Ex-Doing Porn

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 15, 2012 11:38 PM GMT
    I don't usually post anything but this is so bizarre that i just have to vent and get some opinions, maybe this has happen to someone else here.

    So, a quick back story, i dated this guy last year, we were great together, awesome chemistry, great conversations, and quite a lovable relationship. We made it official after a couple of months of dating and were together for around 6 months. Went home for Christmas and once i am back he breaks up with me because he doesn't have time for a relationship because of all the shit happening in his life [he had a lot of troubles, lost his job, bad relationship with his parents, no money, no college education, etc.] which i understand but it pissed me off that he broke up with me ON A FUCKING EMAIL!!!! stupid coward.

    Fast forward to two weeks after that, i'm working on my thesis and he send me a long ass message telling me he loves me and made a horrible mistake and blah blah blah, my answer "you made a decision now stand behind it"

    A month ago around my bday he send me another message telling me how important i was for him and all the awesome things i did for him and how grateful he was to meet me and realize what is like to be with someone who really loves you [he was in very fucked up relationships before] and thathe is going through a lot of shit. Fine, i really used to love him so i call him to check if he is ok and stuff, not as a boyfriend or lover, but as a friend, he tell me of all the bad things that happen, i listen, confort him and i'm done, the boyfriend door is closed for me so i just reach as a friend, and i could tell he was disappointed.

    Now, today i wake up and he send me a message with a link telling me that i should check him out some time and a stupid wink face, i though it would be a blog, or something, but no he send me a link to his new fucking porn website account, WTF? How dare you!!! I felt so disrespected and confused, why would you send me that?? First of all i would never pay to see something i got for free, second, i used to love you and care for you, why would you send me a link to a website where strangers can pay you to watch you masturbate and play with toys. Seriously i felt so hurt, i don't know if i am just sad because that is not something i wanted for him, after all, i truly loved him and wanted the best for him, but all his plans fell apart and he ended up in this. Or if i am pissed that he would send me this like if he thinks i would enjoy watching him selling himself to stranger.

    I just don't get why you would do that to someone you used to love. I don't even judge him for doing porn, i judge him for sending me that stupid link, what the hell i'm suppose to answer to that. urgh.

    Have you guys been in a similar situation??
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    Jul 15, 2012 11:55 PM GMT
    Never happened to me, but then I always ask guys when we meet, "are you a moronic loser?"
    If they say yes, I walk. I'm simple that way.
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    Jul 16, 2012 12:04 AM GMT
    smartmoney saidNever happened to me, but then I always ask guys when we meet, "are you a moronic loser?"
    If they say yes, I walk. I'm simple that way.


    sadly i think some don't realize they are! lol
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    Jul 16, 2012 12:52 AM GMT
    Maybe, because you might've found out on your own, he preferred to break the news to you himself. Would you have felt better had he lied to you?

    I was incredibly naive through most of my twenties and when I moved to New York City one of my first and best friends was, though a year younger, very street smart, born and bred in Manhattan. We were passing a coffee shop on Eighth Avenue in Chelsea and he stopped to say hello to someone who he introduced as his current boyfriend, a muscular young guy who was seated with a gentleman in his sixties. As naive as I was, I assumed "escort!" and thought of my friend "love is blind!" but with nothing substantiated said nothing. A week later my friend showed me a porn magazine (that someone had presumably alerted him to) with a younger, twinkier version of his muscle stud and said that he'd confronted his boyfriend about it, showing him that all the birthmarks lined up, and only then did the boyfriend confess that he'd done porn magazines several years before. But the boyfriend proclaimed that his porn life had since ended and he was legit, so my friend took him back. Now I don't know if because of him porn was on his mind but on another stroll down Eighth Avenue he suddenly felt compelled to browse a porn shop (now a cheese shop, ironic, eh?). I swear I'd never set foot in one before but as my eyes scanned over the wall of videotape titles I spotted something and called my friend over. "Isn't that your friend? I asked and damned if it was. The cover of a box under "new releases" (no pun intended) featured a very current picture of the now-jacked boyfriend. So much for my naivete and my friend's street smarts. Given the exposure of this second lie that relationship was over. I don't think he even considered that the boyfriend might have been escorting while they were dating. Btw, that friend now runs a fashion empire and I brunched with him last week on - you guessed it! Eighth Avenue in Chelsea.
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    Jul 16, 2012 12:58 AM GMT
    lol. just lol. i have nothing else to say
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    Jul 16, 2012 1:03 AM GMT
    He probably didn't think you'd be hurt by it. My guess is that he's not much of a mind reader.
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    Jul 16, 2012 1:41 AM GMT
    eagermuscle saidMaybe, because you might've found out on your own, he preferred to break the news to you himself. Would you have felt better had he lied to you?

