Move with or without him?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2008 2:51 AM GMT
    Alright guys, this is a very serious thread for me.

    I have been dating a guy and living with him for the greater part of three years. His family hates me, thinks I brain washed him, and they think I am the devil.

    OK, well I just got back from vacation with my sisters, about a thousand miles from where I live now. My father as recently as two years ago passed away. Well I don't have a good relationship with my mother and the rest of my family, because I am gay. Growing up in the Bible belt south did nothing for my life.

    I have a chance to move in with my sister and live for a while until I get on my feet. My bf is more than welcome to join me. I hate Arkansas and promised my father, before he died, that I would do whatever possible to get out of Arkansas! I always told my bf that I wanted to get out and away from Arkansas...

    Well now my bf says he does not want to leave. He says he has family here, which again treat me like shit, he has no money, and doesn't want the stress of moving.

    I guess you can see my problem, what do I do. There is more to the story but what would you do? I love him extremely deeply, but this is a good chance to get out and experience new things. I am afraid we will always be here, stuck in a position.

    I've been told that I'm still way too young to settle down right now? I want to enjoy life with no regrets, but I'm afraid of hurting him... Please help me.....

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    Aug 08, 2008 4:57 AM GMT
    Leave! GO and don't look back!!! Look, you have SO much to look forward and despite how you feel about him, you are the one you must answer to daily! Loving someone is one thing, loving yourself is MOST important. You have an opportunity to build your relationship with your family, see more do more and most importantly LEAVE Arkansas!!! It's gonna hurt like a mother, but you and yourlife depend on it!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2008 5:13 AM GMT
    You made a promise to your father to get out of Arkansas and based on what you said your b/f, whom you love deeply, does NOT feel the same based on what he told you.........This to me all equals......Get the hell outta dodge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • acrojock10

    Posts: 71

    Aug 08, 2008 5:19 AM GMT
    I would have already packed my stuff!!!
    If he doesn't think you're worth it, then he obviously isn't the person you are supposed to be with. GET OUT AND LIVE YOUR LIFE! If he decides to join you AWESOME! If not? Oh well, only you can make yourself truly happy!
  • Hellojawh

    Posts: 26

    Aug 08, 2008 5:41 AM GMT
    GET OUT OF THERE!! there is a better life out there for u. it adds more adventure and fun too. where are u moving too? go to like a city-ish type of place. FUN. if ur bf loves u, he'd understand.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2008 10:53 AM GMT
    acrojock10 saidI would have already packed my stuff!!!
    If he doesn't think you're worth it, then he obviously isn't the person you are supposed to be with.


    the same conclusion can be made for mtbkrguy08, does he not think his bf is worth staying ?

    you have to figure out what will make you happier, not just in the short-term but also in the long-term. Staying with your bf (with whom you claim to be very much in love) in a shitty state, or moving to a more relaxed and open environment, but without said boyfriend.

    Which would you miss more, the bf or the state. People always say you can find another bf, fall in love again, and you shouldn't settle down when you're young. I think we only have a limited amount of loves, and once you find the one you're supposed to be with, it will be very hard to replace him, although, in time, you will.

    On the other hand, living in a closed-minded, bible belt state.. well enough said.

    It's a tough call, no matter which you chose, it will always be a "what if i had stayed" "what if i had moved" scenario, which will always pop-up in your head at some point in time. I don't think anyone here can make that decision for you.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2008 10:59 AM GMT
    Get the F**K outta Arkansas, maybe your bf will find that he misses you enough to follow you. Your 21 right? ..go live your life
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Aug 08, 2008 11:02 AM GMT
    Sounds to me from your post that you've really already made up your mind
    I didn't hear that you were torn because you really cared for this guy in any way

    Go... I think it sounds to me like you're being smothered where you are icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2008 11:07 AM GMT
    You are too young to start filling up your "regret box."
    Use this situation as a learning experience that
    life doesn't always go as planned and that life and maturity is about making choices.

    Sayonara Arkansas!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2008 11:26 AM GMT
    Dude, if you stay you will ALWAYS blame him for having cut your wings, you're gonna be constantly asking yourself what would have happened had you left, and you will end up hating him and breaking up.
    You guys are at a crossroads.
    I think you need to leave, and he needs to stay.
    Trust me, stuff like this works itself out; once you're out there you're either gonna miss him and come back, or you will feel so free that you'll never come back.

    You said it yourself buddy, you're too young to settle.
    So don't settle for a place you don't wanna live at.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2008 12:48 PM GMT


    Hey Ikaros,

    Yeah, he's always feel his BF held him back.

    Hey mtb,

    You go on and you tell your bf you're going ahead to make a new life and you want him in it. If he's in love with you, he'll join you. Good grief, no one's asking him to leave the US, or the planet! If you were wanting to leave because there were hotter guys in Delaware, or better shopping, he'd be right to stay, but you're trying to do what's best for both of you, and that's a plus.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2008 1:03 PM GMT
    I have to agree with everyone else... It will be short-term pain if you leave, but long, drawn-out pain if you stay.

    Go.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2008 1:17 PM GMT
    Look at it this way... one of you is going to have to do something you don't want to do. You, leave him and move, or him leave Arkansas.

    He's not willing to concede to keep your relationship together. So why are you?

    I hate to sound cynical, but you're 21. It's very unlikely that this person will be your life partner anyway, although it may seem like it after being together for three years.

    The most likely scenario is that the small cracks in your relationship (his family hates you) will begin to widen. You'll grow increasingly resentful that he wouldn't leave Arkansas with you. You'll grow apart in a few years anyway. And all you've done is delayed getting on with living your life as you want to live it.

    So, don't do that. Go and live your life. If he wants to come with you, great. But if not, it's time to move on. This will not be the only love of your life.
  • TexanMan82

    Posts: 893

    Aug 08, 2008 2:15 PM GMT
    You're 21. GO! Life is all about taking advantage of the opportunities placed in front of you.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2008 3:28 PM GMT
    Take advantage of your youth at this moment and grab life by the horns. Remove yourself from a state (both figuratively and literally) that you feel continues to hold you back. You never know, you're BF may realize how much he misses you and follow suit. But for one moment, don't think that he will love you any less. Life tends to throw roadblocks in your life to encourage growth...take it head on and explore.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2008 3:43 PM GMT
    Humm I guess I am the odd ball here. It seems the majority of your family as well as his does not agree with your lifestyle so why move away from someone you love to be with your family. Maybe I read it wrong or maybe I just do not understand. It seems you have your heart set on leaving and just needed some justification in your decision and using age for any excuse is not the way to go. At any age a man should always do as his heart tells him to do, not what others suggest you do. Your life where you are planning on moving may be worse then what you have now. What experiences are you looking to find? Is it "gay scene" experience, career experience, etc. You can't bundle experience up into one word when you are looking at starting your life over. Do you feel you want to spend your life without your bf? If the answer is yes then move because you obviously do not love him anymore. You have to understand that him leaving a family that loves him for a family, from what I understand, will dislike you both is not a good decision. Friends can be as good as family, when your family turns their back on you then you should find a new family. icon_lol.gif Just my opinion.