is it ever ok to "play it straight'?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2012 3:56 PM GMT
    so this only really happens to me when i am prepping for a bout. if my trainers and or sparring partners were to find out, i think my training and more importantly record would suffer. (less so nowadays, as i have all but retired from competitive mt)

    this to me whilst being regretable, is nothing more than a means to an end. the end being equal treatment.

    i would never however, outright deny my sexuality in the face of open and blatant questioning, unless i felt my safety was at risk.

    so the question remains.
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    Jul 22, 2012 3:57 PM GMT
    lucky_sevn saidso this only really happens to me when i am prepping for a bout. if my trainers and or sparring partners were to find out, i think my training and more importantly record would suffer. (less so nowadays, as i have all but retired from competitive mt)

    this to me whilst being regretable, is nothing more than a means to an end. the end being equal treatment.

    i would never however, outright deny my sexuality in the face of open and blatant questioning, unless i felt my safety was at risk.

    so the question remains.
    Hey.. its your life.. be as miserable and fake to the world as ya want!.. its all good.
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    Jul 22, 2012 4:02 PM GMT
    TropicalMark said
    lucky_sevn saidso this only really happens to me when i am prepping for a bout. if my trainers and or sparring partners were to find out, i think my training and more importantly record would suffer. (less so nowadays, as i have all but retired from competitive mt)

    this to me whilst being regretable, is nothing more than a means to an end. the end being equal treatment.

    i would never however, outright deny my sexuality in the face of open and blatant questioning, unless i felt my safety was at risk.

    so the question remains.
    Hey.. its your life.. be as miserable and fake to the world as ya want!.. its all good.


    cool! totally relevant and interesting reply thanks a bunch happiness

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    Jul 22, 2012 5:01 PM GMT
    Maybe, somtimes.
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    Jul 22, 2012 5:02 PM GMT
    Depends on the situation....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2012 5:10 PM GMT
    20 years ago, in the military: Yeah.
    now...not so much, find it hard to even act straight any more, even harder to tone down the gay, (suggested) by my straight friends who tell me "I get it, you're gay".
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    Jul 22, 2012 5:26 PM GMT
    who's playing?.....I am me wherever and with whomever I am...I happen to be gay , but not flamboyant or in your face about it.....get over it.icon_cool.gif
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Jul 22, 2012 5:30 PM GMT
    I think if you're in physical danger, you have a legitimate reason to pretend to be something you're not (this goes for sexuality, race, religious affiliation, etc.). So if you're a gay jew in Iran, you shouldn't be wearing a kippah and macking on your boyfriend in public.

    Otherwise, I think people should be open and honest and not hide who they are.
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    Jul 23, 2012 5:09 AM GMT
    Omg, I walked out of the closet, and noone notices outside the gay community... should I walk back in while I still have a chance, or should stand up for myself when the time comes, and when it is important that I come out, and not let injustices be done in my presence? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
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    Jul 23, 2012 5:12 AM GMT
    I honestly think if it would impact your career then it is ok...... When I have a new client I dont act differently but then just don't about my social life or just use gender neutral terms.
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    Jul 23, 2012 5:17 AM GMT
    Depends on where you live and what you do. Over here, I keep it on the low down as I could end up in jail if not. Second, I have a job I love but it's very male orientated and as I work with different guys each day, for me its best to keep quiet plus its not relevant to how well I do my job anyway. Back in the western world it was different but you have to pick and choose what works best for you and what crowd you are with but mostly what I find is if people get to know you first then find out, 9/10 they are cool, even more so the guys you would think are the biggest homophobes!
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    Jul 23, 2012 5:19 AM GMT
    Flynn saidI honestly think if it would impact your career then it is ok...... When I have a new client I dont act differently but then just don't about my social life or just use gender neutral terms.
    Like they don't walk in the room, and think, "This guy is awesome!"... I like to let them figure it out on their own, but once it gets to bigoted comments, then I have to set down the bottom line. I won't stand by and let someone bad mouth a part of what makes me up, and makes me happy.
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    Jul 23, 2012 5:34 AM GMT
    lucky_sevn saidso this only really happens to me when i am prepping for a bout. if my trainers and or sparring partners were to find out, i think my training and more importantly record would suffer. (less so nowadays, as i have all but retired from competitive mt)

    this to me whilst being regretable, is nothing more than a means to an end. the end being equal treatment.

    i would never however, outright deny my sexuality in the face of open and blatant questioning, unless i felt my safety was at risk.

    so the question remains.


    I'm in the same boat...ambiguous answers, redirecting questions, (never exactly lying). I'd like to think most people will respect you all the same, or even more so, but I know that's not always the case.

    I mean, it is silly. Doing mma, boxing, any sport should have nothing to do with you being gay or vice versa.

    Maybe it's up to us to suffer a bit and make acceptance more of a reality for those who come later?

