Guy troubles

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2012 6:45 PM GMT
    Hello guys this is my first post and I'm alittle nervous but please bear with me lol but I'm having guy troubles and it's starting to affect my self esteem. I want to meet someone to have a long term relationship but it's been quite difficult. I've tried online sites like manhunt, plenty of fish, grindr(you name it) the bars etc and I find that they don't give me the time of day. On sites like manhunt and grindr I message guys on there and they either 1. Look at my profile and don't respond 2. Exchange couple emails and stop communication 3. Some cases block me. My friends say I'm I'm a good looking man but I'm really starting to think there just saying that to make me feel better and I guess I'm ugly. So I'm hoping I can get some advice and opinions about this and you can be honest but please but respectful. And would you guys date me or see me attractive?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2012 7:10 PM GMT
    Patience ... patience.... take the time to make personal improvements while you are single...!!icon_biggrin.gif
  • synestheticxs...

    Posts: 137

    Jul 16, 2012 8:24 PM GMT
    anocxu is right! I'm learning to do the same thing myself and it's giving me hope. Also, you're pretty cute. So they're not just messing with you or anything.

  • Jul 16, 2012 9:18 PM GMT
    Try meeting people in real life instead of online. Those online services are almost always like Vegas -- what happens online, stays online. Way more people flirt and chat than actually meet in person. Superficial and super frustrating.

    And when I say "real life," I don't mean the bars. I mean by being social, going to parties with friends or joining groups or doing activities that you're interested in. And go into it with the intention of doing that activity, not just using it as a pretext to scope out the available guys, because that'll come off as desperate.

    Your profile says that you live in a major city. If you've got a gay center there, that could be a start. Or maybe there are other gay organizations, like sports, activism or volunteering. Most people in those groups are in them to meet other people too. I was in a pool league for a while to meet other people, but also because I genuinely enjoy playing pool. I made some friends, had a few dates, improved my pool skills and expanded my social circle. Good times!

    So yeah, you won't necessarily meet dateable guys according to your schedule, but the more you're out in the world and among people, the more likely you are to meet a decent human being instead of a judgmental douchebag on Grindr who blocks you.
  • esn158

    Posts: 3

    Jul 16, 2012 9:24 PM GMT
    Go to meetup.com and see if there is a gay meetup group in your city. Or even if you don't want to go to a gay meetup then you can still look at another activity and just go to have fun and meet people even if they aren't gay. In cities where gays are visible everyone has a gay friend or gay brother or gay coworker and can always introduce you.

    Don't worry too much about a relationship. I've never had a boyfriend because I always feel self-conscious when I'm with a guy I like. I worry about if I'm doing too much or not enough and it gets me down. I feel more confident when I'm single and just not thinking about guys as anything but potential friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2012 3:09 AM GMT
    Anocxu saidPatience ... patience.... take the time to make personal improvements while you are single...!!icon_biggrin.gif


    Yeah I guess you're right but sometimes it's hard to be patient lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2012 3:13 AM GMT
    synestheticxserenade saidanocxu is right! I'm learning to do the same thing myself and it's giving me hope. Also, you're pretty cute. So they're not just messing with you or anything.


    :blush: thank you synestheticserenade you're cute as well icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2012 4:11 AM GMT
    Santos_L_Halper saidTry meeting people in real life instead of online. Those online services are almost always like Vegas -- what happens online, stays online. Way more people flirt and chat than actually meet in person. Superficial and super frustrating.

    And when I say "real life," I don't mean the bars. I mean by being social, going to parties with friends or joining groups or doing activities that you're interested in. And go into it with the intention of doing that activity, not just using it as a pretext to scope out the available guys, because that'll come off as desperate.

    Your profile says that you live in a major city. If you've got a gay center there, that could be a start. Or maybe there are other gay organizations, like sports, activism or volunteering. Most people in those groups are in them to meet other people too. I was in a pool league for a while to meet other people, but also because I genuinely enjoy playing pool. I made some friends, had a few dates, improved my pool skills and expanded my social circle. Good times!

    So yeah, you won't necessarily meet dateable guys according to your schedule, but the more you're out in the world and among people, the more likely you are to meet a decent human being instead of a judgmental douchebag on Grindr who blocks you.


