If gay marriage was legal would that change the attributes guys look for in other guys?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2012 3:42 AM GMT
    If gay marriage was legal would that change the attributes guys look for in other guys? Obviously this is a myopic view of gay relationships, but society's stance on same-sex marriage seems to stifle the promotion of monogamous relationships in the gay community. Since gay people can't really get married in America, it seems as though gay guys see no reason for pursuing a monogamous relationship. As such, the desirable traits of a guy are not attributes like intelligence, kindness, and personality, but looks and physical appearance. I realize heterosexual people can be just as vain, but it seems (at least from my limited experience) that it is disproportionately higher among gay people.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2012 3:55 AM GMT
    Not for me personally. I feel most gay guys would still have open relationships and take advantage of the benefits of marriage.

    I'm gonna get married regardless if the government recognizes it or not.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2012 3:59 AM GMT
    msuNtx saidNot for me personally. I feel most gay guys would still have open relationships and take advantage of the benefits of marriage.

    I'm gonna get married regardless if the government recognizes it or not.


    All of the couples except 1 I know, in real life anyway, are/were in monogamous relationships. I don't believe for a second "most gay guys" are in open relationships.

    I also, to answer the OP, think that as gay relationships become less taboo they will become more typical of heterosexual relationships.
  • jim_sf

    Posts: 2094

    Jul 17, 2012 4:01 AM GMT
    I have to agree with msuntx; the qualities we look for won't change just because our relationships have legal weight. As evidence, I offer the states where gay marriage is legal; New York men aren't suddenly going to the library instead of the gym.

    As further evidence, many of our lesbian sisters have been practicing long-term monogamy even without formal legal recognition.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2012 4:02 AM GMT
    uoft23 said
    msuNtx saidNot for me personally. I feel most gay guys would still have open relationships and take advantage of the benefits of marriage.

    I'm gonna get married regardless if the government recognizes it or not.


    All of the couples except 1 I know, in real life anyway, are/were in monogamous relationships. I don't believe for a second "most gay guys" are in open relationships.

    I also, to answer the OP, think that as gay relationships become less taboo they will become more typical of heterosexual relationships.


    I mean't that most that have open relationships now would continue to have open relationships if they were married. I'm not saying most gay men in general.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2012 4:03 AM GMT
    If straight marriage was illegal would straight guys stop going for chicks with huge tits?

    Doubt it!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2012 4:03 AM GMT
    msuNtx saidNot for me personally. I feel most gay guys would still have open relationships and take advantage of the benefits of marriage.

    I'm gonna get married regardless if the government recognizes it or not.


    icon_smile.gif
  • Montague

    Posts: 5205

    Jul 17, 2012 4:03 AM GMT
    Nope.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2012 4:05 AM GMT
    CABucky saidIf straight marriage was illegal would straight guys stop going for chicks with huge tits?

    Doubt it!


    Well for dating reasons yes, but it seems like most straight guys end up marrying "wife-material" women.
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Jul 17, 2012 4:05 AM GMT
    No, it won't change - if a guy is looking for a long term relationship then he's going to look for one type of guy and if he's looking for a trick then he'll look for that type of guy.
  • jim_sf

    Posts: 2094

    Jul 17, 2012 4:07 AM GMT
    7Famark said
    msuNtx saidNot for me personally. I feel most gay guys would still have open relationships and take advantage of the benefits of marriage.

    I'm gonna get married regardless if the government recognizes it or not.


    icon_smile.gif


    You two do make a cute couple. ;)

    Seriously, though: the couples who make it work despite major challenges are the ones worth emulating, and a hostile legal environment is a major challenge.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2012 4:07 AM GMT
    No, I've always wanted a committed relationship, long before there was any talk of legalized gay marriage.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2012 4:11 AM GMT
    bigDrunner said
    CABucky saidIf straight marriage was illegal would straight guys stop going for chicks with huge tits?

    Doubt it!


    Well for dating reasons yes, but it seems like most straight guys end up marrying "wife-material" women.


    Much to the demise of our str8 friends, women often become "wife material" in a physical sense AFTER tyin the knot icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2012 4:13 AM GMT
    Obvious answer: Golddiggers would look for gold.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 17, 2012 4:17 AM GMT
    I think it would change a lot, in ways that may seem subtle. For instance, the wedding would bring both families together in a ceremonious way, and represent the commitment to those who witness it. Civil unions could do the same, I suppose, but in a second class sort of way.

