I think he may be boyfriend material...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 06, 2008 11:47 PM GMT
    I need the help of the RJ Community. I'll try to keep this short but there are a lot of details I don't want to leave out.

    I'm very recently out and until now have only really dated women. I'm tired of the hook-ups and ready for something a little more solid. I met "Eric" online on a traditional hook up site. His profile, like mine, was very non-sexual and we started chatting. We had the typical, no pressure coffee date/meeting and really hit it off. There was a lot of chemistry and the topic of sex did not even come up (very refreshing).

    We're going out tomorrow (Thursday 8/7) and I really want it to go well. We're going for dinner and drinks. I don't want to blow this (pause for laughter). I'm hot for him but I don't want this to be only about sex.

    If you're still reading after this rambling I would love to hear any advice or cautionary tales.

    Thanks boys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 12:25 AM GMT
    P.S. I haven't been back on the site since then. If he's on I don't want to see him there and I don't want him to see me and think I'm still on the prowl.
  • joeindallas

    Posts: 484

    Aug 07, 2008 12:31 AM GMT
    WISE ASS go out have a good time
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    Aug 07, 2008 1:58 AM GMT
    Well, if he's not on the same site and on the prowl, and you're not either. It sounds promising. So far, all my "test cases" have gone right back to the web even though they kept on seeing me. It's not a good sign.
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    Aug 07, 2008 2:01 AM GMT
    Wiseass1976 saidI need the help of the RJ Community. I'll try to keep this short but there are a lot of details I don't want to leave out.

    I'm very recently out and until now have only really dated women. I'm tired of the hook-ups and ready for something a little more solid. I met "Eric" online on a traditional hook up site. His profile, like mine, was very non-sexual and we started chatting. We had the typical, no pressure coffee date/meeting and really hit it off. There was a lot of chemistry and the topic of sex did not even come up (very refreshing).

    We're going out tomorrow (Thursday 8/7) and I really want it to go well. We're going for dinner and drinks. I don't want to blow this (pause for laughter). I'm hot for him but I don't want this to be only about sex.

    If you're still reading after this rambling I would love to hear any advice or cautionary tales.

    Thanks boys.


    Try to have some fun... be relaxed. Don't think ahead. You're not going to have kids and a family with this man---- yet... so enjoy your time together.

    Most important of all.... just.... freaking...stop... thinking.... about.... everything.. to do with the relationship.

    And never say I love you in the first 4 weeks.

    Don't sleep with him in the first 3 dates.... make him wait for 2 weeks if you can.

    Don't gush, don't cling, dont be too aloof, don't talk about exes...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 2:02 AM GMT
    If you don't want it to be all about sex, don't have sex on your first real date.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 2:12 AM GMT
    dont worry so much, or overthink things. Relax. do enjoy yourself and he will enjoy himself
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 2:21 AM GMT
    Sorry but think of where you met him, a hook up site not RJ or Myspace or Facebook. If it was manhunt you're prob not his only date this week.

    Not sure if it makes sense but be realistic, Id say youre more likely to have it go from sex to fuckbuddy to bf than a more traditional route cuz of where you met. If you tell him you want a bf up front he'll run....not sure he cares if you're on the site or not. Sorry.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 2:42 AM GMT
    Just go on the date and relax. If you're too tense he'll pick up on that.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 07, 2008 2:44 AM GMT
    I agree with the above posts, most of all enjoy yourself.

    I understand your are probably going to be a little nervous (at least about things going reasonably). My suggestion is to talk about some meaningful things to you.. don't overdo it, but certainly some topics that are important to you. It is so important that you click on a personal level (not just sexual chemistry).
    If he is really interested in getting to know you, it will be communicated.

    Good luck with it.. I think you have the right approach and I applaud your quality efforts.

    Do keep us informed!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 3:19 AM GMT
    Thanks for the feedback guys. Everyone is keeping me optimistic. Chuy2010 - you're keeping me realistic icon_biggrin.gif.