    Either way, much respect icon_smile.gif
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Jul 23, 2012 5:53 AM GMT
    You're probably not doing yourself any favors coming out in that sport. Dakota Cochrane was honest about his past on UFC. They picked him for the first fight and he lost in a split decision to a much lesser fighter. It should have gone another round, but based on the first only I'd have picked him...the outcome seemed rigged and his participation likely a publicity stunt...though he does have a strong record of wins.
    ..course he is my favorite porn star so I was rooting for him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2012 6:25 AM GMT
    I had a 3 day contract in nothern Florida a few years ago...OMG...
    I thought i was trapped in an interracial episode of "Deliverance"...
    Every day..i was like..i'm gonna get Lynched and Raped...

    Rape i can handle..but a lynching...No,,,,No wayicon_eek.gif
  • nomad4life

    Posts: 332

    Jul 23, 2012 6:42 AM GMT
    Whatever makes you feel most comfortable I guess is my answer. I just hung out with my frat bros tonight and none (save one) know. I won the ManWhore of the Week Award too because I got laid, but when asked about it all I said was pronouns like "we," general terms that could apply to either gender but that they took as meaning a female. Now, of course, there's something to be said for laying out the groundwork and pioneering complete equality in the UFC for gays, but if you don't feel comfortable doing that then don't. There's no shame in not waving the rainbow flag.
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    Jul 23, 2012 8:34 AM GMT
    Complacency breads contempticon_wink.gif
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    Jul 23, 2012 8:50 AM GMT
    lucky_sevn saidso this only really happens to me when i am prepping for a bout. if my trainers and or sparring partners were to find out, i think my training and more importantly record would suffer. (less so nowadays, as i have all but retired from competitive mt)

    this to me whilst being regretable, is nothing more than a means to an end. the end being equal treatment.

    i would never however, outright deny my sexuality in the face of open and blatant questioning, unless i felt my safety was at risk.

    so the question remains.


    I'm completely with you on this. Having been a high level comeptitive athlete I am aware of the passion and drive to succeed it takes. You take every opportunity you can to protect yourself and ensure you can do your best when the race/fight/game day comes. It might not be at all true that your tarining etc will suffer, but it's a risk you just don't want to take.
  • booboolv

    Posts: 203

    Jul 23, 2012 9:38 AM GMT
    Personally, I don’t think it’s anybody’s business with whom I have sex except the person I’m with. If I had a partner, the expectation would be that I only had sex with him, of course, but then he’d already know I was gay. LOL

    Being gay is my lifestyle, not my job. I have straight friends, and I have gay friends. I don’t talk about having sex with people, regardless of their own sexual preferences. I think it is crude and immature. I don’t need to “wave the rainbow flag” as friendlyface0 so wisely stated.
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    Jul 23, 2012 9:50 AM GMT
    booboolv saidI don’t need to “wave the rainbow flag” as friendlyface0 so wisely stated.


    Couldn't agree more. Not going to be defined by my sexuality.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 23, 2012 5:02 PM GMT
    The whole community is stronger when as individuals we stand up for ourselves.
  • nomad4life

    Posts: 332

    Jul 23, 2012 5:14 PM GMT
    surfswim said
    booboolv saidI don’t need to “wave the rainbow flag” as friendlyface0 so wisely stated.


    Couldn't agree more. Not going to be defined by my sexuality.


    icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2012 5:16 PM GMT
    I play it Jew.
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    Jul 23, 2012 5:18 PM GMT
    friendlyface08 said
    surfswim said
    booboolv saidI don’t need to “wave the rainbow flag” as friendlyface0 so wisely stated.


    Couldn't agree more. Not going to be defined by my sexuality.


    icon_smile.gif


    These kinds of statements are common from people who aren't comfortable with themselves or who they are. Like it or not, you ARE defined by your sexuality. It may not be the be all and end all of who you are, but it is important, especially in a world where OTHERS will define you that way. That doesn't mean you need to love Lady Gaga, or be a hairdresser, or anything else that bothers you. All it means it what it is, that you're a man who is attracted to other men. No more or less.
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    Jul 23, 2012 5:27 PM GMT
    There are multiple ethical issues here:

    Are you ever in fact morally obliged to come out?

    Should you come out if it would put you in physical danger?

    Should you come out if you are in danger of losing your status, income or possessions?

    What is the moral sacrifice of *not* coming out?

    The posts above have failed to adequately address these questions, and the result is (as is typical) nothing persuasive.

    To answer them, we must also spell out the moral principles on which we base our answers. Are we using the language or rights or individuality? Community or Virtue?

    As someone who is out at work and lives in a place where my orientation is widely accepted (Massachusetts), I am hardly in a place to express an opinion on those who believe they are unable to come out. But I do know that if someone hadn't been brave, we would never be as accepted as we are today though the ideal society remains far, mirage-like, in the distance.

    If people concerned themselves purely with their safety and apparent best interest, there would never have been David Kato, Harvey Milk, Gareth Thomas. And things would never ever get better.