hookups but not friends

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2012 11:54 PM GMT
    I can easily find hookups but not friends. I prefer friendship over hookups, therefore I have rejected numerous offers.

    I am finding it hard to find a friend. Why is that? Can gay men at least be friends at first? It seems not. icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2012 11:57 PM GMT
    Sex always get in the way

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2012 11:59 PM GMT
    My closest male friends were straight. But eventually they got married and moved on. Am I living in a dream ?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2012 12:00 AM GMT
    singles saidI can easily find hookups but not friends. I prefer friendship over hookups, therefore I have rejected numerous offers.

    I am finding it hard to find a friend. Why is that? Can gay men at least be friends at first? It seems not. icon_sad.gif


    Your not alone... I think the good guys are just hiding, napping, or afraid to come out. I try patience on the forums, while outside of here I have always found good results with patience and healthy interaction.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2012 12:02 AM GMT
    Enjoy the hook-ups while you still get requests.

    Not-finding-friends you can do all your life
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2012 12:03 AM GMT
    bhp91126 saidEnjoy the hook-ups while you still get requests.

    Not-finding-friends you can do all your life


    Not my style, meaningless without love.
  • Just_Tim

    Posts: 1723

    Jul 20, 2012 12:06 AM GMT
    How are you trying to meet new friends? If it's online, then unfortunately, a lot of guys use that as a way to get hookups. Not all of them, of course. Keep trying and you're bound to find a few good ones who are looking for friendship like you.

    I don't have any advice for making friends in real, though. I haven't made any good friends since my high school days. Good luck man.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2012 12:17 AM GMT
    Op..I have to ask..and i'm not being rude..Are you a good friend??..What makes you think you are?..and posts above have valid points..it's hard to find good friends on the net..Hugz and Good luck! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2012 12:25 AM GMT
    I have been a good friend, maybe that is my problem. Thanks for all of your well wishes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2012 12:29 AM GMT
    That is a very sad, sad thing. I hope it was an exaggerated statement.


    Just_Tim saidHow are you trying to meet new friends? If it's online, then unfortunately, a lot of guys use that as a way to get hookups. Not all of them, of course. Keep trying and you're bound to find a few good ones who are looking for friendship like you.

    I don't have any advice for making friends in real, though. I haven't made any good friends since my high school days. Good luck man.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2012 12:29 AM GMT
    I agree.

    I have gotten so many random messages from people without any pictures or stats or with just private pics, asking up front for my Skype name or for me to send them a pic.

    It is pathetic.

    icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2012 12:35 AM GMT
    This may seem like a gay man's problem but it's not. How often do you see a straight man and a straight female just hanging out as friends? That's because sex can be a huge distraction and it's no different with gay people. I've avoided this problem because I've always had a lot of straight friends. Almost all of my close friends are straight men. Plus I find I have much more in common with them.

    Also, as someone mentioned above, I would make sure you're being a good friend when you meet people. If you do this, people will flock to you like flys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2012 12:37 AM GMT
    singles saidI have been a good friend, maybe that is my problem. Thanks for all of your well wishes.


    most of my good friends are not "my type" physically
    All my good friends have the same common interests as i do!
    Change your hang out venues..turn off the computer and go out more..
    Get involved in group/ community activities...
    By the way 95% of my best friends are straight..icon_eek.gif..Hey they love me!
    Hugz..icon_biggrin.gif
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Jul 20, 2012 12:40 AM GMT
    singles saidI can easily find hookups but not friends. I prefer friendship over hookups, therefore I have rejected numerous offers.

    I am finding it hard to find a friend. Why is that? Can gay men at least be friends at first? It seems not. icon_sad.gif

    Most people in our society (gay or straight - and I would not think Canada much different from the US) make their close friends in their 20's and early 30's. So trying to make close friends in your 40's is more difficult. As for sex and friendship - in the gay world, a lot of friends evolve out of former potentially romantic sex encounters, where the romantic part has faded, but the liking remains. That was certainly my experience. There is a place for meaningless sex. But (if you are able to date), you can keep meaningless sex hookups in a different category from dates, where you actually find some connection made before having sex - and you actually spend the night together - something that doesn't happen often today (so I am told by my promiscuous friends) as a result of a "hookup."
  • TonyToneTC

    Posts: 109

    Jul 20, 2012 1:57 AM GMT
    singles saidI can easily find hookups but not friends. I prefer friendship over hookups, therefore I have rejected numerous offers.