    I'm going to just relax and go with it. I just have really high hopes.
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    Aug 07, 2008 3:31 AM GMT
    I agree with the notions to be yourself. One thing I would suggest is to do something few people are capable of. Take a real interest in him and his life. Ask questions because they seem natural not because you reheresed a list of questions. Very few people are capable of being 100% in the moment of someone else. If you can make him the only person in the world during this date, you got a good chance with him. Avoid having to tell all your tales in response to each of his. Instead of forming your own stories in response ask him questions about, dig deeper, find out who he is and what's important to him, and why its important and how did those things come to be important. Don't over do this, or make it sound contrived. Simply take a real interest in the person inside that hot body and you will have given him something few are capable of. Careful with this advice - its like TNT - if you are really capable of being 100% in the moment of another person they have a way of falling in love with you, or at least really liking you...don't use it unless you want more to do with him after the date. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 4:14 AM GMT
    Chuy2010> think of where you met him, a hook up site

    True, then again, Wiseass1976 was also there and he is in search of a boyfriend. Hopefully someone out there isn't giving "Eric" the same negative advice about Wiseass1976.... (:

    Good luck tonight!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 4:21 AM GMT
    A hook up site is for hooking up....icon_rolleyes.gif

    If you mention any sort of yearning for a bf he will run just be yourself and keep it casual. And if things move faster put yourself in his place he met you on a hook up site there are certain expectations....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 4:36 AM GMT
    Just to shed some light... there has been no talk of hooking up between us since we've started communicating. I may be naive but I think such a site can be molded to suit your needs if you can weed through everythind else.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 4:56 AM GMT
    Wiseass1976 saidP.S. I haven't been back on the site since then. If he's on I don't want to see him there and I don't want him to see me and think I'm still on the prowl.


    Yeah, I don't get this really. I met a guy on a chat site and now he gets really pissed off if he sees me in there...
    (But... Dude, you're in here too...)
    "Well, I'm just chatting with friends."
    (And what do you think I'm doing???)
    "grumble"
  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    Aug 07, 2008 5:17 AM GMT
    Chuy2010 saidA hook up site is for hooking up....icon_rolleyes.gif

    If you mention any sort of yearning for a bf he will run just be yourself and keep it casual. And if things move faster put yourself in his place he met you on a hook up site there are certain expectations....



    I agree here. Not a great idea to look for love on a hookup site no matter how hard you try to rationalize it. There are plenty of other places to find true love....

    Like here on Realjock.
  • beebeep

    Posts: 3

    Aug 07, 2008 5:22 AM GMT
    YngHungSFSD saidI agree with the notions to be yourself. One thing I would suggest is to do something few people are capable of. Take a real interest in him and his life. Ask questions because they seem natural not because you reheresed a list of questions. Very few people are capable of being 100% in the moment of someone else. If you can make him the only person in the world during this date, you got a good chance with him. Avoid having to tell all your tales in response to each of his. Instead of forming your own stories in response ask him questions about, dig deeper, find out who he is and what's important to him, and why its important and how did those things come to be important. Don't over do this, or make it sound contrived. Simply take a real interest in the person inside that hot body and you will have given him something few are capable of. Careful with this advice - its like TNT - if you are really capable of being 100% in the moment of another person they have a way of falling in love with you, or at least really liking you...don't use it unless you want more to do with him after the date. icon_smile.gif


    Great advice!!!
  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Aug 07, 2008 5:49 AM GMT

    I have been dating a guy for about 6 weeks and we haven't had sex yet...we are SUPER flirty with each other...but we are trying to get to know each other before we "go there"...because once you go there...there's no going back...

    ...we definitely have chemistry and enjoy making out...we are just not in a rush...

    ...enjoy the moment...and don't be afraid to just say "is it possible to hold off on sex until we get to know each other better?"

    - David
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 11:11 AM GMT
    Six weeks!!! What's the secret there?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2008 4:32 AM GMT
    UPDATE: 8/7/08 -- OMG the best second date I've ever had...

    We met up for dinner at this little Italian restaurant in my town. The restaurant has outdoor seating in the back and we were the only ones out there. The food was great but the drinks were better. The conversation flowed and we both had a great time. It is a beautiful summer night in New York and we went for a walk and talked more. We walked around a lake in a beautiful park, stopping to make out every now and then. It was really great. It started to rain so we went back to my car and made out for a little while longer. We both lamented on how we wished it were our THIRD date. We both remained gentleman and went our separate ways.

    Thanks to everyone who offered their advice. I'm on my way to my first significant relationship.

    More details will follow....
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    Aug 08, 2008 4:34 AM GMT
    Congrats Wise!!! Good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2008 4:42 AM GMT
    Days_Of_Our_Lives_Logo.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2008 2:24 PM GMT
    Gays of Our Lives...edit that D for G. Im happy for you if he does want a bf and not just sex...hook up sites for dating who knew?icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2008 2:41 PM GMT
    Take a deep breath..... exhale... and just be yourself.