I had sex with other guy and I told my "boyfriend"

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    Aug 06, 2008 8:46 PM GMT
    I need some advises, Im lost, I met this boy from france on facebook one day, usually I dont replay to people who live across the Atlantic Ocean since, its kinda meaninful, theres a 99.99999% of chances youll never see him, but this boy was extremedly sweet and I just coudnt help it.

    We started talking every single day and every day we liked each others personalities much more than day before, I know it sounds stupid but it was happening. We started feeling something for each other(ok i know is hilarious but please let me finish, thanks), till one day I put on my facebook that i was in a relationship with him. He was so happy about that, that it made me happy too, after that every single day we started saying the most beautiful things ever to each other and then talking about what we were gonna do to meet up and be together, which was a problem of course FRANCE ------> Canada....follow the arrow and swim? I was really happy with him, just talking but I knew that probably i wont be able to see him in 2 years or so.

    Then this week this guy came from the states, he called me, we hanged out, and we had a great time together, and well yeah you can guess how it ended.

    3 days after i was speaking to my "boyfriend" and after asking a lot of things i finally told him that i had sex with other guy cause i wanned to be honest with him, and he "broke-up" with me!, he sais the way wee see love is different, I tried so much to explain my self but he didnt understand it,

    Guys, do you think I did something wrong? I wouldnt have done this if he were with me here in canada but this was not the case...icon_confused.gif
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    Aug 06, 2008 8:56 PM GMT
    Charlitos did you make a commitment to your friend in France to be faithful, even though you had not been intimate (I think I got that right)? If so then I am afraid I would not be surprised that he cut the "relationship".

    Now if monogamy, even virtual monogamy, was not discussed then I think it is a bit harsh for him to dump you. If he really cares for you then he should be a bit more flexible, after all it is not as if you are living together, or see each other on an ongoing basis.

    BTW this is a unique situation to me, and I thought I had heard it all in 22+ years.
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    Aug 06, 2008 9:58 PM GMT
    I never met him, but yeah we did speak on the phone, every single day we used to spend like hours just chatting, since the hour is different he used to wake up early in the morning and I was staying up late at night so we could talk a little. It was a nice feeling, and i know how stupid sounds, I just felt good with it, but I didnt take it that serious, I realized it was THAT serious when he just made a big deal out of what I did with the other guy, then I felt like shit I didnt know what to do I apologized with him 10000 times for nothing, so its like i dont know, I already gave up on it, as many of you think I DO consider is a waste of time, but dammit, it felt good, and i was considering to travel to France.
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    Aug 06, 2008 10:14 PM GMT
    Ok, I'll be the ass here and say the first thing that comes to everyone else's mind after they read this post...ARE YOU FOR REAL?! Regardless of the "feelings" you have for someone who lives an ocean's length away, it's nothing but a fantasy. I can understand if you two were in all actuality meeting tomorrow and you had hooked up with this guy, but come on. You even said it yourself, there's a 99.999999999% chance the two of you would ever meet.
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    Aug 06, 2008 10:16 PM GMT
    muchmorethanmuscle said
    You've never even met this guy. He could be fake, several hundred pounds bigger than what his pics show. He could have incredible body odor, the worst dragon breath, etc. These things may sound superficial but these things matter when you meet someone in person for the first time in real life.


    Lol, no man, he was real, he was NOT built, he was NOT hot, he was just really cute and tender, thats why i was so interested, and why i took my time with him.

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    Aug 06, 2008 10:19 PM GMT
    HighVoltageGuy saidOk, I'll be the ass here and say the first thing that comes to everyone else's mind after they read this post...ARE YOU FOR REAL?! Regardless of the "feelings" you have for someone who lives an ocean's length away, it's nothing but a fantasy. I can understand if you two were in all actuality meeting tomorrow and you had hooked up with this guy, but come on. You even said it yourself, there's a 99.999999999% chance the two of you would ever meet.


    Believe me ive heard that so many times, and im so aware of it, but I dont know, its like when you play the lotery(i dont but it can illustrate the example), you KNOW it wont happen right? But then why you do it?
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    Aug 06, 2008 10:21 PM GMT
    I can't believe you're even posting this forum. Scum.
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    Aug 06, 2008 10:24 PM GMT
    charlitos said
    HighVoltageGuy saidOk, I'll be the ass here and say the first thing that comes to everyone else's mind after they read this post...ARE YOU FOR REAL?! Regardless of the "feelings" you have for someone who lives an ocean's length away, it's nothing but a fantasy. I can understand if you two were in all actuality meeting tomorrow and you had hooked up with this guy, but come on. You even said it yourself, there's a 99.999999999% chance the two of you would ever meet.


