Over coming social anxiety...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2012 3:15 AM GMT
    I have a real problem being out and about by myself, I dont make friends easily and therefor spend a lot of my time alone. It wasnt as much as an issue when I was younger because I could get a date online, these days though it seems a bit harder to find anyone interested in going out for a meal and a movie and I feel like I might have to put myself out in the real world more (blegh).
  • ChilaxinJOCK0...

    Posts: 1513

    Jul 16, 2012 5:34 AM GMT
    yea man, you really gotta put yourself in social situations and you'll get more and more used to it. Practice makes perfect icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 16, 2012 5:43 AM GMT
    Well the more you go out the more confident you will be at it... Unless you actually have Social Anxiety Disorder which mens going out by yourself into new social situations causes you to have panic attacks and numerous other symptoms then you need to talk to a Dr for med or find ways naturally to help decrease those chances!!!
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    Jul 28, 2012 12:00 PM GMT
    I used to be shy to a fault. I was aware of this, and I just kept putting myself in the middle of things. Push yourself. There a lot to see and do in life, make sure you participate. icon_cool.gif
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    Jul 28, 2012 12:00 PM GMT
    percocet
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    Jul 28, 2012 12:16 PM GMT
    I have the same problem. I've never been overtly social. Unlike the movies, there's not a huge line-up outside my door of people wanting to date me. I even tried going to a club (don't really want to try that again). It's seems almost impossible.
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    Jul 28, 2012 12:26 PM GMT
    It all takes a little bit of work....
    Personally i'm glad it's not so easy to find a date online!
    Anything worth having requires a bit of work...!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 28, 2012 12:31 PM GMT
    You didn't really talk about what you do socially regarding friends and friendships.
    I certainly would encourage you to do more things with friends, where you have interaction with other people.. maybe small social gatherings, where you can meet and greet.. but it doesn't seem overwhelming.

    You might ask.. what does this have to do with getting a date?
    Everything. It could make you much more comfortable interacting with
    other new guys and put you at ease ultimately, when you start dating more.
    Good luck, I know it can be a challenge!
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    Jul 28, 2012 1:58 PM GMT
    Aww, come on, don't be shy, I've got something nice for you...

    a02fc1a3.jpg
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    Jul 28, 2012 3:05 PM GMT
    Address this now (and with a healthcare professional) so that you don't end up a recluse.

    The incidence of male suicides goes up in conjunction with social isolation.

    Try situations with less social pressure such as Meetup social events. You're not there to date, or to find a partner. You're just there to have a good time and meet people with whom you have something in common.
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    Aug 29, 2012 12:13 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidAddress this now (and with a healthcare professional) so that you don't end up a recluse.

    The incidence of male suicides goes up in conjunction with social isolation.

    Try situations with less social pressure such as Meetup social events. You're not there to date, or to find a partner. You're just there to have a good time and meet people with whom you have something in common.


    Yeah, Im already a bit socially isolated, I've always been an introvert, it's just gotten worse lately.
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    Aug 29, 2012 12:36 AM GMT
    I hope you work it out Mike ..
    ..Maybe a positively impactful change might toss a few things in perspective for you?

    .. I read a few threads on volenteer work which i am dying to dive into as soon as i can level a few business decisions on my end..!

    ..Is this something you would should be interested in!?
    ..Work it out Mike..
    I'd love to see you truly happy.. icon_biggrin.gif
    HuGz...and a little Groping?... mmmmhhhhh!
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    Aug 29, 2012 12:49 AM GMT
    I have a pretty bad social anxiety myself. I rather open up in a private setting. It has been getting better over time tho, but I've learned that people who talk too much usually don't care what anybody else has to say. Those who keep quiet are usually better listeners and they leave more to the imagination. icon_razz.gif
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    Aug 29, 2012 10:43 PM GMT
    Just put yourself out there and relax. We have such high expectations, and when these consistently go unmet, it can be disappointing and disorientating.
    However, if you just have the confidence to pick yourself up and try again, then you've won half the battle. Good luck icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 29, 2012 10:48 PM GMT
    Sometimes you have to fake it til you make it! I'm not naturally outgoing myself, but I always force myself to be more talkative and go places even though I'm nervous about it. Now after doing that many times, I feel a lot more comfortable in social situations and it continues to get easier for me.
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    Sep 03, 2012 6:27 PM GMT
    Try to find a friend who is everything you aren't (outgoing, not shy, sociable) it will make things way easier for you. In the meantime while you are trying to find this friend you'll be putting yourself out there and learning what types of social skills people in your area use. It doesn't take much to make friends, but you have to get out there and make the first step. If you aren't sure how to talk to people or be sociable I have a method for you called chaining. This method was taught to me by one of my teachers in college for networking and it has never failed me.

