Keeping Friends -- What's The Deal?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 2:16 AM GMT
    This has happened to me a couple times over the years, and I was wondering if it ever happened to any of you guys:

    You have a guy friend. Doesn't matter if he's straight or if he's gay, it's irrelevant. You have a great relationship for years. Suddenly out of the blue, without any warning or anything to provoke him, he undergoes a personality change.

    He's angry, rude, unpleasant, stops laughing at your jokes, begins to avoid you and starts engaging in putdowns, though he never did any of these things before. There's a vague undercurrent of envy or jealousy sporadically running through his conversation, which wasn't there before.

    Odd thing is, everything was great before. He was always calling, coming over, inviting you places.

    Anyway, you ask him repeatedly what's wrong and he won't talk. It's like he knows what's wrong, but won't tell you. Finally after a number of months you give up. The friend just sort of disappears, and the two of you never speak again.

    Have any of you ever had a similar experience? If so, what's going on? I know some friends come and go, but it's painful, having a great friend just drift away for apparently no reason at all.

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    Aug 07, 2008 2:35 AM GMT
    nevermind... deleted... I think now we know why.... LOL

    peace.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 3:36 AM GMT
    personalities just tend to differ sometimes. interests change and people grow apart. you may think that everything is ok but for him he may have grown apart. ppl also grow while one stands in the same pace and again u feel like its all good, but to him he is leaving u behind. sucks but it is what it is.
  • zel_155

    Posts: 7

    Aug 07, 2008 6:23 AM GMT
    Was he a Cancerian lol?
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Aug 07, 2008 9:50 AM GMT
    It sounds more than that...
    It sounds like these guys were actually mad at you for something
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    Aug 07, 2008 10:06 AM GMT
    I have not encountered that sort of behaviour outside of an intimate relationship. With my first boyfriend I started acting a bit that way, that is why I ended it.

    I am not surprised that he did not want to talk to you about the reasons. Guys are usually hopeless that way. Women on the other hand are only to glad to talk about what they are feeling, even if you are not interested!
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    Aug 07, 2008 10:35 AM GMT
    LittleDudeWithMuscles said
    He's angry, rude, unpleasant, stops laughing at your jokes, begins to avoid you and starts engaging in putdowns, though he never did any of these things before. There's a vague undercurrent of envy or jealousy sporadically running through his conversation, which wasn't there before.
    Odd thing is, everything was great before. He was always calling, coming over, inviting you places.

    Sounds like a guy who has finally come to the realization that he isn't going to get from the relationship what he's really wanted all along, which is something more than friendship. And having realized it, he's hurt, angry, bitter.

    I suppose it doesn't matter whether he's openly gay or "straight", this sounds like a spurned lover.
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    Aug 07, 2008 2:32 PM GMT
    Sounds like he has some issues within himself and has caused him to change and no longer is unable to connect with you; and it has happened to me. However if they're good people and a good friend they will come around once they clear their heads, in the mean time it does BLOW!
  • TexanMan82

    Posts: 893

    Aug 07, 2008 11:32 PM GMT
    Nope, hasn't happened to me. Everyone just adores me.


    icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 07, 2008 11:41 PM GMT
    jprichva said
    Sounds like a guy who has finally come to the realization that he isn't going to get from the relationship what he's really wanted all along, which is something more than friendship. And having realized it, he's hurt, angry, bitter.

    I suppose it doesn't matter whether he's openly gay or "straight", this sounds like a spurned lover.


    I was going to say the same thing. Is it possible he had been hoping for more and then pulled away because not getting that became too hard for him? Could also explain why he became seemingly angry and doing the put-downs.
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    Aug 08, 2008 11:12 PM GMT
    Thanks for all the replies. Appreciate it. Interesting that some said it was all about an unrequited crush. Could be, and in fact, that had been suggested to me by some of my friends.

    The hitch is, the guy (supposedly!) is straight and he's even married. And although I never did anything whatsoever that was other than platonic (I promise!), HE said some things during our friendship that sure made me wonder.