    The daily lives of the couple living together would be legitimized as well, which would be nice. It gets annoying when people think your relationship is frivolous or fleeting.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2012 4:18 AM GMT
    HottJoe said
    The daily lives of the couple living together would be legitimized as well, which would be nice. It gets annoying when people think your relationship is frivolous or fleeting.


    This times 1,000,000.

  • Ashpenaz

    Posts: 21

    Jul 17, 2012 5:18 AM GMT
    HottJoe saidI think it would change a lot, in ways that may seem subtle. For instance, the wedding would bring both families together in a ceremonious way, and represent the commitment to those who witness it.


    I hope not. One of the things I like about gay relationships is that they're not about the family--they're about two individuals with two separate identities formalizing a bond.

    Straight marriages force two people to form a single, enmeshed identity which includes their families. I've never thought this was healthy.

    Gay marriage should not attempt to mimic an institution which was designed for heterosexuals. We need to honor our history and make gay marriage about being gay. For me, some examples from history are the close, loyal relationships between Achilles and Patroclus, David and Jonathan, St. Sergius and St. Bacchus, John Henry Newman and Ambrose St. John, etc. None of those guys ever had to say, "When's the last time we had your Mom over for dinner?"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2012 5:22 AM GMT
    Ashpenaz said
    HottJoe saidI think it would change a lot, in ways that may seem subtle. For instance, the wedding would bring both families together in a ceremonious way, and represent the commitment to those who witness it.


    I hope not. One of the things I like about gay relationships is that they're not about the family--they're about two individuals with two separate identities formalizing a bond.

    Straight marriages force two people to form a single, enmeshed identity which includes their families. I've never thought this was healthy.

    Gay marriage should not attempt to mimic an institution which was designed for heterosexuals. We need to honor our history and make gay marriage about being gay. For me, some examples from history are the close, loyal relationships between Achilles and Patroclus, David and Jonathan, St. Sergius and St. Bacchus, John Henry Newman and Ambrose St. John, etc. None of those guys ever had to say, "When's the last time we had your Mom over for dinner?"


    ...
    ...
    ...
    ...
    Good luck with that!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2012 5:24 AM GMT
    Yes because if it was legal I could marry some old dude with cold wrinkled hands and saggy tits and he'd die and I'd have his millions. (shudder)
  • jim_sf

    Posts: 2094

    Jul 17, 2012 5:25 AM GMT
    Daas saidYes because if it was legal I could marry some old dude with cold wrinkled hands and saggy tits and he'd die and I'd have his millions. (shudder)


    Or you could also marry an immigrant so that he'd get a green card and you'd get cash.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2012 6:02 AM GMT
    Well if it's not about love, any gay man can currently marry someone to get them a green card. (a woman)

    I don't think we've noticed a change in Canada since it was allowed. But maybe we'd need the USA to join in for the culture to change. It wouldn't be immediate though.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2012 7:41 AM GMT
    Several issues:
    1) Men are driven by physical appearance more than women. It's not a gay vs straight thing, it's a male thing.

    2) Just because gay people are upfront about having open relationships doesn't mean that hetero couples are monogamous. Hetero couples aren't open about being in an open relationship, but it doesn't mean they don't exist. Also, plenty of people in supposedly monogamous hetero marriages are getting some action on the side.

    If half of hetero marriages end in divorce, something they're doing isn't working all that well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2012 7:50 AM GMT
    no
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Jul 17, 2012 8:39 AM GMT
    no
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2012 1:01 PM GMT
    Well I know heterosexual couples have their problems with being in monogamous relationships as well as with the concept of marriage. As I disclosed above, my experience with the gay community is severely limited. Of the gay people I know personally, only two are in a committed relationship. They were attracted to each other physically, but their relationship was based on a stronger connection.

    I'm wondering if part of the issue has to with how guys meet other guys. At least in my area, most guys are relegated to meeting guys online or in the gay clubs. In "straight" world, you can meet online or a bar, but have other avenues like church groups, activity groups, and blind dates via friends. Now I realize guys can find a meaningful relationship online and at a club, and that not all encounters from a church group are not based on something purely physical, it seems like the avenues gay guys have to meeting other guys result in different expectations.

    For example, when my straight friends were looking for a meaningful relationship, they focused on things like the interests, career-choices, and personality of the person they were pursuing. They wanted someone they could start a family with and someone they can grow old with. I'm not saying that one form of a monogamous relationship is better than another. I guess I am curious about how gay male couples found their meaningful relationship in today's world.