    I am finding it hard to find a friend. Why is that? Can gay men at least be friends at first? It seems not. icon_sad.gif


    Hey friend! icon_biggrin.gif what's up...homie icon_cool.gif
  • slimnmuscly

    Posts: 541

    Jul 20, 2012 2:02 AM GMT
    What's there to preclude a hookup from turning into a friendship? I have a fair number of friendships that started out sexually, then became more platonic after we'd dealt with the sexual tension.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2012 3:02 AM GMT
    I have a ton of friends, finding a guy that I'd be down to hookup with is much more difficult. I'm too picky sometimes, most of the time. . .even when I'm crazy drunk.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2012 3:34 AM GMT
    zen52 saidI have a ton of friends, finding a guy that I'd be down to hookup with is much more difficult. I'm too picky sometimes, most of the time. . .even when I'm crazy drunk.


    exactly same situation. I never hooked up for sex, the few times I just cuddled them or explore them with my hands, and I was thinking about dating while doing it. Guess I am just not a hookup type, born this way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2012 3:52 AM GMT
    Just put yourself out there. I recently started a new job. I saw this guy at the office that I thought was gay (turns out he is) and found out that we don't live too far from one another. So I suggested that we go out for a drink after work one day, and there you go. We hung out and talked for almost 3 hours after work and it was purely platonic. We plan on making it a regular thing.

    I'm not very outgoing by nature (sort of shy) especially around people I don't really know, but if you want to meet people you sort have to break out of that shell and take chances. And focus on quality rather than quantity. Good luck icon_smile.gif
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Jul 20, 2012 4:19 AM GMT
    I have to agree with you on this. I have only met very view people that are willing to just have the conversation without it involving them asking for something I am not willing to give yet. I have lot of straight friends even though I am extremely introverted.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2012 8:44 PM GMT
    I prefer to go for friendship first nd take it from there as it goes. directly jumping on bed sounds crazy nd doesn't go well vid me
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2012 9:01 PM GMT
    this is just my opinion on the matter.

    1. I think in todays society, friendship is actually hard to come by. We all seem to be interacting with so many people through so many devices, that the need for a close bond with people is gone. Think about the people who you aren't romantically involved with, and how many of those people could you call at a moments notice and know they would answer if they could? Or people that you may not talk to every week, but when you do, its like a day hasn't passed since the last time. those are good friends, and for some reason, we don't have many of those anymore; gay or straight.

    2. most gay guys are out for sex. no ifs ands or buts about it. The ones that you are talking to, are you attracted to them in some fashion? have you tried just talking to anyone/everyone to see if you could establish a friendship?

    I had some other points but I kind of forget where I am headed once I start typing... maybe I should take notes first lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2012 11:57 PM GMT
    I think as gay guys we put major expectations on each other. We want the world, looks, personality, profession, etc... But in reality no one has it all.

    I think gay guys live a fantasy life, I am more of a realistic person. I have friends who are not gay and they are great. I am not a loner but thought of having a gay friend to talk about gay things, but like most gay guys, it all has to be sex at one time or another or else they are gone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2012 12:02 AM GMT
    Guys who are looking for a hookup are obviously going to be much more forward, especially online, than any guy who'd just like a few friends so they'll always stand out more. Plus people who want a hookup go out and find one, people who want friends don't go out searching for friends, they just meet people throughout their daily lives doing what they like to do.
  • charmr

    Posts: 233

    Jul 21, 2012 2:30 AM GMT
    torontoblue said
    zen52 saidI have a ton of friends, finding a guy that I'd be down to hookup with is much more difficult. I'm too picky sometimes, most of the time. . .even when I'm crazy drunk.


    exactly same situation. I never hooked up for sex, the few times I just cuddled them or explore them with my hands, and I was thinking about dating while doing it. Guess I am just not a hookup type, born this way.


    I think you're both "camera shy". Perhaps afraid of disease -- afraid to trust anyone to tell the truth. Perhaps afraid of inability to please a partner., Perhaps insecure about your lack of experience. Perhaps even afraid of inability to perform. Perhaps you're even asexual. You need some introspection, or perhaps therapy. Im not being critical, just trying to be helpful and honest.