    I was incredibly naive through most of my twenties and when I moved to New York City one of my first and best friends was, though a year younger, very street smart, born and bred in Manhattan. We were passing a coffee shop on Eighth Avenue in Chelsea and he stopped to say hello to someone who he introduced as his current boyfriend, a muscular young guy who was seated with a gentleman in his sixties. As naive as I was, I assumed "escort!" and thought of my friend "love is blind!" but with nothing substantiated said nothing. A week later my friend showed me a porn magazine (that someone had presumably alerted him to) with a younger, twinkier version of his muscle stud and said that he'd confronted his boyfriend about it, showing him that all the birthmarks lined up, and only then did the boyfriend confess that he'd done porn magazines several years before. But the boyfriend proclaimed that his porn life had since ended and he was legit, so my friend took him back. Now I don't know if because of him porn was on his mind but on another stroll down Eighth Avenue he suddenly felt compelled to browse a porn shop (now a cheese shop, ironic, eh?). I swear I'd never set foot in one before but as my eyes scanned over the wall of videotape titles I spotted something and called my friend over. "Isn't that your friend? I asked and damned if it was. The cover of a box under "new releases" (no pun intended) featured a very current picture of the now-jacked boyfriend. So much for my naivete and my friend's street smarts. Given the exposure of this second lie that relationship was over. I don't think he even considered that the boyfriend might have been escorting while they were dating. Btw, that friend now runs a fashion empire and I brunched with him last week on - you guessed it! Eighth Avenue in Chelsea.


    from porn shop to cheese shop? LOL. I wonder if it is the same owner.

    And yeah, who knows, maybe he wanted to let me know but to be fairly honest i don't think i would have ever found out by myself, neither would i have care if i did, is the stupid message with a wink face what got me kind of angry, is like he was saying, hey you have seen me naked, you can do it again if you want, you just have to pay.

    Been there, done that, and it was free, no reason to go back, i'm not missing much LOL
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    Jul 16, 2012 1:45 AM GMT
    MuchoMasQueMusculo saidConsider yourself lucky that he dumped you. As cowardly as it is to break up with someone in an e-mail, look at it this way. NOW you know he's a coward. If you choose to take him back you're more than likely setting yourself up for more drama.

    Assert yourself and tell him you don't want him contacting you anymore and that any e-mails or phone calls will be deleted without reading/hearing them. Assuming you want him to simply go away, of course.


    Oh there is no taking back, he already try twice and i said no. I don't play those stupid games, if we are over we are over. And i am not answering to his message, why would an ex pay to see you naked, seriously.
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    Jul 16, 2012 7:58 AM GMT
    So, what video site can I see him?
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    Jul 16, 2012 8:05 AM GMT
    I think the issue is so much that he is doing porn.. but moreso is that he sounds like wreck period, and you should be glad to be rid of him.

    Firstly he broke up with YOU..and then gave you reasons as to why he broke up with you which were valid. He was living in desperation. Now, he might be a good guy.. but he's troubled now..and is telling you so.. So after he then casually sent you a link to him jerking off everywhere, with a smiley face AFTER he tried to woo you back to him in the first place, you gotta ask yourself "where is the sense in that?" and there is no sense. So he is an idiot and you are a free man.