    Believe me ive heard that so many times, and im so aware of it, but I dont know, its like when you play the lotery(i dont but it can illustrate the example), you KNOW it wont happen right? But then why you do it?


    Touché! All in all, your experience up to this point has given you insight into what you're really looking for in a person. Everything else, is just relative.
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    Aug 06, 2008 10:24 PM GMT
    Um thats like when I posted I was "married" to my fag hag on facebook, it was a joke. I think you need to really look into having a real relationship...this was not one of them.
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    Aug 06, 2008 10:30 PM GMT
    Chuy2010 saidUm thats like when I posted I was "married" to my fag hag on facebook, it was a joke. I think you need to really look into having a real relationship...this was not one of them.


    Ive had enough REAL relationships believe me, but seriously its hard to find what you look for in a guy, and when you think you can get that, you just like it, that was it.
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    Aug 06, 2008 10:30 PM GMT
    You wanted to be "honest" with your so called "boyfriend"??? Well, maybe that should have started that BEFORE you were talking to someone else EVERY day and starting to have feelings, however trivial. And the fact that you went behind your boyfriend's back and eventually met and slept with this other guy.....complete scum, deceitful, and just plain dirty. You get what you deserve.
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    Aug 06, 2008 10:43 PM GMT
    VineyardHmo saidYou wanted to be "honest" with your so called "boyfriend"??? Well, maybe that should have started that BEFORE you were talking to someone else EVERY day and starting to have feelings, however trivial. And the fact that you went behind your boyfriend's back and eventually met and slept with this other guy.....complete scum, deceitful, and just plain dirty. You get what you deserve.


    thanks Vine, thats exactly what i was needing to hear right now.
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    Aug 06, 2008 10:49 PM GMT
    Not my problem. What the hell did you want to hear???? You f'ed up...pay the consequence.
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    Aug 06, 2008 10:51 PM GMT
    It does kind of sound like you wanted the best of both worlds. It's easy to get caught up in the romantic or "grass is greener" aspect of meeting someone so far away. But, you took it further and implied he was someone special or worth waiting for and was your boyfriend - you even changed your online status to "in a relationship".
    That, obviously, meant more to him than you.

    To say it wouldn't have happened if he were in Canada is a cop-out - you're justifying your actions after the fact. Obviously, you know you were in the wrong or you wouldn't have posted the thread. It doesn't make you a bad person or "scum", to me it just means that you really weren't taking the "relationship" as something real. Maybe you liked the attention and the feeling he gave you. Someone else said it, but it's probably better to stick to actually having a boyfriend you know in person.
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    Aug 06, 2008 10:52 PM GMT
    "Scum" totally fits
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    Aug 06, 2008 10:56 PM GMT
    I think you're being a little harsh Vine. No one died.
  • dcarm

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    Aug 06, 2008 11:02 PM GMT
    Charlitos,

    I can see how your 'bf' might feel hurt or betrayed. Vine is probably attacking a bit harder than the situation warrants, though.

    I understand how you can develop feelings for someone over the internet, because I've had it happen to me. Unfortunately, I have to tell you that those feelings never ended well. Typically, there was a lot of heartache on my end because I felt more for the other person than they felt for me.

    Had there been any communication about the "rules" of your relationship? If not, then who knows what the right thing was. A lot of people do and will presume though, that "In a relationship" quite probably implies fidelity. Given that this is not a typical relationship though, I think he should have cut you a little bit of slack. When/How were you planning on meeting up?

    Regardless of what you want to hear (that you didn't do anything wrong) you need to hear the truth. (that you might have done something wrong, but it's hardly surprising given the situation and a lack of clear ground rules)

    Shorthanded? You're probably partly to blame for the bf feeling hurt, but really, so is he.
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    Aug 06, 2008 11:06 PM GMT
    All I can say is, that's what you get man!!
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    Aug 06, 2008 11:14 PM GMT
    You know what, although you gave in and had sex with another guy besides the one you were primarily interested in you also were honest in telling your friend in France about it -- and that to me at least speaks volumes. A typical scumbag would probably have done what you did with the guy that called you up in addition to several other men from who knows elsewhere. Then on top of that, he wouldn't have told the guy he was stringing along across in France about it either to keep things cozy and fine there. BUT your conscience or something else in you made you come clean to him. Unfortunately, your truthfulness does little to console him with the fact that there was some infidelity in this 'relationship' between the two of you on your part (although he might have been as well but based on his rather negative reaction towards your disclosure I would not have guessed so).

