WHAT IS YOUR DEFINITION OF A STALKER?

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 07, 2008 11:27 PM GMT
    A serious question... how do you define a stalker?

    Someone who gives you unwanted attention? Someone who won't leave you alone? Your thoughts?
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Aug 07, 2008 11:37 PM GMT
    Stalker = After the second unwanted phone call
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    Aug 08, 2008 12:53 AM GMT
    stalker is ...

    someone who keeps calling me again and again on my celfone ... even if he knows that i have a boyfriend ...

    someone who sends me email again and again ... and keeps saying that we're just friends? ... but wants to have sex with me ...
  • MuslDrew

    Posts: 463

    Aug 08, 2008 12:59 AM GMT
    I think an admirer is interested in you, as your thoughts, opinions, likes & dislikes while a stalker is obsessed with you.
  • MuslDrew

    Posts: 463

    Aug 08, 2008 1:03 AM GMT
    I've also noticed stalkers will resort to negative behavior to get your attention after failing to get it through innapropriate gift, voicemails, etc.
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    Aug 08, 2008 1:04 AM GMT
    from Fatal Attraction

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    Aug 08, 2008 1:05 AM GMT
    MuslDrew saidI think an admirer is interested in you, as your thoughts, opinions, likes & dislikes while a stalker is obsessed with you.


    agree with muscledrew on the obsession part. he will continue to bother you even if you ask him to stop because he will have a fantisized reality of the relationship you two have and if his fantasy is really made up and deep, that stalkers obsession with u can even become dangerous. also, if u have to chang ur daily behavior to avoid this person because he is so overbearing, u have a stalker.
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    Aug 08, 2008 1:40 AM GMT
    I would say that someone is just an "admirer" until you tell them to stop coming in contact with you (calling/following/watching/etc.) but they don't...then they become a "stalker"
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    Aug 08, 2008 1:45 AM GMT
    I would send the person you think is responsible a "bluff" , "according to my legal counsel ", very dry and factual letter informing him/her that you are considering taking legal action. It is a federal law, a felony, to discriminate. Let them sweat a bit.
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    Aug 08, 2008 1:59 AM GMT


    A stalker is the guy I dated who beat the crap out of me, then followed me to work every day and slept in his car in my work's parking lot til my work day ended, then followed me home and paced back and forth below my apt window whistling love tunes. Three months of this.
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    Aug 08, 2008 2:37 AM GMT
    Signs That You Are Being Stalked

    1. Lurking around your workplace or your neighborhood.
    Are you constantly bumping into the same guy after work or at the grocery store? Does he conveniently park next to you in the garage or near you on the street? Running into him every night at the gym does not make him a stalker, however, seeing him afterwards at the mall or parked in your neighborhood when you get home may be cause for concern. Likewise an occasional meeting could be serendipity. Repeated meetings could signal stalking.

    2. Being watched.
    Different than the lurker, the watcher will follow you from a distance, gathering personal information about you and those closest to you. They may photograph you, ask your friends about you or collect information from other sources such as public records or online research firms. Some will even hire a private detective to follow you so that they can learn every detail about your private life. If you get the feeling you are being watched, or persistently recognize the same person in a crowd, you may be under the surveillance of a stalker.

    3. Repeated phone calls.
    This does not mean a daily check in with someone you have been seeing regularly. This means multiple calls every day from someone you know only casually. It can also mean hang-ups or silent messages left on your machine.

    4. Inappropriate gifts.
    Some stalkers start out by sending flowers or candy to indicate a romantic interest. When their affections are not returned, they escalate the situation by sending inappropriate and often pornographic gifts. A typical tactic is to send the gifts to your office, so that you are embarrassed in front of your peers and are forced to acknowledge them, even if only by stating you have no idea who sent them. Stalkers will often follow up their gift giving by calling you to see if you received it. If you have a company receptionist, see if that person can screen deliveries for you. The receptionist may also be able to describe the person who dropped off the package, in case it was delivered personally.

