Dating out of your league...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 11:41 AM GMT
    I have been thinking of this topic for the last couple days. I first started thinking about it recently when I read the post on here about "jocks and nerds".

    I saw a guys ad one time on a personals site that was looking specifically for a nerd type but he was huge, ripped and beautiful.

    I was listening to a podcast the other day with a gay couple being interviewed. They were talking of when they meet porn stars and how good looking they are but they said they knew they couldn't get someone like that, thats why they were with each other because they were both "handsome".

    I have heard people say you should date with in your body type or "league" or it causes problems. What do you think?

  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Aug 07, 2008 11:47 AM GMT
    redbull said
    I have heard people say you should date with in your body type or "league" or it causes problems. What do you think?


    That's a load of crap. If you're a skinny geek you shouldn't date a jock because he's 'out of your league'? Obviously he isn't out of your league if he's into you.

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 07, 2008 12:53 PM GMT
    I think the whole idea is pretty unfortunate. You are making an assumption about yourself, "typecasting" which isn't helpful.. it just limits your own perception (not in a positive way) about your relationships and yourself.... your "place". I don't understand that kind of thinking....

    For me its about chemistry on all levels. If the nerd and the jock have things in common and are into each other, more power to them...

    If not, then they need to find someone else, regardless of their "type"....
  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Aug 07, 2008 4:49 PM GMT
    You should date people who you think are attractive and feel the same way about you. The whole concept of a dating league is hindered by the fact that individual tastes vary so much. Sure, there are a rare few virtually all find attractive, but there are so many components to attraction, both mental and physical, that really what matters is that both you and the other guy are happy to be with each other.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 4:53 PM GMT
    LAME!!! It's whatever and whomever you end up being attracted to, simple as that!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 4:54 PM GMT
    From my experience this league isnt always made by the individuals themselves but people around them as well, friends and family and such.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 4:55 PM GMT
    You can't deny that there are dating "leagues" and you see very few couples where one is a hottie and the other is plan or even ugly and overweight. That's true in gay and str8 worlds.
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    Aug 07, 2008 5:01 PM GMT
    chicago_barry saidYou can't deny that there are dating "leagues" and you see very few couples where one is a hottie and the other is plan or even ugly and overweight. That's true in gay and str8 worlds.


    NOT!! What about chubby chasers? And so on and so on... I mean it happens where the "rules" are bent!
  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Aug 07, 2008 5:08 PM GMT
    Heh, I've watched too many attractive, smart men who have rejected me end up with boyfriends I wouldn't have looked twice at to think that we all have similar enough of tastes to really put people into agreed upon leagues.

    I suppose, though, that if you yourself consistently felt that a given guy was out of your league,, that could cause a problem even if he disagreed with you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 5:09 PM GMT
    Every time I get a date, I feel I'm out of my league. So I've come to think of myself as a permanent free agent.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 5:18 PM GMT
    iguanaSF saidEvery time I get a date, I feel I'm out of my league. So I've come to think of myself as a permanent free agent.


    I feel the same way
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 5:39 PM GMT
    iguanaSF saidEvery time I get a date, I feel I'm out of my league. So I've come to think of myself as a permanent free agent.


    wr_07pr_favre_a.jpg

    He's being traded, but what do I care? I don't even watch football... icon_lol.gif but man... I wish he was a free agent... or at least played for our team. icon_wink.gif I'm hopelessly out his league though. Nothing levels the playing field. icon_cry.gif I'm just not...

    *sob*

    *runs away*
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Aug 07, 2008 5:53 PM GMT
    Wow, I could go on and on about this topic. I feel like I'm always stuggling with self-esteem to begin with. But I know it's also complicated by what I learned growing up gay. Internalized homophobia also plays a part -- feeling invisible, like what you're doing is wrong, etc.

    In general, I find it tough to approach guys, especially if I think they're out of my league. Still, there are times I'm surprised when a guy I put in that category makes eye contact with me, or chats me up online, whatever. I just try to accept that they see me and that they're into me. Sometimes you have to accept things at face value and not question it too much, which can be really difficult.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 5:56 PM GMT
    Sedative saidI'm hopelessly out his league though. Nothing levels the playing field. icon_cry.gif I'm just not...

