broken heart....I know..

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2012 7:54 PM GMT
    hey everyone!!!
    After more than 3 years of devoting myself to the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, I found out he had been cheating on me for the past two years. I am not writing this to get pity, I am writing this to let my feelings out. He betrayed me. Over and over and over again, and I trusted him. With all my heart. He told me: being with you is the closest thing I've felt to rape, it's so degrading being with someone as fat as you . He is a sick person. He is a terrible human being. I am very proud that I cut this poison out. I am happy I can start fresh. I am moving to New York, and with a new place starts a new chapter of my life.
    It's just hard for me because I know I care about my fitness and I am trying to my damn hardest to get fit again, but I don't see how someone could be so cruel. Most of the people on here are gorgeous and have amazing bodies, but I have to believe that not everyone thinks like my ex...sigh...anyway...rant done lol
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Jul 21, 2012 9:38 PM GMT
    I am sorry to hear about your experience. I had a somewhat similar one myself a couple of years ago. It was short-lived, but I fell intensely in love with a man only to find out he didn't feel the same and he also told third parties that I was 'too ugly to be in a relationship with' (even though we were having 'the best sex ever', another thing he said). It's one of the most painful things I've had to get over... but I did. And it made me stronger. And you can get over this guy too.

    Coincidentally, I too just moved to New York City to start a new life.. so I'm sending good vibes your way. Just stay with your fitness plan and you'll get there. There'll always be men that will think you're not their type, no matter how fit you may be. Accept that and move on. You'll find out that as you become more yourself, and fit and confident, you'll find men that are more suited for you out there. Learn to cut out the bad ones out of your life quickly. I'm wishing you the best of luck!
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jul 21, 2012 10:16 PM GMT
    I am sorry you had to go through this my new friend.
    Here's a hug ((( jorjaiso )))

    icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 21, 2012 10:23 PM GMT
    That kind of energy will come back to bite him hard one day, and soon.

  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    Jul 21, 2012 10:32 PM GMT
    I am so sorry that you have been hurt this way! Good luck in the future!
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    Jul 21, 2012 10:50 PM GMT
    Well that's just down right awful...
    He made a crappy attempt to demonize you based on his inconsistencies...
    He's trying to make you the problem..because he got caught cheating..!

    Bright side:.. You got rid of an idiot..!!(excuse me)..
    You seem young and vibrant and you can build a bigger , better future without that jerk!! (excuse me)...
    Think about it..He Did You A Huge Favor !!..Hugz

    What a Dick!! (pardon me)
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    Jul 22, 2012 1:23 AM GMT
    OMG the same thing happened to me but was for almost 2 years and it's been a month of being single. Too bad I can't move to other state but I'm in NY
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jul 22, 2012 5:47 AM GMT
    The overriding question you need to ask yourself is this... Why would I stay in a abusive relationship for 3 years? If the answer doesn't come quickly and honestly?...Seek therapy or you'll continue to follow these self destructive patterns...All the best....Steve
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    Jul 22, 2012 7:27 PM GMT
    Thanks guys. the funny thing is that I'm a mental health and wellness counselor. I wanted to believe that he could change and that belief is what bit me in the ass lol
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    Jul 22, 2012 7:29 PM GMT
    now i know why gays want hookups.
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    Jul 22, 2012 7:30 PM GMT
    Really sorry to hear that. Time heals all. Make yourself a better person because of it. It will be worth it once you get over the sadness.
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    Jul 22, 2012 7:34 PM GMT
    singles saidnow i know why gays want hookups.


    what exactly do you mean by this? lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2012 7:38 PM GMT
    WHAT A DICK icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2012 7:42 PM GMT
    It sucked....i know many guys get all "no emotions dude!!!", but after you devote your life to someone for 3 years. Damn, it hurts lol
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    Jul 22, 2012 7:48 PM GMT
    jorjaiso saidIt sucked....i know many guys get all "no emotions dude!!!", but after you devote your life to someone for 3 years. Damn, it hurts lol

    pfft no emotions yea right.
    the trouble is the fresh start is a great idea, but time is the only real "cure" for heartbreak. in my experience the more faint the memory the more faint the pain.

    alternatively, getting under someone is a great way to get over someone icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 22, 2012 7:50 PM GMT
    same thing happened to me, and I did the same thing. I moved to Vegas to pursue my career and get away from my ex of 3 years. I know what your going through and the hardest part about it, is learning how to be yourself again without that person around anymore. 3 years is a very long time but day by day you will regain the independent you. Don't give up hope and keep pushing yourself to better yourself. The only person that stands in front of you and your goals is you now (i know, super cliche lol) but believe me, it will get better! My outlets; music, dance and gym. Keeps me sane lol icon_biggrin.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 22, 2012 7:54 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear what happened to you with your ex. I can only imagine how may feel.

