Questions for Bi guys, Gays who had girlfriends and Married guys!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2012 11:56 AM GMT
    I am really interested in this topic and am looking to write an article about it so please share your stories! If you prefer to send in private that's fine too.

    The various reasons why gay or bi guys would date or marry women at different stages of their life is quite widely discussed and relatively clear.

    What doesn't get enough discussion, however, are the details, the mechanics and the sexual desires of these stages.

    I would be interested in hearing from bi guys, gay guys who once dated women, guys who are still married or previously married to a woman. Please highlight how you'd describe yourself!

    My questions are:

    Prior to dating a particular woman, did you fantasise and masturbate many times thinking about that woman and indeed other women? Did you desire her in addition to feeling "romantically attracted" to her or were these feelings mutually exclusive?

    When dating or while married to a woman describe the sexual experience. What was the general frequency of sex, who mostly initiated, how did you feel during sex (did you have a strong desire to have sex with your girl? was it like a chore? did you struggle?), did you enjoy the "female figure" (boobs, vagina etc), during the day did you lust for your girl and fantasise about her?

    Now looking at the homosexual attraction and desire aspects. Prior to and while dating/married to a woman what were the frequencies of desires for men? Was it a constant feeling? Frequency of masturbation involving homosexual fantasies? Did you try to hide it / avoid it? Did you try to imagine your girl as a man to turn you on?

    When was your "Ah ha" moment? Ever considered sexual contact with women again?

    Will be fascinating to hear your stories. Thanks in advance!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2012 3:46 PM GMT
    Stupid question, since everyone agrees there is no such thing as bi sexual men and the vast majority of gay men only fantasize about women when thinking how much better they could have worked that look better.
  • BmwKid92

    Posts: 1097

    Jul 18, 2012 5:30 PM GMT
    @smartmoney, living proof of disagreement, i ahve a girlfriend, who i love and care about very much
  • Lunastar

    Posts: 328

    Jul 18, 2012 5:34 PM GMT
    k1ng said@smartmoney, living proof of disagreement, i ahve a girlfriend, who i love and care about very much


    Lol he's trolling you
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2012 5:38 PM GMT
    Troll baiting the troll by trolling baiting a poster?

    hurr-durr-derp-face-something-is-afoot1.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2012 12:32 AM GMT
    wcubrad23 said

    That is somewhat true of closeted gay men (unfortunately me included). I won't date girls anymore because you're really leading them on and it just isn't right. Hooking up no strings attached (only if they want to, I have no desire to) I will do. No one is hurt in that situation (except for me its mentally draining).

    Bisexuality does exist. If you are turned on by women you are bi. If you aren't turned on by women but find ways to "get it up" and only enjoy the act of penetrating a woman, you are gay. Simple as that. And lots of gay guys hide under the bi label to avoid any emotional attachments to men (I was one of them). But that doesn't mean bi doesn't exist.


    wcubrad I agree that various parts of a specturm exist and that sexuality is a complex thing in many cases. I'm not trying to judge people through this though or put people in a box.

    I want people who have had experiences dating/marrying women to come forward and share their stories. In your case you say it was exhausting, this is an interesting emotion. So for you there really wasn't much or any sexual desire there, only the sexual act itself could be pleasurable. To put it crudely it was only pleasureable because you were stimulating your penis and would ejaculate, not because you were enjoying and lusting over the situation. Correct?

    Thanks for your input so far. Let's keep this constructive guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2012 12:45 AM GMT
    Daddy87 Have you been with more guys than girls...or more girls than guys??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2012 12:59 AM GMT
    k1ng said@smartmoney, living proof of disagreement, i ahve a girlfriend, who i love and care about very much


    From your profile:

    Looking for: Friends, Dating or Relationship, Hookup, Training Buddies, Online Chat, Web Cam

    Lol.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2012 12:59 AM GMT
    doddy87 saidI am really interested in this topic and am looking to write an article about it so please share your stories!



    What's your story? Gay, Bi, Straight or Girl? What type of information have you already received from RL? You have asked your gay friends, bi friends in RL, right? Or is this some fodder for a blog/research for females trying to figure out why guys love guys. Cause that's what it sounds like. icon_rolleyes.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2012 12:59 AM GMT

    Well I'm a married gay guy and I...oh wait...you meant married to women.

