My brother is apparently gay but he has no idea I am gay as well

  • gaydar1

    Posts: 2

    Jul 18, 2012 3:32 PM GMT
    Hey all,

    This is my first post on realjock, so I would appreciate any constructive feedback from any of you for personal development.
    I’ve got a younger brother who never sees eye to eye with me. Long story short:

    - He and my dad have no idea I’m gay (I’ve only told my mom so far) but I’m not going to tell my brother about it because Problem#1= huge trust issues. I’m expected to keep all his secrets but he has broken my trust so many times. I’m the only one who knows he’s gay (our parents have yet to find out). Our relationship is just beyond repair. I don’t want anything to do with him but our parents keep getting in the way (trying to unite us because that’s how they envision an ideal family should be), and he keeps on draining me.

    - Problem#2 = health concerns about my mom & dad. Telling my parents that I don’t want to deal with him anymore would be very hurtful for them. I’m concerned they might get a heart attack if they can’t cope with it.

    - Problem#3 = my brother puts his friends and other family members on a pedestal yet treats me like crap because of the idea that because you’re family, no matter how badly I treat you, you’ll forgive me.

    - I heard the more male siblings you have, the greater the chance of the younger ones being homosexual. Is it true? How could he not have found out about my orientation? I mean he knows I haven’t had a girlfriend.

    - Problem#4 = He said this to me one day: “If you hurt my parents, you hurt me, and therefore I will hurt you back.” But he never said that if he hurts me, it also means he hurts his (our) parents. This is not fair. So I am the one who is supposed to be the harmony keeper?

    Thanks for reading this lengthy post (this is not even half of what I wanted to say). I am just clueless at this point what to do and hope some of you are willing to shed some light. Cheers.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2012 3:44 PM GMT
    Trolls who troll often troll about trolls.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2012 3:47 PM GMT


    Hmmm..seeing as how you've described him as similar to a local newspaper, I suggest not telling him until you want everyone else to know.

    Or tell him last as an exercise for him in self examination in regards to trust.

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    Jul 18, 2012 4:11 PM GMT
    Since you're both gay, don't you have any interests in common? Why the friction? Is he jealous of you? Did you bully him? Etc.

    Obviously, don't tell him you're gay. Given the issues he has about you, it'll come out instantly.

    Do you have other siblings? What's the age difference between you? Who's smarter, who's better looking, who's better at sports? Who was mom's favorite? In other words tell us more about the family dynamics!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2012 4:17 PM GMT
    Unless you're a real person, we can't help your imaginary issues.
    Now...
    21182726.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2012 4:33 PM GMT
    The only solution is you two need to bang.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jul 18, 2012 4:34 PM GMT
    Life is too short for soooo much drama .... your mother knows you're gay .. so your father probably does too ... unless they are divorce or your father is a wife abuser .... doesn't sound like you are old enough to move out of the home yet, so you will just have to deal with it until you get a job and move out on your own. Just because you don't get along with your brother doesn't mean their has to be a battle ... it takes two, to make a battle ... learn to tune him out, ignore him and walk away from anything he is saying to you. If you don't reciprocate his actions, you will not be feeding whatever need or desire he has to be at odds with you.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 18, 2012 4:35 PM GMT
    I have a younger sister who is a lesbian and she came out later in than I did, though I had always wondered about her. It's not really that uncommon considering you share many genetic traits. Your other issues with your brother seem vague to me but hopefully it's just something you can work out as you get older. Meantime, you should look for gay friends and not push your brother to be your friend.
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    Jul 18, 2012 4:38 PM GMT
    SSJTrunks saidThe only solution is you two need to bang.
    Is this your main profile, and the response you wanted? icon_confused.gif
  • gaydar1

    Posts: 2

    Jul 18, 2012 5:16 PM GMT
    Yeah I should’ve clarified a few things. The dynamics is kinda weird. When we’re apart, we miss each other, but when we’re together, there’s always an issue. I’m 25. He’s 23. He’s daddy’s little boy as my bro shares many of my dad’s traits. While mine is mostly from my mom. We are complete opposites (Intro vs extro, organized vs laid back, cares too much vs doesn’t give a damn). We’ve been told by other family members and colleagues as quite good looking. I mean I wouldn’t mind if my bro gets a 9 – that’s not the main issue. It’s about trusting each other as biological siblings, which is something he can’t earn from me. No, my dad doesn’t know I’m gay as my mom promised she’d keep it between the two of us. Otherwise, my conservative dad would’ve confronted me about it.