    5. Finding yourself in the position of needing to be rescued.
    While anyone can experience a flat tire or mechanical breakdown on the highway, many stalkers enjoy the feeling of playing the hero and will create situations that require you to be rescued. These can include a flat tire with no obvious signs of tire damage or running out of gas unexpectedly. The stalker will then suddenly appear and gallantly change your tire or have a spare gas can that solves your problem. As tempting as their assistance may be, politely decline and tell the person you have notified a tow company and they will be arriving shortly.

    6. Manipulation.
    They may threaten suicide, or hurting another person if you do not return their affections. If you find yourself being manipulated into behavior that you otherwise would not condone, you are likely being stalked.

    7. Internet stalking.
    Modern stalkers send numerous emails to their victim each day. They will bombard their victim with instant messages, invitations to chat rooms, or links to suggestive web sites. Internet stalking is often an extension of physical stalking, although not always. In some cases, the stalker may not even know the “true” identity of the victim, having seen the victim’s profile in an online forum.

    8. Defamation of character or insults.
    Stalkers often try to isolate their victims from family and friends. Or try to attack your employment/job.

    9. Violence.
    The use of threats or violence to frighten their victims is a common strategy for many stalkers. You car may be vandalized or your home burglarized. While these crimes happen all too often in today’s environment, the non-stalking criminal will not contact you afterwards. If you receive threats or direct contact from someone who claims to have been responsible for a recent crime, report this immediately to the police.

    10. If you have directly and in no uncertain terms expressed to the person that you want no further contact with them whatsoever and they continue with consistant perhaps daily phone calls.


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    Aug 08, 2008 2:42 AM GMT
    meninlove said

    A stalker is the guy I dated who beat the crap out of me, then followed me to work every day and slept in his car in my work's parking lot til my work day ended, then followed me home and paced back and forth below my apt window whistling love tunes. Three months of this.


    OMG!!!! I've had some unwanted attention, but never this. Why didn't you shoot him?...er, sorry - the Texan in me. Why didn't you call the police or something or throw fruit at him or something?

    I think a stalker is someone who you've declined mutual affection for but is still convinced you do have affection for him/her and is set on getting your attention and confirmation of the assumed feelings in innapropriate and deceptive ways.
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    Aug 08, 2008 2:55 AM GMT
    there is also "reverse stalking" when someone ( the self proclaimed "stalkee") wants another to "fall off the planet" and cease to exist anywhere in a manner of speaking. (and the "stalkee" may actually be the one trying to do damage to or harm the other by coloring them as a bad person through accusation, or defamation of character, etc.).
    And due to their own over inflated, self important image of themselves they may think they are being stalked when someone was just saying "hello" or extend a brief courtesy and really is not that interested in the "stalkee" at all any more than anyone else in the world. Maybe they were just trying to be nice and continue on with their own thing.

    But there is a fine line. Keeping notes is a good thing too. For self review and/or just in case you may need them in the future.

    Unfortunately, what used to be considered good manners in previous days, can sometimes be misconstrued as stalking by an overly sensitive, self absorbed, uptight person in today's paranoid world.

    However I have been stalked twice. One time I had to get very real with the person in a verbal and physical way because they were being just downright scary. The other time I simply had a nice "final discussion" with the other person to talk out our differences, clear the air, wish each other well, and carry on our seperate ways.



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    Aug 08, 2008 3:04 AM GMT

    Hey looknrnd,

    The police got involved, but not til after they had their fun, telling me they didn't get involved in 'homo' issues. I was persistent; they relented. It was 1978.

    thanks for asking!

    -Doug
  • MuslDrew

    Posts: 463

    Aug 08, 2008 3:12 AM GMT
    fluxu8 saidthere is also "reverse stalking" when someone ( the self proclaimed "stalkee") wants another to "fall off the planet" and cease to exist anywhere in a manner of speaking.
    And due to their own over inflated, self important image of themselves they may think they are being stalked when someone was just saying "hello" and really is not that interested in the "stalkee" at all any more than anyone else in the world. Maybe they were just trying to be nice and continue on.