    Nevermind icon_wink.gif
  • BmwKid92

    Posts: 1097

    Jul 19, 2012 1:48 AM GMT
    @ Lunstar @Kardioking, not trolling, iv been with her 14months, and i just never took that out cause im open to the idea. of it all
  • Sportsfan1

    Posts: 479

    Jul 19, 2012 2:06 AM GMT
    Does it count that I am dating a married man. He is in a 14 year marriage with a woman. They have an "arrangement". She can "see" other people as he can. They do not share a bedroom. He has his, she has hers. They have a marriage of convenience. They share a beautiful home, file joint-tax returns, have good health coverage as a couple and have all of the benefits of a married couple. He and I get together about two or three times a week. Our sex life is very good. We please each other immensely when we get together. I just have one rule, that when he and I are together it is only him and me, no third party. He is okay with that. So far works for me.
  • 2PecanDeBeurr...

    Posts: 302

    Jul 19, 2012 2:10 AM GMT
    Doddy87, 2PecanDeBeurre here, 58, Bisexual always
    Answers to your questions, my experience (2Xmarried, 2Xdivorced)
    Female
    1. Only a few (4), fantasized/masturbated, the others-no
    2. Yes, those 4- strong desire plus romance was abundant. it was mutual
    3.Sexual experience was no holds barred unless uncomfortable. Moans, groans, heavy sweating, bucking, marathons. General frequency- average 3X a week. initiated by who was the most thirsty.
    4. Felt light headed, energized and drained. foreplay,plateau, and afterplay. Yes, strong desire-reward for a rough day. Besides those 4, most gradually became a chore. Sometimes struggled to express without hurting/rejecting- due to day's stress.
    5. always admire a well sculptured female with self confidence.
    6. Always oral sex unless uncomfortable, medical, or monthly cycle
    7. Daytime would lick/smell mustache flavored with female honey causes "pole" to stiffen
    Male
    1. Frequencies were high when well sculptured male or sensuous male in same environment. the feeling varied due to area- work, public,crowds
    2. Masturbate daily or more, past and presently at least 3X 9morning, lunch, evening)
    3. Mostly Private unless mutual company agrees. Avoidance- No
    4. Some women had my thoughts on males to keep "pole" stiff

    AH-HA moment. College 1974, a lesbian friend taught me how to service females by do as she instructed and concurrently male friends shared privare moments. i have a thirst for either female/male "honey,' cuddling, romance

    Presently will have sexual contact with self confident woman who has a thirst and safe-clean just the same requirement for men.

    j.c.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2012 2:35 AM GMT
    Not going to get into a long drawn out post but I have VERY limited sexual experiences with male. Have been sexually active with women most of my life. Not even sure if I will ever be with another man again or not.

    As usual, SmartMoney is full of shit. There is more to the universe that your own view and limited understanding/experiences.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2012 2:40 AM GMT
    Gosh. Why doesn't like tits?
  • socalisurfer

    Posts: 68

    Jul 19, 2012 2:47 AM GMT
    @king1

    Does she know you frequent this site and about your "open to the idea of it all'? Not to sound like a douche, but if you respected and loved her why would you be on this site?

    @doddy87.

    When I was in HS and college I did date and mess around with girls. Always felt more comfortable with men though. Felt more of a deeper emotional connection with a guy than with a girl. Being with a girl was easier. Easier in that it's more socially acceptable, i.e., holding hands and not being worried about getting the crap kicked out of you or getting weird looks. Later on in my relationships with girls, sex felt more like a chore than anything else. Sex with a guy just felt normal for me, I was more in tune with the whole act, plus it was a hellof a lot more fun.

    Sexual fantasies were always with men, even when I was having sex with a girl I thought of men. And looking back at my gfs in HS and college they were all very athletic and in good shape. I remember back in HS being on the swim team looking and fantasizing more about my male teammates than girls.

    I guess the whole act of being with girls was a facade, felt like it was expected of me to date girls since my friends had gfs and went on dates and all that HS bs. My relationships with girls always felt forced. They were more prone to initiate having sex, or holding hands, cuddling, kissing and such.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2012 9:02 AM GMT
    Thanks for the different insights so far, has been very interesting. Keep them coming.

    Some of you asked about me so....

    At this present time I'd consider myself somewhat bisexual as I enjoy both sexes and get sexual excitement over both sexes. I don't know what the future holds and think it's a little hasty to be making judgements. In fact I've heard from people who said they lived a straight life to begin with, then had a bisexual period and now are fully homosexual.

