Should I live in my hometown?

  • EricS1988

    Posts: 3

    Jul 14, 2012 7:23 PM GMT
    I hate to be one of those guys who makes an account just to start an advice thread, but I don't know who else to ask this.

    I'm getting ready to interview for an engineering job that I think really matches my interests and career aspirations. The only thing not to like about this place is that it's in my home town, about 5 minutes away from my parents home where I grew up (though I would not live there if I end up getting the job). I love spending time with my family, but they don't know that I'm gay. Coming out to them would be very traumatic to everyone involved and is something I'd like to postpone for now.

    Currently, I live alone, several hours from where I grew up. This arrangement has allowed me start meeting guys for the first time, but I don't like the job I moved here for and I know I want to move elsewhere.

    But I feel like if I lived near my parents, I'd have to be constantly sneaking around behind their backs and worrying about them finding out who I'm with and where I'm going and stuff. The small suburban town is full of friends and acquaintances of myself and my parents, so I'd have to be paranoid about people telling my parents about where they saw me, etc. Also, I think that when I do come out to them, it might be helpful to be able to put some distance between us during the time they will certainly need to process it.

    Has anyone had a similar experience? I'd hate to turn down a job I really like for this reason without discussing it with someone first. Thanks.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 14, 2012 7:27 PM GMT
    You are a grown man and you should be able to set your limits and have your parents respect yours. WY is a hard place to be out, but that is part of being a man.

    If WY is too small minded, move to Denver.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 14, 2012 7:35 PM GMT
    you should do whatever you want to do and follow your heart.

    don't ask these sheepish, socially retarded people for advice - you're sure to regret it if you take their advice.
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    Jul 14, 2012 8:15 PM GMT
    Don't do it. Aside from the coming out part, I feel that one needs separation from home and work. One time I decided to move closer to work to cut down on my 1+ hour commutes. Big mistake. I actually moved a few blocks away from the office. I just felt like I was always at work because I was in the same vicinity.

    Anyways, in your case, I think you should try to find a place that's a comfortable commuting distance from work. This will allow you to have that separation from work and let you socialize/date other guys.
  • EricS1988

    Posts: 3

    Jul 15, 2012 5:48 PM GMT
    Thanks for the input. Unfortunately, it's not really a matter of how far away I live from work, since if I took the job, I'd end up living in the area to some extent or the other, and all the same problems would be present. I'm leaning towards not going for it, which strangely makes me hope I don't get the job offer.
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    Jul 15, 2012 6:34 PM GMT
    Unless that's the only job you get, take a job where you don't have to look over your shoulder!!!
  • Havasu

    Posts: 135

    Jul 15, 2012 6:42 PM GMT
    Take the job. Wherever you go, there you are.
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    Jul 15, 2012 7:29 PM GMT
    Yes, it is seriously stupid to turn down a job you really like for this reason. It creates a precedent in your life that you don't want going forward.

    You're making decisions about your life based on other people's opinions, which is stupid. Worse, you don't even know what their opinion is. You are making assumptions about their opinions and then basing your decisions around those assumptions.

    Take the job if you are offered it. Work for a year or two. Keep applying at other companies. Move when you have the opportunity to move.
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    Jul 15, 2012 7:32 PM GMT
    The thought of coming out as being traumatic to others just makes me lmao sorry hahaha
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2613

    Jul 15, 2012 7:44 PM GMT
    A very difficult choice to face. My advice would be to take the job and do the best you can until a move becomes possible. How many people put up with second rate jobs that are dead end and unfulfilling?

    This may be a cliche, but I think you should go for it, grab life while you can, and be brave.

    I faced a similar decision in my twenties and turned down an excellent job, which I now regret as though it would have been difficult at first to have a career and a private life, in the long run the job would have been a liberation for me, taught me how to stand on my own two feet, and face the world without fear.

    It`s one of the few regrets I have in my life.
  • unicoman1

    Posts: 822

    Jul 15, 2012 7:51 PM GMT
    I had that choice to make.. and I followed my heart.. I decided to live and work in the same town the was born and raised in.. I have not regretted the choice and am thankful as well as family is thankful I chose what I chose

    Good Luck to you!
  • EricS1988

    Posts: 3

    Jul 17, 2012 3:16 AM GMT
    Thanks to everyone who offered sincere advice. I'll continue to think about it. I'll post an update when I know what's going to happen, but these things can take months to pan out.