    When you meet someone make eye contact with them and present yourself in a friendly manner. DO NOT over think what you are doing because that can show in your actions. Introduce yourself and then begin chaining. Chaining is where you ask the person a question and then with each answer they give you try to ask something else about that question or ask them another question. You don't do any of the talking, you see how long you can keep that person talking. You use good listening skills like nodding, laughing, and other things that make the person seem interested even if you aren't. I was skeptical of this method but I actually tried it at a few parties I went to. In one situation I ended up leaving the party with the friend I had made and we went to go hangout at his place (He was straight). This may not work for you, but if you feel like coming out of your shell this is a good way to meet people.

    You might end up not liking the person you've chained with but remember, they have friends they can introduce you to.
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    Sep 03, 2012 11:15 PM GMT
    mikeinslc saidI have a real problem being out and about by myself, ...
    That's what smartphones and tablets are for. You can be out and about by yourself, and still be online talking to people. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 03, 2012 11:20 PM GMT
    Drink a lil! That always helps me. Before i go out to a place i've never been, i have a drink or two. Which always relaxes me. Then once im familiar with the ambience of a place i dont have to do it anymore because im already comfortable with the place. Good luck!
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    Sep 03, 2012 11:26 PM GMT
    PittBull_21 saidSometimes you have to fake it til you make it! I'm not naturally outgoing myself, but I always force myself to be more talkative and go places even though I'm nervous about it. Now after doing that many times, I feel a lot more comfortable in social situations and it continues to get easier for me.


    Exactly!!! I use that term a lot. Fake it till you make it. Sometimes you have to just say 'fuck it' and take a chance. Sometimes things don't always go as planned, but oh well. We all aren't perfect. Go out and meet some new people. maybe you will meet no one, maybe you might meet your new BFF.

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    Sep 04, 2012 3:55 AM GMT
    Im in the same boat, so glad someone else finally admitted it. A few drinks DO help, but im not trying to advocate drinking as a coping mechanism. I suggest turning off your phone (or simply leave it in your pocket) because it makes people not want to approach you if all they see in the top of your head and you're not mentally present in the moment. Also, when I get to a place and assess what's going on, think of some random questions to ask people (even though u may not be interested in the answer), people in general love talking about themselves and it gets conversation going and lessens the anxiety because the focus is on them, not you.
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    Sep 05, 2012 11:09 PM GMT
    Social anxiety happens for a lot of people for most of their lives. I've dealt with it in hard ways....Joining a Chamber of Commerce to learn to speak in front of groups to sell my business, Going to different Churches where I don't know anyone and holding hands with the persons next to me. These are all stressful situations. But I guess you learn from them and how to act in other situations.
  • EddieT

    Posts: 93

    Sep 05, 2012 11:23 PM GMT
    I am in the same boat. I realized it's more of a fear of rejection from others, I've always struggled with that concept. When I'm in social situations, I try my best to go with best friends, trying to befriend some of their other friends and hoping I can branch out from there. The ones I've met, I get along with well, but I'm not sure if they're just being nice to not hurt my feelings or not. Because I'm not sure how genuine people are, I'm afraid to make them feel awkward and give me their number or ask them to add me on facebook. I've been in situations where people ask me for my number and I don't feel comfortable giving it to them so I just assume everyone is like that.

  • ac416

    Posts: 273

    Sep 05, 2012 11:27 PM GMT
    My problem wasn't anything major but I found out last year that not dealing with social anxiety can lead to the effects snowballing, and each bad experience will feed the next until you break the pattern. Talk to your dr about ssri's as the meds help but for me the best thing was seeing a therapist. I didn't even need more them 6 sessions. Just help changing my way of thinking and dealing with situations. If money is an issue there's always pay what you can therapist and it really changed my life....just wish I did it sooner!
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    Sep 05, 2012 11:33 PM GMT
    mikeinslc saidI have a real problem being out and about by myself, I dont make friends easily and therefor spend a lot of my time alone. It wasnt as much as an issue when I was younger because I could get a date online, these days though it seems a bit harder to find anyone interested in going out for a meal and a movie and I feel like I might have to put myself out in the real world more (blegh).


    Doesn't make sense...You could get a date online when you were younger......and it's more difficult now because? Regardless, you're going to end up out in the "real world." You're an attractive man. Perhaps a visit to a Dr. of some sort.

    When I was in my early twenties, I used to be uncomfortable in large open spaces. Some things you outgrow. Some things you need to deal with repeatedly using a technique such as systematic desensithization, and others with pharmaceuticals and/or a mixture of therapies..
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    Sep 05, 2012 11:49 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidAww, come on, don't be shy, I've got something nice for you...

    a02fc1a3.jpg


    Awwwww........it's not so bad.....icon_wink.gif