    For me personally having sex and a relationship with a woman feels great and enjoyable (talking sexually), I lust for my girls and never have thought of men while having sex with them. On the other side of the coin, having sex with men is great fun too and I lust over a hot guy too. As I've said there is nothing to say I might not adopt a fully gay lifestyle someday but here is the crucial point. If I honestly asked myself..."If you stopped having sex and relationships with women would you be happy?" The honest answer would be no. I don't know how I'd possibly deny myself having sex with a hot girl and ever developing feelings for a woman again. The same way I can't cut off feeling desire for women, I can't cut off desire for men. So for me, it's pointless trying to jump into either extreme.

    Hope you've enjoyed my insight. Look forward to reading more of your comments.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2012 9:56 AM GMT
    As a Bona Fide homosexual, there is just nothing for one to say or add, as we don't do such things.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2012 2:53 PM GMT
    doddy87 said
    At this present time I'd consider myself somewhat bisexual as I enjoy both sexes and get sexual excitement over both sexes. I don't know what the future holds and think it's a little hasty to be making judgements. In fact I've heard from people who said they lived a straight life to begin with, then had a bisexual period and now are fully homosexual.

    What I've found is that younger guys will often see sexuality as this and therefore place themselves into the category of being bisexual. As they age and mature, they more closely define their sexuality not based on their ability to get aroused with either sex but how they feel emotionally instead. The desire tends to be more emotional than physical since many guys can get worked up physically at the site of sex between two people regardless of whether it's hetero or homo.

    For me personally having sex and a relationship with a woman feels great and enjoyable (talking sexually), I lust for my girls and never have thought of men while having sex with them.


    I would wonder if this is more along the lines of enjoying the pleasure of having sex (selfishly enjoying how you feel) along with developing a friendship rather than a relationship. Would you feel the same way if you were in a long term relationship with a woman and the lust had worn off?

    Having been in a very long term relationship/marriage with a woman, I would say that there develops a very strong bond between a husband and wife despite the sexual activities. When originally married it was definitely the selfish satisfaction of the physical act for me. Not that I didn't or don't love the woman, but I learned much later that I wasn't being fulfilled emotionally with what I needed to really love. Physically, it was there, it was exciting, I had no problem being excited and having sex with a woman but as time continued and I longed for the emotional fulfillment, the toll was taken on the physical side too. I learned that I could get the same physical satisfaction while fantasizing over what I desired emotionally (a guy) and therefore had less and less desire for the heterosexual environment.


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    Jul 19, 2012 4:19 PM GMT
    eb925guy said
    doddy87 said
    At this present time I'd consider myself somewhat bisexual as I enjoy both sexes and get sexual excitement over both sexes. I don't know what the future holds and think it's a little hasty to be making judgements. In fact I've heard from people who said they lived a straight life to begin with, then had a bisexual period and now are fully homosexual.

    What I've found is that younger guys will often see sexuality as this and therefore place themselves into the category of being bisexual. As they age and mature, they more closely define their sexuality not based on their ability to get aroused with either sex but how they feel emotionally instead. The desire tends to be more emotional than physical since many guys can get worked up physically at the site of sex between two people regardless of whether it's hetero or homo.

    For me personally having sex and a relationship with a woman feels great and enjoyable (talking sexually), I lust for my girls and never have thought of men while having sex with them.


    I would wonder if this is more along the lines of enjoying the pleasure of having sex (selfishly enjoying how you feel) along with developing a friendship rather than a relationship. Would you feel the same way if you were in a long term relationship with a woman and the lust had worn off?

    Having been in a very long term relationship/marriage with a woman, I would say that there develops a very strong bond between a husband and wife despite the sexual activities. When originally married it was definitely the selfish satisfaction of the physical act for me. Not that I didn't or don't love the woman, but I learned much later that I wasn't being fulfilled emotionally with what I needed to really love. Physically, it was there, it was exciting, I had no problem being excited and having sex with a woman but as time continued and I longed for the emotional fulfillment, the toll was taken on the physical side too. I learned that I could get the same physical satisfaction while fantasizing over what I desired emotionally (a guy) and therefore had less and less desire for the heterosexual environment.




    Thanks for your insight.

