people. And like all young kids underage drinking and drug use is involved. ( I was young once too ya know) Its not the kids fault they just found an adult who will do anything to fit in. Even if it means allowing drugs in there house or buying you and your friends alcohol.

I suspect that alot of this is just acting out and trying to make up for lost time. Having grown up in a time when gay was a dirty word and actually being gay was unheard of. I can understand the appeal of wanting to go back and be a kid again. Instead they stayed in the closet and did what was right by society.

However I dont think I need to point out to everyone that if your group of friends is people 10-20 years younger than you. Or they make up the overwhelming vast majority of your circle. Then yes there is something not right there. My friends vary from 5 years younger or older than me. Thats healthy we can identify with each other and have lots of things in common. People who dont have friends around there age are seriously immature. I mean what kind of shared life experience have a 20yo got with someone in the 40s. Other than being gay thats about it. I do have some friends older than me by alot. But I respect them and look to them for advice. Our relationship is friends but I realize that in alot of ways we cant identify with each other. Like I stated earlier if you cant identify with people your age then there is a problem there.

There is a fine line between being youthfull and being immature. I suspect that if you looked at yourself youd see where you stand. Not knowing you or your group of friends I can only tell you my opinion based on those I know.
Although a generalization based on my life experience when people have to throw out sayings like "people say I look way younger" , "I can really identify with younger people" or my favorite "People cant belive how old I really am". Then they are really just trying to hard to be young acting. And are normally just looking for validation of there belief that they are still young.

"Act"ing's for the theater. Being authentic is much more interesting. I regularly have to remind myself not to buy into what I think other people's expectations are. Some people have a lot of expectations surrounding age, but not everybody does. Hope you have great birthday being yourself, whatever "age" that is.

You seem to have a nice life at 47. I want to have a good life then too. Keep it up

Be free and be yourself and dress any way you want. I find that people who criticize are intimidated by someone who has that freedom of mind.

I've found this to be true, that some guys in their 20s feel like it's their exclusive domain to go out, have fun, hook up, stay out late, etc. (whatever your idea of fun is). When someone who's over 30, or god forbid over 40, dares to do damage to that flawed notion, they turn into bitter little bitches who want to put you in your place.

Yes, it's junior high all over again, but then they're not very far removed from junior high. So take it with a grain of salt and go on about your life.

I typically like younger guys, but the older I get the more I can see the "experience gap". Younger guys usually don't know how much they don't know (and I'll include myself in that when I was a younger guy). There are some younger guys who are very mature for their age and they're a gem. But many too easily reveal just how immature they are.

The original poster and I are exactly the same age - 8/8/61! I tell folks I am 47 going on 28. I have no intention of letting my health go to pot simply because of my age. If anything, I am in better shape than ever.

Friends of mine range in age from late 20's to mid 60's. It's not about age, as it is about personal connection. Being in tune with who you are defies any agism.

My Mom is 75 and Bill's is 81 - just about everyone they hang out with are about 25 years younger or lower. Most of their equally aged friends and relatives have passed on or live very far away.

Hanging with younger sets keeps them spry, inspired and full of zest. They are a helluva lot of fun.

For the younger, remember that you will be part of the age group you look askance at one day. What then?

meninlove said
My Mom is 75 and Bill's is 81 - just about everyone they hang out with are about 25 years younger or lower. Most of their equally aged friends and relatives have passed on or live very far away.

Hanging with younger sets keeps them spy, inspired and full of zest. They are a helluva lot of fun.

For the younger, remember that you will be part of the age group you look askance at one day. What then?

Meninlove said
"Friends of mine range in age from late 20's to mid 60's. It's not about age, as it is about personal connection. Being in tune with who you are defies any agism."


These are great observations, guys,
It seems that many of the younger people of today including a few notable jerks here in RJ are so caught up in the youth culture that they think anyone outside of a predetermined age (which is getting lower all the time) who talks to them is automatically "hitting" or "preying" on them so they expect you to behave a certain way or IE: "act your age" but as the posters here have brought up, there is no reason for us to stop growing and doing the things we have always enjoyed including dating.

My response to that message would have been:

Fuck you and the bitter you rode in on.

I say rock 47 like you'd rock 34, as you rocked 22.

I'm 38. If I were to act my age, I guess I should be divorced with a few kids I see ever other weekend and a girlfriend in her 20's.

I have a 47 yr old friend who is an amazing source of inspiration for me as a dancer because he is still doing it and up on that stage holding his own easily with people sometimes 30 yrs younger. I see him standing next to guys his own age and marvel at how amazingly young and fit he looks compared to other guys who probably were told to act there age and slowly wilt away. I worry about someone telling someone else to act there age and it makes me wonder what other stereotypes they are perpetuating and following in there own lives based on other peoples opinions and views of how they should act . There are so many beautiful,fit, and very sexy looking older guys here on R.J who im sure if they fell into the "Act your age trap" would no be leading such healthy and happy lives!!! Im definately keeping my subscription to the Peter pan times

Hey TallGWM!

Thanks..... though the second quote belongs to to xysx! And he said it very well!

"Friends of mine range in age from late 20's to mid 60's. It's not about age, as it is about personal connection. Being in tune with who you are defies any agism."

I'd say if you can convincingly get away with it, don't worry about it. You don't look anywhere near 47.