    Cut off all contact with the dude and count your blessings.
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    Jul 16, 2012 8:16 AM GMT
    I had a very similar incident though it concerns my ex husband.. I found out he was doing porn a month after he had left me through a text just after he was telling me he was finally getting ahead in life and wanted to rekindle things with me. Like you I said stand by your decision. It broke my heart to see that he went into the porn industry again.
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    Jul 16, 2012 9:44 AM GMT
    If he is just your friend, and you want to keep it that way, why do you really care?
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    Jul 16, 2012 2:09 PM GMT
    volunteering myself as a victim always got me ahead in life icon_smile.gif Poor you.
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    Jul 16, 2012 2:12 PM GMT
    6a01348981d236970c014e8c3c14c8970d-pi
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    Jul 16, 2012 2:37 PM GMT
    Is it me or is this text a "Look At Me Now!" gesture..???..OP..This guy actually thinks he's on the up and up!!..(doing porn..??) And he's rubbing it in your face..!!

    "Movin on up"..
    "To the east side!!"
    "We finally got a piece of the pie" icon_biggrin.gif
  • AMoonHawk

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    Jul 16, 2012 5:08 PM GMT
    Sounds like he's probably been hangin' with people who grew up on the streets or he himself grew up on the streets. Pretty much the same crowd as the drug crowd.

    There is one way to deal with someone you don't want to talk to anymore ... ignore them ... eventually they'll stop contacting you. Everyone's got their own life to live ... if you want, offer him some advice before cutting him off ... but try not to judge too hard ... everyone comes from different backgrounds and mental states. It sounds like you really actually didn't know him all that well. You'll find in life, that there are a lot of people that you find attractive, and then you find out the path they are walking down in life and it sheds a whole different light on who that person is and who they will become, and you really can't save them, even though you might want to. That is something they have to do for themselves.
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    Jul 16, 2012 5:47 PM GMT
    What's wrong with porn? Sounds like HIS ex is the one with hangups. icon_wink.gif
  • Webster666

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    Jul 16, 2012 8:19 PM GMT
    A) I think that you were right to not take him back.
    B) Stop reading his emails.
    C) Go out and find someone who deserves you.
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    Jul 16, 2012 8:29 PM GMT
    He sounds like a loser. Dumping you via email says he's also a coward and has no empathy. As for the porn, leave him to the gays that think porn stars are sexy. They deserve him.
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    Jul 16, 2012 8:41 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidWhat's wrong with porn? Sounds like HIS ex is the one with hangups. icon_wink.gif


    That is very restrained for you, Paul. I was expecting, "Can we see?".
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    Jul 16, 2012 8:42 PM GMT
    Arc87 said
    Seriously i felt so hurt, i don't know if i am just sad because that is not something i wanted for him, after all, i truly loved him and wanted the best for him, but all his plans fell apart and he ended up in this. Or if i am pissed that he would send me this like if he thinks i would enjoy watching him selling himself to stranger.



    First thing first. This isn't about you, so don't make it about you. You've made it clear you don't want anything more than friendship from him and, frankly, that's the right decision based on the history as you've described it.

    Now, if he is the one making the choice to doing this, then you have two choices: either be supportive or express your lack of support and let it be. He's not hurting anyone but himself, if he allows it to hurt him. Shit, kudos to him for actually trying to find a way to make money in this day and age instead of robbing and stealing or hurting others.
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    Jul 16, 2012 11:12 PM GMT
    Ex_Mil8 said
    paulflexes saidWhat's wrong with porn? Sounds like HIS ex is the one with hangups. icon_wink.gif


    That is very restrained for you, Paul. I was expecting, "Can we see?".
    The cameraman doesn't need to ask to see it. icon_cool.gif
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    Jul 16, 2012 11:15 PM GMT
    Hey, hey! Look at you! You had sex with someone in porn! That's pretty cool.

    Now, what's the name of his site? I'm doing...um...research on people do porn.
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    Jul 16, 2012 11:28 PM GMT
    uoft23 saidHe sounds like a loser. Dumping you via email says he's also a coward and has no empathy. As for the porn, leave him to the gays that think porn stars are sexy. They deserve him.


    haha i know someone who totally thinks porn stars walk on water lol
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    Jul 16, 2012 11:40 PM GMT
    venue35 saidmaybe now he'll have money for a college education


    that was my first thought..