    *sob*

    *runs away*


    *grabs Eric by the shirt before he gets away*

    *smacks him*

    *gives him a cookie*
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 6:07 PM GMT
    There are no "leagues." Just people who range from excessively arrogant to overly insecure.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Aug 07, 2008 6:23 PM GMT
    Iguana,

    Why does the other Eric (Sedative) get a cookie?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 6:24 PM GMT
    OMG! Come on guys -- I've met guys who are gorgeous who like fat guys, young guys who like old guys, musclebound monkeys who like twinks...

    I'm finding that you can't pigeonhole gay men -- there is no "league" -- that's something made up for movies and TV shows. AND... it pisses me off when people make other people feel inferior because they aren't physically perfect. All kinds of guys have come on to me since I came out, and I've been cruised by a lot of different guys. You like what you like. If you're what YOU consider a troll, that doesn't mean that you won't be considered "hot" by someone else. Counting out someone just because you think that they're more beautiful than you is just not thinking straight (oops, I mean correctly), and is even a bit bigoted. You have to be open to all types, because you just don't know who your "true love" is going to be - troll or Adonis.

    I'm not what I would consider "gorgeous", but last Sunday, I had, what I would consider, two drop-dead gorgeous guys hit on me. Go figure. Not boasting, just trying to make a point. Everything is relative.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 6:24 PM GMT
    EricLA saidIguana,

    Why does the other Eric (Sedative) get a cookie?


    Aww. Here you go. I have enuf cookies for all Erics.

    Best_Cookie-20.jpg

  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Aug 07, 2008 6:26 PM GMT
    JustJohn saidThere are no "leagues." Just people who range from excessively arrogant to overly insecure.


    I wish I could have thought of that when I went to a club in Downtown Disneyland. A friend of mine was checking out these two cute Latinos and their less-than-attractive friend says to him, "They're out of your league". I laughed in the other guys face because I had better things to do than point out he lonely he was and state how stupid he was for making such a comment.

    *edit: dang it, IguanaSF, I was already hungry. Did you have to make it worse by putting a yummy chocolate chip cookie in front of us all. I bet it's all organic. (takes the Erics' cookie and runs to a corner: "My precious!")
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 6:27 PM GMT
    ShawnTX said

    That's a load of crap. If you're a skinny geek you shouldn't date a jock because he's 'out of your league'? Obviously he isn't out of your league if he's into you.




    Exactly! League-shmeague. Can't help it if you make his pants tight icon_biggrin.gif

    and um, Iguana...can i have a cookie too? icon_wink.gif
  • TallGWMvballe...

    Posts: 1925

    Aug 07, 2008 6:45 PM GMT
    HAHAHh this is easy! Just because YOU think "huge, ripped and beautiful"


    is what is "hot" does NOT mean that HE thinks that!

    probably to him, YOU are a nice looking guy, so GO FOR IT !


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 6:53 PM GMT
    WTF?!


    That's my cookie!

    *me threatens Auryn with a baseball bat*
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Aug 07, 2008 6:58 PM GMT
    *takes a bite of the magic cookie and turns invisible*
    Find me first. Muahahahahaha!icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 7:06 PM GMT
    Physical and emotional attractiveness is unique to each individual. I never subscribed to the "out of my league" philosophy.

    I would have a hard time staying with someone who thought they were not in my league. Low self-esteem is not a turn on for me. Almost as bad as arrogance.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2008 7:16 PM GMT
    Sedative said
    iguanaSF saidEvery time I get a date, I feel I'm out of my league. So I've come to think of myself as a permanent free agent.


    wr_07pr_favre_a.jpg

    He's being traded, but what do I care? I don't even watch football... icon_lol.gif but man... I wish he was a free agent... or at least played for our team. icon_wink.gif I'm hopelessly out his league though. Nothing levels the playing field. icon_cry.gif I'm just not...

    *sob*

    *runs away*


    A 38 year-old 6'2 222 pound musclebound quarterback hooking up with a 22 year-old 5'6 Filipiino with a slim build? NEVAH!!!!!!!