    To answer some of your questions about my personal situation. I do feel both sexually and romantically attracted to the women I go out with. Besides the sex, if the girl has a great personality that I have developed feelings for, of course I want to go out with her to different places and enjoy the romantic non-sexual elements of a relationship. If I see a woman as a friend trust me we aren't having sex or doing anything romantic, she's a friend who I just chat to. I think that if you are in a long term relationship with any individual, you can continue to love them romantically even if the sexual element is subsiding. But I would say that regardless of the gender of the individual you are dating/married to, if the sexual element is down to absolute ground 0, you may need to consider moving on to someone else. Sex is an important element within a relationship, obviously not the only one.

    As for sex/romance with guys, I personally only have felt sexual attraction to guys, not a desire to date or go out with anyone. I feel comfortable and emotionally fulfilled with dating a girl. So I don't feel this emotional void I'd need a guy to fulfill. But who knows, maybe I'll meet a guy who I'd want to date instead of just having some hot sex with! Time will tell.

    One question I have for you eb925guy is around this emotional element. I'm not quite sure I understand how you loved and lusted for your wife at one point but still had an emotional void only a man could fulfill. Or was it that you eventually grew an emotional void and it so happened that you found a man that could fulfill it? Were you always aware of this desire to have a real connection, bond and romance with a man? Your story is very interesting and I'd be curious to hear how exactly this worked as I'm not sure I fully understood.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2012 7:14 PM GMT
    I'm married to a woman and we regularly have sex. I enjoy touching, feeling, tasting the female physique. Luckily my wife is in good shape and I love her softness, fragility and smoothness -- makes me feel very masculine.

    I also enjoy the touch and feel of a man (have yet to taste, no plans to). The male physique is also very sexy and a turn on to me. The hardness, the hair on the body, etc., as a man should be.

    I get aroused by sensuality, vulnerability and physical attractiveness in either gender. My fantasies, however, generally go to the male side of things, but being married 21 years it may be because it's different than what I actually experience every week. I wonder if I was just with men, if I would fantasize about women.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2012 7:44 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidStupid question, since everyone agrees there is no such thing as bi sexual men and the vast majority of gay men only fantasize about women when thinking how much better they could have worked that look better.


    Stupid answer!!! Who r these "everyones" who agree there's no such thing as Bi sexual men. Only ones in that category r the "closed minded gays"who refuse to except reality. Every study I'v read agree that sexuality is different for everyone and in different degrees.

    Very happy bi sexual guy here. Lv both, just like the NSA and no drama sex with guys.
  • vacyclist

    Posts: 162

    Jul 19, 2012 7:51 PM GMT
    I'm married to a woman (23 years) and have a boy friend (7 years). I have great sex with each, though not at the same time. I have lots to say on this topic, but I'm not going to go into the details requested by the OP, I find his list of questions a bit strange. Suffice to say I'm fully capable of arousal by presence of either a naked woman or a naked man (or both!)
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    Jul 19, 2012 10:25 PM GMT
    vacyclist saidI'm married to a woman (23 years) and have a boy friend (7 years). I have great sex with each, though not at the same time. I have lots to say on this topic, but I'm not going to go into the details requested by the OP, I find his list of questions a bit strange. Suffice to say I'm fully capable of arousal by presence of either a naked woman or a naked man (or both!)


    The reason I ask a lot of the detailed questions is to understand the dynamics of guys who have dated/married or are still married to women but have more complex emotional/sexual dynamics between the sexes. Judging by your response you are bisexual who is definitely attracted to both sexes in a fairly equal measure. So a lot of the questions don't really apply to a guy like you. But thanks for your contribution.
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    Jul 19, 2012 10:37 PM GMT
    wcubrad23 saidOP, you are bisexual and there is nothing wrong with it. If you read other forums you will find true gay guys who were once married to women. While they loved their wives, they had trouble physically connecting. They often had homoerotic thoughts when having sex with their wives. Bisexual men, OTOH, enjoyed sex and desired their wives but emotionally preferred guys. That's from what I read. You appear to have an emotional preference for women, but sexually like both. In your case, I feel that you shouldn't date gay guys with that type of emotional feeling. Date another guy who is bisexual in a similar situation.


    Thanks for your advice there. Dating someone is very different to just having sex with someone. I suppose if you are emotionally attracted to another sex you wouldn't be doing either of you a favor by insisting on building a relationship with that person. You have to be brutally honest with yourself about your feelings and desires if you want to be happy in my opinion. But the journey of self-discovery isn't always easy.

    Keep the stories coming. Liked your posts so far guys. Useful info and thoughts.