How do you heal a broken heart?

  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Jul 21, 2012 10:21 PM GMT
    So I just broke up with the guy I'd be dating for the past 14 months. Long story short, he doesn't want to be with me because I'm a struggling actor and thinks that makes me an unfit partner, and I was upset at him because he is bi and wouldn't tell his dad or some very close/old friends we were dating.


    I am mostly looking for tips on what others have done to help the healing process. I don't want to be an angry bitter person, and I also don't want to be sad and mopey. I realize it does take time, but just looking for some advice on what helped others recover from a breakup.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Jul 21, 2012 10:26 PM GMT
    Time. That's just it--Time.

    Not the answer that you wanted to hear, but it's truly the right one. There are somethings you must do in the short run. First, cut all contact with him. This is key. You won't heal until you start to move on and away from him. Don't entertain the thought of being friends with him right now. It'll only slow the healing process. I speak from personal experience.

    Start immediately to move into your direction. You're a struggling actor? Start seeking roles, go to auditions, learn more about craft, etc. Star spending more time with loved ones and friends. Most people distance themselves from friends and relatives when they get into relationships, but is these connections that will get you thru the healing process.

    Also, start practicing more any hobbies you may have. You need to redefine yourself apart from him again.

    I'm not gonna kid you--It could take weeks or months. But you'll heal that heart and move on to the next man that will take your breath away.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 22, 2012 12:59 AM GMT
    Time has a way of healing all things. Soon your Ex will just be "somebody that you used to know"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 22, 2012 1:10 AM GMT
    i say move on,and when you do become famous,shove it in his bi face!!!!!!! i think hes an ass for doing that(no offense).he didnt love u for u,so move on,find sum1 who likes u for u n u only.it will take time to heal ur broken heart....dont do anything crazy like suicide or so k dude.
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Jul 22, 2012 1:31 AM GMT
    Give t time and all will be well. Don't be afraid to show your face on here, too!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 22, 2012 2:36 AM GMT
    You should pursue your acting if that's your passion, don't let this guy bring you down because of it, as far as he's being bi/closeted, that's on his terms. I personally wouldn't want to date a bi guy, that's just me. Maybe learn from this experience and be prepare for the future if you want to date more bi dudes or not. Give it time, go hang out and make new gay friends, the best way to mend a broken heart is to find someone new. Good luck buddy. icon_cool.gif


  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 22, 2012 2:40 AM GMT
    It does take time.. and don't become bitter. What I'd try to do is try and see the logic in your now ex-boyfriend's behavior (no matter how illogical you may feel it is) and also think about how you have benefitted from the experience. Also
    look at it unemotionally if possible... he said he wasn't for you. His dream isn't yours.. yours is acting... get on with it, try and depart on good terms or even try and make a friend out of him if possible. Also focus on the positive.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 22, 2012 2:44 AM GMT
    Poetry... time and pressure... consciously letting go when you feel the emotional need to hang on and look back... preparing for all those tomorrows you'll be with someone else who'll love you, and LIVING; though not always wildly, in the TODAYS you'll always have in hand... you mend a broken heart and put together all the pieces, by accepting that you feel pain, and carrying on with your life just the same... it's not effort that heals effort, but absence of thought on the pain that lets the heart come together again... in its own time. Pain will always remain, so to will love... cherish what was good and done; and be open for someone you can care for, and care for you.

    This is my experience from my worst heartbreak to now.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 22, 2012 2:48 AM GMT
    This is a cute summary that is pretty helpful:

    http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Over-a-Break-Up

    My favorite site is below, which gives you access to TONS of people going through similar situations.

    http://www.bounceback.com/index.php

    My advice is:

    1. find distractions - don't lay in bed, or feel bad about yourself - find friends, hobbies, visit family, rely on those close to you a little more during this time.

    2. time - i know, nobody wants to hear "just wait a bit and you'll get over it".

    3. concentrate on yourself - have a health day where you go to the gym and work really hard, eat well, treat yourself to some new clothes, get a new haircut - because you're awesome so you just need to reinforce that to yourself.

    4. listen to happy songs - i have two songs that i listen to that always cheer me up, and whenever some song comes on that is down tone, or sappy you HAVE to change it. this has worked wonders for staying positive.

    Anyway, you'll do awesome. The right guy is out there - one that is highly compatible with you. Keep your chin up and try to look at the bright side of things for awhile.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 22, 2012 3:09 AM GMT
    Vicodin. Seriously. Your brain cannot tell much difference between physical and emotional pain.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 22, 2012 3:21 AM GMT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 22, 2012 3:23 AM GMT
    Time is the only way to do it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 22, 2012 3:28 AM GMT
    ya I guess time is all that works...
    I have been trying to get over someone the last few months and went out on plenty of dates and even slept with some of those guys... but all it did was make me feel worse. Soooo being a skank doesn't help I've done the research lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 22, 2012 4:29 AM GMT
    Velociraptor saidVicodin. Seriously. Your brain cannot tell much difference between physical and emotional pain.


    Ha ha. I don't know about pain killers, or other prescription drugs for a break up.

