Only been with one guy (boyfriend), but have urges elsewhere.

  • tenn2622

    Posts: 4

    Jul 14, 2012 6:16 PM GMT
    I have been dating my boyfriend for the past year and 9 months. He is my first boyfriend and first guy to have sex with. I love him with all of my heart, but I have urges to explore. It doesn't have to be sex with other guys, but being able to go out, dance and make out with other guys.

    What should I do? I don't want to ruin things, but I also can't resist these urges.
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    Jul 14, 2012 6:28 PM GMT
    What should you do? Decide what you want and then find a guy who is in agreement with what you want (even if he doesn't necessarily want it). In exchange, be prepared to accept in agreement something which your guy wants...which might not be what you want.

    Relationships are all about communication, negotiation, and agreements.

    Agreements are always open to the possibility of renegotiation. However, if it is not mutually agreed to renegotiate, be prepared for the possibility of a "deal breaker".
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    Jul 14, 2012 6:45 PM GMT
    tenn2622 saidI have been dating my boyfriend for the past year and 9 months. He is my first boyfriend and first guy to have sex with. I love him with all of my heart, but I have urges to explore. It doesn't have to be sex with other guys, but being able to go out, dance and make out with other guys.

    What should I do? I don't want to ruin things, but I also can't resist these urges.


    Why can't you do that with your boyfriend..??
  • tenn2622

    Posts: 4

    Jul 14, 2012 6:47 PM GMT
    He doesn't like making out at the club.

    Also, the whole thing is...he is my first boyfriend and sex. I haven't had that "slutty" phase. I don't want to be sleeping around with other guys, just being able to dance with other guys and maybe make out is all.
  • Just_Tim

    Posts: 1723

    Jul 15, 2012 3:41 AM GMT
    The answer, clearly, is that you should.... ah, damn. This thread is several hours old... He probably took a nap and got over it by now... icon_neutral.gif
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    Jul 15, 2012 3:50 AM GMT
    tenn2622 saidHe doesn't like making out at the club.

    Also, the whole thing is...he is my first boyfriend and sex. I haven't had that "slutty" phase. I don't want to be sleeping around with other guys, just being able to dance with other guys and maybe make out is all.



    What you want to do really shouldn't be a huuuuuuge deal IMHO. Does he have some security issues?
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 15, 2012 4:19 AM GMT
    You're not ready to settle down. Best to tell your guy that. How he handles that will reflect on him. Don't put it off. Nine months is short and it won't seem like a big deal ten years from now.
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    Jul 15, 2012 4:59 AM GMT
    tenn2622 saidI have been dating my boyfriend for the past year and 9 months. He is my first boyfriend and first guy to have sex with. I love him with all of my heart, but I have urges to explore. It doesn't have to be sex with other guys, but being able to go out, dance and make out with other guys.

    What should I do? I don't want to ruin things, but I also can't resist these urges.


    You should ask him for a open relationship then. The result will be amusing.
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    Jul 15, 2012 5:05 AM GMT
    drop him like a bad habit and get you some dick tbh
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    Jul 15, 2012 12:38 PM GMT
    Dun go 4 second best baby put ur love to the test,u know u got to,Express Urself.
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    Jul 15, 2012 12:47 PM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor said
    tenn2622 saidI have been dating my boyfriend for the past year and 9 months. He is my first boyfriend and first guy to have sex with. I love him with all of my heart, but I have urges to explore. It doesn't have to be sex with other guys, but being able to go out, dance and make out with other guys.

    What should I do? I don't want to ruin things, but I also can't resist these urges.

    If you truly love your man then you can resist your urges.
    Work harder at being happy with the man you say you love with ALL your heart. All means All.
    If you want to go out,, then take him with you. Maybe you are not truly ready to settle down.


    Could not have said it any better icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 15, 2012 1:09 PM GMT
    Talk to him about it. See what he says. He's probably feeling the same way.
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    Jul 15, 2012 2:06 PM GMT
    I just am curious why all the "boyfriend problem" threads are by anonymous, random people.

    As far as if you are looking elsewhere get out of the relationship.

    I despise nothing more than people who cheat, and homewreckers.
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    Jul 15, 2012 4:35 PM GMT
    Cooper87 saidDun go 4 second best baby put ur love to the test,u know u got to,Express Urself.


    Haha icon_confused.gif
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    Jul 15, 2012 4:35 PM GMT
    Then stop being with your boyfriend.
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    Jul 15, 2012 4:37 PM GMT
    tenn2622 saidHe doesn't like making out at the club.

    Also, the whole thing is...he is my first boyfriend and sex. I haven't had that "slutty" phase. I don't want to be sleeping around with other guys, just being able to dance with other guys and maybe make out is all.
    ..