    I am a little concerned about your future. I woiuld strongly encourage you to get out of the negative and focus on the positive.... and there is. Use what you've learned to build yourself into a stronger person. That doesn't mean
    putting up walls or laying "rules" to some guys you date. It means that in this life, there are things you won't tolerate, it's in your makeup, its who you are. Monogamy is very important to you.... convey that initally. Give trust, but don't make this experience into some kind of bitter thing. Unfortunately, it happens too often. Use it to better yourself and be positive about it.
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    Jul 22, 2012 7:59 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidSorry to hear what happened to you with your ex. I can only imagine how may feel.

    I am a little concerned about your future. I woiuld strongly encourage you to get out of the negative and focus on the positive.... and there is. Use what you've learned to build yourself into a stronger person. That doesn't mean
    putting up walls or laying "rules" to some guys you date. It means that in this life, there are things you won't tolerate, it's in your makeup, its who you are. Monogamy is very important to you.... convey that initally. Give trust, but don't make this experience into some kind of bitter thing. Unfortunately, it happens too often. Use it to better yourself and be positive about it.


    Thanks bud icon_smile.gif I'm trying to stay as positive as I can. I start my Masters/Ph.D program at NYU the beginning of September. I don't ever put up walls, since it's in my nature to continue to believe in the best in people. The one thing that I have learned is to notice the red flags more and like you said, to realize that I come first and there is no need for me to change who I am as a person simply because someone else hates what I represent. he's a personal trainer. I know fitness is important to him, but not to the point where you hurt others the way that he hurt me. I want to be fit. I want to be able to feel more confident, but the way that he would try to built that confidence was not healthy at all. I don't need someone calling me fat and unattractive as a way to "push" me lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2012 7:59 PM GMT
    jorjaiso saidIt sucked....i know many guys get all "no emotions dude!!!", but after you devote your life to someone for 3 years. Damn, it hurts lol


    You don't realize it now , but your better off.He did you a favour.
    Something tells me you aren't going to be single for long.
    When you look back on this your going to be grateful this guy left your life.
    Abrazo desde Canada!!
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    Jul 22, 2012 8:01 PM GMT
    Dude, I'm glad you found out what that douche was *really* about and ended the relationship. It's difficult, for sure; I've had two long term relationships (one involving marriage), and it's painful to end it.

    You're doing some things right: plotting out a new course.

    You're doing some things wrong: you're not letting go of the past.

    Push towards the future. You've already learned your lesson from this relationship. Don't cling to the negative... not everyone is like that douche you were involved with.

    Good luck!
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    Jul 22, 2012 8:09 PM GMT
    You mentioned that you wanted to believe this person could change. I have fallen into a similar trap myself, and the only conclusion I am left with is that you get what you buy. If someone isn't a good fit for you as they are, there is no point in pining for, and pushing towards, the someone they could be.

    Be happy for all of the positive change it sounds you are making.

    And, though he is a wonderfully sage person, I disagree with Hndsm. Standards are, especially if you tend to be a more accepting personality type, critical. Think about what you want in a partner before you get wrapped up in someone else, and take breaches of those conditions very seriously. It is a prerequisite to self control that you recognize problems.
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Jul 23, 2012 4:12 AM GMT
    principal0 saidYou mentioned that you wanted to believe this person could change. I have fallen into a similar trap myself, and the only conclusion I am left with is that you get what you buy. If someone isn't a good fit for you as they are, there is no point in pining for, and pushing towards, the someone they could be.


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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2012 4:24 AM GMT
    1) He should have dumped you or made it obvious he wanted it to end. You can't wait on people to change. Most of the time, they just don't want to.

    2) 5'5" 175 lbs, like your profile indicates, is NOT average bodied. Hate to do this here but srsly this is like a MAJOR pet peeve of mine.
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    Jul 23, 2012 4:41 AM GMT
    Firebrand said1) He should have dumped you or made it obvious he wanted it to end. You can't wait on people to change. Most of the time, they just don't want to.

    2) 5'5" 175 lbs, like your profile indicates, is NOT average bodied. Hate to do this here but srsly this is like a MAJOR pet peeve of mine.


    !!!!! icon_eek.gif !!!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2012 3:50 AM GMT
    Anocxu said
    Firebrand said1) He should have dumped you or made it obvious he wanted it to end. You can't wait on people to change. Most of the time, they just don't want to.

    2) 5'5" 175 lbs, like your profile indicates, is NOT average bodied. Hate to do this here but srsly this is like a MAJOR pet peeve of mine.


    !!!!! icon_eek.gif !!!!!


    lol