    But there is a fine line. Keeping notes is a good thing too. For self review and/or just in case you may need them in the future.

    Unfortunately, what used to be considered good manners in previous days, can sometimes be misconstrued as stalking by an overly sensitive and uptight person in today's paranoid world.



    Wow, thanks for sharing. I never thought about something like that happening.
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    Aug 08, 2008 3:18 AM GMT
    It's only stalking if you get caught icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 08, 2008 3:21 AM GMT
    The guy who called my work tonight asked for me left a message at the front desk and I only said all but 10 words to him saturday night. I dunno I was wasted... But I certainly did not give him my work number and to get it must have taken some effort.

    But if you meet a stray haven't talked to them since Saturday, its almost been a week its not cool to call them at there place of work.

    Not impressed. icon_sad.gif

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    Aug 08, 2008 3:28 AM GMT
    response to MusclDrew,
    thanks. icon_smile.gif
    well it can happen in different scenarios.

    especially when there has been a "history" or sorts between the two in the recent past and then a falling out.
    One person chooses to remain angry, while the other just wants to clear the air, wish them well and say goodbye in a pleasant, communicative, conversational way. So the first person would rather take a false "upper hand" by shutting down and proclaiming to be stalked, (kind of a self validation of the anger), while the other person may just be trying to be nice,
    attempt a final "clearing of the air", extend best wishes, wanting to "shake hands", let it go, and move on with the new person in their life.

    So sometimes things aren't always what they seem.

    But awareness is always crucial...both external awareness and self awareness.
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    Aug 08, 2008 3:38 AM GMT
    Personal opinion here.

    A stalker is someome who gives me unwanted attention no matter how flattering it is. Someone who knows way too much about me and wants to always be up in my business with hopes of being more. Someone who can't take a hint and is deluded by some grand dream of wanting to be with me even though it will never happen. Someome who watches me constanly from the shadows and sends those unwanted gift or those creepy notes signed "secret Admirer" on a regular basis.

    Things like that which makes me feel uncomfortable. Something along the lines of movies like Misery of Watcher.
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    Aug 08, 2008 3:50 AM GMT
    response to Guy101

    LOL..well in that case I have been stalked THREE times....ha ha !
    During college someone kept putting notes on my car for me to find in the mornings telling me how cute they though i was and always signed "secret admirer". never did find out who that was. lol. Never gave it too much thought and eventually after a semester of that, it just stopped.
  • groundcombat

    Posts: 945

    Aug 08, 2008 4:51 AM GMT
    gay guys always think they're being stalked. it makes them feel more important. icon_rolleyes.gif i agree with fluxu8. i think 8/10 gay stalker claims are just people trying to be civil after a one night stand.
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    Aug 08, 2008 4:55 AM GMT
    If you check someone's Facebook or Myspace a couple of times, does that make you a stalker? icon_eek.gif
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    Aug 08, 2008 5:03 AM GMT
    groundcombat saidgay guys always think they're being stalked. it makes them feel more important. icon_rolleyes.gif i agree with fluxu8. i think 8/10 gay stalker claims are just people trying to be civil after a one night stand.



    bingo
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    Aug 08, 2008 6:36 AM GMT

    Ugh. It was importance I would rather have done without. It scarred and scared me for years afterwards. I will always feel anxious around drunk people, and feel wide awake when I hear anyone whistling songs at night.
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    Aug 08, 2008 7:45 AM GMT
    someone who paints portraits of you(after just one meeting)...and continues to make paintings and sends them to you.....it was flattering to me at first...then it got creepy...so i had to have a friend confront this individual, and luckily the "advances" stopped and nothing sinister came of it.... not yet at leasticon_neutral.gif