    The important thing to ask is if you have learned something out of this, either from the strains associated with having a long-distance relationship and the trust needed on both sides or just that if you desire to be in a relationship with someone in particular then sacrifices would need to be incurred in terms of who else you might be otherwise interested in. While there are some things in life you get no second chances with, I believe in this case you will definitely have another opportunity to go through this again, if you choose, and decide to take a different outcome.
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    Aug 06, 2008 11:41 PM GMT
    I think the only thing you did wrong was to start a relationship with someone via facebook. Like pets be serious.... I'm sure you had lots of butterflies and stuff, but be honest with yourself. Where was this "relationship" really going?
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    Aug 06, 2008 11:56 PM GMT
    VineyardHmo saidYou wanted to be "honest" with your so called "boyfriend"??? Well, maybe that should have started that BEFORE you were talking to someone else EVERY day and starting to have feelings, however trivial. And the fact that you went behind your boyfriend's back and eventually met and slept with this other guy.....complete scum, deceitful, and just plain dirty. You get what you deserve.


    I think you misread the original post. His "boyfriend" was someone that lived in France, he'd never met, but talked to every day and had feelings for. The only "boyfriend" part about it was the listing on his Facebook page.

    The guy he slept with was someone that was visiting Canada from the US and presumably only hung out with him a couple of days before sleeping with him.

    I'm gathering that charlitos didn't really have a substantial relationship going with either person.
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    Aug 07, 2008 12:07 AM GMT
    danielryan saidI think the only thing you did wrong was to start a relationship with someone via facebook. Like pets be serious.... I'm sure you had lots of butterflies and stuff, but be honest with yourself. Where was this "relationship" really going?


    I dont really know, and guys is not like I was not taking serious, I was trying to be realistic. I was born absolutly stupid when it comes to feelings, but somehow every relationship Ive been through just gets me colder and "exeptic", its like I just that sometimes I dont believe that I could find a worthy guy out there. But I was really making plans with this guy, I PUT IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH (MALE NAME HERE) on my facebook, and i was inside the closet for my family, this means my decision to tell my dad I was gay was because of this, I had his picture on my celphone background for gods sake, I was really into him, but its like "Ok Carlos what if he is saying all those things but at the end he doesnt really mean it? How can you be sure he is gonna wait for you?" I was just trying not to make the same mistakes ive made before with REAL guys i though they were really feeling something for me and they were just ass and unfortunatly i guess that made of me an ass by association.

    When he told me how bad he felt with what I did, I didnt know what to do, in that moment I realized how much he "loved" and whatever he was feeling for me, and I had the worst day ever, I had headaches the whole day and I had to leave the office early and come home and stay on the bed staring at the ceiling like a vegetable.

    We never put rules as RULES, I seriously Ive never cheated a bf in my life, cause when I have a bf I really feel something for him, from that moment on you can be as hot as you like to be, im just not interested. But how could I be sure of a person who lives in France, I didnt know if I was just putting myself too much on this, so I did it, but still I felt bad after and I told him.
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    Aug 07, 2008 12:29 AM GMT
    You don't have to be perfect to not cheat on someone...he is obviously feeling guilty over f'ing around with another guy...I couldn't care less if was with someone overseas or not. And no, I would never cheat on another person if we were both committed to each other...overseas or otherwise. So in that instance, I am perfect. If you can't contain your urges then I suggest you not get in a relationship....long-distance, internet related, or otherwise.

    And muchmore...you can take my used tampon and shove it up your ass. ;-)
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    Aug 07, 2008 12:34 AM GMT

    Why did you tell him? Forget being honest, the odds were 99.99999% against him ever finding out! Don't get me wrong, I believe in exclusive relationships, but it is sorta hard to have one when an ocean seperates you and your man. It's really nice to have internet boyfriends, I have several, but they know that when I log off, life goes on. I cherish their affection, and I know they light a torch for me, one, I'm grateful they extinguish when needed, wouldn't want them singeing any motel room curtains.icon_razz.gif



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    Aug 07, 2008 1:08 AM GMT
    I have two long term relationships going. I live with one, and the other lives in Moscow. He has been to Oz, this is where we meet, while the other was home in the USA for 6 months.

    Now both know of each other, and did right from the start!

    Now I have never talked about what I do sexually, or when I do it, or whom I do it with; one finds this kind of talk to common. But One will say, one lives a chaste life, so the foundations of my relationships are not founded on sex!

    So at the same time. I don't want too hear what they may do, or get up to. Discretion is the word. Also with one of my men being in Moscow, I do not expect him too be chase! But I don't want to hear if his done something, or someone, and never have. The same goes for the guy I've lived with for over 15 years.

    it works foe us, and I love both of my men, albeit for different reasons, and they are two diffrent people.