    Then go for it !!.. Just realize there are consequences..
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    Jul 15, 2012 9:05 PM GMT
    Im glad you're not my bf icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 15, 2012 9:14 PM GMT
    tenn2622 saidHe doesn't like making out at the club.

    Also, the whole thing is...he is my first boyfriend and sex. I haven't had that "slutty" phase. I don't want to be sleeping around with other guys, just being able to dance with other guys and maybe make out is all.


    I think it is permissible within gay culture. I have made out with a guy on the dance floor and my boyfriend who demands monogamy was cool with it. Same goes with greeting type kissing. I haven't figure when it the appropriate time to initiate it yet but I go with the flow.
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    Jul 15, 2012 10:40 PM GMT
    I think the red flag is that he won't "let" you join a gym.

    Sounds like he has both security and control issues!
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    Jul 16, 2012 6:43 AM GMT
    tenn2622 saidHe doesn't like making out at the club.

    Also, the whole thing is...he is my first boyfriend and sex. I haven't had that "slutty" phase. I don't want to be sleeping around with other guys, just being able to dance with other guys and maybe make out is all.


    Everyone needs to have a "slutty" phase icon_evil.gif. Just be safe. It's sort of like a gay coming of age thing icon_razz.gif. Then, you can settle down.
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    Jul 16, 2012 7:19 AM GMT
    running11 and ohboy have it down. You should be sharing these feelings with your boyfriend instead of everyone here.

    There is no "slutty phase" that universally happens among all gay men. You do not "need" one. Those are simply excuses for immaturity and lack of self-control, neither of which are great for any sort of adult undertaking, including having a relationship.

    Oh, and you should keep in mind that there are some truly vindictive people out there. The consequences of cheating might be more than you bargain for. I think, before you allow yourself the liberty of violating his trust, you should make absolutely certain you clear the air on the matter for your own sake, if you don't have the integrity to consider his.

    http://rollingout.com/culture/revenge-6-tales-to-scare-cheaters-straight/
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    Jul 16, 2012 7:29 AM GMT
    I hope you are a better person than this and having this kind of thoughts. I hope you will re-consider and consider not to act on this mere meaningless fun. You will regret it bud. Cheers.
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    Jul 16, 2012 7:45 AM GMT
    You're young, dumb, and full of cum. Until you've slept around with other guys and got it out of your system, you will have the desire to do so until you get to the point where it isn't rewarding anymore.

    It's certainly not fair that you are being with some poor guy out of habit and not because you want to be with him anymore. Grow a pair and become single? Are you afraid of being alone? Just be friends with him. Young guys want to explore and have to 'sow their wild oats.'
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    Jul 16, 2012 7:46 AM GMT
    principal0 saidrunning11 and ohboy have it down. You should be sharing these feelings with your boyfriend instead of everyone here.

    There is no "slutty phase" that universally happens among all gay men. You do not "need" one. Those are simply excuses for immaturity and lack of self-control, neither of which are great for any sort of adult undertaking, including having a relationship.

    Oh, and you should keep in mind that there are some truly vindictive people out there. The consequences of cheating might be more than you bargain for. I think, before you allow yourself the liberty of violating his trust, you should make absolutely certain you clear the air on the matter for your own sake, if you don't have the integrity to consider his.

    http://rollingout.com/culture/revenge-6-tales-to-scare-cheaters-straight/


    How prudish. You'll just end up a cheater eventually.
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    Jul 16, 2012 8:12 AM GMT
    bluey2223 said
    principal0 saidrunning11 and ohboy have it down. You should be sharing these feelings with your boyfriend instead of everyone here.

    There is no "slutty phase" that universally happens among all gay men. You do not "need" one. Those are simply excuses for immaturity and lack of self-control, neither of which are great for any sort of adult undertaking, including having a relationship.

    Oh, and you should keep in mind that there are some truly vindictive people out there. The consequences of cheating might be more than you bargain for. I think, before you allow yourself the liberty of violating his trust, you should make absolutely certain you clear the air on the matter for your own sake, if you don't have the integrity to consider his.

    http://rollingout.com/culture/revenge-6-tales-to-scare-cheaters-straight/


    How prudish. You'll just end up a cheater eventually.


    Eh, I think you have no basis to begin claiming you know what I will or won't do. It isn't as if I've lived without temptation, but I rose above it. I would sooner end a relationship than cheat.

    I understand that people fall in and out of love. I understand that sometimes, while we are in a relationship, we make a connection with someone else that we cannot deny. However when there is a change in your feelings, it is incumbent upon you to express those changes before acting.

    That's really not much of a restriction - it simply means you must agree to consider the other person, and be willing to have difficult but honest conversations. Being in a relationship, to me, means you can't be a moral coward.