The dating scene; when should feelings come into play??

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 15, 2012 3:06 PM GMT
    Don't really have anyone to talk to so hoping for some honest feedback. I'm going on dates with a guy who I really like to be around. I get the feeling he likes the dates as well since he keeps planning future ones. Tonight I was working and noticed his replies a bit short. We met on grindr (which I'm starting to loathe, It sucks how available people are nowadays). And his account shows he is (and has been all night I guess) 3 miles away. Of course, being newly single, I assume he's at a guys place. Oh, when we chat, he is at home usually, which shows 8 miles away. It's only been a few dates and nothing more than a kiss goodnight has happened between us. So should I feel jealous/hurt about this? I wish I wouldn't have noticed. Advice is appreciated

    J
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 15, 2012 4:17 PM GMT
    Sounds like feelings have already come into play. You'll have to talk to him about where it's going... If he's not interested that will surely scare him away, but at least you'll have your answer.
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    Jul 15, 2012 4:18 PM GMT
    You can't ask someone how to feel, because, just as you feel pain when you touch something hot, it's automatic and inevitable. If you feel jealous/hurt, then it's better to embrace those feelings, while acknowledging the fact that it's an open game until both of you guys decide to commit to each other.

    I don't know how many dates you guys have been on, but I have a feeling that you probably haven't spent enough time with him to really know him. Crush is a dangerous thing because it can often blind us from getting the REAL impression of someone. You don't want to jump into a relationship without really knowing someone.
  • Cdnontherun

    Posts: 69

    Jul 15, 2012 4:34 PM GMT
    I understand the desire to not get hurt so we want to know where "this" is going, but maybe we talk things to death. It sounds like you guys have fun when you go out and that you like each other's company. Is that not enough? You are dating not deciding whether you're having children. Maybe you should date someone else too and take some of the pressure off of this relationship. Personally, I would probably run if someone was already starting to asking me to define a relationship that was just in the dating stages. Just because you are dating someone and may have some feelings for them doesn't necessarily mean you are getting married. In short, relax.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 15, 2012 4:43 PM GMT
    This guy is probably playing the field..and so should you..and yes you can play the field without be a skank...like me..icon_eek.gif...icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 15, 2012 4:43 PM GMT
    I think feelings should come into play when the numbness wears off.
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    Jul 19, 2012 9:33 AM GMT
    From what you've said- if he's newly single you may just be a distraction. Feelings can come into play very quickly if there is a strong connection but honest communication is always best.

    There's nothing wrong with saying " we've been seeing each other for so and so many dates , where do you personally see this heading ?"

    You will get your answer hopefully . If its ambiguous and non committal - my advice is to pull back and not pursue. It may be too soon to have a proper relationship but he needs to be direct and honest about that. And not play games or keep you guessing .

    Ambivilence does no one good at all.

    If he's with other guys then I think that means you are an option, not a priority.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2012 5:09 AM GMT
    thanks everyone (mostly lol) Feedback was great. Took it all, did some thinking and came up with a great conclusion. Again, thanks for reading and commenting! icon_biggrin.gif
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jul 20, 2012 5:32 AM GMT
    met on grindr- that should have told you not to let any feelings besides safe sex enter your grey mattericon_idea.gificon_idea.gificon_idea.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2012 5:44 AM GMT



    BUT SERIOUSLY I don't start feeling like I "love" a guy until about a couple weeks of dating and getting to know each other. I like to move slow, but that may just be me ;)