    This is very good advice Santos_L_Halper I've considered going to the gay organizations here in Calgary and I haven't done so yet because I'm kinda shy and nervous lol. But it's really hard to meet someone in Calgary since it's a small city, but it's definitely worth a try.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2012 8:09 AM GMT
    elusive saidAnd would you guys date me or see me attractive?
    Not after this thread. You sound like a codependent whiny little bitch. icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2012 8:37 AM GMT
    Just a thought: if you use a name like "elusive" on your profile, it gives people the message that you are a game player rather than being interested in meeting them. I also looked at your profile, and it comes across as a little uninviting. Why not put something on there that tells visitors a little bit about you?

    Online contact will never be a good substitute for real life. Expecting to meet a true love on grindr or manhunt is unrealistic. I'm sure there are exceptions, but those sites are intended more for casual contact rather than serious dating, imo.
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    Jul 17, 2012 8:50 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    elusive saidAnd would you guys date me or see me attractive?
    Not after this thread. You sound like a codependent whiny little bitch. icon_twisted.gif

    Paul are you being a naughty boy again!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2012 1:58 PM GMT
    The more people you meet, the higher the odds get in your favour, elusive.

    ..and don't restrict this to just gay guys. Men and women of all ages and orientations know other people (friends) that are gay guys. icon_wink.gif

  • Jul 17, 2012 3:02 PM GMT
    elusive said
    I've considered going to the gay organizations here in Calgary and I haven't done so yet because I'm kinda shy and nervous lol.


    Believe it or not, you are not the first gay man to be shy or nervous in social situations! Just get out there and be yourself and start meeting people! Being a little nervous with people in real life is much better than putting up a front on Grindr. And eventually that shyness and nervousness will go away, or at least become something that you can control instead of letting it control you.

    Sorry if I seem to be lecturing, but I just think services like Grindr and Manhunt bring out the worst in people. They're fine for looking for a hookup, but I wouldn't expect anything else out of them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2012 4:58 AM GMT
    You should invest in yourself as much as you can while you are single. Spend time in a gym, buy nice things for yourself, do the things that you enjoy doing. Treat yourself well and enjoy life!

    Be confident and don't sell yourself short. I met my boyfriend through a hookup iPhone app - if you are young I think that's one of the best options out there. Good luck!
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Jul 22, 2012 7:15 AM GMT
    atxd13 saidYou should invest in yourself as much as you can while you are single. Spend time in a gym, buy nice things for yourself, do the things that you enjoy doing. Treat yourself well and enjoy life!


    I definitely agree with this. Don't worry about it Elusive. You're only 21, you're young still and you have plenty of time to meet a guy. Just enjoy life and learn about yourself while you are single. And for the record, I think you are quite cute and I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way. So yeah, keep your chin up dude. You'll see.
  • araphael

    Posts: 1148

    Jul 22, 2012 7:30 AM GMT
    [i][i][i][i][i][u][i]
    elusive saidHello guys this is my first post and I'm alittle nervous but please bear with me lol but I'm having guy troubles and it's starting to affect my self esteem. I want to meet someone to have a long term relationship but it's been quite difficult. I've tried online sites like manhunt, plenty of fish, grindr(you name it) the bars etc and I find that they don't give me the time of day. On sites like manhunt and grindr I message guys on there and they either 1. Look at my profile and don't respond 2. Exchange couple emails and stop communication 3. Some cases block me. My friends say I'm I'm a good looking man but I'm really starting to think there just saying that to make me feel better and I guess I'm ugly. So I'm hoping I can get some advice and opinions about this and you can be honest but please but respectful. And would you guys date me or see me attractive?


    There is nothing wrong with you dude. You are a normal black guy living in an abnormal world. There is so much racism from lighter skinned guys from different cultures who have been taught to fear you or be intimidated by you that those kind of guys you meet who you like, and connect with, can't connect with you because they see you as superior to them. Either they are afraid that they have small penises compared to yours (which any medical doctor will tell you is a stereotype and myth as a general rule with human males. No particular ethinic group has a monopoly on big penises, lol), or they are afraid that if they let their guard down and actually get to know you as another human being, equally, and become comfortable enough with you to have sex with you that you will see them and all of their weaknesses. In either case, it has nothing to do with you. Nature blessed you with black African beauty. Only those guys from other races who are Alphas will be attracted to you and have the courage to approach you. To those other ethinic group Alpha guys, be they white. asian, latino, or whatever, you should love them back appropriately because they will be worth your black African passion, affection, and attention. I speak from experience dude. Trust me. I hope that this helps answer your question a little.[/i][/u][/i][/i][/i][/i][/i]