    Here is an article that explains the physical/emotional pain mix up in your brain:
    http://bodyodd.nbcnews.com/_news/2011/03/29/6363161-why-a-breakup-feels-like-a-punch-in-the-stomach?lite
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 22, 2012 5:46 AM GMT
    Passage of time. +1. Get out there and meet someone new.

    I use mine as gym motivation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 22, 2012 6:03 AM GMT
    I think the best thing that you can do to mend a broken heart and avoid any bitter scars is to let it go appropietly.

    This was a person who you loved, and you I'm sure improved your life somehow, even if it could have been only mildly.

    Well, cherish the positive things that came out of the relationship. Keep thse good memories as a milestone of your life that allowed you to live, love, and learn.

    Think on how this past relationship can help you build better relationships in the future. Be motivated that you are still alive and that a relationship is still possible, and that know you are more matured and better experienced on how human interactions work.

    Remember his face and how you loved him, and smile about it. Think that everything happens for a reason and that this may be the best for both of you. That will allow you to be happy for your and for him, as both will have a bright future.

    There is a perfect person for you and him. He or she (to make it general audience) is waiting to meet you somewhere. One day a book will drop and he will pick it up for your, a coffee will be shared and a new life adventure will begin. Be happy that that person exists.

    On the meanwhile, also enjoy being single. It is a good time to reinvent yourself, reflect about your life goals, where you stand. Some people think that changing after a relationship is a sign of weakness and giving the other person the pleasure of thinking you needed change, but that is not the case. Change comes after a relationship because you are a new person. You need to use your experiences to make you better.


    I got my heart broken, but I closed my eyes, imagined him on a ship, and I waved him good bye into a beautiful sunset.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 22, 2012 1:23 PM GMT
    -Time.

    -Being Sober (drowning your feelings in substances does NOT help.)

    -Keep busy immersing yourself in your job or passion

    -Spending time with people you neglected during the relationship

    -Positive Energy- day in and day out

    -Remember WHY it ended- he did not want to be with you AND you said hurtful things to him during the time he expressed that to

    -Accept that BOTH of you have fault. Recognize the fault you have and also recognize that you cannot change him.

    -Accept that it is not ALL your fault as well.

    -Keep telling yourself that you lived, loved, and learned and this is not the end for you.

    -Remind yourself everyday of the TRUTH of why it ended. Sometimes it can get confusing about why/who/etc...

    -Remind yourself of the good things about this man (you spent 14 months with him- you clearly saw good qualities in him). Do not dwell on how he was the one for you but don't turn him into only a bad person. You loved him, for a long time. Remember that while he is a good person, he is not a good person for you.

    -Remind yourself to get angry about it every once in awhile too. This helps you to maintain a constant cutoff from him.

    -Cry. Every once in awhile have a massive cry session. It really helps release the emotion.

    These are things that have helped me. I hope some of them help you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 22, 2012 8:11 PM GMT
    banesheart saidI think the best thing that you can do to mend a broken heart and avoid any bitter scars is to let it go appropietly.

    This was a person who you loved, and you I'm sure improved your life somehow, even if it could have been only mildly.

    Well, cherish the positive things that came out of the relationship. Keep thse good memories as a milestone of your life that allowed you to live, love, and learn.

    Think on how this past relationship can help you build better relationships in the future. Be motivated that you are still alive and that a relationship is still possible, and that know you are more matured and better experienced on how human interactions work.

    Remember his face and how you loved him, and smile about it. Think that everything happens for a reason and that this may be the best for both of you. That will allow you to be happy for your and for him, as both will have a bright future.

    There is a perfect person for you and him. He or she (to make it general audience) is waiting to meet you somewhere. One day a book will drop and he will pick it up for your, a coffee will be shared and a new life adventure will begin. Be happy that that person exists.

    On the meanwhile, also enjoy being single. It is a good time to reinvent yourself, reflect about your life goals, where you stand. Some people think that changing after a relationship is a sign of weakness and giving the other person the pleasure of thinking you needed change, but that is not the case. Change comes after a relationship because you are a new person. You need to use your experiences to make you better.


    I got my heart broken, but I closed my eyes, imagined him on a ship, and I waved him good bye into a beautiful sunset.


    For a pictureless person, and only one post this is very inspiring icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 22, 2012 8:22 PM GMT
    Velociraptor saidVicodin. Seriously. Your brain cannot tell much difference between physical and emotional pain.


    OMG...icon_eek.gif????
  • Dbrad3693

    Posts: 227

    Jul 22, 2012 8:28 PM GMT
    Give it time, time heals everything


    And fuck, fuck fuck fuck. Lol
    Fucking works too hahaha
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2603

    Jul 22, 2012 8:28 PM GMT
    As with the posts above, there is no quick fix for your heart, but time and living, doing all you need to and enjoy doing. Let the wounds heal and recover, just like the body.
    A certain amount of forgetting can actually help as well, let you move on....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 22, 2012 8:32 PM GMT
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Jul 23, 2012 3:38 AM GMT
    thank you guys for your advice and support. I did spend an evening with friends getting drunk and talking about it, I'm thankful for my friends for putting up with that. But the past two days I've been totally sober and spent a lot of time reading out in the sun and other times sitting and thinking, and yeah a lot of crying.

    special thanks to AssMan123, and banesheart