    My bro has also talked to me about how my dad would dump him if he decided to come out now, hence why he got his degree so that he could become independent. I said no that’s not true. It might be hard for him to accept that, but eventually he’ll come around.

    I admit that there are two sides to every story. I’m not saying I’m not without flaws either as I have a hard time forgiving others. But being able to maintain a healthy relationship with family is my greatest priority, which is why an outside perspective would most likely help.

    Coming from a traditional Asian & strict Christian family, I didn’t expect my mom to be able to keep a cool manner when I came out, but what I don’t get is that she’s a psychiatrist yet convinces me that “it” can be converted.
    I guess she still holds on to the belief that someday she’ll have grandchildren, only to find out that neither one of her two sons can accomplish that.

    My parents are still together under the same roof, but neither my bro nor I lives at home anymore. We moved out years ago and both of us have got our master’s already. But I know my brother is because he told me himself back in 2005.
    Thanks for the responses so far guys.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Jul 18, 2012 5:17 PM GMT
    If you're a troll, you need to go to troll school - this is a pitiable troll post.

    On the off chance you are for real - as described, you don't have a problem (unless you are sharing a bedroom in your parents house, in which case you can get the brother drunk, crawl into his bed and fuck him - just don't come in his ass.) Just dial down the interactions with him - speak to him rarely - be always too busy - change your phone number and forget to give him the new one, etc. No contact = no stress.

    And - just because you are blood siblings doesn't mean you have to be friends.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jul 18, 2012 5:18 PM GMT
    troll incest is wincest
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jul 18, 2012 5:29 PM GMT
    Il_Dolce_Cranky saidI think the two of you need to start having sex with each other. Like now.

    There you have it ... you must give him a blowjob and all will be solved
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jul 18, 2012 6:58 PM GMT
    gaydar1 saidYeah I should’ve clarified a few things. The dynamics is kinda weird. When we’re apart, we miss each other, but when we’re together, there’s always an issue. I’m 25. He’s 23. He’s daddy’s little boy as my bro shares many of my dad’s traits. While mine is mostly from my mom. We are complete opposites (Intro vs extro, organized vs laid back, cares too much vs doesn’t give a damn). We’ve been told by other family members and colleagues as quite good looking. I mean I wouldn’t mind if my bro gets a 9 – that’s not the main issue. It’s about trusting each other as biological siblings, which is something he can’t earn from me. No, my dad doesn’t know I’m gay as my mom promised she’d keep it between the two of us. Otherwise, my conservative dad would’ve confronted me about it.

    My bro has also talked to me about how my dad would dump him if he decided to come out now, hence why he got his degree so that he could become independent. I said no that’s not true. It might be hard for him to accept that, but eventually he’ll come around.

    I admit that there are two sides to every story. I’m not saying I’m not without flaws either as I have a hard time forgiving others. But being able to maintain a healthy relationship with family is my greatest priority, which is why an outside perspective would most likely help.

    Coming from a traditional Asian & strict Christian family, I didn’t expect my mom to be able to keep a cool manner when I came out, but what I don’t get is that she’s a psychiatrist yet convinces me that “it” can be converted.
    I guess she still holds on to the belief that someday she’ll have grandchildren, only to find out that neither one of her two sons can accomplish that.

    My parents are still together under the same roof, but neither my bro nor I lives at home anymore. We moved out years ago and both of us have got our master’s already. But I know my brother is because he told me himself back in 2005.
    Thanks for the responses so far guys.
    wow, if he told you than normally i would say you should tell him. however, i think as you two get older you will grow to love each other in the fashion you want. i do not think it will be exactly as you want but it will be close enough for you to be ok with it. i think you should give it some time. let you brother get a little more mature. by the time he is closer to 30 he should be the type of brother you make like.
  • urhereurthere

    Posts: 185

    Jul 18, 2012 7:24 PM GMT
    Dude my brother is gay too and doesn't know I about me. Let me read your post properly and I'll answer your thread