The Rules Of Cancellation

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2012 10:49 PM GMT
    My first post on the site- woo-hoo!
    I'll keep this brief.
    Over the last month, I've had a large number
    of close people, in addition to 2 important first dates,
    bail out at the last minute or just ignore my contacts altogether.

    I'm starting to wonder if this is a regional thing or
    am I just over analyzing? I always make it a point to
    get to places on time and do what I say I will.
    Just seems that many people I know
    don't think the same way. icon_sad.gif

    I'm very disappointed in this flaked behavior, but maybe its misplaced.
    What I want to know is-
    What are the rules of engagement on this? When is it okay
    to change plans at the last minute?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2012 10:54 PM GMT
    Welcome the world of dating humans!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2012 11:04 PM GMT
    TropicalMark saidWelcome the world of dating humans!
    +1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2012 1:41 AM GMT
    Flaking is very common, even outside the dating arena. Even my parish priest, who I love dearly and has been really good to me, has a bad habit of flaking -- and he's straight!

    Anyway, flaking is more the norm than the exception. Don'r read too much into it or get too disappointed when it happens.
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    Jul 17, 2012 3:11 AM GMT
    Sadly it happens a lot. Truly, don't let it get to you. They are the flakes, not you.
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    Jul 17, 2012 3:51 AM GMT
    A first date for me is a big deal- googling restaurants,
    making reservations, etc.
    Being late or cancelling without good reason is out
    of the question.

    Maybe I'll lower my expectations?
    Isn't that, in a way, like lowering your standards?
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Jul 17, 2012 3:57 AM GMT
    Um, not that what you're doing is wrong, but for first "dates" I usually just get coffee or something similar with someone.
    Something very simple that involves minimal planning (or fretting) on anyone's part, both parties can leave early without being rude if there's not chemistry/interest, and if you both feel like it you can always extend the date longer. Go for a walk and keep talking or some event, or schedule something in the near future.

    I, personally, wouldn't invest much in a first date unless I already knew the person and had a good reason to think I was very interested. Even then, I'd probably still do something pretty casual that could easily be cut short or extended -- allow for flexibility. ;) [This all has the additional advantage of minimizing the impact of the other person flaking, and probably decreasing the likelihood of them flaking since it's a low pressure scenario with minimal investment required.]
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    Jul 17, 2012 4:10 AM GMT
    Barring a death or trip to the emergency room, a last minute cancellation is rude and will usually result in me writing the flake off for good.